Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

What? Why? I don’t understand how this came to be. The first movie was awful. It was a complete waste of time that is only memorable because Sanaa Lathan got it on with a Predator. That’s probably a lie but I wouldn’t know because I have never been able to watch the movie a second time without agreeing to a lobotomy first. Well the only improvement from Alien vs. Predator to Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem is the presence of Michelle Dessler. And sadly that is not enough to make up for the complete waste of time that is the rest of the movie.

I don’t think I am going to waste too much time on this review. Thankfully, they at least use the ending of the first movie as some vague idea of a starting point. Continuity! So the surviving Predator from the first movie is infected and once the Alien bursts from his belly, it kills everyone on the ship and then the ship crashes back to Earth. And then you get your basic introduction of a bunch of characters, and by introduction I mean names and some quick relationships, then you start killing them off. Aliens invade a town kill off the residents, the Predator ship notifies the Predator home world and 1 Predator comes to fix the problem. That’s seems like a weak answer but then again he is a Predator so he single-handedly kills dozens of Aliens before the end of the movie. Maybe I’ll say that some of the action scenes didn’t suck but it is 2 days later and there is nothing memorable either. All of this has been done before. Plus I am tired of the fighting taking place in the darkness or shadows or the rain. Isn’t the technology good enough that you don’t have to cheat to cover the effects? And did the use of the word Requiem mean anything at all? Or was it just some a-hole being pretentious?

What a complete waste of time. There are many competitors to the throne of worst active movie franchise. You have AVP, the Date/Epic/Whatever Movie, all of those horror movie franchises, any dancing movie franchise, but what I really hope is that the next Aliens vs. Predator is actually Resident Evil: Alien vs. Predator vs. Umbrella. Then I may have a bit of interest. I hate myself for seeing this but I will hate you more if you read this and then go see it.

3 out of 10