G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

One day I am going to regret this review … but fuck it G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra may have just been awesome. I don’t know why and I am not sure I am going to be able to defend this stance. Yet, it is G.I. Joe and that is enough for me.

My enjoyment of this movie is mainly because of the cast and how sweet it was to see these characters come to life. The cartoon is so long ago, so much of the specifics have faded away to the far recesses of my brain, but all I really wanted to see was Baroness, Snake Eyes, Scarlett, Storm Shadow, and Cobra Commander and they were all there. Even when the characters looked off (Cobra Commander) or just weird (Snake Eyes’ mouth), the performances more than made up for those deficiencies. Please understand that the word "performance" means something much different in a movie like G.I. Joe; I why people to just go crazy and have fun with it. There was actually a scene where Sienna Miller looked exactly how I thought the Baroness should look. She is riding up an elevator with a streak of blood down her face and machine guns in both hands, just unloading on Duke with a manic grin. Sweet. Then you have Storm Shadow rocking the white on white on white on white suit. Never a bad idea. Scarlett kicked the right amount of ass with her magical crossbow. Although it was nearly impossible to screw up, somehow it was decided to give Snake Eyes' mask lips making the silent ninja less awesome than he was destined to be. Then there is Cobra Commander. I have zero ability to be mad about him because they cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt and he dove in head first and made my freaking day. He just went as far as he possibly could as the mad doctor and then got to go even further as he was revealed as Cobra Commander. As for the Darth Vader breathing apparatus and odd Cobra Commander helmet, I was not bothered enough to be taken out of the movie. And that last phrase is the key, none of the flaws throughout this movie every really pissed me off.

Stephen Summers has never been one my favorite directors, but his movies have never seemed cheap or cheated me out of shit blowing up. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the perfect place to have craziness going on scene after scene. And this is the key difference between Transformers and G.I. Joe, this was actually paced well. There is constant action without any ridiculous detours into weirdness that has nothing to do with Transformers ... sorry that still bothers me. As for G.I. Joe, we got futuristic Cobra weaponry, mixed with ninjas, mixed with Yo Joe!, what can I say it worked.

Let's get out of here before I dig a grave I may never be able to escape. I liked G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and hope this leads to more movies down the road. What can I say? I'm an easy mark.

7 out of 10