Salt

Maybe if the Bourne movies didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have found Salt so hilarious at times. But that is the only thing I could think of; Salt is a dumber cousin of the Bourne franchise. Then again Angelina Jolie action star will always work in a pinch.

I love me a plot where shady Russians attack the United States. Does Salt’s story make sense, eh, not so much but it was fun for a couple hours. If I’m remembering correctly, there are dozens of Russian sleeper agents throughout the American government some going so far as to be in the highest places of power. Now wait a second … if you are able to reach the highest levels of the CIA and or Army through legit means of career advancement, why is there a need for some sort of doomsday plan? Just use your power to influence American policy and actions to reach the ends you are looking for. And I’ve now thought about this plot way too much.

Now that I’ve hurt myself thinking about Salt’s plot, let’s move on to Angelina Jolie doing what she does best. Looking good while running around and beating the shit out of people. And that is what she did for 2 hours here. There was the ridiculous, to the crazy ridiculous, to the are you freaking kidding me ridiculous. By this point, it is impossible for me to complain that a single person can outsmart, outfight, and just generally embarrass every American agency. Fine. Then when Jolie dresses up and puts make-up on and becomes a passable effeminate man that was at least something new. But the middle action sequence where she is literally hopping from roof to roof of speeding trucks at a superhighway interchange was a just a few steps too far, I just don’t buy it and it made me laugh. One of the reasons why Jolie the superheroine didn’t kill the movie for me was because the other two main actors were Liev Schreiber and Chiwetel Ejiofor. That is the type of casting that will always get me on your side. Both of them deliver their usual top-notch performance, although Liev acting shady is becoming a bit too obvious.

Still, I’d see a Salt 2 or Salt and Pepper or Salt-Free or whatever. I like action movies and this was your basic summer action movie.

7 out of 10

Predators

After Alien vs. Predator and Alien vs. Predator – Requiem, who wasn’t waiting for another sequel that takes us farther away from the awesomeness of Predator? Predators survives on pure ridiculousness of storyline and some odd but memorable casting choices. Should there be more? Why not? It’s Predator!

Before getting into all the twists towards the end of the story, Predators starts with the idea that Earth’s best, I don’t know, “warriors” are kidnapped and dropped onto a planet and hunted. All right fine, but a death row inmate armed with just his shank? A Mexican gang executioner? A Yakuza armed with just his handgun? I’m surprised there wasn’t a MMA fighter armed with just his fists. The Predators couldn’t have even left them a supply of weapons to give them some sort of chance? And, of course, the shank was eventually used on a Predator. Yeah it was. There were a series of left turns throughout the movie. First we get the introduction of the Super-Predators who fight with the regular Predators along with hunting humans. Ooooookay. Then there was the little more than a cameo by Laurence Fishburne. I only mention this because he was all over the trailers but was only in the movie for a psychotic 10 minutes. The final twist was the most obvious but it was still fun to see Topher give it his all.

And now that I mentioned Topher, I can get down to the cast. Topher was phenomenal throughout as the neurotic doctor until the end when he just started chewing scenery. If I added redneck in front of death row inmate armed with a shank, who is the fist actor that would come to mind? For me, Shane Vendrell/Boyd Crowder and lo and behold Predators did cast Walton Goggins for the role. And as usual he was the highlight of the entire movie. He is always entertaining. Just like Goggins, the casting of Mexican gang executioner just so happens to be Danny Trejo. Duh. I’ve put it off long enough. The star of Predators making him the lead badass was Adrien Brody. Wow, I did not see that one coming. And I definitely didn’t see me buying it once he was on screen with his big gun growling orders. I guess that means he is talented ... who would have thunk it?

Predators happened it almost makes up for the last 2 movies. Almost. They got back to the basics of humans getting hunted by Predators. Good times.

7 out of 10

Winter's Bone

Even when I’m not getting to the theater as much as I’d like, I still seem to find movies like Winter’s Bone. And movies like Winter’s Bone are the reason why I see movies like Winter’s Bone ... sure that makes sense. This will easily be one of the best films I see in 2010.

This was just about a flawless film. Winter’s Bone is a very simple story about a daughter searching for her deadbeat father. But that sentence does not do justice to the world that Ree Dolly lives in and navigates. It's always fun to experience a place that just never shows up in major motion pictures. The world of Winter’s Bone is a small town in the Ozark mountains and that does not seem to be a wholesome place to grow up in. Not only is it really cold but also there is some sort of redneck mafia that makes life really difficult. Ree needs to find her meth-cooking father so the courts don’t take the house the family lives in. And the people she deals with are just a murderer’s row of memorable faces and I mean that literally their faces were memorable. Of course it doesn’t get better than her uncle with the name Teardrop. Beautiful. In the end she runs afoul of the meth-cooking mafia gets her ass kicked, stands tall, and keeps her family together by any means necessary.

Jennifer Lawrence portrays Ree Dolly and she better get a nomination for her work. She carries this entire movie on her back. Jennifer goes toe-to-toe with every other actor in the film and never fails to deliver. She morphs from caregiver with her mother, brother, and sister to hardass with her uncle and lower level thugs and finishes off with scared but determined in the climatic scenes. Look I’ve held back as much as possible, but Garret fucking Dillahunt! The man plays the yellow-bellied sheriff and he is fantastic as usual. His final scene with Ree is just perfectly played. And if Garret isn’t enough, John Hawkes is the second lead as her uncle, Teardrop. Perfect. He is just on the edge in every one of his scenes. Hawkes is both terrifying and heartbreaking as he tries to deal with the realization why his brother was killed.

Winter's Bone was a phenomenal independent movie. That is all I really need to say on the matter.

9 out of 10

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo

My decade long obsession with the Swedish entertainment industry has finally paid off. So the entire world read The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo and it is going to be David Fincher’s next movie, but the Swedish version came first. And although I trust Fincher, the remake has a tough road ahead of it.

The book was a solid mystery and the movie doesn’t stray too far from the written version. Thankfully they didn’t shy away from the harsh plot points that are easier to write but harder to film. Wow … I’m not comfortable with the fact that I just wrote that sentence. Let’s try to dig myself out of this hole; there are some absolutely brutal scenes in this movie that are important to the character of Lisbeth. But good goddamn; I’m sure the American remake will have the rape and the rape revenge but there is no way it will be filmed as horrifically as the Swedish version. And the plot is tight and detailed in the book and even in the shortened movie timeframe the mystery can still be followed if you pay attention. Also it would help if you have 3 hours to sit still because this is a long-ass film.

It's always amusing when a foreign movie like this hits big and the names start popping up for future Hollywood movies. There are 2 main performances in The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander and Michael Nyqvist as Mikael Blomkvist. Lisbeth is THE role in this trilogy and Noomi steps up to the plate. It is hard to explain her character in a sentence but she is both the most powerful and the most vulnerable person in this movie. She gets brutally raped and gets an even brutaller revenge. She has a photographic memory and uses her skills to hack into everyone's business. And because of her performance, Noomi got herself cast in the Sherlock Holmes sequel. The actual main character in The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo is Mikael Blomkvist. He is the reporter investigating the 50 year-old disappearance of a teenage girl. His part is the standard mystery performance while Lisbeth delivers all the memorable moments. Still Nygvist got himself a spot in Mission: Impossible IV so he must have done something right.

I probably didn't do justice to The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo because this was a phenomenal movie. The mystery holds up on film and Noomi Rapace was able to bring such a memorable character to life. I have high hopes for David Fincher's version.

9 out of 10

The Karate Kid

Would it have been that hard to get a hip-hop remix of “You’re the Best” during the climatic montage scenes? If you are going to remake an 80s movie, the least you could do is bring back the most memorable musical moment. Without that … I’m left quite disappointed but not angry with The Karate Kid.

Hey look it’s Jackie Chan! In some sort of weird coincidence, this may end up being Jackie Chan’s best performance in a Hollywood movie. He has been funnier and he has had better fight scenes, but Jackie actually had a well-rounded character that went through an actual emotional arc. I don’t think he has done that before with English as the spoken language. With all that, he even gave us a fun fight scene where he takes apart all of the bullies. That is a polite way of saying he beat up some kids. It’s Jackie Chan so he actually seems to be a worthy teacher as opposed to Mr. Miyagi moving in slow motion. So I’m thinking about if Jaden Smith is a step up or a step down from Ralph Macchio. There is no easy answer to the question. What is clear though is that Jaden is Will Smith’s son and he has picked up many of his father’s acting tics especially when it comes to reacting to someone like Mr. Han. At least he is an actual teenager who is very athletic so the fighting looked halfway decent.

I say halfway decent because the kids ages were a bit too young. There was no real danger with boys who were damn near pre-teens fighting each other. The cast looked good when they squared off but it felt like an exhibition when you were supposed to fear for Dre's life or at least health. The age problem also made the love story kind of hilarious. I assume they were shooting for cute but it definitely fell short of that mark every time they went back to it. Still these things did not ruin the movie but were more like nitpicks.

The Karate Kid was a solid remake when no one really asked for one. It had nothing to do with karate and was some sort of Chinese tourism advertisement but was also fun and uplifting like it was supposed to be.

7 out of 10

The A-Team

Now its time for the second attempt at the amusing band of mercenaries summer flick. The A-Team was the most known property of the three, which made it the easiest failure. Thankfully it didn’t fail but when you are shooting for fun summer movie it’s not like the target is that small.

It would be completely impossible to hate this movie simply because of Sharlto Copley. All four of the original A-Team members were memorable, but come on, Murdock! Somehow Sharlto was able to make you forget what was there 25 years ago and steal every single second of screen time. He was great to the point where I would prefer they just spin-off the sequel to just be about him. There are too many scenes to highlight but I will have them all memorized when it shows up on cable. Bradley Cooper just turned up his normal charm and called himself Face, but who doesn’t get a kick out of Cooper acting like a borderline douche. His scenes in the prison were fantastic. I don’t think I would have ever thrown out the name Liam Neeson for Hannibal. He tried but his performance was fun because it was Liam not because he was recognizable as the original Hannibal. He chewed on the cigar and said the lines and that was enough to get the point across. That leaves Rampage to take on the Mr. T role and there ya go. He was fine but Mr. T is Mr. T so you can’t really duplicate the man. In the end, I have no issues with their casting choices or the performances they delivered. They were also kind enough to throw in Jessica Biel, Patrick Wilson, and Major Dad into the mix. Good stuff.

The action was very similar to Joe Carnahan’s last movie, Smokin’ Aces. Everything is completely over-the-top from handcuffing 2 dogs to each other to the final scene where containers were being tossed around on a tanker like legos. But this is The A-Team so it worked. And he was kind enough to throw in the classic explain the mission then show the mission working sequence. I love that stuff.

There seems to be a formula brewing with Carnahan's movies and it leads to nothing more than fun. The A-Team is not deep in any sort of way. It was just a good time for a couple of hours. Who doesn't want that every once and awhile?

8 out of 10

Grown Ups

Unlike 2 years ago, I've fallen behind but I am about to catch up real quick. I will do this by cutting some of these short. First up may be the shortest:

Grown Ups is one of the lazier movies I’ve seen in a long time. At first I was going to say look at all the talented people cashing a check but … really? Everyone is cashing a check but there isn’t an award winner as far as the eye can see. Grown Ups is a bunch of friends getting together and making a movie. A very forgettable movie that I doubt I’d watch again on cable.

Sometimes it is hard to remember that I loved Adam Sandler’s movies 15 years ago. Its not like Billy Madison changed the course of cinema history but it felt like Sandler was trying. Grown Ups is just another Sandler movie that is funny while I watched it but now that I think back I don’t remember anything about it. And adding a handful of guys that I don’t have any interest in seeing in movies, Kevin James, David Spade, and Rob Schneider doesn’t help matters. I don’t even want to think about Chris Rock. One day he will top Pookie, but this wasn’t it.

There are better comedies than Grown Ups and would recommend seeking them out. I wish it would have had the common decency to at least suck instead of being boring.

5 out of 10

24 Lists

1. Perfect CTU

• Division/District: Bill Buchanan
• Director: George Mason
• First Officer: Tony Almeida
• Head Tech: Chloe O’Brian
• Other Tech: Edgar Stiles
• Head of Field Ops: Jack Bauer
• Other Field Agent: Chase Edmunds
• Random CTU Agent: Baker

2. Awful CTU

• Division/District: Brad Hammond
• Director: Erin Driscoll
• First Officer: Dana Walsh
• Head Tech: Jamey Farrell
• Other Tech: Kim Bauer
• Head of Field Ops: Renee Walker
• Other Field Agent: Mike Doyle

3. Alt CTU

• Division/District: Ryan Chappelle
• Director: Brian Hastings
• First Officer: Michelle Dessler
• Head Tech: Adam Kaufman
• Other Tech: Morris O’Brian
• Head of Field Ops: Curtis Manning
• Other Field Agent: Cole Ortiz

4. Presidents

1. David Palmer
2. Charles Logan
3. Alison Taylor
4. Wayne Palmer
5. Noah Daniels
6. John Keeler
7. Hal Gardner

5. Chiefs of Staff

1. Mike Novick (twice)
2. Tom Lennox
3. Ethan Kanin
4. Wayne Palmer
5. Walt Cummings
6. Rob Weiss

6. Best Villains

1. Charles Logan
2. Habib Marwan
3. Christopher Henderson
4. The Drazens
5. Nina Myers

7. Final Order for the Seasons

1. Day 4
2. Day 2
3. Day 3
4. Day 5
5. Day 1
6. Day 8
7. Day 7
8. Day 6

8. 24 Evil Pecking Order

1. Americans (mostly white) 2 (main), 5 (main), 6 (main), 7 (main), 8 (main)
2. Russians/Eastern Europeans 1 (main), 5, 6. 8
3. Muslims 2, 4, (main) 6, 8
4. Chinese 4, 5, 6
5. Everyone else 3 (main), 7

9. My Most Hated (significant characters)

1. Kim Bauer
2. Martha Logan
3. Renee Walker
4. Dana Walsh
5. Olivia Taylor
6. Teri Bauer
7. Erin Driscoll
8. Richard Heller
9. Allen Miliken
10. Alberta Green

10. Dumbest Storylines

1. Amnesia
2. Walid
3. Paul dies
4. Allen Miliken
5. Dana Walsh
6. Cougar
7. Chloe and the baby
8. Maya Driscoll
9. Kim Bauer and her psychiatrist
10. Sexual harassment Shari

11. Jack’s Best Interrogations

1. Syed Ali
2. Ted Coffell
3. Pavel Tokarev
4. Nina Myers
5. Tony Almeida

12. Jack's Best One Man Army Assaults

1. Freeing the Hellers (12 dead)
2. LA Coliseum (6 dead)
3. Fayed’s final hiding place (7 dead)
4. Oil platform (12 dead)
5. All the Russians at the end of season 8 (7 dead)

13. Bloodiest Days

1. Day 6 (49)
2. Day 4 (43)
3. Day 5 (38)
4. Day 8 (35)
5. Day 2 (28.5)
6. Day 7 (24)
7. Day 3 (15)
8. Redemption (15)
9. Day 1 (14.5)

14. Torturiest Days

1. Day 3 (10)
2. Day 4 (9)
3. Day 6 (9)
4. Day 2 (7)
5. Day 5 (7)
6. Day 8 (6)
7. Day 7 (3)
8. Redemption (2)
9. Day 1 (1)

15. Which Main Characters Were Put to Sleep by Jack

• George Mason
• Chase Edmunds
• Curtis Manning
• Mike Doyle
• Renee Walker
• Bill Buchanan
• Tony Almeida
• Charles Logan
• Chloe O’Brian

16. Jack Cries on Camera

• 15 times!

17. Jack says “Damnti!”

• 15 times!

What the hell?

18. Nuclear Bombs on American Soil

• Season 2
• Season 4 (nuclear power plant meltdown)
• Season 6
• Season 8

19. Biological Attacks on American Soil

• Season 3
• Season 5
• Season 7

Sense a pattern?

20. Assassination Attempts on the President

• Season 1 (the next President of the United States David Palmer)
• Season 2 (David Palmer)
• Season 4 (John Keeler)
• Season 5 (Charles Logan not really but it was hinted that Jack would)
• Season 6 (Wayne Palmer)
• Season 7 (Alison Taylor)

21. Most Appearances (IMDB stats)

1. Kiefer Sutherland / Jack Bauer (195)
2. Mary Lynn Rajskub / Chloe O'Brian (126)
3. Carlos Bernard / Tony Almeida (115)
4. Dennis Haysbert / David Palmer (79)
5. Elisha Cuthbert / Kim Bauer (79)
6. James Morrison / Bill Buchanan (64)
7. Reiko Aylesworth / Michelle Dessler (62)
8. Jude Ciccolella / Mike Novick (58)
9. Kim Raver / Audrey Raines (53)
10. Glenn Morshower / Aaron Pierce (50)

22. Best Acting Performances

1. Kiefer Sutherland / Jack Bauer
2. Gregory Itzin / Charles Logan
3. Dennis Haysbert / David Palmer
4. Sarah Clarke / Nina Myers
5. Jude Ciccolella / Mike Novick
6. Xander Berkeley / George Mason
7. William Devane / James Heller
8. Peter Weller / Christopher Henderson
9. James Cromwell / Phillip Bauer
10. Mia Kirshner / Mandy

23. Who is Still Alive for a 24 Movie

• Jack Bauer
• Chloe O’Brian
• Tony Almeida
• Morris O’Brian
• Chase Edmunds
• Jim Ricker
• Mike Novick
• Aaron Pierce
• James Heller
• Mandy
• Wayne Palmer(?)
• Audrey Raines (?)

24. Who Should be Brought Back from the Dead

• David Palmer
• George Mason
• Ryan Chappelle
• Christopher Henderson
• Curtis Manning
• Bill Buchanan

The Best and Worst of the Eighth Season of 24

Best Moments:

5. Chloe O'Brian CTU Director

Well that had to happen.

4. Omar Hassan's Execution

Is it weird that I'm listing this as "Best Moment"? I've read that Fox was never comfortable with having the President on 24 killed but, shit, do whatever you want to the Muslim President of a fake country. In a show that has done it all, the camera panning to Hassan's violently slit throat actually shocked me.

3. Charles Logan in a devil costume sitting on Alison Taylor's shoulder

What better use of Charles Logan's speechifying skills than to wind him up and let him go off and explain why President Taylor must make another awful choice. It was just more phenomenal work done by Gregory Itzin.

2. Jack Bauer uses his final free moment to thank Chloe O'Brian

*cries for 5 minutes*

1. Jack Bauer's path of destruction

I didn't think it would be fair to separate Jack's actions in the final third of the season. After the President tried to detain him, each hour contained another fantastic Jack Bauer moment until the bitter end. You had torture, execution, ambushes, massacres, etc. Jack Bauer is a bad man.

Worst Moments

5. New York cop beats on Jack Bauer

What a truly awful waste of time. If it made any sort of sense, maybe I could have accepted it. Instead, this was clearly there as a way to delay Jack from calling in the assassination attempt Hassan.

4. Dark Renee Walker

I'm sorry ... I can't stand Renee Walker.

3. Ethan Kanin's heart attack

We did this in season 3 and it was awful then! Why repeat it?

2. President Taylor listens to Charles Logan

This was completely unbelievable. Each option that Logan offered Taylor was worse than the next but she kept agreeing with him because we needed to keep Jack Bauer in the wrong. This was a complete 180 from the President Taylor we had been seeing since Redemption.

1. Dana Walsh

I'm done complaining. Just an awful character and a waste of Katee Sackhoff.

The Eighth Season of 24

It had to end at some point, but for all the ratings 24 drew in its early seasons those happy memories did not prevent it from being cancelled halfway through the season. Although they took Jack Bauer to a darker place than usual, Day 8 never felt like the concluding season of a long running series. And the darker journey for Jack was definitely the selling point for the year since everything else was business as usual.

So Jack Bauer was on death’s door at the end of Day 7. Kim’s magical bone marrow or whatever was used to treat her father worked and he randomly chose to recuperate in New York City. That means for the second season in a row 24 took place in a brand new city. Although Jack being out of the game at the beginning and then on the outs from the government at the end was nothing new, they took their most significant attempt to give Jack a darker edge. The majority of the highlights for Jack took place in the last third of the day. It was the normal running and gunning for Jack until he had sex within a season. There was no way that was gonna go unpunished. And once Renee was killed, we got to see Jack go on a very calculated and protective of the innocent rampage. From that point on we got Jack’s ambush of Cole’s CTU team, Jack killing the mustachioed DB Sweeney, the execution of Dana Walsh, the annihilation of Tokarev’s team in the department store, Jack’s torture and disemboweling of Tokarev, the One Man Army attack on Logan’s limo, the unseen slaughter of Novakovich’s entire security detail, and the moments where Jack had Logan in his sniper rifle where all some of the most memorable Jack in action scenes the show has done. And even after all that crazy violence, the day ends with Jack emotionally thanking Chloe for everything she has done for him over the years. Although it didn’t really feel like the last time we will ever get to see Jack Bauer, season 8 gave Jack a strong story to end on.

The B story for the season was the journey of Omar Hassan and Alison Taylor’s peace treaty. Anil Kapoor was brought in as the leader of a fake Muslim nation that for some reason will bring world peace if they sign a treaty led by the United States. Okay sure. There were many fun scenes between those 2 throughout the first half of the season. And after all the political nonsense it was Hassan’s fate that turned the entire season around. First off he was given one of the more brutal deaths shown on 24, then the Russian involvement in his execution led to all the nonsense that drove the season to its conclusion. I do have to say that President Taylor’s decision making after Hassan’s death was awful just so Jack is forced to act the way that he does. It was a bit of a copout.

The other major returning characters for season 8 were, obviously, Chloe O’Brian, then Ethan Kanin, Renee Walker, and Charles Logan. After a couple of seasons where Chloe was sidelined for most of the days, she was given much more to work with throughout Day 8. Of course it started off with the hilariously weak idea that Chloe has fallen behind technically, but once they got past that she was slowly pushed to the front of CTU. This lead to a conclusion that had been coming for years … Chloe O’Brian Director of CTU. I really enjoyed the character of Ethan Kanin last season and was happy to see his return. Sadly he disappeared during the first half of the season, but was given a strong stretch of episodes culminating with his resignation out of protest. Renee Walker still sucks and was killed off. Hooray. After Day 7’s annoyingly bitchy Renee, Day 8 brought us dark brooding Renee. So not only was Renee brought in as the female Jack Bauer, she now became the love of Jack Bauer’s life. If she had survived the day, I wouldn’t have been shocked if she became the first President Jack respects on the level of David Palmer. Good riddance. The big mid-season return for Day 8 was Charles Logan. It was never really explained how religious redemptive Logan returned to soulless power-hungry Logan but, once again, it worked as a way to motivate the Jack Bauer storyline. Gregory Itzin definitely tore back into some fantastic Logan scenes. He may have been the closest 24 came to a cartoon character but it was still fun to watch.

Just like Day 7, the final season introduced a truckload of new characters because the day’s events took place in a new city and a new CTU. The new CTU crew consisted of Brian Hastings, Cole Ortiz, Dana Walsh, and Arlo Glass. They all fit into the normal molds established over the years. Hastings was the director who wasn’t as helpful as Bill but not as big of a dick as Driscoll. Bringing in Freddie Prinze Jr. to be the new field agent was another amusing test of can Jack Bauer make anyone standing next to him a badass. And Jack is still undefeated in that game. Arlo was the new CTU tech that was just another CTU tech, not much more to say than that. That leaves Dana Walsh. What more do I need to say about this godawful character? It’s rare that a character is around long enough on 24 to have 2 different horrendous plotlines in one season. This was Kim Bauer territory. First we got Dana’s felonious past that went on and on for hours and hours. Then it finally ended in the scene that revealed that Dana was the new CTU mole. Of all the shitty-ass conclusions to Dana’s storyline that could have been written, mole revelation would have been one of the worst. And then it happened. It was all downhill from there and even being executed by Jack Bauer doesn’t redeem her. The Hassan family were the most significant characters introduced on the political side in season 8. I already talked about Anil Kapoor’s good work but Necar Zadegan was also strong as his wife Dalia. She ended up more as a chess piece in the final hours being moved around to influence Taylor but when she was given the chance she delivered in her scenes with the President. There were other characters but Rob Weiss, Meredith Reed, Agent Owen, etc didn’t really give me much to write about it. Hey was that Michael Madsen? Sweet.

There were way too many bad guys to list in the 8^th season. You had multiple fake nation Muslims, a variety of Russians, and even an American or two. The main Muslim terrorist was Samir who just came off as another version of Marwan and Fayed. I think if Hassan’s made-up country were explained a bit more maybe Samir’s intentions would have come across better. He played the menace as well as he could. There were way too many Russians so I’ll just highlight Vladimir and Tokarev Maybe strange choices but Vladimir was the best part of Renee’s storyline and I just like how Joel Bissonnette played Tokarev. And I'm happy because villainous Russians just take me back to my childhood of 80s movies. The American that I mentioned would be Jason Pillar. Calling him a bad guy may be a bit strong, but when you get in bed with Charles Logan you know what type of work you are going to be putting in. Just like every other villain this season, he came to a very bad end.

Although I don’t really have any major issues, besides Dana Walsh, the eighth season was a mediocre end to the series. The Jack Bauer is unstable and needs to be stopped plot never worked in the way that they intended. It was still fun to watch him in action but he never even approached being the bad guy. Still like I've already written, the final scene of the day cleaned up a lot of sins. Because what all these days come down to is Jack Bauer saving the day with the help of Chloe O'Brian. I'll miss that.

Day 8: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

None II

Key Moments:

• Suvarov finishes his speech and talks to Taylor afterwards. When he asks why Dalia won’t look at him, Taylor tells him that she knows everything but is continuing with the peace treaty. Logan calls Suvarov and lies until he agrees to meet him.
• Jack tells Logan to sit down and wait. Chloe tells Jack that she can get the evidence out to the world. When Cole calls her, she tells Jack that if she doesn’t answer the agents are going to come looking.
• Cole calls Burke and tells him to search the building for Jack and confirms the lethal force order on Jack Bauer.
• Suvarov is on his way, while Chloe is pleading with Jack to stop. She uses all the correct arguments about innocents and collateral damage. She finishes it off with Renee wanting him to pursue justice not vengeance. Logan is stalling Suvarov but instead Jack puts the gun down. He turns to Chloe and makes her promise to see this through because he is probably going to die. Logan realizes that Jack isn’t going through with it and lies some more to get Suvarov to leave. Jack gives Chloe the memory card. He then tells Chloe that she has to shoot him and gives her a gun. Jack screams at Chloe to shoot him but she won’t do it. He screams and screams but she can’t shoot her friend … but when he points a gun at his head she immediately shoots him in the chest. Burke arrives seconds later.
• Chloe calls Cole and tell him that Arlo needs to be ready to upload the file. She doesn’t know if Jack is going to make it. She leaves the scene but Burke stops her before she can leave the building. He tells her that Pillar has ordered her to stay at the scene. She can’t talk her way out of it and heads back to the utility room.
• Logan tells Pillar that Jack has a recording. When he reaches the room, Burke tells him that they haven’t found anything. Pillar walks over to Chloe and asks her about the recording. She balks but he tells her to empty her pockets and then proceeds to pat her down. He doesn’t find anything and she walks out. She hid the data card in her cell phone battery slot. Pillar turns to Jack and the medic says the shot was a through and through. Pillar immediately wants Chloe arrested but Jack starts mumbling before he can get the word out. Pillar leans in to hear what Jack is saying and Jack bites off half his ear. Chloe is back with Cole and she begins uploading the file. Burke arrives and Cole stalls but the agents rush them and Burke pulls the card from the computer. Chloe screams at him but there is always a 24 douche. Burke calls Pillar and he tells him to lock Cole and Chloe down.
• Logan hands the recording to Taylor. He then becomes the devil one last time and pitches her to have Jack Bauer killed to end this once and for all. She agrees ... what the hell is wrong with you? After Logan leaves, Taylor listens to Jack’s recording. It is not insane ramblings but instead it is Jack’s plea for justice. A plea he made directly to Taylor knowing she would get the recording if he were caught.
• Pillar tells Logan that Jack is being handled. They feel victorious. At the same time Taylor is heading down to the press conference. Logan and Pillar share a drink.
• The treaty signing begins and Suvarov and Dalia sign the document. When it’s Taylor’s turn, she uses Omar Hassan’s pen that Dalia had given her. She stalls and looks around. After a long stretch she announces that she is not signing and the peace process is at an end. She tells Woods to protect Jack Bauer’s medical transport. Woods begs her for information and she breaks down and tells him she has made a terrible mistake.
• Jack is crawling out of crashed ambulance. 3 masked men grab him.
• Woods tells Taylor that they didn’t make it in time. They got Jack Bauer.
• The UN Secretary General tells the public that President Taylor has not signed the peace treaty and has made startling allegations. Logan and Pillar are watching this on television. Logan’s phone starts ringing. He tells Pillar that it is Taylor asking about Bauer. Logan tells Pillar not to pick it up. Pillar argues that they shouldn’t add murder to the charges against them. Logan pauses and tells him that he is right and to pick up the phone. When Pillar picks it up, Logan cracks him upside the head with a liquor bottle. He grabs Pillar’s gun and shoots him in the head through a pillow. He blames Jack Bauer one last time then puts the gun to his chin and pulls the trigger. Taylor is pulled away from the door by Secret Service as she tells Woods that she needs Logan alive.
• But don’t worry, Logan has Fight Clubbed himself and is still alive but Woods says he is probably brain damaged. She tells Woods to free Chloe and do whatever needs to be done to find Jack Bauer. Woods says he has already done that.
• Eden is being lead out of CTU in handcuffs. Chloe tells Cole what is going on and it just the 2 of them and Arlo on the CTU floor. They watch Jack being grabbed from the ambulance and track their movements with the drone. They find where they pulled off to do the execution. Cole says NYPD will never arrive in time. Chloe walks away.
• Jack is put on his knees. His executioner says he know who Jack is and will make it quick and clean. Jack scoffs and makes a move but is easily stopped. Jack tells him to pull the trigger but before the shot is fired one of the other guys tells him to stop. Taylor is on the phone through some sort of magic with the drone. She orders him to stand down and wait for the FBI to arrive. She then tells him to put Jack on the phone. Jack is uncuffed and given the phone. Taylor tells him that she withdrew from the peace treaty and will tell the world within the hour what happened and face the consequences, but she says he will have to face them too. She apologizes for failing him and then tells Jack to leave the country because Russia and the United States will be coming after him. She ends it on that because there is nothing else to say. Jack never even responds. Afterwards, he calls Chloe and I’m gonna have to type this through tears. Jack begs her to protect his family. I sob uncontrollably as Jack thanks Chloe for everything she has done for him over the years. Chloe is streaked with tears as she tells them to shutdown the surveillance as Jack starts running.

Ridiculousness:

• Once again Itzin played his scene to the hilt, but this may have been one step too many. I have no idea why Logan had to murder Pillar. It was a pure cartoon villain moment.

Running Totals:

Sadly, no cliches in the final hour

Day 8: 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Characters Introduced:

• Agent Burke (Jamie Martz): One last CTU agent introduced just to have someone at the UN that is not helping Chloe and Cole.
• UN Secretary General (Eriq La Salle): This casting feels more random than usual because it was the final 2 hours of the show and he gets about 3 minutes of screen time.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

• Arlo calls Chloe with the good news that Jack has slaughtered a room full of Russians. Cole is approaching Ricker’s address and Ricker gets a security alert. He starts erasing his systems while Cole starts looking through walls with future gadgets. Cole knocks then shoots the hinges off the door. They have a standoff. Cole tells Ricker that in 15 minutes all agencies will be notified of his existence. He then tells him that he is trying to save Jack. He puts his gun down and starts to walk out. Ricker calls out to stop him.
• Chloe arrives at the UN to the news that Meredith Reed has been arrested. Burke greets her with whines about Cole being reinstated. Cole calls Chloe to tell her that Jack is targeting Suvarov. She tells him that Meredith has been arrested and the evidence is gone. They talk about what Jack is planning to do and how they can stop him.
• Logan tells Pillar that it is time for Taylor to know everything. Taylor excuses herself from Woods to take Logan’s call. Logan tells her that President Suvarov ordered the murder of Presient Hassan. Jack is listening to this conversation too! Taylor is pissed, but not enough to stop her awful decision-making.
• Logan hops in a new limo heading to the UN. Pillar gets an update from Eden on Jack. They talk about how soon they will find Jack at the same time Jack appears in Pillar’s backseat. Jack gets his weapon and tells him to drive. He also tells him that he knows about Suvarov.
• After meeting with Taylor, Dalia meets with Kayla who tells her that Meredith Reed called her with allegations about the Russians.
• Cole arrives at the UN. Chloe tells him that once they get evidence they will send it out to every news outlet in the word through the internet. This should prevent any cover-up. Chloe tells Burke that Cole is in charge.
• Pillar is passing all the checkpoints with Jack hiding in the backseat. He tells him to pull into a specific building and they park in an underground garage. When Jack gets him out of the car, Pillar thinks Jack is about to kill him but Jack tells him to stitch his wound! Fantastic. Pillar questions Jack’s actions and Jack tells him that Taylor gave up her right to judge when she covered it up. That makes Jack judge, jury, and executioner. He puts Pillar on his knees and the begging and pleading starts. Jack demurs and just knocks him out. Jack just screams in pain afterwards.
• Jack tapes up and locks Pillar in the trunk of his car.
• Dalia can’t get in touch with Meredith and Jamot says her editor can’t find her either.
• Taylor is sitting alone with her horrible decision-making when Dalia arrives. After a bit of speechifying by both sides, Dalia finds out that Taylor knew about the Russian involvement with Omar’s murder. She is royally pissed off but Taylor threatens to blow the shit out of her fake country. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you Taylor?
• Jack moves through the empty building avoiding security patrols. He places some spy cams in a hallway and breaks into a utility room. The room has a sweet view for assassinating. Jack sets up his security and sniper perch.
• Dalia takes her righteous anger to Jamot but he tells her that is it worth calling Taylor’s bluff?
• Jack is scoping out his sniper angles.
• Chloe tells Cole that Arlo found an image of Jack in one of the buildings. She is heading there to talk Jack down but if he doesn’t hear from her in 20 minutes to secure Suvarov.
• Jack is in the middle of recording his final thoughts and it is hinted that they are to Kim.
• Dalia arrives at the last second to greet Suvarov with Taylor.
• The UN Secrety General introduces the peace treaty with Taylor, Suvarov, and Dalia standing behind him.
• Chloe finds the utility room that Jack is hiding in and opens the door. Jack yanks her against the wall and tells her that she shouldn’t have come after him. Chloe says that he is her friend and she had no choice. Jack says, “neither do I” and chokes Chloe out. He quietly tells her “don’t fight it.”
• Logan is watching Suvarov’s speech when Jack calls and says he has a rifle scoped on him. Jack plays the recording to prove that Logan lied to him. He tells him to call Suvarov and get him up to Logan’s room.

Ridiculousness:

• It’s hard to describe what happened early in this episode. Cole finished his conversation with Chloe and then a car commercial happened with no relation to the story. Usually these things happen during chase scenes, but this was a way to highlight the video screen that makes backing out of tight spaces easier. And we got to watch Cole back out of a parking spot. Hooray?

Running Totals:

Jack’s Million-Dollar Dream: 1 (13)

• In the end, Jack had to put Chloe to sleep before the show ended.

Day 8: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

• Yuri Suvarov (5am – 6am episode of season 6)

Key Moments:

• Pillar calls Logan with the news of Tokarev’s death. He reiterates that Logan needs to back out but Logan tells him the press has already been notified of his help today. Pillar then tells him what Jack did to Tokarev.
• Ricker tells Jack he has to go back to his place to track the cell number Jack gave him. After he leaves, Meredith continues to bitch to Jack about what just went down. Jack tells her that she has to break the story in case he fails. He tosses her cell phone and tells her to contact someone she trusts.
• Logan morphs into the devil on Taylor’s shoulder one more time to convince her to squash Meredith Reed’s story. He leaves her to go meet the incoming President Suvarov.
• Arlo shows Chloe what Jack did in the abandoned building. She still thinks she can talk Jack down. Chloe also found Jim Ricker who died 7 years ago.
• Ricker calls Jack and yells at him for hiding the fact that the number he is tracking is for Charles Logan. Jack lets him yell and then asks him for a location and Ricker gives it up. When Ricker continues to warn, Jack tells him he never planned on coming back from this path. He tells Ricker to erase everything and disappear. Jack steals another car … he is a goddamned menace.
• Taylor meets with Woods and tells him to stop Meredith Reed. He balks since she doesn’t give him a good reason but eventually agrees.
• Jack parks his stolen car, grabs his big bag of toys, and casually walks into some building.
• Meredith calls Gary and tells him about the evidence she has and they agree to meet in 15 minutes.
• Jack is gearing up by pulling out some body armor and an armored mask …freaking sweet!
• While on the road, Logan is on the phone with Novakovich who is flipping out. Logan tells him that he has nothing to worry about since Jack will never learn his name.
• Logan’s limo enters a 1-lane tunnel and Jack pops out and shoots outs the tires of all the cars in front of the limo. He starts walking towards the limo and Logan literally shits a brick. “THAT’S JACK BAUER!” Jack disables and knocks out 2 of Logan’s security. He then gets on the hood and shotguns a hole into the windshield. He drops a gas grenade inside to smoke Logan out. When Logan exits, Jack grabs him and leads him underground. Words cannot do justice to how phenomenal Army of One Jack was in this scene. It was perfectly over-the-top.
• Arlo locates Ricker, while Chloe finds out that Jack kidnapped Charles Logan.
• Eden is updating Pillar as he arrives at the kidnapping site. All 3 Secret Service have no idea where Jack went but Pillar finds the door Jack dragged Logan through. He leads a team in and tells them to kill Jack Bauer on sight.
• Jack is politely questioning Logan. Logan pees his pants and talks a mile a minute. He admits to most but not everything that has happened today. In the end he pisses Jack off and Jack puts a gun to his neck and gives him to the count of 5. Logan says Novakovich on 4. He tells Jack to confirm it on Tokarev’s phone. When Jack hears Pillar coming he drags Logan to another area and puts him on his knees. Logan thinks he is going to be killed, but Jack says he would already be dead and chokes him out. Jack escapes and Pillar finds Logan.
• Chloe ignores Eden’s complaints as she has Cole released to help her with the security at the UN.
• Meredith is waiting for Gary at a dinner but he calls and tells he the government is at the office shutting them down. He tells her to hide and protect the evidence.
• Cole is pacing in his cell when Chloe releases him. She tells him that he will join her at the UN after he takes a side trip to Jim Ricker.
• Novakovich takes a call telling him that Suvarov has landed in NYC. His driver is notified but Jack jumps him and gets Novakovich’s location and security detail breakdown. Jack knocks him out and moves on to the elevators. He shoots the 2 guards and gets himself a keycard. One of them survived and sneaks up behind Jack and stabs him in the side. Jack reacts and takes control of the knife and guts him. Jack is bleeding badly as the elevator starts going up.
• Cole gears up and warns Chloe that Jack is gonna have to be taken down.
• Meredith calls Kayla and tells her about the Russian involvement with her father’s death. After the call, Meredith is arrests and the evidence is confiscated. Taylor tells Woods that no one looks at the evidence.
• Logan is revived and he tells Pillar that Jack knows about Novakovich. Pillar calls but we pan across a horror scene of dead Russians with a dying guard crawling to the ringing phone. A fireplace poker impaled Novakovich. The guard tells Pillar that Novakovich didn’t even have a chance to talk. Logan calls Suvarov and tells him about Novakovich. He tells Suvarov that he was protecting him when he gave Jack Novakovich’s name. It was President Suvarov who gave the order to kill Renee Walker. Cut to Jack listening in on the conversation since he bugged Logan during their encounter. He is bleeding profusely as the hour ends.

Ridiculousness:

• This doesn’t really matter but it is hinted that Jack helped Ricker disappear and that is the favor he is calling in. But if Ricker disappeared 7 years ago, that would put it somewhere during the Logan administration. My math being, Taylor has been in office at most 2 years, the Wayne Palmer/Noah Daniels administration was 4 years, and then the remaining time to reach 7 years will be under Logan or Gardner’s watch. The problem with that is that while Logan was in office, Jack faked his death and was off the grid and when Gardner was in office Jack was on his Chinese vacation. Jack would not have been able to help Ricker during any of these times. It’s like they make this shit up as they go along.
• The Novakovich aftermath is such a copout. I know the show was cancelled after these episodes where filmed but to cheat us on seeing Jack annihilate an entire floor of Russians sucks. We’ve seen him shoot small armies but this would have been Jack using all of his Special Forces skills to murder a floor of dirty damn Russians. What a loss.

Running Totals:

Jack loves America not Americans: 3 (45)

• If you are the Secret Service detail for Charles Logan you deserve it.

Jack’s Million-Dollar Dream: 1 (12)

• Logan finally gets put to sleep.

Jack’s body count: 7 (262)

• Russians have no chance against Jack Bauer.

Day 8: 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM

Characters Introduced:

• Gary Klausner (Thomas Ryan): Meredith Reed’s editor who looks like a classic television version of the newspaper editor.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

• Cole is led in handcuffs to Dana’s body. The cops toss around the word “execution”. Afterwards, Cole is sent back to CTU.
• Jack is watching Dana’s evidence. It is a conversation Dana had with Tokarev where they discuss the events that happened today before they ever happened. Jack calls Ricker looking for an id on Tokarev. He also tells him to be prepared because the world is looking for Jack right now.
• Pillar addresses the CTU troops but blows off Chloe’s questions about what happened at the bank.
• Jack arrives at Ricker’s place but Ricker won’t give him Tokarev until Jack explains what is going on. Jack sums it up by saying the Russians took Renee away from him so he is going to make them pay. That satisfies Ricker and he gives him Tokarev. He doesn’t have a location but Jack has an idea.
• Do you remember Meredith Reed? Me neither. She is talking to her editor, Gary, when Jack’s call comes in. Jack tells her that the Russians were involved in Hassan’s murder. He then tells her to meet him at a department store and he will give her the evidence. She agrees.
• Cole is delivered to the white room and a waiting Pillar. This was a fun scene with Pillar pushing Cole for Jack’s location but Cole pushing back that Pillar is a part of the cover-up. Eden calls Pillar to tell him that Arlo intercepted Jack’s call to Meredith. Pillar walks up to Arlo and tells him to stop what he is doing and give the file to Eden. Chloe and Arlo exchange the CTU stare.
• Logan and Novakovich are listening to Jack’s call to Meredith. Logan and Pillar talk next steps. Pillar is keeping NYPD away from the meeting point so Tokarev can do what needs to be done. Logan asks Novakovich for Tokarev’s number so he can get updates on the ambush.
• Chloe asks Arlo about what just happened. After Arlo explains what happened, Chloe tells him that it confirms that there is a conspiracy going on. She wants to find Jack and asks Arlo for help. He agrees but whines about new security restrictions. Chloe grabs something out of a drawer and they create a shadow network inside CTU … what the fucking fuck? It can’t be that easy. Chloe leaves the room to go talk to Cole. Arlo masks the feed and Chloe enters Cole’s cell. Cole is pissed at Jack. Chloe has enough of his shit and just turns around to leave so Cole relents and tells her that someone is supplying Jack. She calls Arlo and tells him to look for Jack’s contacts in NYC.
• Logan calls Tokarev for an update. He even gives him the go ahead to kill Meredith. Logan is in full super villain mode by now.
• Logan interrupts Taylor and Dalia’s treaty talks to give her the update on the Jack Bauer ambush. He then pushes for her to announce his presence and help to the public.
• The Russians spot Meredith when she enters the department store. Pillar and Eden are watching the security feeds. Jack approaches Meredith but stays hidden from view. Eden spots Jack for a second but then he disappears again. When Tokarev finally spots Jack and readies his shot, Ricker appears and puts his gun to Tokarev’s head. He gives Jack the okay. Jack grabs Meredith and starts to move her as the Russians converge. Jack annihilates all 4 of the Russians hitters with ease. He takes Merdith into the back and meets up with Ricker and Tokarev.
• Logan is excited when his phone rings but Pillar tell shim that Jack took out the Russians and has Tokarev. Pillar recommends distancing himself from Taylor and let her take the hit. Logan is too close to being back in the game and wants Pillar to handle Bauer. After the calls, Pillar tells Eden that he is heading to the scene to clean up the Russian involvement.
• Arlo shows Chloes the security footage from Jack’s department store shootout. They get to work on indentifying Ricker.
• Jack and friends move into another abandoned building. Jack opens up Tokarev’s bag to see the sniper rifle that killed Renee. Ricker is having Tokarev empty his pockets, while Meredith berates Jack for using her. Jack hands her the evidence and Ricker takes her out of the room. She begs Jack not to do what he has planned for Tokarev. Yeah that’s not going to stop him. Jack explains to Tokarev that a rifle just like this killed his friend and Tokarev tells him to go to hell. Jack says, “you first.”
• Meredith watches Dana’s evidence.
• Jack tells Tokarev that he could have killed Renee instantly but he made her suffer and die slowly. Jack stabs him with pliers! This makes Tokarev admit to being the shooter and Jack just beats him for a full minute. Ricker holds Meredith back from stopping Jack.
• Pillar arrives at the department store and gives the cops Jack’s picture and tells them to shoot on sight.
• Jack uses smelling salts on Tokarev. Jack has moved on to who ordered the hit on Renee. He is just carving into Tokarev’s stomach with a knife. When Tokarev spits at him, Jack sprays lighter fluid into the open cuts. Still not getting what he wants, Jack grabs a blowtorch. He asks why Tokarev couldn’t have just left them alone then begins cooking him a Russian. When this doesn’t work, Jack even says to himself that this isn’t working. At that moment, he spots Tokarev’ cell phone. The SIM card is missing and Jack goes exploring. He realizes that Tokarev swallowed it and Jack’s response is, “you dumb bastard you swallowed it.” Jack whips out his knife and says that this is for his friend and begins gutting Tokarev. He finds the hidden treasure among Tokarev’s innards. Jack puts the SIM card in the phone and call the first number and hears a message saying that it is the number for Charles Logan. Jack is nonplussed.

Ridiculousness:

• How does Meredith have any idea about what Jack is going to do to Tokarev? I’m not saying she shouldn’t be angry with Jack, but there is no reason for her to suspect just how sadistic Jack is going to be to Tokarev.
• If a SIM card is swallowed and digested, is it really still gonna be usable?

Running Totals:

Jack’s body count: 5 (255)

• Jack absolutely tears through the entire Russian black ops team.
• Tokarev went out in a bad way.

Torture doesn’t mean you can’t be creative: 1 (54)

• After all these seasons, Jack Bauer finally got down to some torture porn.

Day 8: 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM

Characters Introduced:

• Eden Linley (Julia Claire): Pillar's assistant that he brings along to CTU … um … she’s hot. That’s all I got from her character.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

• Dalia finishes off her speech taking the reigns from her dead husband.
• Bledsoe calls Pillar with an update on his difficulty in breaking Dana. Logan says it wasn’t going to be easy. When Bledsoe asks for confirmation on execution, Logan and Pillar talk around actually approving while clearly approving.
• Dana is being waterboarded. She claims that she made everything up and gets more water poured on her face for her troubles.
• Jack and Cole are outside the location where Dana is being tortured. Cole asks what they are going to do with her and Jack tells him that they will cut her deal. Chloe calls again and Cole continues to lie. Before they head out, Jack hands Cole the bullets to the gun. Cole just says “you sonuvabitch” and Jack just mutters “yeah”.
• Jack and Cole have made it up to the roof. Jack spots the man on the roof, so Cole makes a noise and Jack knocks him out. They head into the building and down the stairs. When they spot a group of guys, Jack calls in a fake report with the radio they stole from the guy on the roof. All of the guys race to the roof and Jack and Cole sneak up on the communications guy. Jack gets Dana’s location and then knocks him out. He kicks in a door and Bledsoe puts his gun on Dana. Bledsoe is in the middle of saying, “you won’t take the shot it’s too risky” when Jack shoots him in the head. HAHA! Cole is dumbstruck. Cole frees Dana while Jack kills 3 more guys to clear their exit.
• Arlo tells Chloe that Cole’s team is calling in saying Jack ambushed them.
• Jack and friends are driving along when Jack explains his plan to Dana. She doesn’t believe he will let her go so Jack peels out and finds an abandoned area to park. He yanks her out of the SUV and throws her against a pillar and puts his gun to her chest. He says he will count back from 3. Dana looks to Cole but when Jack gets to 1, she tells him the evidence is in a safety deposit box at a bank. Cole drags her back to the SUV while she screams about Jack’s plans for her. Cole then shoves Jack but still gets into the SUV.
• Taylor is given the news that Jack has acquired Dana. She calls Logan and his plan now is to put a man inside CTU to manage things. He offers Pillar. She agrees then hangs up on him. Logan tells Pillar to head over to CTU.
• Logan meets with Novakovich who brings along Tokarev. He explains what is going on with Jack Bauer. Logan explains that Taylor doesn’t have the stomach to get rid of Jack so he tells Novakovich to handle it. Pillar will provide Jack’s location. Logan offers a secure phone that Tokarev picks up.
• When they reach the bank, Jack tells Cole that he will have to take Dana in because Jack is too hot right now. Dana continues to work on Cole as they head into the bank.
• Pillar arrives at CTU and heads straight up to Chloe’s office. Eden is tagging along. Pillar boots Chloe from running the search for Jack and immediately switches the rules of engagement to shoot on sight.
• Dana and Cole are let into a private room to wait for their safety deposit box. She starts telling him the story of her life but he doesn’t buy her sincerity. The box is delivered and when Cole opens it some sort of flash bang goes off knocking Cole out. Dana picks up the gun from the box and shoots the bank officer. She pockets the recording and cash. Dana stops and looks over Cole before picking up the phone to call in an alert on Jack Bauer.
• Pillar is annoyed that they haven’t confirmed that Jack Bauer is at the bank yet. After ordering people around, he gets his confirmation. Pillar walks off the floor and calls Tokarev with the location.
• While waiting outside the bank, 2 cops try to arrest Jack. He starts talking his way out of it but switches gears when he sees Dana run by. Jack disarms the first cop and holds him hostage and talks the other cop into dropping his gun. He shoots the cop in the foot and knocks the hostage out. He tells the crowd to call an ambulance and heads out after Dana. She spots him and the chase is on.
• Dana shoots a pedestrian but Jack doesn’t even break his stride. She runs into a building and takes her shoes off to silence her steps. They shoot at each other for a bit before Dana heads upstairs. She tries to set-up a trap for Jack but this isn’t Jack’s first rodeo. He takes off his jacket and tosses it at the staircase causing Dana to fire her remaining bullets. Jack walks upstairs and puts his gun on Dana. He asks about Cole and she says she could never kill him. He then asks about the evidence and she takes it out of her pocket and places it on the ground. Jack walks right up to her and she asks him what she can do … and he says nothing. He then shoots her in the chest to knock her to the ground then a second shot to the chest when she was on the ground. He picks up the evidence and walks away.

Ridiculousness:

• The way Jack’s execution of Dana was shot was really weird. It came off very ambiguous. I know he couldn’t shoot her point blank in the head on camera but shooting her in the chest made it seem like he was shooting to wound. Very odd.

Running Totals:

Torture doesn’t mean you can’t be creative: 1 (53)

• It’s about time that 24 got down to some waterboarding.

Jack’s body count: 5 (250)

• The way Jack killed Bledsoe was phenomenal and he followed it up with a few faceless goons.
• Jack executes Dana Walsh to everyone’s relief.

Jack loves America not Americans: 2 (42)

• I’m sure shooting that cop in the foot really bothered Jack.