What the bloody hell was that? I am actually happy that I saw Crank: High Voltage because if someone attempted to explain it to me I would be offended that they would blatantly lie to my face like that. This was a truly awful movie, so awful that I will remember it for some time to come.
Honestly, there were scenes in Crank High Voltage that when I attempt to write them out I no longer believe that they occurred. When the first scene of the movie is Jason Statham surviving being thrown out of a helicopter then having open heart surgery with people knocking ashes into his chest and spitting on his internal organs, there wasn’t much lower for it to go. Instead they just kept digging new holes to throw this movie down. Shotgun shoved up a guys ass (check), stripper getting shot through her breast implants with leaking fluid (check), full on cinemax level sex scene with pixilation (check), guy knifing off his own nipples (check), weird puppet version of a fight scene (check), severed head being kept alive with max headroom voice (check), and Corey Haim (check). I want to stop thinking about this movie now.
One of the days I will figure out how Jason Statham chooses his scripts. Because there must be some calculus formula that will explain why someone would sign on to Crank: High Voltage. But for now all I can say is screw this movie for causing me such mental anguish.
1 out of 10
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