Inglorious Bas ... not yet

For some reason, I can't write a review for Inglorious Basterds. This sucks. I never reviewed The Dark Knight last year and now I have a weak-ass half-written Tarantino review that I can't stand looking at. This needs to be rectified.

Halloween II

I don’t want to write this at all. So, I saw Halloween II and then the credits rolled and I walked out the theater. There is nothing to highlight here.

After The Devil’s Rejects, I was looking forward to what Rob Zombie was going to next. Not so much after Halloween and Halloween II. Not only was this over-the-top violent, it was also boring and pretentious. It just dragged along with momentary breaks of Michael Myers murdering someone in a dream or in the real world or both ... I don't really know. There was some ridiculous explanation for his behavior involving a white horse and his mom. Why that meant murder everyone you meet? I can't really answer that. And since that was the point of the move, I would prefer not that think about it ever again.

So I won't. Halloween II was awful and thankfully it shall never bother me again.

3 out of 10

Extract

Like anybody who breathes air, I’m a big fan of Office Space and have high hopes whenever Mike Judge puts out a new movie. Somehow Extract actually came pretty damn close to Office Space. It could just be the power of Jason Bateman but whatever the reason, Extract was well worth the price of admission.

Not to keep bringing up Office Space, but when Mike Judge creates another workplace comedy what the hell else am I supposed to compare it to? This time we got to see the ridiculousness from the management’s point of view. Bateman nailed the owner just trying to deal with the craziness of his employees. Then there was the always awesome JK Simmons as Bateman’s right-hand man who doesn’t even take the time to remember the worker’s names. The workers on the floor were a nice variety of the various wackjobs that populate a factory. Good stuff.

Even though the factory storyline was great, the best parts of the movie were when Bateman was interacting with Kristen Wiig, his wife, or Ben Affleck, his buddy. If Wiig doesn’t end up with one of the better careers for a SNL cast member I will be very disappointed. As for Affleck, just the hair was enough but I have always liked goofy Affleck. And this was probably the goofiest Affleck has ever been. On top of that, just by the mere presence of Bateman, David Koechner and Mila Kunis seemed really funny. He is amazing.

If I haven't been clear yet, see Extract just for Jason Bateman. If you need more that that, screw you Communist.

8 out of 10

Whiteout

Sometimes the worse thing that a movie can be is completely ordinary. The comic book version of Whiteout was a tight murder mystery in a beautiful artistic setting; the movie is a by-the-numbers mystery that barely takes advantage of the snowy setting. But, hey look over there, Kate Beckinsale.

The initial hook for Whiteout is that it takes place in Antarctica hence the name whiteout. So, at worst, I thought that it would at least deliver some pretty scenery and some cool zero visibility scenes. That would be a no to both of those expectations. In fact the big fight in the middle of a whiteout was such a disappointment that it ruined any tension the movie had going. They did nail the frostbite amputation but that could just be how easy I’m horrified by finger mutilation. Still even when they were saying how dangerously cold it was outside, it never showed up onscreen and that was a big problem.

I can’t really find fault in the casting of Kate Beckinsale. It was amusing that they kept the shower scene so they could begin the movie with Kate stripping off her layers and hopping into the glass shower. Come on, there is nothing wrong with being obvious. Actually, the cast was not the problem. It was nice to see Tom Skerritt as the doctor and Columbus Short as the pilot; they were both great in their roles. The problem was that there was no tension in the story, everything played out exactly as you thought it would. Ah well, the comic is still there.

Looking back, me and the other 9 people in the theater may have been the only ones who paid to see Whiteout. Who thought dumping a movie with no advertising in the middle of September would lead to shitastic box office?

5 out of 10

Jennifer's Body

Jennifer’s Body was one of those movies that 12 months ago I was excited about, but by the time it hit the theaters I had lost all interest. By now when September rolls around all new movies seem flawed and are bound to disappoint. Still Jennifer’s Body was not that bad based completely on your desire to hear more of Diablo Cody’s dialogue.

Obviously when this movie was being put together everyone thought putting Megan Fox’s name on the top of the marquee was all they needed to do to guarantee box office. That was not the case. Could it be the lack of talent or the fact that all stories this summer have made her seem insane or, maybe, why pay to see her not naked? Who cares? Although it was amusing to see the lengths guys were going to have sex with Megan Fox even though it, of course, ended badly for them. You mean all I have to do is break into this boarded up row house in the middle of a darkened street at 1 in the morning… done and done.

So besides the always awesome JK Simmons, this time with unexplained hook hand, the best performance was from Adam Brody. I almost want to go back and watch The O.C. now. He was the picture perfect douchebag with most of the best lines. The whole lead-up to the ritual sacrifice of Megan Fox was hilarious. Although Fox got all the attention, Amanda Seyfried was the actual star of the movie and she is always solid. I miss Veronica Mars. I miss Juno. This needed more Ellen Page and Michael Cera.

Sadly, Jennifer's Body was a disappointment. I'm not entirely sure what I was hoping for but this wasn't it. In fact I am worried that all Diablo Cody movies are going to sound exactly the same which is going to prove very annoying.

6 out of 10

Pandorum

I walked into Pandorum hoping for something along the lines of Event Horizon but got another Resident Evil instead. Well seeing as I have seen every single Resident Evil movie in the theater, I obviously have no problem with more people running away from monsters in the darkness.

If you are hoping that I will breakdown the story of Pandorum into something that will make sense, you need to look somewhere else. This was lots of science fiction ideas, cryo sleep, chemically enhanced humans, losing your mind in space, and my favorite humanity is too retarded and will eventually destroy earth, mashed together without actually giving a coherent explanation. It was all just an excuse to have less than 5 people running through the massive ship while crazy mutated humans hunt them down. As well it should be.

Ben Foster doesn’t work enough. No matter the quality of the movie I see him in; he has always delivered. This time around he got to play many different levels of paranoid and he is always at his best when he gets to go to emotional extremes. Dennis Quaid played the role of Dennis Quaid. Most movies can use some Dennis Quaid and Pandorum definitely took advantage. This Quaid had a beard. I have no idea who anyone else was, well, except for Cung Le but he is a MMA fighter not an actor. But it was nice to see them give him multiple fight scenes to showcase his skills. Thankfully there were only 5 total characters in the movie, I don't have the time nor the brainpower to follow more than that.

Pandorum was completely harmless. It was nowhere in the vicinity of great but it distracted me for an hour and half and that was good enough for me.

6 out of 10

(500) Days of Summer

Well (500) Days of Summer was an easy choice when it came down to it. It starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt and since he is my favorite actor of his generation that's an easy sell. Thankfully this was a step beyond your basic romantic comedy. I’ve seen too many movies by now so a by-the-numbers rom-com would have bored me, but this was another original film that the summer has given me.

So, I have already threw out Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s name out there as my main interest for (500) Days of Summer. He is always able to show the conflict that his character is going through; the climatic scene on the bench here was fantastic. Still, it was nice to see him able to be goofy this time around. This peaked with a dance scene that was like a weird amalgamation of happy Peter Parker in Spider-Man 2 and the park song in Enchanted. Whatever it was and wherever it came from it was awesome. I love the fact that within one week I was able to see Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander and then go back to his indie home.

Zooey Deschanel was well cast as the love of Tom Hansen’s life even though she doesn’t feel the same way. She was definitely believable as the cute eccentric girl who ends up destroying the guy’s life. Such a sweet story, which I am not spoiling because the movie starts by saying that it’s not a love story. Plus the disclaimer calling out an old girlfriend that starts the film may have been the best joke. Actually my favorite running joke of the story was how Tom would turn to his pre-teen sister for love advice. These scenes were awesome and not just cause kids swearing is always funny but Chloe Moretz is now my new favorite child actor. And I knew the name was familiar but I couldn’t place it until I looked her up and realized that she is going to be Hit Girl in next year’s Kick Ass. I’m even more excited for that movie now that I have seen her work.

So, hey, here is a recommendation for a romantic comedy. All it takes is for something like (500) Days of Summer to break from the usual blueprint and it becomes memorable. It also helps to have a cast that I actually want to see in action no matter what the genre.

8 out of 10

District 9

When a movie like District 9 comes along, I think about people who always complain that nothing new is released anymore. This was just straight crazy from the bell. But instead of feeling ridiculous, it worked! This was a believable documentary about humanity imprisoning aliens because we want their weapons. Damn, we suck.

Shooting movies as pseudo-documentaries has become common nowadays but when it is done right it still feels different. Maybe it was the audacity of playing alien concentration camp completely straight but the documentary style fit District 9. The shaky handheld camera helped cover up any shortcomings in the budget. The aliens were the standard buggy looking creatures but the animation was so detailed it set them apart from other movies. The Prawns came across as little more than scavengers that weren’t all that intelligent. And since they were entirely CGI creations, it was all up to the animators to show this. Just unbelievable work was done here.

The parallels for this story are obvious and completely depressing. This is the world we live in and what would probably happen if aliens were stranded on earth. The fact that the ghetto the prawns were caged in was an actual area of Johannesburg that existed and people lived in at one time. Who knew that a movie where aliens are scrounging for cat food can make you depressed?

Oh yeah and then there was cool shit that blew up and fancy pants alien weapons, so there was a bit of everything here. Hopefully District 9 makes a shitload of money and there can be empirical proof that something as new and different as this can be big-time successful.

9 out of 10

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

One day I am going to regret this review … but fuck it G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra may have just been awesome. I don’t know why and I am not sure I am going to be able to defend this stance. Yet, it is G.I. Joe and that is enough for me.

My enjoyment of this movie is mainly because of the cast and how sweet it was to see these characters come to life. The cartoon is so long ago, so much of the specifics have faded away to the far recesses of my brain, but all I really wanted to see was Baroness, Snake Eyes, Scarlett, Storm Shadow, and Cobra Commander and they were all there. Even when the characters looked off (Cobra Commander) or just weird (Snake Eyes’ mouth), the performances more than made up for those deficiencies. Please understand that the word "performance" means something much different in a movie like G.I. Joe; I why people to just go crazy and have fun with it. There was actually a scene where Sienna Miller looked exactly how I thought the Baroness should look. She is riding up an elevator with a streak of blood down her face and machine guns in both hands, just unloading on Duke with a manic grin. Sweet. Then you have Storm Shadow rocking the white on white on white on white suit. Never a bad idea. Scarlett kicked the right amount of ass with her magical crossbow. Although it was nearly impossible to screw up, somehow it was decided to give Snake Eyes' mask lips making the silent ninja less awesome than he was destined to be. Then there is Cobra Commander. I have zero ability to be mad about him because they cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt and he dove in head first and made my freaking day. He just went as far as he possibly could as the mad doctor and then got to go even further as he was revealed as Cobra Commander. As for the Darth Vader breathing apparatus and odd Cobra Commander helmet, I was not bothered enough to be taken out of the movie. And that last phrase is the key, none of the flaws throughout this movie every really pissed me off.

Stephen Summers has never been one my favorite directors, but his movies have never seemed cheap or cheated me out of shit blowing up. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the perfect place to have craziness going on scene after scene. And this is the key difference between Transformers and G.I. Joe, this was actually paced well. There is constant action without any ridiculous detours into weirdness that has nothing to do with Transformers ... sorry that still bothers me. As for G.I. Joe, we got futuristic Cobra weaponry, mixed with ninjas, mixed with Yo Joe!, what can I say it worked.

Let's get out of here before I dig a grave I may never be able to escape. I liked G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and hope this leads to more movies down the road. What can I say? I'm an easy mark.

7 out of 10

The Hurt Locker

What an odd film to be released in the middle of the summer. The Hurt Locker would have felt more at home somewhere in the fall or winter, but either way it was a pleasant surprise. This was a powerful film with a nomination worthy performance by Jeremy Renner.

It is always a welcome sight when I get to see a movie that just feels completely fresh. The Hurt Locker is about a soldier who disarms bombs during the war in Iraq. That is it. There isn’t a larger message about the war; this is just the story of Jeremy Renner and how he and his unit deal with their insanely tense job. And since this felt completely original, every time a bomb was being disarmed I believed that something was going to go wrong. Instead of cheating like a horror movie with obvious music cues and editing, just watching Renner’s character ripping apart vehicles and cutting wires kept me on the edge of my seat. Having the countdown of how many days the unit had left in Iraq made me wonder if the 3 of them would get out in one place. This was a perfectly plotted film.

I’ve mentioned him a few times already but enough cannot be said about Jeremy Renner. He has been a familiar face for most of the last decade yet never really was put in the forefront. The Hurt Locker gives him that opportunity and he delivers a performance that was beyond expectations. He has a maniacal obsession with his job that crosses the border into insanity. And you get to see the good and bad that his mindset caused. Then again I wonder if all his problems actually stemmed from being married to Kate Austen, which is a fate worse than death and would cause most people to disarm bombs in Iraq just to get away.

The Hurt Locker is the type of movie that I expect to see when the Oscars are around the corner, so it was a welcome sight in the middle of the summer. There have been a handful of movies based on the war in Iraq recently and this one was the most original and definitely belongs on the top of the pile.

9 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince delivered more than I could have hoped for. There were signs, 8-month delay, PG rating, entire sections of the book missing, that left me with a negative view prior to its release, but it overcame all of this with flying colors. In the end, I would put this right up there with Prisoner of Azkaban as the best movies in the franchise so far.

With each successive film, the stars get older and older and are able to give stronger and more nuanced performances. This time around all three have there moments to shine. Rupert Grint, who has always been an afterthought to the screenwriters and since I don’t like Ron Weasley this has never bothered me, took full advantage of the comedic moments given to him. The quidditich and Lavender scenes were good enough but he earned his paycheck with the love potion sequence. The emotional backbone was Emma Watson and she pulled off lovesick and heartbroken when necessary but I was much more impressed with her drunken stumble after one butterbeer. Of course Daniel Radcliffe has the majority of the work but that goes with being Harry Potter. From the first scene flirting with the waitress, all his pining for Ginny, the teaching of Dumbledore, he never slips but it is the Felix Felicis sequence that I will always remember. Who the hell knew he could be so funny by just saying “hi” or “sir” or making pincer movements with his fingers. I am eager to see what these three will do with some of the wicked shit that goes down in The Deathly Hallows.

As is the custom with this franchise, no significant character is given the shaft during casting. This time around Jim Broadbent joins as Horace Slughorn and produces layers to a character that I never saw while reading the book. There was a sadness of a man completely past his prime that he brought to all his scenes. I’ve always been a huge fan of Michael Gambon and he definitely took advantage of his increase in screen time in this outing. It was amusing that the Half-Blood Prince was the title, yet once again the man portraying the Prince, Alan Rickman, only has a handful of moments to work his magic. I was pleasantly surprised in the increase of the character arc of Bellatrix LeStrange. Helena Bonham Carter has been all over this role and I am in favor of anything that puts her on the screen more often, even if it is just to sing “I killed Sirius Black!” Last name I want to mention is Tom Felton. After six movies he finally got to do some work as Draco Malfoy. Now a majority of the performance hinged on the black suit, black vest, black shirt, black tie outfit (i.e. evil) he was sporting, but he was able to show how his mission was ripping him apart. Love this cast.

With all that being said, I want to be angry with The Half-Blood Prince. They eviscerated the Tom Riddle memories. There was no Gaunt house, no Cup of Helga Hufflepuff, and no sweet confrontation between a young Voldermort and Dumbledore over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Yet the orphanage and Slughorn memories were so well done that I was placated. There was no Dumbledore’s funeral, which did suck. The lighting of the wands was a nice moment but the funeral could have been very moving. And I already mentioned that the Half-Blood Prince/Snape storyline was pruned down to nothing. In the end this doesn’t really matter, the horcruxes were the key plot point, but it was the freaking title of the movie. And yet, the movie worked. The story that they told got all the key points across and delivered a fantastic set-up for the 2-part finale.

I could keep writing about The Half-Blood Prince but I need to wrap this up. David Yates improved so much from The Order of the Phoenix that his visuals should be incredible come The Deathly Hallows. And that is what this movie was all about; making me twitch for the conclusion.

9 out of 10

Public Enemies

I’m not entirely sure if it was possible for me to hate Public Enemies no matter what the final product looked like. It’s a bank heist movie directed by Michael Mann and starring Johnny Depp. Those odds are actually off the board. In the end, Public Enemies paid off even though I felt it could have reached a higher level.

It is always a pleasure to be treated to a Michael Mann directed shootout every few years. This time around we got a handful of smaller skirmishes which all lead to the phenomenal gunfight at the inn in the middle of the woods. He always takes such care to portray these battles as insanely violent as they would be in real life. Mann’s attention to detail can be seen throughout the movie; this feels like the 1930’s and with my experiences in that decade obviously I would recognize it when I see it. The only real issue I have with the director is that this is another film that is closer to two and a half hours than to two hours. I am growing tired of every other movie just cruising past the two-hour mark.

This was another credit for Johnny Depp’s resume as arguably the greatest actor working today. He was absolutely magnetic as John Dillinger. Depp pulled off the invincible aura that Dillinger needed in order to pull off some of the ridiculous shit he was famous for. The scene where he strolls through the Chicago Police Department is amazing. It was nice to see Christian Bale not break out the Batman voice this time around. That would not make sense in a 1930s G-Man. It still was sad not to hear the growl because I really feel like Batman would sent him to Arkham without too much of a problem. Dillinger nothing on the Mad Hatter, which makes even more sense since that is Depp's next role.

Is dumbshit girlfriend a role that always has to be found in these stories? I only ask because Marion Cotillard's character just kept staying with Dillinger no matter what nonsense he was up to. I don't care what bad things happen at the end of the movie; there is no sympathy for me to give her by that point. Any weakness in her character was offset by the awesomeness Stephen Graham's Baby Face Nelson. Classic over-the-top Depression era gangster. Lots of other fun faces popping up here, David Wenham, Billy Crudup, Giovanni Ribisi, and John Ortiz. Michael Mann knows how to cast a movie.

Public Enemies was a fun movie that could have been great. Bank robbing in the 30s will always be fun to watch, but the long running time slowed this down at too many points. Still, it was worth the price just to watch Depp work.

8 out of 10

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Raise your hand if any of the major flaws of Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen were surprising.  Outside of Mudflap and Skids, this was nothing more than the sequel to the original Transformers flick.  Michael Bay spent a shit ton of money to make stuff look cool and then quickly edited in a story after all the CGI is done.  In the end, the transformers action was obviously better while everything else was clearly worse.

Whether or not the sequel was more flawed than the original, the CGI is still beyond anything else being released right now.  The Optimus fight in the woods and the entire desert sequence were well beyond anything that was done in the original.  The fights were clear and the movements of the robots could actually be seen this time around.  The screen is still busy as hell but I wasn’t left guessing who did what.  The Devastator transformation was sweet and the old transformer (who’s name I never heard clearly) looked awesome with his robot beard.  And Megan Fox took off her clothes in the middle of the backyard for no good reason 15 minutes into the movie, maybe the best plot point of the entire story.  

Alright, where to start.  Let’s get the basic shit out of the way.  The lack of a coherent story was too obvious this time around.  This felt like Bay started with the action sequences and worked his way backward to a screenplay.  The entire college section should have stayed on the cutting room floor, but without it you wouldn’t have the hot chick turning into a decepticon and that is was the whole point of that half hour of story.  Even worse was the political trash because it was awful to watch and made even worse because it was only included for the parachute sequence.  This stuff can usually be ignored because it is Michael Bay and all I want to see is some shit blow up but the negatives didn’t stop there.

The part of the movie that is getting the most attention is Mudflap and Skids and for good reason.  They are inexplicable.  I don’t know if their inclusion was racist or just plain retarded.  I’d like to think retarded because it is easier to understand when people just do something stupid.  There is nothing wrong with squabbling brothers, especially when they were animated so well, but why did they have to be designed and speak that way?  What possible good could come from that? 

This is not so much a negative but something that I just don’t understand.  How is this movie rated PG-13?  I know that the MPAA is some hidden cabal that passes judgment with no oversight but the violence here is clearly R rated.  Forget that we are talking about robots, here are some of the moments that are clearly shown on screen; an execution with a bullet through the back of the head, a stabbing through the chest, a curb-stomping, a fist through the head, a ripping of the spine straight out of the body, and just multiple severing of limbs.  If these actions were done by and against humans, this would have gotten a freaking NC-17 rating.  So if all the humans are actually CGI does that count?

No matter how negative I sound, I will still be there 2 years from now when the 3rd movie rolls out.  And if they change directors I don't know if that will improve things.  You might get a coherent story with little to no childish to the point of baby-level humor, but will anyone else spend so much time in effort making the robots look cool?  I wonder if Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will improve like the original Transformers did when I watched 150 times between HBO and Cinemax.

5 out of 10

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

It has been a few weeks since The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 was released and I still don’t have a strong opinion about it.  Ranking it within the Tony Scott/Denzel Washington library it falls behind Man on Fire but ahead of Déjà vu, why do exist Deja Vu?  And it is clearly not Crimson Tide.  I have no problem with remakes but it serves no purpose when the new film is worse than the original.

I’m unsure where Fat Denzel came from since Walter Matthau was just Walter Matthau in the original, but I applaud any actor going with dumpy as a way to define their character.  Besides the weight, there was nothing memorable about the usual solid Denzel performance.  On the other hand, John Travolta goes with his favorite style … complete evil cartoon.  Maybe he realized that Robert Shaw was one of the greatest villains of all-time because he was so clam and terrifying.  Whatever the reason, Travolta was off the meter and I can only take so much of it.  It is always nice to see Turturro, Gandolfini, and Guzman even if none of them get enough screentime to really affect things.  And that would never have happened to Chris if Snoop was riding the train with him.

It’s always nice when a movie confirms its R rating by dropping about 5 f-bombs in the first conversation.  That wasn’t the only part of the story that stopped me in my tracks.  There was the ridiculous girlfriend on the webcam demanding an “I love you” from her boyfriend while he is being held hostage.  Worse was the scene where Mayor Soprano runs out of the Transit office to head to Wall Street to stop Travolta then nothing ever happens and this is never brought up again.  And of course the ending is just awful.  There is no better way to ruin an action-thriller like this then completely shitting the bed at the climax.  I couldn't even concentrate at the end because I was blown away at how nothing made sense.

If I were to forced to define The Taking of the Pelham 1 2 3, it would be called a great movie to have playing in the background when it shows up on TNT.  There are a million movies in that genre.  While it was never boring, it was also completely forgettable.  Not much of a summer movie either.

7 out of 10  

The Hangover

I’m tired of comedies teaching me a lesson through watching adolescent-minded guys grow up by the end of the story; The Hangover is just funny from beginning to end.  The trailers and commercials definitely worked in building up my anticipation and thankfully not only did the movie deliver it actually exceeded on nearly every level.

Lets try not to have this review degenerate into listing off all of my favorite scenes.  I have been a fan of both Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis for years now and it was nice to the see the both of them get a chance to showcase themselves in a worthwhile movie.  Cooper as the ringleader and more or less straight-man gets to just react to all of the ridiculousness.  Although his character is a dick so there is some great moments of him saying or doing something awful.  Cracking a window for the baby, blackmailing the cops, stealing his students field trip money, etc.  As for Galifianakis, there may not be enough words of praise that can be written.  His character is damn near another version of his stand-up act, but since I love his stand-up I was more than happy to see it on the big-screen.  We even got a “Fat Jesus” joke in there.  He is just so awkward that it is hard to even explain what he is doing.  If anything comes from The Hangover, I hope it’s that these two guys get better roles in the near future.

I may have not highlighted the rest of the cast but Ed Helms, Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Mike Epps, Jeffrey Tambor, and Justin Bartha all deliver when they are onscreen.  There was, of course, Mike Tyson who was one of the main selling points and is just as awesome in the movie as he was in the trailers.  I hope the DVD has the entirety of him singing “In The Air Tonight”.

Outside of just saying that The Hangover started off funny and didn't slip in quality at any point.  It even held off its craziest joke for the credits.  It's rare for me to enjoy a comedy as much as I did here.  I cannot wait to see this thing a second time.  

9 out of 10    

The All-Time 100

Its been a couple of years since I updated may Top 100 movies.  Nothing truly drastic has changed; mainly The Dark Knight is awesome, there are a handful of movies that I saw in the last couple of years that pop in between 50 - 100, and I love Layer Cake and it needed to be bumped up.  All movies are 10 out of 10 unless otherwise noted, some 9s are listed ahead of 10s because I sometimes argue with myself.

1. The Godfather
2. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
3. The Godfather: Part II
4. Star Wars V - The Empire Strikes Back
5. Kill Bill: Vol. 2
6. Se7en
7. Jaws
8. The French Connection
9. Kill Bill: Vol. 1
10. Braveheart
11. Gladiator
12. Raiders of the Lost Ark
13. The Shawshank Redemption
14. Saving Private Ryan
15. Star Wars IV - A New Hope
16. Alien
17. Pulp Fiction
18. The Dark Knight (new)
19. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
20. Goodfellas
21. The Departed
22. The Hustler
23. Drunken Master
24. Battle Royale
25. American History X
26. Rocky
27. Die Hard
28. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
29. Unforgiven
30. Jurassic Park
31. The Maltese Falcon
32. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
33. The Usual Suspects
34. Hero
35. The Sting
36. Drunken Master II
37. The Killer
38. Chinatown
39. A Better Tomorrow
40. The House of Flying Daggers
41. Schindler's List
42. Hard Boiled
43. Rear Window
44. Bonnie and Clyde
45. Gangs of New York
46. Good Will Hunting
47. Heat
48. No Country for Old Men (new)
49. Spider-Man 2
50. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
51. Iron Man (new)
52. Juno (new)
53. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
54. Seven Samurai
55. The Insider
56. Tombstone
57. Children of Men
58. Michael Clayton (new)
59. X2
60. Oldboy
61. Leon: The Professional
62. Syriana
63. Black Hawk Down
64. Munich
65. Glory
66. The Wild Bunch
67. Batman Begins
68. Lady Vengeance
69. Back to the Future
70. Blade Runner
71. A History of Violence
72. Into the Wild (new)
73. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
74. Rounders
75. The Princess Bride
76. The Shining
77. Traffic
78. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
79. The Silence of the Lambs
80. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
81. Training Day
82. Midnight Run (9)
83. Batman (9)
84. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
85. Taxi Driver
86. Enter the Dragon
87. Boyz N the Hood
88. Whale Rider
89. Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (9)
90. Layer Cake (new and 9)
91. Letters from Iwo Jima (9)
92. The Aviator (9)
93. Lethal Weapon (9)
94. Vertigo (9)
95. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
96. Iron Monkey (9)
97. Apocalypse Now (9)
98. Pan's Labyrinth (9)
99. Wall Street (9)
100. Boogie Nights (9)

Drag Me to Hell

Not being a fan of the horror movie genre, I usually ignore whenever a new cookie-cutter slasher flick is released.  But whenever a movie gets as good of reviews as Drag Me to Hell, I take notice genre be damned.  In fact I enjoy it when there is a must see horror film because it always feels new to me.  Because of this, Drag Me to Hell was well worth the price of admission.

A movie having the ability to scare the shit out of me is not that high a praise.  I jump out of my seat all the time.  Its like the chair is electrified.  So my praise for Drag Me to Hell is not because it made me jump a whole bunch of times instead I felt that it was actually able to accomplish scaring the piss out of me without resorting to over-the-top torture porn.  Most of it was the usual its very quiet, there is nothing to worry about, this is a normal scene, and HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT!?!  But Sam Raimi is able to wring as much creativity as possible from this recipe.  He can be downright disgusting.  Every single time the crazy-eyed gypsy shows up something horrifying is about to appear on the screen.  The amount of substances that Raimi had inside that woman’s mouth has scarred me for life.  Plus all the scenes with the demon haunting Alison Lohman were masterfully done by Raimi.  Its just shadows and noise but it worked as well as I have ever seen before.  Even though the movie was more interested in making the audience jump, the story was tied up beautifully with the conclusion.

Man, I don’t think I’ve seen Alison Lohman since Matchstick Men.  And for a role that can degenerate into a chick constantly screaming, Lohman is able to add some depth and humor throughout the movie.  Plus she guts a kitten and I have to reward such ridiculousness.  Its always fun to see Justin Long even if he is keeping the humor in check for this role, he still took his shots when he could.  I already mentioned the disgustingness of the crazy-eyed gypsy so I need to compliment Lorna Raver for making me nauseous.  The only one that was missing was Bruce Campbell.

Drag Me to Hell was the rare horror film that I actually anticipated then loved once the credits rolled.  It was nice to see Sam Raimi jump back into the horror world that he has been absent from for the last couple of decades.  Plus I hope he chooses to turn Doc Connors into the Lizard in Spider-Man 4 because I think he can make that transformation truly horrifying.

8 out of 10       

Tyson

It is about damn time that we got a serious look at Mike Tyson.  A man that batshit insane needed to have a legit movie based on his life years ago.  Tyson even goes a step further by having Mike tell his own story in his own words.  This documentary was mesmerizing.

There is absolutely nothing better than watching 1980s footage of Tyson annihilating his opponents while he narrates about just how much a crazed psychopath he was during those days.  I could have watched 12 hours of Mike just talking about anything he damn well pleased.  His mangling of the english language is just a joy to behold.  This is not the usual tics of a person who has learned english as a second language; Tyson just puts the wrong words in the right place.  He doesn’t skip words or use the wrong tense; he just picks some random ass word out of thin air and places it where it doesn’t belong.  Or even better he uses the right words, like skullduggery, but it is so hilarious when you hear him say it that that is all that you hear when he speaks.  It was also fantastic to hear him explain why he lost all his fights.  He admits that he hasn’t properly trained for a fight since the 80s.  So he isn’t really stating that Buster Douglas, Evander Holyfield, Lennox Lewis, and Kevin McBride didn’t deserve to beat him just that he wasn’t really trying all that hard.  Plus I love the fact that he admitted in the ring that he only fought McBride to pay his bills.  The other perfect moments of the documentary were when he described Desiree Washington and Don King.  The absolute vile hatred he feels towards those two people is amazing.  I hope when this comes out on DVD that there are hours of unused footage because I want more.

This review may have concentrated on all the parts of the documentary that I found hilarious but the entirety of Tyson should be seen.  This was a damn near perfect doc that told the story of Mike Tyson from his point of view and he wasn't shy about anything.

9 out 10

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Why?  Every once and awhile I try to give movies I have no interest in but are popular a shot, so there is your reason for why I am reviewing Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.  My opinion of Ben Stiller has not altered and nothing within these 100 minutes has caused me to rethink my position.  This is as forgettable a movie that I will see in 2009.

Not much to say about this.  This was the same movie as the first one, I think, I’m not sure if I have even seen Night at the Museum from beginning to end but I feel safe in assuming that this was just more of the same.  Exhibits come to life … hi-jinx ensue.  This time Stiller is not shocked and is ready to save the day.  At least there was Amy Adams to distract me.  It was also nice to see Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, Ed Helms, and Ricky Gervais for all of 5 minutes each.  Not much else to talk about.  I’m sure if I were 8 years old this would have been a great time.  But the joke gets old really fast.

I just want to move on to the next movie as soon as possible.  Since I'm not a fan of Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson, this is definitely not the franchise for me.  Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian was not awful, I just don't care.

4 out of 10