Shoot 'Em Up

One of the great things about seeing so many movies is that sometimes I am glad to see just a so-so movie. Shoot ‘Em Up can settle itself in a nice spot right in the middle of the list. You know … spread itself out and share stories with the rest of the mediocre movies of 2007. The highest praise I can possible give for this movie is that it will definitely improve when you watch it 10 minutes at a time on cable. Conversely, watching Shoot ‘Em Up straight through in one sitting does not leave you feeling like you just saw anything worth remembering or even spending a single brain cell on.

Clive Owen may have become the go-to actor when the role calls for weathered, shadowy, long coat wearing, disgruntled anti-hero, but Smith in Shoot ‘Em Up was a Xerox of a Xerox. It was closer to a Clive Owen impression rather than anything else. Still who doesn't like Clive Owen? Seriously? Your opinion is now worthless to me. On the other hand, Paul Giamatti gets to play the most un-Paul Giamatti character he has ever had the chance to portray. That is probably the reason why he ended up in this. He saw the opportunity to be a crazed lunatic instead of downtrodden guy, or some guys best friend. Not the best performance of his career but at least its memorable with his wacky one-liners and manic facial expressions. The only other person worth mentioning is Monica Bellucci and I have now mentioned her. That wasn't nice. She is great in her role as hooker. Sorry, lactating hooker. Yeah don't look at me, I didn't

Since the actors weren’t the problem with Shoot ‘Em Up, I’d place the blame on the story since this movie felt more like an excuse to create elaborate gunfights. Then someone went back and backfilled all the reasons why these crazy action scenes were occurring. And by backfill I mean Madlibs. Don’t get me wrong; when I'm watching this for the 47th time on one of the six Cinemaxes the shoot-outs will still be fun. My assumption is that the writer/director, Michael Davis, played a helluvalot of video games while imagining this movie. Actually the use of a carrot as a murder weapon in multiple scenes couldn’t have originated from a video game so maybe Mr. Davis is just insane. Hmm lactating hookers, using a bullet to severe an umbilical cord, yes crazy is an acceptable explanation. There really isn’t much more to be said about the story. It seems to exist in the fabulous alternate reality where massive levels of violence take place around every corner. Fully trained assassins and mercenaries are available in large quantities. If only it were true. If only…

You would think Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, gunfights, Monica Bellucci hooker, what could go wrong. Yeah well don't get your hopes up kid The gunfights weren't even good enough to make the whole thing worthwhile. Off you go Shoot 'Em Up straight into the mediocre basket.

5 out of 10