The Final 2009 List

The best of the decade list killed my energy. Let's get this over with before the month of January ends.

1. Inglourious Basterds
2. Red Cliff
3. The Hurt Locker
4. Star Trek
5. Up in the Air
6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
7. District 9
8. State of Play
9. Avatar
10. The Hangover
11. Sherlock Holmes
12. Precious
13. Zombieland
14. The Road
15. Public Enemies
16. Watchmen
17. (500) Days of Summer
18. Tyson
19. Drag Me to Hell
20. Extract
21. Brothers
22. Where the Wild Things Are
23. The Men Who Stare at Goats
24. Adventureland
25. The Box
26. The Blind Side
27. Taken
28. Notorious
29. Law Abiding Citizen
30. Angels & Demons
31. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
32. Observe and Report
33. Push
34. The Invention of Lying
35. Pandorum
36. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
37. Terminator Salvation
38. Ninja Assassin
39. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
40. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
41. Jennifer's Body
42. Fast & Furious
43. 2012
44. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
45. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
46. Couples Retreat
47. Whiteout
48. Next Day Air
49. Halloween II
50. Crank: High Voltage

I do think that my inability to finish this could be chalked up to the subpar year that was 2009. It wasn't the worst year I've rated, but I really had to stretch in order to fill out even a top 20. There was way too much mediocre for me to sift through. We are talking damn near half the year circled around 5-7 stars. And most of those 7 star movies I was being generous. On top of that, I don't even feel compelled to see all the nominated movies and performances this time around.

Well, there's always 2010...

Inglourious Basterds

My bias towards Quentin Tarantino movies is so strong that I constantly struggle with not blindly giving everything he puts out perfect scores. So the answer to this problem is obvious, I’ll procrastinate for six months before reviewing it. In the end nothing has changed, Inglourious Basterds gets the gold star and I was just too lazy to write this.

Looking back on Inglourious Basterds I think the fact that everyone loves watching Nazis die will be my favorite memory. There may have been actual cheers from the audience when some of the Basterds were just unloading machine gun fire into a movie theater full of Nazis. They are like some sort of fictitious creation that allows you to glory in their pain without any of the guilt of wondering if this is right. Nazis are the villains that keep on giving even decades later. How awesome would it be if Jack Bauer could kill some Nazis? That would be the best season of 24 ever.

Although Brad Pitt is the face of Inglourious Basterds, in the end Christoph Waltz delivers the most memorable performance. Hans Landa, The Jew Hunter, dominates the first, third, and fifth chapters. His conversation with the Frenchman hiding the Dreyfus family was amazing in how it just kept swinging from menacing to hilarious with each sentence. Saying it now is not saying much because he’s already won every Best Supporting Actor award, but this should have been posted back in August with me saying that Waltz was going to win all those awards. I swears it. Everyone else is the usual Tarantino fed dialogue awesome. All names should be highlighted but in lieu of that … hey look it’s Mike Myers!

There is not much more to say. Inglourious Basterds was another chance for me to listen to Tarantino characters talk to each other. I can't think of many movie experiences I enjoy more than that. This time with Nazis.

10 out of 10

Up in the Air

After Jason Reitman was able to make tobacco spokesmen and teen pregnancy funny, we now got to witness the humor in George Clooney as corporate downsizer. Up in the Air provided a role that Clooney just fit right into and carried the entire movie on his back.

If there is one thing that George Clooney excels at is being slick and wearing a suit. And Up in the Air took advantage of these strengths and gave us a Clooney character that seems to be, in fact, George Clooney. I don't know the man but if I were to meet him this how I would picture him acting. The ease at which he handles every situation and every body he comes in contact with is something that Clooney has mastered in his performances. Although the movie revolved around Clooney, Anna Kendrick and Vera Farmiga both came through as the two females who helped change the way Clooney looked at life. Throw in cameos for Jason Bateman, Danny McBride, and Zach Galifianakis and I was a happy consumer.

All of Reitman’s movies have this odd tone. He delivers a unique blend of humor and drama that allows for a serious film that’s also constantly funny. In fact Up in the Air was funny all the way up until the ending kicks you directly in the balls. I usually am pulling for the non-sappy ending but even I was blindsided this time around. This was one of those time where the ending improved my final opinion of the whole film.

Up in the Air delivered on the praise it was receiving prior to its release. I was already a fan of Reitman and Clooney but even this exceeded my expectations. Just phenomenal work all around.

9 out of 10

Precious

Incest, rape, pregnancy … finally these three storylines have been put together in one movie. Precious was a movie that I knew about but didn’t pay much attention to until I heard the praise the performances were receiving. I knew if I bided my time Mo’Nique would eventually take her rightful place as one of the greatest living actresses.

This was a strange movie. The subject matter was insanely dark but at the same time the movie was uplifting. Multiple times the reality of Precious’ life was broken up by these strange fantasies that never really led to anything more than showing her imagination. Throw in a cast that includes Mo’Nique, Mariah Carey and Lenny Kravitz in non-cameo legit roles and Precious resembles nothing else I have seen in a long time. When the movie ends and you look back and think AIDS is the easiest hurdle Precious had to overcome, well my friends, then you know the story went to some dark levels.

How is someone like Gabourey Sidibe found for this role? I’m not even talking about her size; it was more about the way she spoke. Precious had little to no education and Sidibe was able to speak in a way that made her believable. Even better than that, Mo’Nique was just an awful human being as her mother. She was somehow able to keep her completely evil while not crossing over into a cartoon. Then she brought it all home in her final scenes, which just about sewed up the Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Slightly overshadowed by Mo’Nique’s work was a performance by Mariah Carey that I had no idea she was capable of delivering. Where the hell did this movie come from?

Great movies come from the strangest places. Precious seemed like one of those movies that would show up for one weekend then disappear never to be heard from again. Instead people are getting shiny statues for their efforts and I'm glad I bought the ticket.

8 out of 10

The Road

Alright, so I am a dark sonuvabitch but even I have my limits. The Road may have crossed whatever imaginary line in the sand that I measure stories against. This is a movie where I would go through a 10-minute preamble explaining myself before recommending it to anyone. Even with all that the commitment Viggo Mortensen brings to this role needs to be seen to believe.

What the hell was the damn point of The Road? You know all those bleak versions of the post-apocalypse? Fuck that pansy shit. You want cannibalism; you want decrepit skeleton people; you want humans hunted for sport; wait a second why do you want these things? There was no happiness in this story. No goal that would make the suffering worthwhile. Things just got worse and worse until the credits rolled.

Just to reiterate, Viggo was fully committed to this role. I don't know how you can fake that level of emaciated. He looked and acted like the ghost of a man someone in his position would be. There was a constant thousand yard stare in his eyes that was terrifying. And as his actions became more and more erratic, Viggo just kept bringing another level of insanity to his actions.

Although there were only 2 main characters in The Road, Viggo and his son, bit parts had Robert Duvall, Charlize Theron, Garret Dillahunt, Michael K. Williams, Molly Parker, and Guy Pearce showing up to make my day. Duvall was so amazing that I didn’t even recognize him at first. He may have been the only sympathetic character in the entire film. I am contractually obligated to mention Dillahunt whenever he works and he got to bring another scumbag to life. And who doesn’t want to see Omar whenever possible?

I don't recommend The Road to anyone. Oh its a great movie with breathtaking visuals and memorable performances, but I will not be responsible when it depresses the hell out of you. Put that on your DVD cover.

8 out of 10

Sherlock Holmes

A movie like Sherlock Holmes is bulletproof to me. The combination of cast, director, story, and tone means even if it fails I’m going to at least have a new movie to watch 100 times on TNT. Luckily it didn’t fail and in fact delivered on all of my expectations.

It’s nice to be in the middle of the let’s see what Robert Downey Jr. does this time around era. Downey was an intriguing choice to play Sherlock Holmes, but in the end this wasn’t the usual film translation of the literary character. Guy Ritchie turned this into an action movie and Downey was able to bring all the necessary character moments in the tiny intervals where shit wasn’t blowing up or fists were not connecting with faces. I don’t remember too much of an English accent but I’ve never been distracted by the horrendousness or absence of accents in movies. And where the hell has this version of Jude Law been the last 5 years? There was a time when Law could be counted on, Road to Perdition, The Aviator, Closer, and then he just disappeared from the scene. Thankfully he was up to the challenge of going toe to toe with Downey throughout the movie. If this ends up being the first in a series of films, I look forward to seeing this version of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. As for the first entry, I’m a huge fan of Mark Strong so I’m always happy to see his face even if he is just the villain that sets the scene for Moriarty down the road. I guess the speculation is Brad Pitt was the mystery voice leading to him taking on the role of Moriarty down the road. That would be interesting.

There is not much to say about Sherlock Holmes. It had Robert Downey Jr. and lots of sweet action scenes, that is enough for me. Every movie doesn't have to be an Oscar contender.

8 out of 10

Avatar

My brain is arguing with itself right now. James Cameron annoyed me so much during the lead-up to Avatar that I watched the movie with an agenda. Yet it was soooo pretty I don’t know what the write now. I need to be professional here … wait a second … why do I need to be professional? This isn't a job. Avatar needs to be seen but they only thing that it is going to change about movies is that now all blockbusters are going to feel like they should be in 3D. What a waste of my money when they all feel its okay to charge 2-3 dollars more than regular tickets for 3D.

So after 10 years, Cameron gives us blue people. Really pretty blue people that looked believable but still blue people in the classic style where aliens look exactly like humans just slightly different. This makes it slightly more acceptable when you find a 10 foot tall blue Zoe Saldana hot. Although I will continue to make fun of them, the Na’vi and the world were easily the best part of Avatar. This went well beyond what Peter Jackson accomplished with Gollum. In fact this may have been the first time my brain just accepted what was onscreen without seeing it as fancy CGI.

The only negative, even the word negative is too strong, was the story. The whole plot was obvious from the start. It was just a combination of humanity destroys everything it touches mixed with undercover operative falls for the people he’s spying on. Then we all learn a lesson about disrespecting blue people while also trying to take their resources. But were you really going to see Avatar because of the screenwriting? Really? That's on you.

So are we all cool with Sam Worthington as the new blockbuster star? That happened kind of fast. It was nice to get see a couple people I really like, Giovanni Ribisi, Michelle Rodriguez, even if their roles were brief and they didn't get to turn blue. The non-Ripley role for Sigourney Weaver in a Cameron movie was cute but it would have been better if she was Ripley. I miss good Alien movies. The best non-blue performance was just how over-the-top evil Stephen Lang. Just classically badass, introduced with a wicked scar and speaking in futuristic marine gruffness, who constantly wants to kill things. Perfect for a shit blowing up movie.

Well I guess I am praising Avatar here. Let it be known that even when I prejudge movies I can still be swayed by the product on screen. Although 3D may not shake the core of movie-making, Cameron produced something real purty that should be viewed at least once in a movie theater.

9 out of 10

The Decade in Movies

What started out as a labor of love turned into a death march but came back around in the end. I apologize to anyone who reads this. But this needed to get out of my head for my own safety.

We'll start off with top 100 movies from the last 10 years. I could have gone all the way with this and ranked every single movie I saw but do you really want to see where I rank Rush Hour 2 versus The Mist? And once I get past movies I rank 8 out 10 or better they all feel the same to me. On to the list...

100. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The first of many Harry Potters to show up, great action and near perfect Voldemort rebirth sequence, but the middle dragged.

99. Hot Fuzz

I love this trio, Edgar Wright, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg. Hopefully every time they get together the final product stays this strong.

98. District 9

Anything in 2009 is still on shaky ground so down the road this may not hold on to its spot.

97. Before the Devil Knows Your Dead

This is a real dark story with one of many great Philip Seymour Hoffman performances this decade.

96. RocknRolla

I am a sucker for British gangster flicks so don’t expect this to be the only one.

95. Crash

Overrated but this a very good movie with many actors giving their career performances.

94. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

That’s 2. This has the best magic in action scene so far with the Dumbledore/Voldemort battle at the climax, but Sirius’ death should have been better.

93. Shaun of the Dead

I may actually prefer Hot Fuzz but this came first so it gets the nod.

92. Little Children

Kate Winslet pops up for the first time but, shockingly, this is the only one to include nudity. May have gotten a slight bump for the football game filmed and voiceovered like a NFL Films documentary.

91. The Proposition

You will eventually notice how much I prefer dark and twisted stories. Plus, there are just not enough westerns being made.

90. Talk to Me

I look forward to damn near anything Don Cheadle does especially when he gets the lead position.

89. Up in the Air

Way too early for me to tell.

88. 21 Grams

May have been the movie that caused me to hate the fractured storyline style of movie making. The acting was note perfect but seeing the end of the plot in the beginning just feels like an unnecessary gimmick.

87. In the Valley of Elah

The forgotten Tommy Lee Jones performance overshadowed by No Country for Old Men, but is it possible to have too much Tommy Lee Jones?

86. Appaloosa

Told ya I love westerns and it is the first of many Viggo Mortensen appearances with his coolest facial hair of them all.

85. In Bruges

Does this count as a comedy? Because if it does then it just may be the highest rated comedy this decade. Do I even have the ability laugh?

84. American Gangster

Here is one of my biggest disappointments from the last 10 years. This was a great movie that had the makings of a top 10 film … not so much after seeing the final product.

83. Sin City

Yeah comic books! Looking back, though, do I have to assign some of the blame for The Spirit on Robert Rodriguez for making Frank Miller think he can direct? If so, screw you Sin City!

82. Gran Torino

It doesn’t matter how hold old Clint Eastwood gets, if he is going to be stern and violent I will be in attendance.

81. The Lookout

It took less than a year for Joseph Gordon-Levitt to go from forgettable sitcom actor to a name I want to see in the cast of every single movie. The Lookout was his best work of the decade.

80. X-Men

Definitely a weak choice if judged solely on the movie itself, but this is more about the ground it broke. It’s success lead to all the actually great comic book movies of the decade.

79. Inside Man

I know it seems surprising when Spike Lee makes a great movie but the man can still hit a home run from time to time. Slick little heist film with Clive and Denzel on the top of their games.

78. Road to Perdition

Aw Paul Newman is gone. At least his last movie was still vintage Paul Newman.

77. The Bourne Ultimatum

The lowest rated of the trilogy only because someone had to come in last place.

76. Hotel Rwanda

Once again, Don Cheadle shines when he is on his own.

75. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

It gets to be the lowest rated David Fincher film on the list because of length and obvious similarities to Forrest Gump.

74. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

What a gift that just arrived out of nowhere; also the starting point of the Robert Downey Jr. renaissance.

73. Panic Room

I don’t give a shit. I love this movie. Badass Jodie Foster before that became a cliché.

72. Cinderella Man

Lots of Russell Crowe this decade.

71. Doubt

Just actors acting. Lots of great actors and actresses working with phenomenal dialogue.

70. 3:10 to Yuma

Are you keeping track of the westerns? More Russell Crowe, this time with Christian Bale by his side.

69. Charlie Wilson’s War

Hanks and Hoffman just tearing up Sorkin’s dialogue.

68. The Wrestler

This is here purely on the power of Mickey Rourke.

67. Slumdog Millionaire

I have to throw a bright and shiny film every once and awhile just to even things out.

66. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Western … ding. Felt very different than any other western this decade with a top-notch cast including my man Garret Dillahunt.

65. Milk

Deserving of all the praise Sean Penn received.

64. Atonement

I’m still surprised at how much I enjoyed this film.

63. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Depp/Carter/Burton/singing/cooking people … hell yeah.

62. There Will Be Blood

Daniel Day-Lewis at his terrifying best, still don’t like the weird time jump at the end.

61. Eastern Promises

More Viggo, sadly, this time with much more nudity.

60. Ocean’s Eleven

I can’t help it I’m a sucker. I like too many members of the cast and they are taking nothing seriously and this was before trying to xerox it 2 more times.

59. Gone Baby Gone

Casey Affleck had a really sweet 2007.

58. State of Play

This feels a bit high for a movie I only saw once earlier this year and I have no idea if it will hold up, but for now this is where it will lie.

57. Zodiac

The highest ranking Fincher film. What a freaking decade for the man.

56. Frost/Nixon

Michael Sheen and Frank Langella were awe-inspiring here.

55. Collateral

My favorite Michael Mann, Tom Cruise, and Jaime Foxx movies of the decade.

54. Snatch

Nope, not the highest rated British gangster film.

53. The Bourne Supremacy

It was really hard separating the trilogy. The best action scenes happened here.

52. Brick

The Joseph Gordon-Levitt performance that knocked me on my ass, plus I love noir done right.

51. The Bourne Identity

So Ultimatum gets the shaft while Identity gets the top spot because it built the world with a terrifyingly young-looking Matt Damon.

50. A Scanner Darkly

Completely original looking movie with an appropriately strange story.

49. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

With the last 3 Potters, I have walked out of theater thinking it was the best of the franchise only to soften on that stance as time has gone on. Just being proactive this time, this one had beautiful imagery with great moments, i.e. stoned Harry.

48. Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban

To me, this is still the pinnacle of the Potter franchise. Alfonso Cuaron reinvigorated the whole damn thing. Plus the shrieking shack scene is my favorite moment from all of the films.

47. 25^th Hour

Just a phenomenal film from Spike Lee that felt nothing like a Spike Lee film and Edward Norton’s best work over the last 10 years.

46. The Hurt Locker

Now I am getting more comfortable with the 2009 movies that are popping up. This movie has to be seen strictly for Jeremy Renner’s performance.

45. Star Trek

Bunching together this year’s films because I don’t really know how high I will eventually push them. Thank you JJ Abrams for finding the alchemy to make Star Trek work as a big budget summer popcorn flick.

44. Red Cliff

One more from 2009, Red Cliff is completely in limbo until I can see the original 4+ hours versions from Hong Kong. Although, I find it hard to believe that seeing the entire thing will do anything other than make me love it more.

43. Infernal Affairs

The original pops up before the remake. I wouldn’t have thought it possible to improve on Infernal Affairs; just the casting of Tony Leung and Andy Lau alone was fantastic. The effort it takes to see Asian films means that I usually end up with movies that star the 2 big names of their industry, Leung or Lau, so it was nice to see them together.

42. Hard Candy

Now this is what the hell I’m talking about. I mentioned before how much I enjoy the darker side of film and it doesn’t get much dark than Ellen Page torturing a pedophile until he admits his crimes. This may have actually crossed the line that I don't have but many people who watch movies do.

41. Casino Royale

Ah sweet reboot. Just the idea that Die Another Day and Casino Royale exist in the same universe is freaking hilarious. I don’t know enough adjectives to praise what Daniel Craig brought to James Bond and hopefully he sticks around for as long as Roger Moore.

40. Finding Neverland

No seriously, why’d she have to die? My favorite actor and actress for the decade going head-to-head, so there was little doubt about this one.

39. Pan’s Labyrinth

Guillermo del Toro’s masterpiece; I quite literally cannot wait to see what he does with The Hobbit.

38. The Aviator

Here is the first of multiple top 50 showings for the team of Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese.

37. Letters from Iwo Jima

It was a shame that Flags of Our Fathers overshadowed Clint’s much stronger sibling WWII film.

36. Syriana

Syriana is one of those films where the cast completely covers up any issues I may have had with the plot. Matt Damon and George Clooney would deliver better performances in other movies but this is still top-notch work by the both of them.

35. Layer Cake

Here is the winner of the British gangster movie prize. I had to fight myself in order to stop from ranking this even higher. Can’t even count how many times I have watched this movie. Even with his work in the Bond franchise, this was Daniel Craig at his best.

34. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

The flaws of this movie can be completely ignored because Johnny Depp is creating magic with every second of screen-time. Captain Jack Sparrow is on another level that was rarely even approached during this decade.

33. Whale Rider

That’s 2 uplifting films! I have a soul somewhere buried deep inside me that occasionally forces it’s way to the surface.

32. Training Day

Now this is easily my favorite Denzel performance of the decade, maybe of his whole career. I get the annoyance that he had to portray a villain in order to win an Oscar but that was the beauty of Alonzo. We were so used to Denzel in the white hat that to finally see him take the other side was mind-blowing.

31. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The first one shows up first. Fellowship gets the short straw mainly because it had the least amount of action. Plus the CGI got better as the films went on so the couple shots of Gollum cannot even compare to what came later.

30. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Sadly, this got completely overlooked when it hit theaters. A perfect 19^th century naval movie, that brought realism to a genre that usually is more concerned with pirates. It is another award-worthy performance by Crowe with Paul Bettany keeping up with him step for step.

29. Traffic

2000 was such a phenomenal year that there are 3 different movies that I have rated well ahead of Traffic. Looking back it is hard to believe that a film with such strong performances and a tight plot could be topped multiple times, but what can I say? Traffic also benefits from having 2 of my favorite actors, del Toro and Cheadle, doing nomination worthy work.

28. Inglourious Basterds

I have had the opportunity to see it again on blu-ray so its rank is starting to solidify in my mind. In the end, Basterds will fall right in the middle of the rest of Quentin Tarantino's movies. But seeing as I’ve never rated a Tarantino film at less than 8 out of 10, he is only competing against himself.

27. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Who would have thought it possible a Jim Carrey movie would be rated this high? Now to be fair, I’m basing nearly all of my praise for the film on the work of Kate Winslet. Any leftover praise goes to Michael Gondry for the way he visualized how it would look if you watched your memories being erased.

26. Into the Wild

Outside of Zhang Yimou’s films, this is the most visually stunning movie of the decade. Sean Penn captured the beauty of McCandless’ journey peaking with the scenes in Alaska. Also, Emile Hirsch delivered a career defining performance.

25. A History of Violence

This was the best of the non-Lord of the Rings Viggo Mortensen films. The man commits to roles like no one else. The duality he portrayed was amazing; he was able to shift between affable small town father to murderous gangster at the drop of a hat. And since the movie has violence in the title, David Cronenberg made sure that the violence was visceral and disturbing throughout the film.

24. Lady Vengeance

I wasn’t able to place all 3 movies in Chan-wook Park’s vengeance trilogy but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. The third and final movie is the only one to even come close to a happy ending … or at least not a slit-your-wrist ending. Lady Vengeance is a completely twisted tale with a truly disturbing climatic scene.

23. Juno

I’ve already dropped this movie significantly since my first go had Juno nearly in the top 10. I still feel that its too high on the list but then I think about how many times I’ve watched it and how Ellen Page’s performance still impresses me. Eh, it’s my list and I can do what I want.

22. Batman Begins

After The Dark Knight, this movie seems to have been forgotten. It should never be overshadowed because of how much it accomplished. This movie rinsed the taste of Batman & Robin out of everyone’s mouth, introduced a serious and realistic Batman, and pulled all this off without using a significant (to a non-comic audience) villain.

21. Munich

It ended up not being the best decade of Steven Spielberg’s career, but he still was able to put out at least 1 masterpiece. Most of the time he is creating blockbusters, so when he takes the time to craft a film like Munich I will always be there. The tension here was palpable from beginning to end.

20. Black Hawk Down

Here is Ridley Scott’s second entry into the top 100. Although most modern American warfare movies fail to gain an audience, thankfully people actually took the time to see Black Hawk Down. It’s always a nice change of pace to get a great war movie that isn’t based in Word War II or Vietnam.

19. Oldboy

Now its time for the Chan-wook Park move that completely blew my mind. It takes a whole helluvalot to disturb me and Oldboy accomplished that and much more in its 2 hours. The plot was so goddamned twisted that I truly had no idea where I was being lead, even when the credits rolled I still have questions about what really happened.

18. X2

No matter how many comic book movies improve on the formula, X2 will always have a warm place in my heart. This was the first comic book movie that ended up as perfect to me. My love for the X-Men franchise may have willed this ranking into existence, but you can’t deny the sheer awesomeness of Wolverine taking out the commandos in the mansion.

17. Michael Clayton

George Clooney may be getting best career performance praise for Up in the Air, but for me he has never been better than in Michael Clayton. There is no other actor working that I want to see in a suit for the entire film. Clooney just fits into these roles like he was built for them. If that wasn’t enough Tilda Swinton and Tom Wilkinson deserve the same amount of praise for their supporting work.

16. Children of Men

Alfonso Cuaron follows up my favorite Harry Potter film by creating the perfect dark future film of the decade. I don’t want to skip past the work of Clive Owen but I am more interested in applauding 2 of Cuaron’s scenes. He constructed these elaborate single takes in the middle of the action that just blew my mind. Hopefully Cuaron will work more often in the next 10 years because I haven't heard his name since this movie dropped.

15. Iron Man

When every single comic book franchise begins its trek to the movie screen, everything revolves around casting. In the last 10 years there has not been a better choice than Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. From the moment it was announced, it was obvious that he was meant for the role. Then to have him exceed every possible expectation, Iron Man delivered on level I just did not expect.

14. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

So, now it should be clear that the trilogy will have their rankings in order of release. The Two Towers comes in second only because The Return of the King got all the climatic moments. Even though it’s the middle chapter and all it really does is move the characters along, The Two Towers still contains the fantastic battle at Helm’s Deep and the best Gollum/Smeagol argument scene.

13. Spider-Man 2

I’m trying really hard to ignore Spider-Man 3 while I am ranking the previous movie in the franchise. Prior to the third movie, there was no franchise that I had more faith in than Spider-Man … that’ll teach me to trust people. 2 was the perfect Spider-Man movie. Everything came together here, Peter/Mary Jane, Peter/Harry, Doc Ock, and a marked improvement on Spidey action compared to the first movie. AVENGE ME!

12. No Country for Old Men

It may be set in the modern day, but this is actually the final and best western to appear on my list. This is the rare movie where everyone got the appropriate amount of attention for their performances. Javier Bardem won the Oscar while Josh Brolin was in the middle of reinventing his career and Tommy Lee Jones solidified his standing as the go-to grizzled veteran. So you have the three of them plus the Coen Brothers at the top of their game delivering perfection.

11. Gangs of New York

By the time Gangs of New York hit theaters, I had been waiting a long time for Scorsese to make another movie on par with Casino and if I was feeling greedy Goodfellas. Then he found a new muse in DiCaprio and the ship was righted. Although this was the first of many great DiCaprio performances for the decade, Daniel Day-Lewis dominated every second he was onscreen. He may have got his Oscar for There Will be Blood but Bill the Butcher was just as terrifying.

10. The House of Flying Daggers

9. Hero

Now that we are entering the top 10, I have to cheat a bit. I cannot find a way to separate these two Zhang Yimou films. The House of Flying Daggers came out second yet it may have been even more beautiful than Hero. The blood soaked final swordfight in the snow along with Ziyi Zhang’s, who I may or may not have an obsession with and I am uncomfortable with putting too much thought into it, dance sequence were striking. I gave Hero the ceremonial spot in front because it came first and had better kung fu scenes. It cheated on the fight scenes because the damn thing starred Jet Li and even included a Jet vs. Donnie Yen showdown. This time around the visual highlight was Maggie Cheung in the middle of the leaves, freaking stunning. Yimou is a master.

8. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

And now its time for the final movie in the trilogy, some how after 3 years of build-up The Return of the King not only succeeded in meeting expectations it also exceeded them in every way. There are so many moments to highlight but what the hell do you expect from a 4-hour running time. To pick one out of the pile, my favorite scene from the entire trilogy is when Rohan arrives at Pelennor Fields. The sounding of the horn, Theodon’s speech, and their charge through the battlefield is the moment I always check TNT for when they inevitability show the trilogy every month.

7. Battle Royale

Well, I guess my penchant for the darkest movies possible is known by now so it shouldn’t be surprising that Battle Royale pops up in the top 10. It may be the most obscure movie here but there is no way I could deny a plot revolving around stranding an entire high school class on an island and forcing them to kill each other until there is only one left alive. We only seem to kill teenagers with monsters or psychopaths in Hollywood; Japan had the balls to have teenagers kill each other.

6. The Departed

Hell and yeah. I already wrote about Infernal Affairs about 40 spots earlier and I was happy enough with that movie. It gave me Tony Leung and Andy Lau in a tightly plotted cops and gangsters storyline; how was I to expect that the American remake would become a murder’s row of current actors. Every single cast member brought their A-game; an A-game with Boston accents. Thankfully Scorsese finally got his Oscar and it was on a deserving film and not a lifetime achievement at the end of his career.

5. The Dark Knight

And then that happened. I have praised multiple super hero movies over the last 95 ramblings but now we’ve reached the end point. Trying not to speak in clichés here, but The Dark Knight was a goddamn film not a comic book movie. Christopher Nolan has used the Batman universe to create something incredible. The IMAX scenes alone were worth the ridiculous price of admission. So, I’m wondering how long I can go before I get in legal trouble for not bringing up Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight is on constant rotation on HBO and every time I check the time to see if it is at the interrogation or hospital Joker scenes. I cannot turn down the opportunity to see Heath in action and just to get it out of the way it blows that he’s gone.

4. Gladiator

It may have been nearly 10 years ago now, but Gladiator is still as powerful as it was the first time I saw it. Time has not dulled the ending; an ending that is quite possibly my favorite of all-time. I'm still hoping to have the opportunity to honor and carry Maximus’ dead body to his resting place. This is the Russell Crowe performance that I measure everything else that he has done against. Not so much with Ridley Scott mainly because he already did Alien and Blade Runner but Gladiator had such a unique look that it separates itself from the rest of the sword and sandals movies that come out all the time.

3. Kill Bill: Vol. 1

2. Kill Bill: Vol. 2

And here is the second instance of 2 movies that I refuse to pull apart. Even worse than that, I only put volume 2 in front of volume 1 because I’m a dick and I’m tired of reading that the first was the better film. Bullshit. This is a complete work that was released in 2 parts and should be judged as a whole. I could just go through the chapters and detail how each and every one of them kicked ass. Why the hell not, let’s do that. The first chapter has the wonderfully brutal fight with Vernita Green. The second chapter includes the song “Twisted Nerve” that has been my ring-tone since ring-tones came into existence. The third chapter is the sweet anime backstory for O-Ren Ishii that ends with greatest speech ever, “I collect your fucking head!” The fourth chapter is Sonny Chiba killing it. The fifth chapter is the Showdown at the House of Blue Leaves and if I need to explain this scene then this whole damn thing has been a mistake. And I hate you. The sixth chapter finally reveals David Carradine after building him up for over 2 hours. The seventh chapter has Budd burying the Bride alive. The eighth chapter is Pai Mei and much like Blue Leaves don’t ask me to explain the awesome. The ninth chapter has the badass fight between the Bride and Elle plus eye removal. The final chapter is where the majority of the Tarantino dialogues lives and Shogun Assassin. I don’t pray, but if I did it would be for the third movie to actually come to pass.

1. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Well, it had to come to an end at some point. 4 out of the top 10 came out of Asia and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was easily the best. I loved every single second of Ang Lee’s masterpiece. From the story, to the visuals, to the cast, it all came together and blew the skull out of the back of my head. Going into the decade Chow Yun-Fat was already one of my favorite actors of all-time and he kicked off the year 2000 by delivering an awe-inspiring Li Mu Bai. That would have been enough for me but that doesn’t even take into account quite possibly my favorite kung fu scene of all time, Michelle Yeouh vs. Ziyi Zhang. Then that means I have to acknowledge my love hate for Ziyi in this movie; I love that its Ziyi but I despise her character with the power of a 1000 suns. This is the pinnacle for me.

Oh and for the record the worst movie is Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. This is not even a contest. I usually can't stand what I wrote about movies 5+ years ago, but I will reprint my review:

The worst movie I have seen in a movie theater, probably ever. This was not even a movie. It was an hour and a half of stunts, then some editor intern attempted to splice together some dialogue that might explain why those stunts happened. On top of the complete and total absence of coherent story, I think half the movie was in slow motion. Not for stylistic purposes, but in order to extend the film past an hour. And Antonio Banderas is just about a quarter of a step and slipping ahead of Steven Seagal. How was this made? Who green-lighted it? Was he shot? Please? I’ll do it if no one will step up.

Now that we've got past that unpleasantness, let's move onto acting awards with some nominees to set the stage.

Best Actor

George Clooney, Michael Clayton

Russell Crowe, Gladiator

Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will be Blood

Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Denzel Washington, Training Day

Screw it; I’m not being paid for this shit. Johnny Depp gets the nod due to sheer awesomeness. Captain Jack Sparrow is beyond description. It’s been over 6 years and an infinite amount of cable and television reruns yet it is still mesmerizing when he is onscreen. I may bust my ass to see as many movies as possible but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy when shit blows up during the summer time. To have Depp put this much effort and skill into a Disney cash grab deserves praise and that is what I'm doing right now.

Best Actress

Helen Mirren, The Queen

Ellen Page, Hard Candy

Charlize Theron, Monster

Uma Thurman, Kill Bill: vol. 1 & 2

Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Just like Best Actor, I’m going with my barely functioning heart. Uma Thurman was Kill Bill, my love for Kill Bill is a borderline felony, so Uma is gets the nod.

Best Supporting Actor

Alec Baldwin, The Departed

Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

Robert Downey Jr., Zodiac

Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Well this just seems stupid. Is there really a discussion to be had here? And the winner is The Joker. Heath Ledger destroyed any lingering preconceptions of how a comic book character could look on the silver screen.

Best Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett, The Aviator

Helena Bonham Carter, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Natalie Portman, Garden State

Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Kate Winslet, Finding Neverland

Hmm, this is the toughest one of them all. Carter and Portman were just nice to nominate because I love their characters so much. So of the final 3, we get back to the 2 C/Kates with Tilda crashing the party. I’ll go with The Aviator since Blanchett’s Katherine Hepburn was off the charts even in just 20 minutes of screen-time.

Let's end this here. There were a couple more ideas but this thing has gotten out of hand.

The Decade in Television

I cannot pass up the opportunity to create list. Lists rule. So with that being said, here is my top 10 television shows for the last decade. To get some stuff out of the way, comedies do not mean as much to me as dramas, I screwed up and never watched The West Wing, and I don't like Mad Men as much as the rest of the world.

10. Burn Notice

When I put this list together originally, nearly everything was cancelled and that seemed really sad so I wanted to sneak in another active show. Having Burn Notice this high may be a bit of a stretch since it’s still only in its third season, but once Lost dies these will be the new episodes I will look forward to the most. Although shows that follow a specific structure usually bore me, Burn Notice has somehow broken through this barrier. The best parts of every episode is how Michael deals with the weekly client, explains everything through voiceover, Bruce Campbell drinks beer and cracks jokes, and Fiona gets to or wants to blow some shit up.

Burn Notice is in no way a one-man show but Jeffrey Donovan is approaching Jack Bauer/Vic Mackey territory. He is Michael Westen and every thing he does I believe because of Donovan’s performance. Just for his work alone, the show would be worthwhile but he is nearly matched by Bruce Campbell, Gabrielle Anwar, and Sharon Gless. The fact that it has taken this long to find the perfect television role for Bruce is a damn shame but at least I now have Sam Ax. Anwar is such strange casting but she somehow pulls off crazy dangerous bomber who happens to be 72 pounds soaking wet. And Gless may be the last person ever allowed to smoke consistently on television while not being a period piece.

The only worry I have for Burn Notice is how long they can keep up the premise of the show. Westen is a burnt spy who is stranded in Miami, which is a cool premise. But in the 2 and a half seasons, they have altered his status quo multiple times without really changing anything so he still us burnt and still helps people. Eventually it will get tiring if each season builds to him getting his spy life back, but in the end he wins but doesn’t get what he wants. Still seeing Tricia Helfer get shot in the gut by Fiona was a sweet moment at the end of the second season. And I still look forward to how Michael scratches his way back into the game.

9. The Shield

The Shield is my first love/hate television relationship in the top 10. There were parts, and by parts I mean entire seasons, where I nearly checked out on the show. It was never about the quality of the show, but more about my feeling that the show was wasting time and not actually moving the story anywhere. Then Shane became the worst character on television and didn’t die for 2 seasons, which just pissed me off. Still the last scene in the finale was amazing and made up for so much. Oh yeah and Vic Mackey.

Vic Mackey was just an amazing character all around. Just the casting of Michael Chiklis was amazing. Prior to this he was known as “The Commish” and by the end of the first episode he was Vic Makey. The transformation goes well beyond shaving his head; this was a completely new person. Just seeing Vic in action was mind-blowing. The lead of the show was a blatantly dirty cop. The sad part was that the shocking twist of the pilot, Vic killing a cop, was a hole they spent 7 seasons trying to dig Vic out of. But there really was no coming back from that, and thankfully they based the climax of the show around it. This was also one of the faults of the show; Vic was a bad guy and it was annoying how they would constantly redeem with one hand and dirty him with the other in every season.

The rest of the cast had their shining moments over the 7 seasons, Walton Goggins, CCH Pounder, Jay Karnes, and Kenny Johnson all had their arcs that were solid B plots. The arc of Dutch is damn astonishing to look back on. He was nothing more than the butt of Vic's jokes in the beginning but by the end he was the man in the interrogation room. As for Walton Goggins , it's hard for me to divorce my hatred of Shane from the man portraying him. Shane killing Lem still pisses me off and that was after I already hated him for the Tavon fight. Man, I wanted him to die for what felt like and ultimately became years. Even though the cast was strong the middle seasons were propped up by guest start. The runs of Glenn Close and Forest Whitaker kept the show alive while they delayed the inevitable fall Vic. Close appearing on The Shield had a secondary affect of convincing her to do more television and led to the fantastic Damages. And Forest was coming off his award winning performance on The Last King of Scotland and damn near topped it with Kavanaugh.

The Shield ran just a bit long but the phenomenal final season tied things up so well that the entire story looks stronger in retrospect. Its always amusing to me how much the ending can influence my opinion. The Shield took advantage of this fact.

8. 24

If only I didn’t have to judge 24 by every season that aired this decade. 3 years ago I would have been trying to figure out a way to shoehorn it into the top 5. But because of the last couple seasons I feel like I have to defend rating it even this high. I think it would be easier to concentrate on the high points of the first 5 seasons if the show wasn’t still on the air terrifying me with whether it will rebound or get even worse. But those first 5 years were amazing television.

The sheer amount of batshit insanity that took place in those 5 days is astounding. I’m not sure when Jack Bauer became a mythic figure in my eyes, but it was either the hacksaw in the first hour of day 2 or telling Kim to shoot him again at the end of day 2, bottom line is that it occurred somewhere in day 2. How much do I need to list to defend my point? Jack’s first torture scene where he does everything by threatening a guy with a towel, lumberjack beard, irradiated George Mason, Jack rises from the dead naked and still kills a roomful of mercs, Jack takes out multiple targets while having a heart attack, motherfucking Chloe O’Brian, Chase as Jack Jr., Jack killing Nina in cold blood, Jack executing Chappelle, Jack sits in his SUV and cries, drunken Tony as Jack's only friend, naked Mandy, faking Jack’s death, Jack walks into the sunset rocking aviators, Edgar dies in front of Chloe, evil Logan, Jack, Martha, Pierce, and Mike team up to stop Logan, then day 6 happened and it became just another show.

• A show where not only Jack’s brother is evil but so is his father.
• A show where Audrey is brought back in a coma just to twist the knife that is permanently in Jack’s heart.
• A show where zombie Wayne Palmer rises up to lead the country in its time of need only to crash and disappear with no follow-up.
• A show where the entirety of season 7 was 24: Torture = Yeah!
• A show where Tony Almeida was brought back from the dead for the express purpose of ruining the second best character in the show’s history.

All of those moments may not be as bad as Teri's amnesia or Kim v cougar, but they were bad plots that dominated the last 2 days. The bad stuff used to be the dumping ground for the C and D storylines. Now they can't even be consistent with the A plot.

Still, even I can do the math and 5 brilliant outweighs 2 mediocre. On top of that, on its worse day 24 has the best action scenes in all of television. In its 7 seasons 24 has had badass car chases, shootouts, hand-to-hand fights, and just general damn explosions that are amazing for the small screen. And although I may not be giddy every Monday night, there was a time when every commercial break left me out of my mind and no other show packed that much adrenaline into 60 minutes.

7. Veronica Mars

What a shame. I want to do these write-ups with as minimal whining about how television is made as possible. That being said, it is very difficult to talk about Veronica Mars without bringing up how the show eviscerated itself in order to get a third season after it had already softened the season long arc in the second season. I wouldn’t call the first season perfect but it was pretty damn close. But since the ratings were never there for the show, it kept coming back as a weaker version of the original.

What made the first season of Veronica Mars great was that Veronica spent very episode trying to solve the murder of her best friend while dealing with the mystery of the week. The Lilly Kane/Veronica’s rape plotlines were so strong that they drove the entire season. Instead of feeling like they were drawing things out, new information was revealed so consistently in nearly every episode that the tension just kept building. It was an amazing piece of work. The second season … not so much. Instead, the bus crash felt like an attempt to recapture the magic and came up short. The third season doesn’t even rate because there was no year-long arc and in its place were 2 mini-arcs and a weird race to conclude all storylines by the finale. That's not to say that the second and third seasons weren't still fun to watch, they just never reached the emotional peak of the initial plot.

Veronica Mars was carried beginning to end by Kristen Bell. The fact that the whole show elevated beyond the cesspool of teenage UPN/WB/CW crap is because of the work Bell was doing. She made the idea of a high school PI not feel like a forgettable Nancy Drew rehash and more like a serious drama that just happened to star teenagers. It didn’t matter if Veronica needed to be serious, goofy, emotional, or whatever Bell was game and delivered. She was at her absolute best sharing the screen with her father Enrico Colantoni. Who knew the photographer from Just Shoot Me could be so damn awesome? I would have said Jason Dohring's, Logan Echolls, but his character's balls were cutoff in the third season. The rest of the cast ran the gamut from awful, Teddy Dunn's Duncan, to hilarious, Ken Marino's Vinnie Van Lowe, but as long as they were across from Bell it usually worked.

Usually when a great show disappears as fast as Veronica Mars, I am at a loss for why this happened. That is not the case this time. The last few episodes of Veronica Mars barely resembled what made the show fantastic to begin with. Its cancellation while annoying was probably for the best because I don't even want to imagine what the next round of alterations would have done to the fourth season.

6. House

It seems like I keep coming back to this idea, but House is the greatest 1-man show of the decade. There isn’t even a question about whether Hugh Laurie is the best actor; he is Gregory House. The entire experience revolves around what he does for that week’s 60 minutes. Every single episode is about House with everyone else just interacting with House. There is no one doing as much heavy lifting on television as Hugh Laurie. And even though we are 6 seasons in, Hugh is still bringing new levels to the character that just carry the show.

What I find amazing about House is that over the 6 seasons only Wilson has not been completely f’ing annoying at one point or another. Wilson is just the perfect foil for House and has been solid week and week out since the beginning of the show. That’s not to say Cuddy, Foreman, Chase, and Cameron are detriments just that Foreteen was and is godawful, Cuddy-mom is painful, Cameron loves House went on forever, and Chase was always last on the totem pole and would disappear for stretches at a time. Still, everyone seems relevant whenever they are sharing screen-time with Hugh Laurie.

The only real complaint I’ve had over the history of the show is the poor batting average when it comes to overarching storylines. The first 3 seasons struck out with the Vogler buying the hospital plot, House loves his ex-wife debacle, and the root canal that was the Tritter screws with House for 47 episodes. The last couple of seasons have gotten better with House picks his new staff and the House loses his mind after Kutner’s death plots. Although I would enjoy a season-long arc, the structure of House is so solid that I don't even mind getting the usual every week.

To spoil the rest of the list that is just inches below this paragraph, considering Lost is ending House is the highest rated active program. Whether or not it is still in its prime depends on how the rest of this season plays out. The season premiere was some of House's best work so I hope that there are still years worth of greatness yet to come.

5, The Sopranos

Now its time for the ultimate love/hate television show for me. I never really understood the love affair that America had with The Sopranos. Seeing as I have it ranked in the top 5, obviously I think the show was top shelf, but there was this belief that The Sopranos was working on a completely different level from everybody else on television. That may have been true back in 1999 during the first season (which does not qualify here), but eventually HBO started airing The Wire and for me there was no debate. Eh, no reason to get into The Wire just yet.

When The Sopranos debuted, it brought a level of sophistication to television that had never been seen before. This may have been the turning point of television being viewed as viable if not better home for writers/actors than the silver screen. But once again that happened in 1999 when the first season blew away everything else being aired at the time. This decade saw all the subsequent seasons which continued the excellence but at times lost its way.

Honestly of all the shows I have in this list, I have the least to say about The Sopranos. Do I really need to praise James Gandolfini or Edie Falco? Their performances anchored the show and always kept me coming back even when I was bored with the storylines. Tony Soprano is a masterpiece. I doubt Gandolfini will ever find a role that takes advantages of his skills like this ever again. He was Tony Soprano in every single sense. The only issue I ever had with Falco was my hatred for Carmela Soprano. I guess that could alter my enjoyment of her performance. A show with so many characters like The Sopranos is at the mercy of people in the roles. This is where I felt let down over the later seasons; A.J. and Meadow were always weak, Janice was just annoying, the Vito arc went on forever and ever, and the Melfi scenes got worse and worse over time. So whenever The Sopranos strayed from Tony my attention strayed from the television. Thankfully the world revolved around Tony.

Although I would have been more than willing to punish The Sopranos for the ending, the fade to black never really bothered me. It may have been a mistake but everything leading up to that was a solid close to the series. Even if it took a few to many years to get the end, The Sopranos will be looked back on as one of the most important television shows of all-time.

4. Lost

Due to the final season showing up next decade, Lost gets to be judged without having to deal with the possible disappointment of the finale. And barring a season so awesome that it puts previous seasons to shame, it was not going to be rated any higher than fourth even with if the finale took place this decade. So as it stands right now less than 2 months from answers, Lost is fricking badass. And if you were to tell to me I would think this back in 2005 in the middle of season 2 hell I would have kicked in you in the crotch then stabbed you while you were doubled over in pain. Then season 3 turned the show around and season 4 confirmed that the damn thing was insane and the creators weren’t worried about pleasing 100% of the audience. Ah thank you time travel.

It wasn’t until the beginning of third season that I finally decided I loved this show. I thought the hype over the first season was a bit too much due to my annoyance of how the show was structured. There were too many characters with all of them getting the focus on their own episodes, which made it too easy for me to check out on episodes concentrating on characters I didn’t care about. And I never cared for the flashbacks, but that was more about season 2 and 3. Still Lost felt different and the story demanded to be followed every week, something that networks usually cutoff at the knees. Sadly, season 2 was a step back for me. Everything I disliked about the show became worse, more characters, repetitive flashbacks, godawful Michael and Walt story arc, and the story seemed to stall. But, we did get the introduction of Ben so it ended up being worthwhile. Then season 3 began by putting Sawyer in a cage and Jack behind glass and it all started to come together.

The last 3 seasons have had their missteps but the plots that have connected have been so strong that Lost has grown by leaps and bounds. The first flash forward will always be held up as the moment the show stopped worrying about the audience following along and just told their story. And I will be forever grateful for drunken bearded Jack. This was then followed up by time travelling Desmond in the best single episode so far. Then they killed Locke and have stuck to it. Now we sit at a point where its hard to discuss even how the last season ended because everything hinges on the where the hell the story goes in the final season.

In the beginning, because Lost was obsessed with making every character relevant I grew to dislike much of the cast. But as we stand today after seasons of attrition, the remaining characters are all strong. I may prefer Jack, Ben, Faraday, and Juliet but the arcs of Locke, Sawyer, and Sun no longer bore me. Not so much Kate or Hurley, they have never recovered from my initial hatred. We shall see if they can alter my feelings before the close. As I write this, the last season is only a month away so its with a mixture of sadness and anticipation that Lost gets ranked in the 4 spot.

3. Battlestar Galactica

And I was worried the SyFy channel would not be represented on this list. The existence of Battlestar Galactica makes absolutely no sense. How did something of this quality appear on this network, remaking this show, with so many previously unknowns? Look I like Edward James Olmos as much as the next guy but let’s be realistic here. Whatever stars had to align, I am eternally grateful.

For better or for worse, the Battlestar Galactica finale is a part of this decade and the show must be judged with the ending in mind. I have to give it to the creators, they were not afraid to alienate their fan base in order to finish their story. Based on all the angry words I have read about the end of the show, I may be one of the few people who had no complaints about how the story was tied together. It was a true ending with very little wiggle room to cash in on a sequel down the road. They got around this by creating a prequel, but that has nothing to do with Battlestar Galactica. Plus I cannot be mad when a show is willing to go at their cast with a hacksaw in order to bring finality to character arcs. From suicide, to military execution, to revenge neck-snapping I heart this show.

I am a sucker for a strong female lead and in the beginning Battlestar Galactica had as much to do with Starbuck as it did with Adama, Roslin, or Baltar (who all carried the show at different points). Katee Sackhoff hit the ground running by making the baddest ass be the female fighter pilot instead of any of the males in the cast. She had the perfect mixture of violence and profanity. After Sackhoff, I would put Michael Hogan’s, Saul Tigh, as the biggest surprise. After the mini-series, Tigh was just the drunk Colonel who I didn’t care much for. But by the end of the story, Tigh had one of the best character arcs and it wasn’t just because of the eye patch … well some of it was the eye patch … okay nearly all of it was losing an eye and rocking an eye patch for the last 2 seasons. If I had the energy I would detail each and every single character and why the all kicked ass but there are still 2 more programs to write about.

Battlestar Galactica was science fiction at its absolute finest. It took spaceships and robots and told a story with political intrigue while asking questions about humanity and god. Who in their right mind would expected that back when the mini-series was announced?

2. Deadwood

A whole bunch of stuff that I loved was cancelled over the last decade, but we have now reached the most painful loss. It has been over 3 years since the final episode aired and I still don’t understand why Deadwood is not airing on my television. If HBO had replaced it with something or anything that would have eased the pain maybe I could have come to grips with the loss. Instead they aired David Milch’s replacement John From Cincinnati for 1 season confused the shit out of me then cancelled that. Since then the new dramas have been In Treatment, True Blood, and The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, I’m not sure how large the ballpark would need to be in order to contain those 3 shows with the high-water mark trio of The Sopranos, The Wire, and Deadwood which all aired simultaneously from 2004-2006. What I’m trying to say is where the fuck is Deadwood?!?!

The world has always seemed a bit darker every since Al Swearengen stopped cursing at me through the television screen. The language on Deadwood was a character in and of itself. There is no category to place it in; just call it Milchian. And the man who was born to swear in pseudo-poetry was Ian McShane. From Swearengen’s first dialogue it became clear that Deadwood was going to revolve around this man. From his dealings with Wu, his kidney stone, his relationship with Bullock, his soliloquies while being blown by a hooker, talking to the severed Indian head, and his dignified walk across town after getting his finger chopped off by Hearst, this was McShane’s masterpiece. Right behind McShane was Timothy Olyphant's, Seth Bullock. There has never been a character who has been filled with more rage than Sheriff Bullock. He was quite literally shaking with rage at numerous points in the series. And he was the fricking hero! Coming in third and only because she never was given that much screen-time was Robin Weigert's Calamity Jane. I could write down some of the disturbingly profane things she said of the years but it wasn't the words but Weigert's delivery. It had to be seen to truly behold. The Deadwood cast went on for days and since Milch wrote every episode everyone felt relevant and took advantage of the time they were given.

If every thing else was taken out of Deadwood except the introduction of Garret Dillahunt onto my television then that would have at least been enough for an honorable mention. Every single cast member of Deadwood has left an impression on me so that I recognize them whenever they show up in other programs. They may never look or sound as good as they did on Deadwood, but there may never be anything like Deadwood again. Once enough time passes, I will be just glad that I got 3 seasons before it was unfairly assassinated.

1. The Wire

When it came down to it, this list was what comes after The Wire. I’m not entirely sure what the discussion would be if something was placed ahead of The Wire. What would the criticism be? What flaws am I not seeing? Not that I feel that my word is law, but I am comforted by the amount of lists that I have read that but The Wire at the top almost as an afterthought. It just seems more fun to discuss what wasn’t at The Wire’s level.

The Wire told its story from beginning to end within this decade and the key point there is that was the complete story that David Simon wanted to tell about the city of Baltimore. It wasn’t drawn out or brought back to make more money; it was actually the opposite it was never a guarantee that there would be another season. Because of what happened to Deadwood, I look back and appreciate every single minute of The Wire that was shot. Usually when a show ends either I felt that it went on too long or that there was more gas in the tank. The Wire was done and anything more, while I will kill to see it and that is an offer, would have inevitable been a letdown. Each season concentrated on a different aspect of the city of Baltimore, drugs, docks, politics, schools, and newspapers, and all were brutally honest. Honest to a level that had never really been explored on television.

The list of memorable characters would break my wrists if I attempted to type each and every one of them. So, let’s see how many I can get through before I cry wolf. Where to even freaking start? How about Michael K. Williams inhabiting the modern day Robin Hood, Omar Little. From the moment he entered the story a few episodes into the first season, everything moved up a few notches. Even when he was just the neighborhood stick-up man who had a penchant for whistling, Omar was the man. But then when he started to give these speeches breaking down the game, he delivered the defining lines in the entire run of The Wire. Do I go with McNulty next or Stringer or maybe Marlo or what about Bunk or it could be Lester or my man Bodie or freaking Avon or I could just keep going but I want to end on Snoop. I love Snoop. She made every scene she was in memorable; the power drill purchase was perfect. And her chirp should be incorporated in all forms of entertainment. The magic of The Wire is that a character like Snoop who was introduced in such a small role and was usually either being a thug or saying something goofy may have had the most moving death in the show’s run. Her final conversation with Michael is still tough to watch years later. The characterization on The Wire was note perfect from the beginning to the end.

I do hope that everyone who enjoys television at some point in their lives take the time to watch the entirety of The Wire. There have been many great shows but The Wire was on a different level. I would not change a single second that ever aired. No matter who was killed or where the plot went, I was along for the ride and am thankful to have been there from the beginning.

Honorable Mention

Damages

Best cast on a still active show.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Was bifurcated by Y2K making it impossible to rank in the top 10 for this decade.

Dexter

Is one of my favorite shows today by default. Has been slipping ever since the first season.

Alias

Oh how I wish I could judge it by the first season and a half. Sadly, there were five seasons.

Dollhouse

Boo Fox Boo! You broke my heart once again.

And let's end this with some quick and dirty lists:

Best Cast

1. The Wire
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Deadwood
4. Damages
5. Lost

Best Actor

1. Hugh Laurie
2. Michael Chiklis
3. Ian McShane
4. Kiefer Sutherland
5. James Gandolfini

Best Actress

1. Kristin Bell
2. Glenn Close
3. Katee Sackhoff
4. Mary Louise Parker
5. Mary McDonnell

Red Cliff

I am completely aware of my film soft spot and honestly do not care if it leads to any sort of bias. I have been anticipating Red Cliff for years now. While it does not actually move to the top of the list, this falls right behind some of my favorite films of all-time, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, and The House of Flying Daggers.

There was a time where Red Cliff put together the trifecta of my favorite Hong Kong director, John Woo, Hong Kong actor, Chow Yun-Fat, and favorite Hong Kong genre, Chinese history (or more specifically everyone knows martial arts and everything is solved by these skills). Sadly Chow dropped out before filming began, but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad and my second favorite HK actor, Tony Leung, replaced him. To say I had high expectations would be putting it mildly. Then mix in the fact that the 2 part original films were cut to pieces to fit into 1 film for an American release, well I had to see this as soon as possible and have been scanning theaters for months hoping to find a screen-time. It was definitely worth the wait and effort.

Now I wouldn’t call this John Woo’s first good movie since his last Hong Kong movie, but depending on your feelings towards Face/Off it is his first great movie since Hard Boiled. Its not even him going back to his guns and gangsters genre, where all his most famous films Hard Boiled, The Killer, A Better Tomorrow I and II reside. Like I wrote earlier, instead of going back to what he was known for, Woo went back to China to make a film similar to what Ang Lee and Zhang Yimou have done over the last decade. This almost makes his 17 years in America not seem like a waste of time. Almost.

Nearly every single character is a familiar face in Red Cliff. But Tony Leung is not only one of the leads, but someone that I always look forward to his performance. I have mixed feelings because it would be nice to see him in English language movies but at the same time he is always in the great films coming out of Hong Kong. He is the main hero, the classic skilled martial artist who strives for peace, along with Takeshi Kaneshiro as this awesome military strategist who never actually fought. He just made decisions for the generals and watched the bloodshed while fanning himself. I WANT THAT JOB! I could keep going through the cast but trust me when I said I loved every body in Red Cliff.

After seeing the American version of Red Cliff, I am fiending to get my hands on the original Hong Kong version. The fact that there is over an hour of footage that I haven't seen is killing me. Red Cliff was a fantastic import that confirms why I bust my ass to see these films in a theater.

9 out of 10 (The originals may bump this to 10 out of 10)

Brothers

Is it legal to have an actor use meth in order to prepare for a role? I only ask because I’m not entirely sure how else to explain the how Tobey Maguire got to the way he looks like in the final act of Brothers. For that alone I would recommend this film, but there is still the strong story and performances by Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal to back up my recommendation.

I wouldn’t call the trailers and commercials for Brothers misleading, but they definitely glossed over the fact that nearly half of the screen time was taken up by Tobey’s time in Afghanistan. It was a strong plot point because it all hinged on what he was willing to do to get back to his family, but I wasn’t expecting a prisoner of war storyline. On top of that, the Portman/Gyllenhaal relastionship was also different than expected. I don’t really understand how these things can happen if the answer is not deliberate misleading of the audience. The story that was actually was still strong even if it does not match the trailer. The only thing that really disappointed me was the climax of the film. Everything was building to a truly dark ending but instead they pulled back at the last minute and it felt flat.

Brothers was a phenomenally well acted film. Natalie Portman may be one of my favorite actresses but she was phenomenal here and that is not my bias speaking. She moves seamlessly from crushed, to rebuilding, to terrified throughout the film. There was chemistry between both Portman/Gyllenhaal and Portman/Maguire. I wouldn't say Gyllenhaal and Maguire were playing completely against type but ex-con Gyllenhaal and mentally unstable Maguire felt new. They both pulled it off which lead to some fantastic scenes near the end of the film. Still wish it ended differently.

There are movies that are built entirely on performances and Brothers casted A-listers and left it up to them. The 3 stars all delivered top shelf work which makes the whole movie worth seeing.

8 out of 10

The Blind Side

So, Sandra Bullock speaking in a hilarious southern accent is now enough to deserve award-level praise. While I definitely enjoyed The Blind Side, let’s not descend into crazy talk. In the end, this was just a slightly better version of the standard Disney sports movie.

Looking back on The Blind Side the plot seemed to happen around the main character. Quinton Aaron would stand around being ginormous and all the rest of the cast would bounce off him and move the story along. I guess this is why Bullock is getting all the praise. I thought Aaron did good work as silent and in over his head. Hopefully there will be work available for a 6’ 10’’ 300 pound actor. As for Bullock, this may be her best work but I’m not sure that was a tough list to crack. And that accent was hilarious but once again that could just be my general enjoyment of the southern twang. The best work of the entire cast was done by Jae Head as the little brother; he improved every scene he popped up in. Thumbs up for casting 2 Deadwood vets, Kim Dickens and Ray McKinnon, I will always approve of that.

The true story was amazing. I will not deny the craziness of this gigantic uneducated black kid randomly moving in with a rich white family and going on to the NFL. Yet the movie still felt like the usual uplifting Disney sports drama. Thankfully, the football action was not important to the story so we didn’t have to deal with the team coming together, breaking apart, and coming back together again right before the championship. The Blind Side avoided that but still but the whole plot in jeopardy just so the family can get back together and have an emotional ending.

This was a perfectly acceptable sports drama. The Blind Side had a one in a million story to draw from and didn't screw it up for the big screen. Is that praise?

7 out of 10

Ninja Assassin

Seeing the Ninja Assassin trailer in front of nearly every movie over the last 6 months was an easy way to build up some unattainable expectations. Then again its ninjas with lots of blood everywhere so what was I really expecting? It would have been very hard for me to despise Ninja Assassin based completely on the sheer amount of action it contained. Multiple fighting scenes are a quick way to my heart.

I’m starting to wonder if I will live to see the day where a Hollywood production will do justice to kung fu that Hong Kong cinema has excelled at for decades upon decades. Instead of highlighting the actual fight itself, Ninja Assassin falls back on darkness, loud effects, and quick editing. So instead of being awed by the skills being displayed in the scene, it is more about making me jump at the cool moments. This could have been so much more yet I still complain about this with every failed Hollywood attempt. I think the problem could be me.

The ninja in question is portrayed by Rain who definitely threw himself into the role. There is nothing like filming multiple scenes with your shirt off to make you work out like a madman. He also looked at home whenever he was in action. Hopefully he gets a chance in a more classical kung fu production.

It would be nice if I could point out this great scene from Ninja Assassin, but it all runs together. There wasn't that one fight that needs to watched over and over again. This is my main fault; although the movie was fun it just wasn't memorable at all.

6 out of 10

The Men Who Stare at Goats

Some movies are just too goofy for their own good. The Men Who Stare at Goats took a ridiculous idea and went absolutely nowhere with it yet. Still casting can clean up many mistakes and a wacked out George Clooney was well worth the price of admission.

I sure hope the United States military has been trying to harness the awesome power of the mind, because I want to live to see the day where Charles Xavier walks or wheels among us. But outside of the idea that the government used hippies to train telepathy to soldiers, I don't know the point of the movie. Clooney was seeking out something and confronted Spacey but at the end why did any of this happened?

It is always nice to see crazy comedic George Clooney. There was a beautiful seriousness to his insanity here. He believed every thing he was saying and doing. His performance was enhanced by Ewan McGregor's straight man. The 2 of them had that easy chemistry that made everything Clooney was doing seem more insane. Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey filled out the main cast but they were more stereotypical than Clooney and McGregor. Bridges was the hippie and Spacey was the villain. They were fine but this was Clooney's movie.

The Men Who Stare at Goats may have been better if it had a tighter plot but in the end it was money well spent. This may not go down as one of George Clooney greatest roles but he still carried this movie from passable to a damn good time.

8 out of 10

2012

2012 is the same movie Roland Emmerich has been making for over a decade now. The only changes are the landmarks that are destroyed this time around. Of course humanity overcomes their weaknesses and we are a better people at the end, how else does he end his disaster movies?

I’m trying to figure out if there was anything different between 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, or Independence Day. I got nothing. Even the freaking dog survives by ridiculous means just like ID4. There is nothing new to talk about here. The technology is better today so shit blowing up looks real purty. But much of the CGI is wasted on extra ridiculous scenes, like driving and flying through the earthquake, that never felt real even if GNP's of small nations were being spent on the effects.

There were a wide variety of fun names cashing a check here. I'm happy for Chiwetel Ejiofor even if he is not stretching many of his acting muscles. And John Cusack is always the everyman so he could have rolled out of bed and fell into this role. Speaking of Cusack, the storyline of his family was my biggest annoyance with the story. Right from the beginning you knew who was going to live and who was going to die and the fact that there is a happy ending is down right offensive. The guy's corpse isn't even cold yet!

I have no problem with Roland Emmerich blowing shit up every 5 years, but it would be nice if there was a new plot driving the destruction. 2012 is completely unnecessary and does not have enough memorable visuals to compensate for the story.

5 out of 10

Where the Wild Things Are

Although Where the Wild Things Are is a few grades above my reading level, I was able to enjoy the movie. This seemed a helluvalot darker than what I remember but not being 5 years old (physically I can’t promise mentally) it was an improvement over the source material.

The selling point for Where the Wild Things Are was Spike Jonze translation to film. The world that the wild things inhabit feels like something that a child would imagine. There is a dreamlike quality to everything, the forest, the desert, the fort; everything is just a bit off. That is not even taking into account the look of the monsters. The mixture of guys in suits and CGI delivered monsters that worked on screen. This was key since there was only 1 actor through the majority of the movie and if the monsters seemed fake the whole thing would have fallen apart.

How long did they look until they found an actor with the name Max to play the character Max? There can't be that many kids named Max running around Hollywood nowadays. He did as well as can be expected when a first time child actor is carrying the entire film. Although there were a bunch of monsters the one voice that came through the clearest was James Gandolfini. Maybe one day I will hear that voice and not picture Tony Soprano but that day is not here. The whole time he was speaking I was begging for the kid to run away because he was in danger. Then there was the scene were Carol is talking in his sleep and it was terrifying because Tony Soprano would do those things he was mumbling in the dark.

Where the Wild Things Are may not be the best movie of the year but it definitely felt original. Spike Jonze may not work often but when he sits down to work he delivers something new every time.

8 out of 10

Law Abiding Citizen

I’m not entirely sure what I was supposed to get out of Law Abiding Citizen. Instead of siding with the hero, I was pulling for Gerard Butler’s character even though he was leaving a trail of bodies throughout the film. Doubt that was the intention of the filmmakers and it definitely lead to a flat ending and an overall meh opinion of the movie.

Why was Jaime Foxx’s character such a douchebag? We were following his journey as he tries to stop Gerard's killing spree but he was so unlikable that I kept hoping the big twist of the movie would be Jaime’s death. I was not so lucky. On the other hand it was fun to see Butler struggle with an American accent. That was constantly amusing throughout the movie. He also wasn’t shirtless and killing people with his bare hands so that also felt new. Still, he was killing people with elaborate set-ups so I didn't go through much of a withdrawal.

There were many interesting ways that Butler was eliminating his targets. The tension leading up to each murder was the best parts of the movie. This could be another symptom of me actively rooting against Jaime but the confidence and omniscience of Gerard in all these scenes was very amusing. Even if the actual shocks were telegraphed a mile away, there might as well have been a Star Trek red shirt in the parking lot scene. Eh, it was still fun to watch.

Law Abiding Citizen is one of those cookie cutter movies that years from now I will only remember that I saw it and didn't hate it. Would have been fantastic if they went with the twist ending of having Butler win. But I am a sick man and very few movies should be made with me in mind.

7 out of 10

Couples Retreat

So if put to the test what can the power of Vince Vaughn do within a movie that exists for no other reason than to trick people into spending money because they see his name? Well, the answer is actually a whole lot of cash. There have been worse movies than Couples Retreat that lived and died on the strength of the star, but that doesn’t mean that this one was in anyway memorable.

Couples Retreat actually had a really strong cast if for no other reason than it had both Vince Vaughn and Jason Bateman. Those 2 always deliver even in bad movies. There could have been more Bateman here but there was a large cast so everyone had to be given their time to shine. It is always nice to see Jon Favreau act opposite of Vince and they fell back into their easy give and take. If they actually had some good material to work with I might be able to quote something here. But its been 2 months and I don't remember a damn joke from this thing.

There is not much else to say here. Every joke here was obvious and was only saved by the sheer talent of the cast. And by saved I mean I didn't ask for my money back at any point during the movie. But that on the Couples Retreat DVD cover.

5 out of 10

The Box

If only I could judge The Box completely based on Frank Langella’s face. Sadly the missing chunk of his cheek was not the point of the film. There some nonsense involving aliens and testing humanity, I think, Richard Kelly never seems to be interested in a normal plot and The Box ends up suffering.

It wasn’t like I was expecting The Box to have a simple explanation but it would have been nice if it made sense or at least didn't involve aliens. This was one of those ideas that lost some of its intrigue when it was explained; the not knowing made it creepier. Still the entire movie was full of eerie scenes that Kelly is skilled at. The highlight for me was a hotel scene where a character walked down the hall and at every door a blank-eyed person would step out and stare. It just kept going and going and got weirder and weirder with each new person staring. If I could judge a movie based entirely on a handful of scenes, The Box would contain no faults.

Although it was nice to see James Marsden in a starring role in a serious drama, that was offset by serious Cameron Diaz. She is just too goofy for me to buy when its time for emotion. It in no way ruined the movie, because I was always paying more attention to the story and visuals. And Frank Langella’s face. I cannot say enough about how awesome he looked and how all his scenes were just off by a few degrees. Clearly the best performance in the film.

I highly doubt The Box will become a cult classic like Donnie Darko. This was Richard Kelly's attempt to make a mainstream movie and he just came up a bit short. His stuff is too weird and he doesn't feel the need to spell things out to the audience. Because of all that, The Box never really came together.

7 out of 10

Zombieland

Although we are nearly a decade in on the zombie resurgence, Zombieland proves that there is still fertile ground to be found. The fact that this was more of a comedy than an action flick was not enough to make it memorable, it was more about the strength of Woody Harrelson and the Bill Murray cameo and and the slick opening credits.

What I really appreciated about Zombieland was that it established a world completely overrun by zombies and never even spent a second fixing it. We just followed 4 people on their adventures; that’s it. The actual zombies were secondary and just in the background for the majority of the story. Every couple of scenes one of them would be killed in a spectacular fashion but very little time was wasted putting the characters in danger. It was nice not being introduced to a large group of characters then watching each one of the die every few minutes.

I already mentioned the opening credits but it deserves repeating. The visual style for the title sequence was the most memorable part of the movie. That is not a joke or a backhanded compliment. Then again my excitement over Woody Harrelson's performance may be backhanded because Woody greatness is not as frequent as I would prefer. I'm not okay with the fact that I was so happy to see Abigail Breslin here. I need to stop supporting child actresses because I am going to end up on some government list. And enough has been said about the awesomeness of Bill Murray. Doesn't make it not true; it just means I don't need to say anything about it. Okay one quote, "Do you have any regrets?" "Garfield maybe..."

Zombieland was a nice diversion to pop up in the doldrums of the fall. I may be growing tired of zombies, but this felt completely different and legit funny. Good times.

8 out of 10

Inglorious Bas ... not yet

For some reason, I can't write a review for Inglorious Basterds. This sucks. I never reviewed The Dark Knight last year and now I have a weak-ass half-written Tarantino review that I can't stand looking at. This needs to be rectified.

Halloween II

I don’t want to write this at all. So, I saw Halloween II and then the credits rolled and I walked out the theater. There is nothing to highlight here.

After The Devil’s Rejects, I was looking forward to what Rob Zombie was going to next. Not so much after Halloween and Halloween II. Not only was this over-the-top violent, it was also boring and pretentious. It just dragged along with momentary breaks of Michael Myers murdering someone in a dream or in the real world or both ... I don't really know. There was some ridiculous explanation for his behavior involving a white horse and his mom. Why that meant murder everyone you meet? I can't really answer that. And since that was the point of the move, I would prefer not that think about it ever again.

So I won't. Halloween II was awful and thankfully it shall never bother me again.

3 out of 10

Extract

Like anybody who breathes air, I’m a big fan of Office Space and have high hopes whenever Mike Judge puts out a new movie. Somehow Extract actually came pretty damn close to Office Space. It could just be the power of Jason Bateman but whatever the reason, Extract was well worth the price of admission.

Not to keep bringing up Office Space, but when Mike Judge creates another workplace comedy what the hell else am I supposed to compare it to? This time we got to see the ridiculousness from the management’s point of view. Bateman nailed the owner just trying to deal with the craziness of his employees. Then there was the always awesome JK Simmons as Bateman’s right-hand man who doesn’t even take the time to remember the worker’s names. The workers on the floor were a nice variety of the various wackjobs that populate a factory. Good stuff.

Even though the factory storyline was great, the best parts of the movie were when Bateman was interacting with Kristen Wiig, his wife, or Ben Affleck, his buddy. If Wiig doesn’t end up with one of the better careers for a SNL cast member I will be very disappointed. As for Affleck, just the hair was enough but I have always liked goofy Affleck. And this was probably the goofiest Affleck has ever been. On top of that, just by the mere presence of Bateman, David Koechner and Mila Kunis seemed really funny. He is amazing.

If I haven't been clear yet, see Extract just for Jason Bateman. If you need more that that, screw you Communist.

8 out of 10

Whiteout

Sometimes the worse thing that a movie can be is completely ordinary. The comic book version of Whiteout was a tight murder mystery in a beautiful artistic setting; the movie is a by-the-numbers mystery that barely takes advantage of the snowy setting. But, hey look over there, Kate Beckinsale.

The initial hook for Whiteout is that it takes place in Antarctica hence the name whiteout. So, at worst, I thought that it would at least deliver some pretty scenery and some cool zero visibility scenes. That would be a no to both of those expectations. In fact the big fight in the middle of a whiteout was such a disappointment that it ruined any tension the movie had going. They did nail the frostbite amputation but that could just be how easy I’m horrified by finger mutilation. Still even when they were saying how dangerously cold it was outside, it never showed up onscreen and that was a big problem.

I can’t really find fault in the casting of Kate Beckinsale. It was amusing that they kept the shower scene so they could begin the movie with Kate stripping off her layers and hopping into the glass shower. Come on, there is nothing wrong with being obvious. Actually, the cast was not the problem. It was nice to see Tom Skerritt as the doctor and Columbus Short as the pilot; they were both great in their roles. The problem was that there was no tension in the story, everything played out exactly as you thought it would. Ah well, the comic is still there.

Looking back, me and the other 9 people in the theater may have been the only ones who paid to see Whiteout. Who thought dumping a movie with no advertising in the middle of September would lead to shitastic box office?

5 out of 10

Jennifer's Body

Jennifer’s Body was one of those movies that 12 months ago I was excited about, but by the time it hit the theaters I had lost all interest. By now when September rolls around all new movies seem flawed and are bound to disappoint. Still Jennifer’s Body was not that bad based completely on your desire to hear more of Diablo Cody’s dialogue.

Obviously when this movie was being put together everyone thought putting Megan Fox’s name on the top of the marquee was all they needed to do to guarantee box office. That was not the case. Could it be the lack of talent or the fact that all stories this summer have made her seem insane or, maybe, why pay to see her not naked? Who cares? Although it was amusing to see the lengths guys were going to have sex with Megan Fox even though it, of course, ended badly for them. You mean all I have to do is break into this boarded up row house in the middle of a darkened street at 1 in the morning… done and done.

So besides the always awesome JK Simmons, this time with unexplained hook hand, the best performance was from Adam Brody. I almost want to go back and watch The O.C. now. He was the picture perfect douchebag with most of the best lines. The whole lead-up to the ritual sacrifice of Megan Fox was hilarious. Although Fox got all the attention, Amanda Seyfried was the actual star of the movie and she is always solid. I miss Veronica Mars. I miss Juno. This needed more Ellen Page and Michael Cera.

Sadly, Jennifer's Body was a disappointment. I'm not entirely sure what I was hoping for but this wasn't it. In fact I am worried that all Diablo Cody movies are going to sound exactly the same which is going to prove very annoying.

6 out of 10

Pandorum

I walked into Pandorum hoping for something along the lines of Event Horizon but got another Resident Evil instead. Well seeing as I have seen every single Resident Evil movie in the theater, I obviously have no problem with more people running away from monsters in the darkness.

If you are hoping that I will breakdown the story of Pandorum into something that will make sense, you need to look somewhere else. This was lots of science fiction ideas, cryo sleep, chemically enhanced humans, losing your mind in space, and my favorite humanity is too retarded and will eventually destroy earth, mashed together without actually giving a coherent explanation. It was all just an excuse to have less than 5 people running through the massive ship while crazy mutated humans hunt them down. As well it should be.

Ben Foster doesn’t work enough. No matter the quality of the movie I see him in; he has always delivered. This time around he got to play many different levels of paranoid and he is always at his best when he gets to go to emotional extremes. Dennis Quaid played the role of Dennis Quaid. Most movies can use some Dennis Quaid and Pandorum definitely took advantage. This Quaid had a beard. I have no idea who anyone else was, well, except for Cung Le but he is a MMA fighter not an actor. But it was nice to see them give him multiple fight scenes to showcase his skills. Thankfully there were only 5 total characters in the movie, I don't have the time nor the brainpower to follow more than that.

Pandorum was completely harmless. It was nowhere in the vicinity of great but it distracted me for an hour and half and that was good enough for me.

6 out of 10