Speed Racer

Speed Racer was somehow able to accomplish being a pleasant surprise while still being a bad movie. My level of expectation was at such a low point that I thought I may be walking into one of the worst movies that I will have ever seen. Live action Speed Racer, the Wachowskis going PG rated, the seizure causing trailer, there was nothing to look forward to. Yet Speed Racer was almost a fun time, if completely indecipherable during the races while destroying my ability to see properly for at least a week after the credits rolled.

What the hell was that? I understand that this is based on a cartoon but why did that mean psychedelic flashing lights going really fast? The racing did not make a bit of sense. I couldn’t follow anything onscreen. Then to make matters worse there were all these wacky obstacles on the courses that did nothing but make me scratch my head. In the end it became some sort of pinball machine with cars. Wheeee!

One of the really hilarious parts of Speed Racer was that the storyline was this very adult corporate espionage plot in a movie geared towards 8 year olds. Illegal backroom deals, fixed races to gain corporate contracts, assassination, these are the things all kids see when they sleep. Still, how bout them crazy costumes and pretty colors!

If I were looking to praise anything, it would be the casting choices. Emile Hirsch built up a reservoir of goodwill after Into the Wild, so if this is what he chooses to make then I support him. Hopefully his next choice will not be another waste of time. It is damn near impossible for Christina Ricci not to be painfully cute in every role. Well maybe not Black Snake Moan, there was nothing cute about that. Who doesn’t like John Goodman? I do hope that after 2 more seasons of Lost, Matthew Fox can continue to get roles in big movies like this. Then again after Speed Racer, who knows.

I'm fairly certain this could have been worse but since I could care less about Speed Racer as a franchise, I have no ill will towards this movie. It wasn't good, probably hurt some careers, and generally was a waste of time, but hey it won't be the last movie I see that fills those requirements.

5 out of 5