Thursday, October 1, 2009
Inglorious Bas ... not yet
Halloween II
I don’t want to write this at all. So, I saw Halloween II and then the credits rolled and I walked out the theater. There is nothing to highlight here.
After The Devil’s Rejects, I was looking forward to what Rob Zombie was going to next. Not so much after Halloween and Halloween II. Not only was this over-the-top violent, it was also boring and pretentious. It just dragged along with momentary breaks of Michael Myers murdering someone in a dream or in the real world or both ... I don't really know. There was some ridiculous explanation for his behavior involving a white horse and his mom. Why that meant murder everyone you meet? I can't really answer that. And since that was the point of the move, I would prefer not that think about it ever again.
So I won't. Halloween II was awful and thankfully it shall never bother me again.
3 out of 10
Extract
Like anybody who breathes air, I’m a big fan of Office Space and have high hopes whenever Mike Judge puts out a new movie. Somehow Extract actually came pretty damn close to Office Space. It could just be the power of Jason Bateman but whatever the reason, Extract was well worth the price of admission.
Not to keep bringing up Office Space, but when Mike Judge creates another workplace comedy what the hell else am I supposed to compare it to? This time we got to see the ridiculousness from the management’s point of view. Bateman nailed the owner just trying to deal with the craziness of his employees. Then there was the always awesome JK Simmons as Bateman’s right-hand man who doesn’t even take the time to remember the worker’s names. The workers on the floor were a nice variety of the various wackjobs that populate a factory. Good stuff.
Even though the factory storyline was great, the best parts of the movie were when Bateman was interacting with Kristen Wiig, his wife, or Ben Affleck, his buddy. If Wiig doesn’t end up with one of the better careers for a SNL cast member I will be very disappointed. As for Affleck, just the hair was enough but I have always liked goofy Affleck. And this was probably the goofiest Affleck has ever been. On top of that, just by the mere presence of Bateman, David Koechner and Mila Kunis seemed really funny. He is amazing.
If I haven't been clear yet, see Extract just for Jason Bateman. If you need more that that, screw you Communist.
8 out of 10
Whiteout
Sometimes the worse thing that a movie can be is completely ordinary. The comic book version of Whiteout was a tight murder mystery in a beautiful artistic setting; the movie is a by-the-numbers mystery that barely takes advantage of the snowy setting. But, hey look over there, Kate Beckinsale.
The initial hook for Whiteout is that it takes place in Antarctica hence the name whiteout. So, at worst, I thought that it would at least deliver some pretty scenery and some cool zero visibility scenes. That would be a no to both of those expectations. In fact the big fight in the middle of a whiteout was such a disappointment that it ruined any tension the movie had going. They did nail the frostbite amputation but that could just be how easy I’m horrified by finger mutilation. Still even when they were saying how dangerously cold it was outside, it never showed up onscreen and that was a big problem.
I can’t really find fault in the casting of Kate Beckinsale. It was amusing that they kept the shower scene so they could begin the movie with Kate stripping off her layers and hopping into the glass shower. Come on, there is nothing wrong with being obvious. Actually, the cast was not the problem. It was nice to see Tom Skerritt as the doctor and Columbus Short as the pilot; they were both great in their roles. The problem was that there was no tension in the story, everything played out exactly as you thought it would. Ah well, the comic is still there.
Looking back, me and the other 9 people in the theater may have been the only ones who paid to see Whiteout. Who thought dumping a movie with no advertising in the middle of September would lead to shitastic box office?
5 out of 10
Jennifer's Body
Jennifer’s Body was one of those movies that 12 months ago I was excited about, but by the time it hit the theaters I had lost all interest. By now when September rolls around all new movies seem flawed and are bound to disappoint. Still Jennifer’s Body was not that bad based completely on your desire to hear more of Diablo Cody’s dialogue.
Obviously when this movie was being put together everyone thought putting Megan Fox’s name on the top of the marquee was all they needed to do to guarantee box office. That was not the case. Could it be the lack of talent or the fact that all stories this summer have made her seem insane or, maybe, why pay to see her not naked? Who cares? Although it was amusing to see the lengths guys were going to have sex with Megan Fox even though it, of course, ended badly for them. You mean all I have to do is break into this boarded up row house in the middle of a darkened street at 1 in the morning… done and done.
So besides the always awesome JK Simmons, this time with unexplained hook hand, the best performance was from Adam Brody. I almost want to go back and watch The O.C. now. He was the picture perfect douchebag with most of the best lines. The whole lead-up to the ritual sacrifice of Megan Fox was hilarious. Although Fox got all the attention, Amanda Seyfried was the actual star of the movie and she is always solid. I miss Veronica Mars. I miss Juno. This needed more Ellen Page and Michael Cera.
Sadly, Jennifer's Body was a disappointment. I'm not entirely sure what I was hoping for but this wasn't it. In fact I am worried that all Diablo Cody movies are going to sound exactly the same which is going to prove very annoying.
6 out of 10
Pandorum
I walked into Pandorum hoping for something along the lines of Event Horizon but got another Resident Evil instead. Well seeing as I have seen every single Resident Evil movie in the theater, I obviously have no problem with more people running away from monsters in the darkness.
If you are hoping that I will breakdown the story of Pandorum into something that will make sense, you need to look somewhere else. This was lots of science fiction ideas, cryo sleep, chemically enhanced humans, losing your mind in space, and my favorite humanity is too retarded and will eventually destroy earth, mashed together without actually giving a coherent explanation. It was all just an excuse to have less than 5 people running through the massive ship while crazy mutated humans hunt them down. As well it should be.
Ben Foster doesn’t work enough. No matter the quality of the movie I see him in; he has always delivered. This time around he got to play many different levels of paranoid and he is always at his best when he gets to go to emotional extremes. Dennis Quaid played the role of Dennis Quaid. Most movies can use some Dennis Quaid and Pandorum definitely took advantage. This Quaid had a beard. I have no idea who anyone else was, well, except for Cung Le but he is a MMA fighter not an actor. But it was nice to see them give him multiple fight scenes to showcase his skills. Thankfully there were only 5 total characters in the movie, I don't have the time nor the brainpower to follow more than that.
Pandorum was completely harmless. It was nowhere in the vicinity of great but it distracted me for an hour and half and that was good enough for me.
6 out of 10
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
(500) Days of Summer
Well (500) Days of Summer was an easy choice when it came down to it. It starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt and since he is my favorite actor of his generation that's an easy sell. Thankfully this was a step beyond your basic romantic comedy. I’ve seen too many movies by now so a by-the-numbers rom-com would have bored me, but this was another original film that the summer has given me.
So, I have already threw out Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s name out there as my main interest for (500) Days of Summer. He is always able to show the conflict that his character is going through; the climatic scene on the bench here was fantastic. Still, it was nice to see him able to be goofy this time around. This peaked with a dance scene that was like a weird amalgamation of happy Peter Parker in Spider-Man 2 and the park song in Enchanted. Whatever it was and wherever it came from it was awesome. I love the fact that within one week I was able to see Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander and then go back to his indie home.
Zooey Deschanel was well cast as the love of Tom Hansen’s life even though she doesn’t feel the same way. She was definitely believable as the cute eccentric girl who ends up destroying the guy’s life. Such a sweet story, which I am not spoiling because the movie starts by saying that it’s not a love story. Plus the disclaimer calling out an old girlfriend that starts the film may have been the best joke. Actually my favorite running joke of the story was how Tom would turn to his pre-teen sister for love advice. These scenes were awesome and not just cause kids swearing is always funny but Chloe Moretz is now my new favorite child actor. And I knew the name was familiar but I couldn’t place it until I looked her up and realized that she is going to be Hit Girl in next year’s Kick Ass. I’m even more excited for that movie now that I have seen her work.
So, hey, here is a recommendation for a romantic comedy. All it takes is for something like (500) Days of Summer to break from the usual blueprint and it becomes memorable. It also helps to have a cast that I actually want to see in action no matter what the genre.
8 out of 10
District 9
When a movie like District 9 comes along, I think about people who always complain that nothing new is released anymore. This was just straight crazy from the bell. But instead of feeling ridiculous, it worked! This was a believable documentary about humanity imprisoning aliens because we want their weapons. Damn, we suck.
Shooting movies as pseudo-documentaries has become common nowadays but when it is done right it still feels different. Maybe it was the audacity of playing alien concentration camp completely straight but the documentary style fit District 9. The shaky handheld camera helped cover up any shortcomings in the budget. The aliens were the standard buggy looking creatures but the animation was so detailed it set them apart from other movies. The Prawns came across as little more than scavengers that weren’t all that intelligent. And since they were entirely CGI creations, it was all up to the animators to show this. Just unbelievable work was done here.
The parallels for this story are obvious and completely depressing. This is the world we live in and what would probably happen if aliens were stranded on earth. The fact that the ghetto the prawns were caged in was an actual area of Johannesburg that existed and people lived in at one time. Who knew that a movie where aliens are scrounging for cat food can make you depressed?
Oh yeah and then there was cool shit that blew up and fancy pants alien weapons, so there was a bit of everything here. Hopefully District 9 makes a shitload of money and there can be empirical proof that something as new and different as this can be big-time successful.
9 out of 10
Sunday, August 16, 2009
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
One day I am going to regret this review … but fuck it G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra may have just been awesome. I don’t know why and I am not sure I am going to be able to defend this stance. Yet, it is G.I. Joe and that is enough for me.
My enjoyment of this movie is mainly because of the cast and how sweet it was to see these characters come to life. The cartoon is so long ago, so much of the specifics have faded away to the far recesses of my brain, but all I really wanted to see was Baroness, Snake Eyes, Scarlett, Storm Shadow, and Cobra Commander and they were all there. Even when the characters looked off (Cobra Commander) or just weird (Snake Eyes’ mouth), the performances more than made up for those deficiencies. Please understand that the word "performance" means something much different in a movie like G.I. Joe; I why people to just go crazy and have fun with it. There was actually a scene where Sienna Miller looked exactly how I thought the Baroness should look. She is riding up an elevator with a streak of blood down her face and machine guns in both hands, just unloading on Duke with a manic grin. Sweet. Then you have Storm Shadow rocking the white on white on white on white suit. Never a bad idea. Scarlett kicked the right amount of ass with her magical crossbow. Although it was nearly impossible to screw up, somehow it was decided to give Snake Eyes' mask lips making the silent ninja less awesome than he was destined to be. Then there is Cobra Commander. I have zero ability to be mad about him because they cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt and he dove in head first and made my freaking day. He just went as far as he possibly could as the mad doctor and then got to go even further as he was revealed as Cobra Commander. As for the Darth Vader breathing apparatus and odd Cobra Commander helmet, I was not bothered enough to be taken out of the movie. And that last phrase is the key, none of the flaws throughout this movie every really pissed me off.
Stephen Summers has never been one my favorite directors, but his movies have never seemed cheap or cheated me out of shit blowing up. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the perfect place to have craziness going on scene after scene. And this is the key difference between Transformers and G.I. Joe, this was actually paced well. There is constant action without any ridiculous detours into weirdness that has nothing to do with Transformers ... sorry that still bothers me. As for G.I. Joe, we got futuristic Cobra weaponry, mixed with ninjas, mixed with Yo Joe!, what can I say it worked.
Let's get out of here before I dig a grave I may never be able to escape. I liked G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and hope this leads to more movies down the road. What can I say? I'm an easy mark.
7 out of 10
The Hurt Locker
What an odd film to be released in the middle of the summer. The Hurt Locker would have felt more at home somewhere in the fall or winter, but either way it was a pleasant surprise. This was a powerful film with a nomination worthy performance by Jeremy Renner.
It is always a welcome sight when I get to see a movie that just feels completely fresh. The Hurt Locker is about a soldier who disarms bombs during the war in Iraq. That is it. There isn’t a larger message about the war; this is just the story of Jeremy Renner and how he and his unit deal with their insanely tense job. And since this felt completely original, every time a bomb was being disarmed I believed that something was going to go wrong. Instead of cheating like a horror movie with obvious music cues and editing, just watching Renner’s character ripping apart vehicles and cutting wires kept me on the edge of my seat. Having the countdown of how many days the unit had left in Iraq made me wonder if the 3 of them would get out in one place. This was a perfectly plotted film.
I’ve mentioned him a few times already but enough cannot be said about Jeremy Renner. He has been a familiar face for most of the last decade yet never really was put in the forefront. The Hurt Locker gives him that opportunity and he delivers a performance that was beyond expectations. He has a maniacal obsession with his job that crosses the border into insanity. And you get to see the good and bad that his mindset caused. Then again I wonder if all his problems actually stemmed from being married to Kate Austen, which is a fate worse than death and would cause most people to disarm bombs in Iraq just to get away.
The Hurt Locker is the type of movie that I expect to see when the Oscars are around the corner, so it was a welcome sight in the middle of the summer. There have been a handful of movies based on the war in Iraq recently and this one was the most original and definitely belongs on the top of the pile.
9 out of 10
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince delivered more than I could have hoped for. There were signs, 8-month delay, PG rating, entire sections of the book missing, that left me with a negative view prior to its release, but it overcame all of this with flying colors. In the end, I would put this right up there with Prisoner of Azkaban as the best movies in the franchise so far.
With each successive film, the stars get older and older and are able to give stronger and more nuanced performances. This time around all three have there moments to shine. Rupert Grint, who has always been an afterthought to the screenwriters and since I don’t like Ron Weasley this has never bothered me, took full advantage of the comedic moments given to him. The quidditich and Lavender scenes were good enough but he earned his paycheck with the love potion sequence. The emotional backbone was Emma Watson and she pulled off lovesick and heartbroken when necessary but I was much more impressed with her drunken stumble after one butterbeer. Of course Daniel Radcliffe has the majority of the work but that goes with being Harry Potter. From the first scene flirting with the waitress, all his pining for Ginny, the teaching of Dumbledore, he never slips but it is the Felix Felicis sequence that I will always remember. Who the hell knew he could be so funny by just saying “hi” or “sir” or making pincer movements with his fingers. I am eager to see what these three will do with some of the wicked shit that goes down in The Deathly Hallows.
As is the custom with this franchise, no significant character is given the shaft during casting. This time around Jim Broadbent joins as Horace Slughorn and produces layers to a character that I never saw while reading the book. There was a sadness of a man completely past his prime that he brought to all his scenes. I’ve always been a huge fan of Michael Gambon and he definitely took advantage of his increase in screen time in this outing. It was amusing that the Half-Blood Prince was the title, yet once again the man portraying the Prince, Alan Rickman, only has a handful of moments to work his magic. I was pleasantly surprised in the increase of the character arc of Bellatrix LeStrange. Helena Bonham Carter has been all over this role and I am in favor of anything that puts her on the screen more often, even if it is just to sing “I killed Sirius Black!” Last name I want to mention is Tom Felton. After six movies he finally got to do some work as Draco Malfoy. Now a majority of the performance hinged on the black suit, black vest, black shirt, black tie outfit (i.e. evil) he was sporting, but he was able to show how his mission was ripping him apart. Love this cast.
With all that being said, I want to be angry with The Half-Blood Prince. They eviscerated the Tom Riddle memories. There was no Gaunt house, no Cup of Helga Hufflepuff, and no sweet confrontation between a young Voldermort and Dumbledore over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Yet the orphanage and Slughorn memories were so well done that I was placated. There was no Dumbledore’s funeral, which did suck. The lighting of the wands was a nice moment but the funeral could have been very moving. And I already mentioned that the Half-Blood Prince/Snape storyline was pruned down to nothing. In the end this doesn’t really matter, the horcruxes were the key plot point, but it was the freaking title of the movie. And yet, the movie worked. The story that they told got all the key points across and delivered a fantastic set-up for the 2-part finale.
I could keep writing about The Half-Blood Prince but I need to wrap this up. David Yates improved so much from The Order of the Phoenix that his visuals should be incredible come The Deathly Hallows. And that is what this movie was all about; making me twitch for the conclusion.
9 out of 10
Public Enemies
I’m not entirely sure if it was possible for me to hate Public Enemies no matter what the final product looked like. It’s a bank heist movie directed by Michael Mann and starring Johnny Depp. Those odds are actually off the board. In the end, Public Enemies paid off even though I felt it could have reached a higher level.
It is always a pleasure to be treated to a Michael Mann directed shootout every few years. This time around we got a handful of smaller skirmishes which all lead to the phenomenal gunfight at the inn in the middle of the woods. He always takes such care to portray these battles as insanely violent as they would be in real life. Mann’s attention to detail can be seen throughout the movie; this feels like the 1930’s and with my experiences in that decade obviously I would recognize it when I see it. The only real issue I have with the director is that this is another film that is closer to two and a half hours than to two hours. I am growing tired of every other movie just cruising past the two-hour mark.
This was another credit for Johnny Depp’s resume as arguably the greatest actor working today. He was absolutely magnetic as John Dillinger. Depp pulled off the invincible aura that Dillinger needed in order to pull off some of the ridiculous shit he was famous for. The scene where he strolls through the Chicago Police Department is amazing. It was nice to see Christian Bale not break out the Batman voice this time around. That would not make sense in a 1930s G-Man. It still was sad not to hear the growl because I really feel like Batman would sent him to Arkham without too much of a problem. Dillinger nothing on the Mad Hatter, which makes even more sense since that is Depp's next role.Sunday, June 28, 2009
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Raise your hand if any of the major flaws of Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen were surprising. Outside of Mudflap and Skids, this was nothing more than the sequel to the original Transformers flick. Michael Bay spent a shit ton of money to make stuff look cool and then quickly edited in a story after all the CGI is done. In the end, the transformers action was obviously better while everything else was clearly worse.
No matter how negative I sound, I will still be there 2 years from now when the 3rd movie rolls out. And if they change directors I don't know if that will improve things. You might get a coherent story with little to no childish to the point of baby-level humor, but will anyone else spend so much time in effort making the robots look cool? I wonder if Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will improve like the original Transformers did when I watched 150 times between HBO and Cinemax.
5 out of 10
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
It has been a few weeks since The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 was released and I still don’t have a strong opinion about it. Ranking it within the Tony Scott/Denzel Washington library it falls behind Man on Fire but ahead of Déjà vu, why do exist Deja Vu? And it is clearly not Crimson Tide. I have no problem with remakes but it serves no purpose when the new film is worse than the original.
If I were to forced to define The Taking of the Pelham 1 2 3, it would be called a great movie to have playing in the background when it shows up on TNT. There are a million movies in that genre. While it was never boring, it was also completely forgettable. Not much of a summer movie either.
7 out of 10
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Hangover
I’m tired of comedies teaching me a lesson through watching adolescent-minded guys grow up by the end of the story; The Hangover is just funny from beginning to end. The trailers and commercials definitely worked in building up my anticipation and thankfully not only did the movie deliver it actually exceeded on nearly every level.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The All-Time 100
- The Godfather
- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
- The Godfather: Part II
- Star Wars V - The Empire Strikes Back
- Kill Bill: Vol. 2
- Se7en
- Jaws
- The French Connection
- Kill Bill: Vol. 1
- Braveheart
- Gladiator
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- The Shawshank Redemption
- Saving Private Ryan
- Star Wars IV - A New Hope
- Alien
- Pulp Fiction
- The Dark Knight (new)
- Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
- Goodfellas
- The Departed
- The Hustler
- Drunken Master
- Battle Royale
- American History X
- Rocky
- Die Hard
- Terminator 2: Judgment Day
- Unforgiven
- Jurassic Park
- The Maltese Falcon
- Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
- The Usual Suspects
- Hero
- The Sting
- Drunken Master II
- The Killer
- Chinatown
- A Better Tomorrow
- The House of Flying Daggers
- Schindler's List
- Hard Boiled
- Rear Window
- Bonnie and Clyde
- Gangs of New York
- Good Will Hunting
- Heat
- No Country for Old Men (new)
- Spider-Man 2
- Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
- Iron Man (new)
- Juno (new)
- Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
- Seven Samurai
- The Insider
- Tombstone
- Children of Men
- Michael Clayton (new)
- X2
- Oldboy
- Leon: The Professional
- Syriana
- Black Hawk Down
- Munich
- Glory
- The Wild Bunch
- Batman Begins
- Lady Vengeance
- Back to the Future
- Blade Runner
- A History of Violence
- Into the Wild (new)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
- Rounders
- The Princess Bride
- The Shining
- Traffic
- Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
- The Silence of the Lambs
- Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
- Training Day
- Midnight Run (9)
- Batman (9)
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
- Taxi Driver
- Enter the Dragon
- Boyz N the Hood
- Whale Rider
- Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (9)
- Layer Cake (new and 9)
- Letters from Iwo Jima (9)
- The Aviator (9)
- Lethal Weapon (9)
- Vertigo (9)
- The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
- Iron Monkey (9)
- Apocalypse Now (9)
- Pan's Labyrinth (9)
- Wall Street (9)
- Boogie Nights (9)
Drag Me to Hell
Not being a fan of the horror movie genre, I usually ignore whenever a new cookie-cutter slasher flick is released. But whenever a movie gets as good of reviews as Drag Me to Hell, I take notice genre be damned. In fact I enjoy it when there is a must see horror film because it always feels new to me. Because of this, Drag Me to Hell was well worth the price of admission.
Tyson
It is about damn time that we got a serious look at Mike Tyson. A man that batshit insane needed to have a legit movie based on his life years ago. Tyson even goes a step further by having Mike tell his own story in his own words. This documentary was mesmerizing.
This review may have concentrated on all the parts of the documentary that I found hilarious but the entirety of Tyson should be seen. This was a damn near perfect doc that told the story of Mike Tyson from his point of view and he wasn't shy about anything.
9 out 10
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Why? Every once and awhile I try to give movies I have no interest in but are popular a shot, so there is your reason for why I am reviewing Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. My opinion of Ben Stiller has not altered and nothing within these 100 minutes has caused me to rethink my position. This is as forgettable a movie that I will see in 2009.
I just want to move on to the next movie as soon as possible. Since I'm not a fan of Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson, this is definitely not the franchise for me. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian was not awful, I just don't care.
4 out of 10