Whiteout

Sometimes the worse thing that a movie can be is completely ordinary. The comic book version of Whiteout was a tight murder mystery in a beautiful artistic setting; the movie is a by-the-numbers mystery that barely takes advantage of the snowy setting. But, hey look over there, Kate Beckinsale.

The initial hook for Whiteout is that it takes place in Antarctica hence the name whiteout. So, at worst, I thought that it would at least deliver some pretty scenery and some cool zero visibility scenes. That would be a no to both of those expectations. In fact the big fight in the middle of a whiteout was such a disappointment that it ruined any tension the movie had going. They did nail the frostbite amputation but that could just be how easy I’m horrified by finger mutilation. Still even when they were saying how dangerously cold it was outside, it never showed up onscreen and that was a big problem.

I can’t really find fault in the casting of Kate Beckinsale. It was amusing that they kept the shower scene so they could begin the movie with Kate stripping off her layers and hopping into the glass shower. Come on, there is nothing wrong with being obvious. Actually, the cast was not the problem. It was nice to see Tom Skerritt as the doctor and Columbus Short as the pilot; they were both great in their roles. The problem was that there was no tension in the story, everything played out exactly as you thought it would. Ah well, the comic is still there.

Looking back, me and the other 9 people in the theater may have been the only ones who paid to see Whiteout. Who thought dumping a movie with no advertising in the middle of September would lead to shitastic box office?

5 out of 10