Crank: High Voltage

What the bloody hell was that?  I am actually happy that I saw Crank: High Voltage because if someone attempted to explain it to me I would be offended that they would blatantly lie to my face like that.  This was a truly awful movie, so awful that I will remember it for some time to come.

Honestly, there were scenes in Crank High Voltage that when I attempt to write them out I no longer believe that they occurred.  When the first scene of the movie is Jason Statham surviving being thrown out of a helicopter then having open heart surgery with people knocking ashes into his chest and spitting on his internal organs, there wasn’t much lower for it to go.  Instead they just kept digging new holes to throw this movie down.  Shotgun shoved up a guys ass (check), stripper getting shot through her breast implants with leaking fluid (check), full on cinemax level sex scene with pixilation (check), guy knifing off his own nipples (check), weird puppet version of a fight scene (check), severed head being kept alive with max headroom voice (check), and Corey Haim (check).  I want to stop thinking about this movie now.

One of the days I will figure out how Jason Statham chooses his scripts.  Because there must be some calculus formula that will explain why someone would sign on to Crank: High Voltage.  But for now all I can say is screw this movie for causing me such mental anguish.

1 out of 10

State of Play

This seems a tad bit early in the year for a flick like State of Play.  Thankfully, this was right in my wheelhouse and delivered on every possible level.  You couldn’t ask for a tighter story with an overflowing amount of solid performances.  This right here is why I love going to the theater.

These types of political intrigue movies come out by the dozen every year, so you really have to excel in order to be noticed.  State of Play was plotted to the last second and just kept you involved with the mystery until the credits rolled.  It seems like once a month I’m reading or watching a story based on Private Military Contractors.  They are definitely the new hotness.  On top of that, we got The Wire part 2 with the death of the newspaper industry.  It was all wound together into a damn near perfect story.  Getting into any more details would blow the mystery.

If getting an A+ plot wasn’t enough, the entire cast decided to step up and not get outshined by the person standing next to them.  You will never go wrong with Russell Crowe as the name on the top of the poster.  This was one of his classic performances, 30 pounds overweight, ratty hair, and just a regular guy.  He has this innate ability to just disappear into each role.  I don’t really have the space to breakdown the performance of everyone else in the cast, so let’s make this quick.  This was a fantastic non-jokey Ben Affleck role, the always impressive Helen Mirren, the first memorable dramatic performance by Rachel McAdams, scene-stealing Jason Bateman, a new favorite in Harry Lennix, drop by for Jeff Daniels, and you know applause for just about anyone else who appeared in front of the camera and spoke a line.

I would have expected such a deep political drama to be released after Thanksgiving, so State of Play was a nice surprise for the month of April.  Plus, I now have my first top 10 flick for 2009 unless I am lucky enough to get 10 more movies better than this.

9 out of 10 

Observe and Report

Hmm, slightly disappointing.  Seth Rogen is and will always be funny when on camera but there just wasn’t a strong reason for this movie to exist.  Observe and Report was just an R rated movie that went out of its way to earn it.  I’m not even sure what the point was; I think something about Seth figuring out his place in this big bad world.

My guess would be that Rogen took on Observe and Report because he got to be just about the biggest asshole he could possibly portray in an hour and a half.  In the beginning it was funny but he just kept acting crazier and crazier.  It just became annoying by about the halfway point.  Everybody else in the flick were just playing over-the-top characters so once again it was amusing to hear Michael Pena talk the first time or watch Anna Faris pull into work at the beginning of the story, but it all became tiring.  Check that, Pena should speak like this in every movie he ever appears in.

Still, I laughed in consistent intervals and got cameos by Patton Oswalt and Aziz Ansari so lets call it a wash.  Observe and Report was a forgettable comedy that never really clicked.

5 out of 10

Adventureland

Adventureland was a truly odd movie.  On one hand it was Greg Mottola’s followup to Superbad and he was mining the same coming of age vein but he was going for deep and meaningful this time, which definitely lessened the funny.  It never reached the level of Superbad but Kristen Stewart made it worthwhile.

Whenever Kristen Stewart is given material to work with she impresses me; I have no idea if that means Twilight since I haven’t been blessed by its presence yet.  Soon soon.  She provided all the weight in Adventureland.  I hope as she ages she gets better and better roles.  After Stewart, all of my praise goes to the bit players, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, and Bill Hader.  Reynolds was able to straddle the line between cool and douchebag just right.  While Wiig and Hader were the comedic backbone of the entire movie, there is a whole film that I would pay twice to see with those characters.

The problem with Adventureland was that it was boring.  At times it was funny and at times it was touching, but at the other times it was paint drying.  There was only so much the 1987 setting could carry.  Still, it had a strong batting average so it was worthwhile.

7 out of 10 

Fast & Furious

Ah Vin Diesel … it’s been awhile.  There was a time when you provided me endless amounts of amusement.  I would not go so far as to say I want to see more Vin Diesel films but I would not be opposed to a new Fast & Furious movie every 2 years.  Now for another backtrack, I am not praising Fast & Furious so please don’t get the wrong impression.  Still, there will always be 10 plus dollars waiting for them no matter how bad the movies become.  I’m a conundrum.

It’s a freaking Fast & Furious film!  You have to know what you are getting into before the theater goes dark.  And for the fourth time they delivered fancy cars and barely clothed females for close to 2 hours.  Was there supposed to more?  YES!  Where’s Tyrese?  Where’s Romey Rome?!?!  Sure getting the original gang back together was a nice hook but you could have thrown in at least a bone to the second flick.  They threw in Han from Tokyo Drift which was nice but no one from 2 Fast?  Come on give me something, Ludacris or Devon Aoki, just a quick cameo.  Bah.  There will always be more in the franchise so they can make it right down the road.

Do I really need to breakdown the performances of Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, and Michelle Rodriguez?  Seriously?  My disdain for Mr. Diesel is known and there was absolutely nothing here to change that opinion.  That man has one gear and he is not changing for anybody.  There were a couple scenes where he literally kept the same exact look while the movie cut back to him multiple times.  Plus, it was supposed to be a heartfelt moment and I kept thinking that the editor slipped in a still photo over and over again.  Walker is Walker and he can continue his Keanu level career.  The Rodriguez thing pissed me off just because I am a big fan of hers.  I don’t remember a single thing about Brewster so at least she didn’t piss me off.

I can’t believe I am still writing about Fast & Furious!  This is my own fault.  I have already stated that I will pay for new flicks in the franchise no matter how poor of a product they deliver.  I cannot be trusted.

5 out of 10

Watchmen

The most celebrated graphic novel of all-time, is that true?  Was this officially measured or are we just assuming that if you were to rank the level of celebration Watchmen would be the victor?  I guess that is not important because it is just nice to have a film version of such a groundbreaking work. 

I avoided rereading Watchmen before the release of the film version because I had no desire to nitpick while sitting in the theater.  Zach Snyder has made visually stunning movies in his short career so I wanted to judge his work for what it is not for what I expected it to be.  Watchmen was a slick movie with a handful of memorable scenes.  Jackie Earle Haley was able to take one of the greatest comic book characters ever, Rorschach, and bring him completely to life.  He was responsible for so many great moments, “I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with me”, “give me back my face”, his final scene, it was just an unreal performance.  Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Patrick Wilson were also fantastic as The Comedian and Nite Owl respectively.  In fact I have nothing really negative to say about the rest of the cast, well, I would have preferred a more memorable Veidt but jeez the cast of characters were deep and you can’t expect a 100% success rate.

The main knocks I have about Watchmen were the labyrinth-like storyline and length.  Look, I read the book and still felt lost a couple of times nothing serious just motivations are never all that clear when it came to the “villains”.  As for the length, it wasn’t boring but anything pushing 3 hours feels like its been 3 hours.  Yet even at the super-sized length character arcs were just left on the editing room floor.  Nothing I just wrote about are killers, just blemishes preventing another The Dark Knight.

For something deemed unfilmable, Watchmen was indeed filmable.  In fact they filmed and released it to the masses.  It was a strong effort that just missed the mark.

8 our of 10

Taken

My main problem with Taken is that I have seen this same exact movie multiple times before.  But I can’t deny that it was fun to see Liam Neeson doing the standard heartless ass kicking.  Does it make up for the fact that I could call out the scenes before they happened?  Not really, but still Liam Neeson was torturing and murdering fools!

I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.  If you are offering me 2 hours of Liam Neeson running around France leaving bodies in his wake, there is no reason to turn that down.  Lots of Jack Bauer style beatings, threats, torture, and killings.  That’s always a good time.  The action wasn’t groundbreaking, but it was all well done.  Sadly, Neeson was the only likable character in the entire story.  I was actively rooting against everyone else.  I wanted his daughter to be kidnapped; I wanted his ex-wife to be put through that ordeal; I wanted her friend to be killed.  Everyone was stupid and got what’s coming to them.  Who the hell lets their 17 year-old daughter trail a band through Europe without adult supervision for a summer?  How is the father in the wrong for being completely against this reckless bullshit?  As for her friend, you get what’s coming to you if you are just giving out your personal information to random dudes in foreign countries.  Still it was fun to see Xander Berkeley pop up as rich step-dad.  I miss George Mason.

Taken was a solid 24-style action movie.  Will I remember it come December?  I doubt it.  For now I don’t have strong enough objections to be negative about it.  And really who doesn’t like Liam Neeson?

7 our of 10

Push

Good lord, Dakota Fanning is a teenager and now I feel way too old.  Not only that but she was nearly single-handedly responsible for me enjoying Push.   The key word there was nearly because sadly Push was a barely a step above Jumper.  Drunk Fanning can only take you so far.

I already mentioned Jumper and the reason for that is Push is disturbingly similar to that embarrassment.  They both were dumped on the public in the dead period of Ferbruary, had stories based on people with super powers in the “real” world, gloriously ridiculous back stories, starred wooden young actors (Anakin Skywalker and The Human Torch), had Sam Jack and Djimon overacting to the limits of their ability, and were obviously created with a franchise in mind.  Don’t hold your breath on that last one.  Push gets my vote because of Dakota, better action sequences, and special effects.  I’m actually serious about praising Fanning; she had solid timing throughout the movie.  The powers, telekinesis, seeing the future, mind control, tracking, shadowing, material manipulation (or what is better known as shit you see in the X-Men) all looked good onscreen.  Except the screaming idiots, Banshee’s powers seem much cooler in a comic book.   Don't ask me to break down the story because I ain’t smart enough or I didn’t bring my bs to English translator.

I am mildly disappointed with Push.  Not that I was banking on it being my favorite film of 2009, but it looked like it had a solid upside.  But action movies are dumped in the first quarter of the year for a reason; the numbers don’t lie.

6 out of 10   

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

It’s been 3 years, which makes it just about time for more vampires and werewolves (sorry lycans) fighting while speaking in British accents.  The only difference with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is that Kate Beckinsale has been replaced with Rhona Mitra or to be more specific a less expensive Kate Beckinsale.  Besides that there is nothing new here.

For a substitute, Mitra does an admirable job.  With this and the equally ridiculous Doomsday from 2008, I hope she does become the next Lara Croft as has been rumored.  She is hot, has a knack for action, and speaks British; I believe those are all the requirements.  Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy collect a paycheck and overact to pass the time.  Still its fun to seem them reprise these roles even if the last thing I saw Sheen in was Frost/Nixon and now he is running around shirtless like Leonidas in 300.  It’s very confusing.  Oh yeah, if you were still losing sleep over why werewolves and lycans are warring in the Underworld universe well this does answer that crucial question.  You can now sleep easy. 

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is just a copy of a copy.  That does mean if you enjoyed the original it’s a good chance you will enjoy a slightly lesser version of the same movie.  And really isn’t that what we are really looking for out a movies.

5 out of 10    

Notorious

So, raise your hand if you thought a biopic of Christopher Wallace would rise above straight to BET level?  Yeah that’s what I thought.  Who knew?  Is saying something is the greatest movie about hip hop damning it with faint praise?  Even if that is the case, Notorious was surprisingly good. 

Notorious never broke the mold of your basic bio flick but it was fun to see all the usual stuff but this time it was about a hip-hop artist.  Something inspires a kid, he struggles to find his voice, makes it, troubles, overcomes troubles, dies.  Biggie’s story is different only in that all of this took place in about a 3-year time frame.  Still I can’t complain when for nearly 2 hours I got to hear the Notorious B.I.G.’s greatest hits and a bunch of actors portraying Lil Kim, Lil Cease, Lil Puffy, and Lil Tupac.  The actor portraying Biggie, Jamal Woolard, did an admirable job.  I wouldn't call him a dead ringer, but he never made you laugh when he was spitting famous rhymes.  The more I think of about it, the more it becomes obvious that I was swayed by hearing some of my favorite tracks of all-time.  Still, nothing strongly negative comes to mind while writing this review.  Hopefully this leads to more copycat hip-hop biographies, like The Life and Times of The Lost Boys or Shook Ones: The Story of Mobb Deep.

For a boilerplate biography released in the wastelands of January, Notorious was shockingly solid.  There aren't many actors running around who can pass for Christopher Wallace but Woolard got the job done and the music did the rest.

7 out of 10 

The Final 2008 List

So, I give up on 2008.  I am roughly 35 movies behind.  That is way too much effort; effort I am just not willing to put into this.  Let's see if I can pick things back up for 2009.

But, I want to have some sort of record of my likes and dislikes for 2008 so here is the full list: 

1. The Dark Knight
2. Iron Man
3. Frost/Nixon
4. Slumdog Millionaire
5. Milk
6. The Wrestler
7. Doubt
8. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
9. Gran Torino
10. In Bruges
11. Appaloosa
12. RockNRolla
13. Revolutionary Road
14. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
15. The Reader
16. Quantum of Solace
17. Body of Lies
18. W.
19. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
20. The Incredible Hulk
21. Burn After Reading
22. Pineapple Express
23. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
24. Tropic Thunder
25. The Visitor
26. The Bank Job
27. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
28. Role Models
29. Traitor
30. Pride and Glory
31. The X-Files: I Want to Believe
32. Wanted
33. Step Brothers
34. The Forbidden Kingdom
35. Hancock
36. Eagle Eye
37. Get Smart
38. Semi-Pro
39. Cloverfield
40. Death Race
41. The Day the Earth Stood Still
42. Vantage Point
43. Street Kings
44. Speed Racer
45. Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
46. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
47. Quarantine
48. Punisher War Zone
49. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
50. Jumper
51. Rambo
52. Transporter 3
53. You Don't Mess with the Zohan
54. Max Payne
55. 10,000 B.C.
56. The Spirit

If it wasn't for the mad dash to the Oscars delivering a constant stream of quality flicks, 2008 was shaping up to be quite awful.  But in the end I was able to fill out the top 10 with a bunch of respectable names so I was able to push back the crap of the year till past the top 20.  This means that there is a noticeable drop in quality once I start filling out the 20's with comedy after comedy.  Thankfully the movie gods delivered The Spirit in December which is just a beautiful piece of memorable trash.  I can't really complain when I have a year that leads off with The Dark Knight and finishes up with The Spirit.  

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Well, that could have been much worse. As a franchise, I’ve never held Indiana Jones at all that high a level. I mean there are only 3 movies and one of them is the extremely flawed Temple of Doom. So when it came time for Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, all I wanted was a fun time. And hey that’s what it delivered.

It was nice to see the band back together for one more turn. This is one of the greatest roles in the history of film and Harrison Ford slips back into the fedora like no time has paced. Well, lots of time has passed but Indiana has never been a superhero so watching a man in his mid-60s fumble around and save the day is not that difficult to believe. Plus it is just awesome to hear Harrison deliver all of these lines in that weary seen it all voice. The return of Karen Allen was a big positive. She was always the best of the Indiana Jones females and the chemistry is still there between the two of them. On the other hand, Cate Blanchett is always awesome. This may be her first go around in a big ole summer flick, but she was a great villain. Maybe it was just the fun accent and the use of the sword. Who knows? John Hurt was fantastic in another one of his crazy ass character roles. You need an older actor to play wacked out of his skull? Find John Hurt. I didn’t even have any real beef with Shia LaBeouf; I have no real interest in seeing him take over the franchise but that doesn’t have anything to do with Crystal Skull.

Sadly, there was noticeable CGI creep in this installment. The past films have attempted to film as much as possible in camera. And that works for this type of movie. This is supposed to look and feel like something that was filmed over 50 years ago. Although it was all good work and never came off cheap, did we really need CGI gophers, Shia swinging like Tarzan, inter-dimensional gateways, just overall fricking aliens. I will freely admit that the shot of Indiana standing in the middle of a sandstorm with the mushroom cloud in the background was amazing. The inclusion of Ray Winstone’s Mac also irked me because it begged to be a character that we had already seen. The double/triple agent stuff would have worked better if we had seen their supposed history together. Or maybe I just miss Sallah.

Hopefully, The Dark Knight can find the middle ground in between Iron Man and Indiana Jones. The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull did not disappoint me but I still have room in my heart for another nearly perfect summer movie. Then again they made a 4th Indiana Jones film nearly 2 decades after the 3rd one. I am thankful for that.

8 out of 10

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

I hope the poor positioning of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian does not stop them from filming the rest of the series. Whoever thought there was money to be made sandwiched between Iron Man and Indiana Jones better have lost their job. It is disappointing to know that the vastly superior movie will end up making significantly less money than the original.

Although I am always in favor of darker more realistic movies, I found it hilarious that Prince Caspian took this so seriously. The movie was practically filmed in perpetually darkness. There were a grand total of 2 scenes that included any significant bright colors. The entire first scene was barely visible. It was perfect. I wouldn’t call the content adult but at the same time it was less about look at all the cute animals and wow they talk, and more about them mythical creatures are about to kick some ass. They even moved past some of the childish elements of the kids this time around. Maybe next time we can actually get a PG-13 rating.

After the first movie, none of the 4 kids left any sort of impression on me. This time around each of them were given their own time to shine. They were able to make the Peter/Miraz swordfight worthwhile even though it was a 16 year-old dueling with a 50 year-old. In fact it was very well done. As for Edmund, I have never read the books but I hope one of them allows him to take front stage. He gets a bunch of great lines, the High King bit, its his sword skills that prove their identity Trumpkin, and he gets to defeat the White Witch. Susan is the archer so she gets multiple scenes to look like a complete badass. Archery has the ability to look amazing in movies, so much so that I would actually look forward to Green Arrow or Hawkeye film. Lucy is still a kid so she gets all the cute moments but even still she was never grating and gets her moment in the sun standing alone on the bridge facing off against the whole army. They were the highlights of the movie. After them, you have Eddie Izzard who was amusing as the Mouse Knight but that’s just voice over work. Peter Dinklage also brought some weight to Goblin Trumpkin but ever since In Bruges all I hear when midgets are on screen are “they’re filming midgets!” That is not helpful. And are you really going to complain when you get to watch centaurs and minotaurs?

The actor playing Prince Caspian was the weak link of the movie. I thought Ben Barnes was decent in Stardust, but this time around he is forgettable. In fact, the whole Caspian/evil humans in Narnia angle weren’t that strong. The palace intrigue was very basic. And the final turn during the duel was funny instead of shocking. “TREACHERY!” Also the similarities to the Lord the Rings, fighting trees, Helm’s Deep type battle, were amusing, nothing to kill the movie though. There were just a bunch of minor annoyances throughout the movie.

I highly doubt that The Chronicles of Narnia will ever become one of my favorite film franchises. Still, Prince Caspian was a fun time and I do look forward to any future chapters. Hopefully starring Edmund and is minotaur buddy.

7 out of 10

Speed Racer

Speed Racer was somehow able to accomplish being a pleasant surprise while still being a bad movie. My level of expectation was at such a low point that I thought I may be walking into one of the worst movies that I will have ever seen. Live action Speed Racer, the Wachowskis going PG rated, the seizure causing trailer, there was nothing to look forward to. Yet Speed Racer was almost a fun time, if completely indecipherable during the races while destroying my ability to see properly for at least a week after the credits rolled.

What the hell was that? I understand that this is based on a cartoon but why did that mean psychedelic flashing lights going really fast? The racing did not make a bit of sense. I couldn’t follow anything onscreen. Then to make matters worse there were all these wacky obstacles on the courses that did nothing but make me scratch my head. In the end it became some sort of pinball machine with cars. Wheeee!

One of the really hilarious parts of Speed Racer was that the storyline was this very adult corporate espionage plot in a movie geared towards 8 year olds. Illegal backroom deals, fixed races to gain corporate contracts, assassination, these are the things all kids see when they sleep. Still, how bout them crazy costumes and pretty colors!

If I were looking to praise anything, it would be the casting choices. Emile Hirsch built up a reservoir of goodwill after Into the Wild, so if this is what he chooses to make then I support him. Hopefully his next choice will not be another waste of time. It is damn near impossible for Christina Ricci not to be painfully cute in every role. Well maybe not Black Snake Moan, there was nothing cute about that. Who doesn’t like John Goodman? I do hope that after 2 more seasons of Lost, Matthew Fox can continue to get roles in big movies like this. Then again after Speed Racer, who knows.

I'm fairly certain this could have been worse but since I could care less about Speed Racer as a franchise, I have no ill will towards this movie. It wasn't good, probably hurt some careers, and generally was a waste of time, but hey it won't be the last movie I see that fills those requirements.

5 out of 5

Iron Man

I’m not burying the lead; Iron Man is getting a perfect score. By the end of the year there may be another film that I place ahead of it, but for the here and now I will be completely satisfied if Iron Man is the best movie released in all of 2008. The expectations that I build up in my mind for summer blockbusters are completely unfair and yet Iron Man delivered on each and every one of them.

This is so much more fun when I get to be negative. But there’s nothing to complain about here. Why is the world so cruel! The storyline was tight; it was able to balance the origin story with the need for a big summer climatic confrontation. Though to be completely honest with you, if I had my wishes the sequel would actually be a prequel about the rise of Tony Stark. The beginning of this movie was so strong that I just wanted more of Tony in cruise control. The drinking, the whoring, the bantering with his friends, the stipper pole on the company plane, Tony Stark rules. Actually to be more specific Robert Downey Jr rules. All of this has been in comic book pages for decades, but it was Downey who brought it perfectly to screen. There was no better man to portray Stark's eccentricities. There is not enough praise to give the man.

10 years ago, if I had to list the comic book characters that would end up looking the best on the big screen, Iron Man would not have been at the top of the list. I wouldn’t have thought it possible to make a man in a futuristic suit of armor look completely legit on film. What they were able to accomplish here completely blew my mind. You see Stark building it piece by piece so when it is completed it looks like something that could be worn by a person. Of course it would be too heavy to move in, but that is where the magical arclight power source saves the day. Comics always have an answer. It got even better once the armor was in action. The flying was sweet, the repulsors looked good, all the weapons on board were fun, and it was even believable when Iron Man was going hand-to-hand. I want my own giant robot suit.

Although nobody was even in Downey’s atmosphere, the rest of Iron Man was cast to perfection. Terrence Howard as James Rhodes and Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts are both ridiculous cases of overcastting. I appreciate them bringing class and skill to these parts but it is still funny to seem them show up in a secondary role for a summer popcorn flick. Jeff Bridges was having too much fun as Obadiah Stane. He wore those crazy outfits and shiny bald head with pride. As for Sam showing up after the credits, I think I blacked out for a few minutes after that. If going forward he pops up as Nick Fury in all Marvel movies, best news ever.

I can't wait to own Iron Man on DVD so I can watch it over and over again. Who knew Jon Favreau had this in him? What a pleasant surprise. If this is the beginning of a string of movies building the Marvel universe. good times lay ahead.

10 out of 10

The 2008 List

1. In Bruges
10. The Bank Job
11. The Forbidden Kingdom
20. Cloverfield
21. Street Kings
22. Semi-Pro
23. Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
24. Vantage Point
25. Jumper
26. Rambo

10,000. 10,000 B.C.

Sorry, there are just some movies that I cannot put in the top 10 even if I have seen less than 10 movies. I'm fairly certain that as time goes on I will actually see good movies again. It is scary right now but hopefully Iron Man rights this sinking ship of a year.

I may not do this at the end of each month. I'm think of waiting until the end of summer so I can have time to digest all of the blockbuster before I start throwing around rankings. We'll see how it goes.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Did you enjoy Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle? Do you want to see the same exact movie again? Yes?!?! Really? Well now you have Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay giving you the opportunity to see the different versions of jokes that may or may not have been funny the first time around. Hooray!

Remember when those 2 hot chicks were taking a crap in the first movie? Well the first joke of this movie is Kumar on the toilet. See the funny? How about Christopher Meloni’s crazy bastard in the first movie this time around not only does Meloni return as a Klan member but we also have Harold & Kumar staying with a wacky redneck family with an inbred child. See how they twisted that around? Of course Doogie shows up again and does the same exact thing, but that’s still good so I’m not complaining. There just wasn’t much originality here.

There were still enough jokes that hit that I can’t get too annoyed. The image of Harold in college with the Flock of Seagulls haircut was enough for the price of admission. They even made a Sloth reference during the scene with the inbred cyclops, which made my day. And as I already mentioned, all of the Neil Patrick Harris stuff was great. Especially when he was tripping on shrooms. Last of all, I have no idea how they pulled it off but the scene with George Bush impersonator didn’t suck. For the second movie in a row, there needed to be more David Krumholtz and Eddie Kaye Thomas. Maybe one day.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay could have been awful, and at times it was, but there was just enough here to keep me amused. Barely. Man 2008 is just sucking the life out me.

5 out of 10