Well I think it was about time that I saw a really good straight-up comedy this year. Shockingly Blades of Glory didn't get the job done for me. Superbad may not be my favorite type of movie, but it is still nice to go to the theater and laugh and be merry. Plus I just can’t say no to 184 f-bombs; Superbad was beautifully vulgar. This may not have been the most original story but the funny stuff was funny enough to push the whole thing over the top for me.
An explantion is probably necessary to begin this review. I have not been aboard the Judd Apatow bandwagon. Seeing the Will Ferrell movies puts me at about 50%, but I still haven’t sat down and watched The 40 Year Old Virgin straight through and I completely missed Knocked Up. Yet I couldn’t say no to Superbad. Maybe it was the 70s style advertising because it definitely wasn’t the cast. Not knocking any of them, but prior to Superbad I wouldn’t have been waiting in line because their name was on the poster. Well maybe I should be kinder to Michael Cera, I did know that he was talented but then again I didn’t watch Arrested Development with any regularity. Shows how much I cared. He definitely shows that he has all the skills to be to starring in funny pictures for decades to come. It is all about awkwardness and perfect timing. The health class line killed me dead. Plus he was actually sympathetic unlike Jonah Hill’s asshole character. Thankfully he had enough funny lines to at least even out the complete dickishness of his actions. He should have got arrested over that line about scratching his back. What a prick. And in no universe does he get that girl in the end. I feel that this is misleading the youth of America. As for McLovin, I can see it getting old after repeat viewings but for now it may have been the best arc of the movie. That could have been because I thought the scenes with the police officers were actually funny and didn’t hurt the movie. Just there constant use of the name McLovin, the dragging him out of the party in handcuffs scene, and another of my favorite lines, “I’m sorry that I blocked your cock.” On top of all that vulgarity, there is a nice message about the perils of teenage drinking and something about friendship ... maybe I don’t know I think the two of them did something inappropriate in the basement at the end of the day.
So Superbad was really fricking funny. There was a tremendous completion percentage on the jokes which always makes for a better movie. And lots and lots of profanity. I loves me some swear words. Hence I liked Superbad and am completely okay with it making a shitload of cash.
8 out of 10
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Stardust
You had me at similar to The Princess Bride. It is rare that a movie is made that can be seriously compared to that classic. Then throw in that the director is Matthew Vaughn who is the man behind one of my favorite movies of the last few years, Layer Cake, and my presence was guaranteed. Did Stardust live up to whatever insane expectations my brain concocted? Probably not, but it was still a really good film that nearly captured the same tone that made The Princess Bride so memorable.
Stardust is not the most easily definable film I have ever seen. Is adult fantasy a movie genre or just a category of pornography? This was a fun 2-hour journey into a different world without pandering to the younger folk. The characters were interesting, the acting was strong, and the story held together even with all the ridiculousness flying around. I am going to put the success of this movie on Matthew Vaughn. There may be some bias from my love of Layer Cake, but he keeps this movie steady by concentrating on the characters instead of the magical world they inhabit. Skipping Robert De Niro for the time being, the most memorable performance clearly came from Michelle Pfeiffer. I praised her work in Hairspray where she played an evil bitch, well this time she is an actual evil witch and plays it to the limit. She seems to glory in stooping around as the dried up aging witch. I wanted to talk about Pfeiffer before De Niro because I still have no idea how to judge his work here. Robert De Niro gay sky pirate is definitely something that stays with you. The problem is that it is so distracting that it is the only thing I remember from those scenes. That’s Vito Corleone/Travis Bickle/Jimmy Conway/Neil McCauley talking with a lisp and wearing a dress. Umm…at least its better than wasting his talents on Meet the Parents. Charlie Cox and Claire Danes have just the right chemistry as the bickering leads that eventually live happily ever after. For Danes this may have been as good as her work in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines but I don’t want to go on record with that. I have no idea who Charlie Cox is but from this point forward I can use Stardust as a reference. The rest of the characters are predominately there for comic relief, which is okay since most of the jokes work. You have the 100-year old man who uses martial arts to guard the wall, all of the princes killing each other, Pfeiffer turning the goat into a man who acts like a goat and turning a man into a woman who is immediately intrigued by his new female body, De Niro trying really hard to be butch in front of his crew, and all of Ricky Gervais’ too few scenes. If only there was Andre the Giant, this could have been a classic movie.
I already know that Stardust will be a film that I will watch over and over again once it pops up on cable. It has just enough depth to so the story works but never takes itself seriously. All the actors are having fun which always helps with this type of movie. Plus I now have another director whose work I can eagerly anticipate. I can't ask for much more than that.
8 out of 10
Stardust is not the most easily definable film I have ever seen. Is adult fantasy a movie genre or just a category of pornography? This was a fun 2-hour journey into a different world without pandering to the younger folk. The characters were interesting, the acting was strong, and the story held together even with all the ridiculousness flying around. I am going to put the success of this movie on Matthew Vaughn. There may be some bias from my love of Layer Cake, but he keeps this movie steady by concentrating on the characters instead of the magical world they inhabit. Skipping Robert De Niro for the time being, the most memorable performance clearly came from Michelle Pfeiffer. I praised her work in Hairspray where she played an evil bitch, well this time she is an actual evil witch and plays it to the limit. She seems to glory in stooping around as the dried up aging witch. I wanted to talk about Pfeiffer before De Niro because I still have no idea how to judge his work here. Robert De Niro gay sky pirate is definitely something that stays with you. The problem is that it is so distracting that it is the only thing I remember from those scenes. That’s Vito Corleone/Travis Bickle/Jimmy Conway/Neil McCauley talking with a lisp and wearing a dress. Umm…at least its better than wasting his talents on Meet the Parents. Charlie Cox and Claire Danes have just the right chemistry as the bickering leads that eventually live happily ever after. For Danes this may have been as good as her work in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines but I don’t want to go on record with that. I have no idea who Charlie Cox is but from this point forward I can use Stardust as a reference. The rest of the characters are predominately there for comic relief, which is okay since most of the jokes work. You have the 100-year old man who uses martial arts to guard the wall, all of the princes killing each other, Pfeiffer turning the goat into a man who acts like a goat and turning a man into a woman who is immediately intrigued by his new female body, De Niro trying really hard to be butch in front of his crew, and all of Ricky Gervais’ too few scenes. If only there was Andre the Giant, this could have been a classic movie.
I already know that Stardust will be a film that I will watch over and over again once it pops up on cable. It has just enough depth to so the story works but never takes itself seriously. All the actors are having fun which always helps with this type of movie. Plus I now have another director whose work I can eagerly anticipate. I can't ask for much more than that.
8 out of 10
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Bourne Ultimatum
And so arrives the steadiest franchise to hit theaters this summer. There has been minimal change in quality for the Bourne franchise. The Bourne Ultimatum is right in line with The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy. There really is no room for a quantum leap in quality I am already completely satisfied with previous films; instead I’m stuck hoping that this time around shit doesn’t go sour. Thankfully Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass are more than up to the challenge.
So has anything changed from 2 to 3? The answer is no. Does that matter? The answer once again is no. This is one of those rare times when the lack of change was a good thing. You have great characters, why change? You have a good approach to action scenes, why change? You have Greengass’s seizure inducing visual style, why change? Of course what was missing was 3 to 4 musical numbers, maybe a running time of 3 and half hours, and definitely more shit should have blown up, but I never said The Bourne Ultimatum was perfect. What it did provide was another chapter in the continuing story of Jason Bourne. And it is the continuity of characters and plot that lifts the series as a whole. The timeline is real tight for this go around. I liked that the entire movie takes place in between the Russian climax and the New York epilogue of the second movie. So what at first was just a slick ending to The Bourne Supremacy now takes on a deeper meaning. Although some points have to be docked for the NYC scene taking place in the summer in Supremacy and the winter in Ultimatum plus I think the phone buzzed in one and rang in the other but hey it was all about the effort. I also applaud them going through and completing the amnesia plotline. In the end Jason Bourne now knows he is David Webb and has regained his memories plus everyone within the government who took part in his brainwashing, from the upper levels of the CIA to the lead doctor, have all been brought to justice. This leads them without a clear reason for a fourth film and hopefully that convinces them not to slowly bleed this great franchise to death. As for the characters, I couldn’t be happier with what went down in Ultimatum. Damn near everyone was either brought back or at least shown onscreen and there was no better moment for me than when the Black Briar files were being looked over and Adebisi flashed onscreen for a second. That was in addition to having Brian Cox’s taped confession from Supremacy being played along with the continual mentions and flashbacks to Franka Potente’s Marie. The still breathing characters brought back were Julia Stiles, Joan Allen, and Joan Allen’s assistant guy. Allen’s Pamela Landy was a legit callback since she is high up enough in the CIA for her to be brought in when Bourne pops back up. I can’t say the same for Stiles’s Nicky Parsons. It didn’t ruin the story or anything, but it is hilarious that of all the foreign CIA offices Bourne breaks into he just happens to stumble upon the office that Nicky works in. Really? Ah well, at least she wasn’t brought back to be Bourne’s new girl. Marie’s body is barely cold. I should spend a couple sentences praising Matt Damon. This character just plays to his strengths. Bourne is not loud or flashy; instead Damon gets to be a taciturn ex-assassin who is always in control while still conveying the inner turmoil he is constantly going through. Plus he violently kicks people asses without being showy. The action is made even better by the work of the director Paul Greengrass whose frenetic camera style fits perfectly with Bourne’s actions. So instead of long drawn out kung fu one on ones, Bourne dispatches everyone in 1 or 2 moves with the editing making everything move faster. Even when there is a longer fight the violence is amplified by Greengrass so that when Bourne is forced to kill again you see the effort it takes and the emotional toll it took out of him. I really couldn't ask for more out this movie.
It may have taken the whole summer but The Bourne Ultimatum finally gave me a big flashy film that delivered everything that I wanted. What a wonderful thing. They were able to close out the trilogy with another strong entry that includes the same levels of tension, violence, and chase scenes. The whole thing just brings a smile to my face.
9 out of 10
So has anything changed from 2 to 3? The answer is no. Does that matter? The answer once again is no. This is one of those rare times when the lack of change was a good thing. You have great characters, why change? You have a good approach to action scenes, why change? You have Greengass’s seizure inducing visual style, why change? Of course what was missing was 3 to 4 musical numbers, maybe a running time of 3 and half hours, and definitely more shit should have blown up, but I never said The Bourne Ultimatum was perfect. What it did provide was another chapter in the continuing story of Jason Bourne. And it is the continuity of characters and plot that lifts the series as a whole. The timeline is real tight for this go around. I liked that the entire movie takes place in between the Russian climax and the New York epilogue of the second movie. So what at first was just a slick ending to The Bourne Supremacy now takes on a deeper meaning. Although some points have to be docked for the NYC scene taking place in the summer in Supremacy and the winter in Ultimatum plus I think the phone buzzed in one and rang in the other but hey it was all about the effort. I also applaud them going through and completing the amnesia plotline. In the end Jason Bourne now knows he is David Webb and has regained his memories plus everyone within the government who took part in his brainwashing, from the upper levels of the CIA to the lead doctor, have all been brought to justice. This leads them without a clear reason for a fourth film and hopefully that convinces them not to slowly bleed this great franchise to death. As for the characters, I couldn’t be happier with what went down in Ultimatum. Damn near everyone was either brought back or at least shown onscreen and there was no better moment for me than when the Black Briar files were being looked over and Adebisi flashed onscreen for a second. That was in addition to having Brian Cox’s taped confession from Supremacy being played along with the continual mentions and flashbacks to Franka Potente’s Marie. The still breathing characters brought back were Julia Stiles, Joan Allen, and Joan Allen’s assistant guy. Allen’s Pamela Landy was a legit callback since she is high up enough in the CIA for her to be brought in when Bourne pops back up. I can’t say the same for Stiles’s Nicky Parsons. It didn’t ruin the story or anything, but it is hilarious that of all the foreign CIA offices Bourne breaks into he just happens to stumble upon the office that Nicky works in. Really? Ah well, at least she wasn’t brought back to be Bourne’s new girl. Marie’s body is barely cold. I should spend a couple sentences praising Matt Damon. This character just plays to his strengths. Bourne is not loud or flashy; instead Damon gets to be a taciturn ex-assassin who is always in control while still conveying the inner turmoil he is constantly going through. Plus he violently kicks people asses without being showy. The action is made even better by the work of the director Paul Greengrass whose frenetic camera style fits perfectly with Bourne’s actions. So instead of long drawn out kung fu one on ones, Bourne dispatches everyone in 1 or 2 moves with the editing making everything move faster. Even when there is a longer fight the violence is amplified by Greengrass so that when Bourne is forced to kill again you see the effort it takes and the emotional toll it took out of him. I really couldn't ask for more out this movie.
It may have taken the whole summer but The Bourne Ultimatum finally gave me a big flashy film that delivered everything that I wanted. What a wonderful thing. They were able to close out the trilogy with another strong entry that includes the same levels of tension, violence, and chase scenes. The whole thing just brings a smile to my face.
9 out of 10
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The 2007 List (9)
- Zodiac
- The Lookout
- Talk to Me
- Grindhouse
- Breach
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
- Hot Fuzz
- Reign Over Me
- Rescue Dawn
- 300
- Black Snake Moan
- Hairspray
- Ocean's Thirteen
- Live Free or Die Hard
- The Simpsons Movie
- Spider-Man 3
- Mr. Brooks
- Smokin's Aces
- Transformers
- DOA
- Shooter
- Blades of Glory
- Reno 911!: Miami
- 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
- The Condemned
- Ghost Rider
- Pathfinder
July was a kickass month. It righted the 2007 ship. I am still looking for that perfect 10 movie to grab a hold of the number 1 slot. I know American Gangster, There Will be Blood, Charlie Wilson's War, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, among others are still looming but the year needs a defining movie to lead to top what is a large amount of 8s and 9s I have seen this year. Still this is better than 1 great movie and a large amount of refuse backing it up.
Talk to Me
When a movie of this quality fails to find any sort of audience, I die a little inside. You can chalk it up to a summer release if you want but I would guess that if this showed up in November it would not have made a difference. Outside of Don Cheadle getting a nomination no one will make the effort. Damn you movie going audience; Talk to Me deserved better.
If for some reason you haven’t been convinced yet, Don Cheadle is one of the most talented actors working today. That type of praise is thrown around a lot, with me being a very guilty party, but damn the man is good. And thankfully he consistently finds projects that actually put his skills to use; a big plus when comparing actors. I may not have known anything about Petey Greene but I would wager a guess that Don freaking nailed it. And even if he wasn’t true to life it was a great performance. From the moment he walks on screen he is in control, starts talking, and never stops. Yes the clothes help. And yes the music helps. But Cheadle plays every note perfectly. Nothing feels forced or incredibly over-the-top. This is especially obvious when Petey goes on the air immediately after Martin Luther King Jr. is assassinated and he becomes the calming influence for Washington D.C. The quiet emotion is there without Cheadle overplaying his hand. Then as Petey becomes a national name, you can see the downfall without it feeling too obvious. Don Cheadle is fricking awesome and deserves some level of accolade for this performance.
I would have been content with just praising Cheadle but Talk to Me is such a great movie because he was not working in a vacuum. Chiwetel Ejiofor nearly matches Cheadle step for step. His role may have been more understated but it is the chemistry between the DJ and his manager that drives the story. You can see Ejiofor’s manipulations and you also see how blind he was to their effects on Petey. Everything comes together in the final pool hall scene between the two of them and they both play it perfectly. Another key player pushing Cheadle to higher levels is Taraji Henson. I’ve always liked Taraji and she is completely insane here. She tears into the hair and clothes of the 60s and 70s. I also have to at least mention Martin Sheen, Cedric the Entertainer and hey what the hell I am feeling generous Mike Epps. The performances may be what I am concentrating on but the story being told is worth the price of admission. Petey Greene was a groundbreaking disc jockey that made his name as a black advocate when that was still a risky proposition and following his career rise and fall is constantly intriguing.
This will probably end up as the best movie I see all summer. I was looking forward to Talk to Me but it easily surpassed my expectations. Don Cheadle turns in another top shelf performance while not a single damn person paid to see the movie. And since it took me a full month to see it, I nearly became one of those fine people that I am trashing. Hopefully someone else somewhere else enjoyed this film too.
9 out of 10
If for some reason you haven’t been convinced yet, Don Cheadle is one of the most talented actors working today. That type of praise is thrown around a lot, with me being a very guilty party, but damn the man is good. And thankfully he consistently finds projects that actually put his skills to use; a big plus when comparing actors. I may not have known anything about Petey Greene but I would wager a guess that Don freaking nailed it. And even if he wasn’t true to life it was a great performance. From the moment he walks on screen he is in control, starts talking, and never stops. Yes the clothes help. And yes the music helps. But Cheadle plays every note perfectly. Nothing feels forced or incredibly over-the-top. This is especially obvious when Petey goes on the air immediately after Martin Luther King Jr. is assassinated and he becomes the calming influence for Washington D.C. The quiet emotion is there without Cheadle overplaying his hand. Then as Petey becomes a national name, you can see the downfall without it feeling too obvious. Don Cheadle is fricking awesome and deserves some level of accolade for this performance.
I would have been content with just praising Cheadle but Talk to Me is such a great movie because he was not working in a vacuum. Chiwetel Ejiofor nearly matches Cheadle step for step. His role may have been more understated but it is the chemistry between the DJ and his manager that drives the story. You can see Ejiofor’s manipulations and you also see how blind he was to their effects on Petey. Everything comes together in the final pool hall scene between the two of them and they both play it perfectly. Another key player pushing Cheadle to higher levels is Taraji Henson. I’ve always liked Taraji and she is completely insane here. She tears into the hair and clothes of the 60s and 70s. I also have to at least mention Martin Sheen, Cedric the Entertainer and hey what the hell I am feeling generous Mike Epps. The performances may be what I am concentrating on but the story being told is worth the price of admission. Petey Greene was a groundbreaking disc jockey that made his name as a black advocate when that was still a risky proposition and following his career rise and fall is constantly intriguing.
This will probably end up as the best movie I see all summer. I was looking forward to Talk to Me but it easily surpassed my expectations. Don Cheadle turns in another top shelf performance while not a single damn person paid to see the movie. And since it took me a full month to see it, I nearly became one of those fine people that I am trashing. Hopefully someone else somewhere else enjoyed this film too.
9 out of 10
Rescue Dawn
You tell me that there is a movie where Christian Bale eats bugs AND drops enough weight to reach visible ribcage level well I’m there. Rescue Dawn delivered all that and a good movie on top. It was quite literally more than I could ever ask for in a cinema experience. That's obviously a lie but the point is this was a really well done prison escape story and with some great work by Bale.
Christian Bale has become one of those actors that I seek out whenever his name is listed at the top of the bill. This may not have been a one-man show, but Mr. Bale did the majority of the heavy lifting in Rescue Dawn. He is more than up to the task; on top of having a commanding presence, the man is always willing to drop weight for a role. This time around, since his character is as a normal American pilot, he starts the movie at a normal soldier weight. But by the end of the film he has been in a prisoner camp for many months so enter the walking skeleton. The first third of the movie is all Bale. He starts as the happy soldier who just wants to fly, then after being shot down he becomes the bewildered man trying to survive in the jungles of Laos. His naivety over the whole situation is what differentiates Rescue Dawn from other POW movies that I have seen. From the moment he is captured, Bale looks like he is bemused over what is happening to him. This continues once he is imprisoned in an actual camp with other men in varies stages of desperation. Everyone else has given up any realistic hope of escape while Bale walks in certain of the fact that he won’t be staying long. The friendship he develops with Steve Zahn and the hostility with Jeremy Davies drives the middle of the film. These were your basic prisoner camp scenes but Bale’s interaction with everyone else makes scenes of hunger and desperate escape planning work here. A lot of it is Bale’s leadership but Zahn’s childlike behavior and Davies’ paranoia while looking like Charles Manson really bring these scenes to another level. One of the problems of this film was that it was based on the true story of Bale’s character. This meant that I knew he was going to eventually get out of the camp and find his way home. I may not have known what would happen to everyone else, and I DEFINITELY wasn’t expecting decapitation, but I was never really on the edge of my seat. Once the breakout happens all of the supporting characters leave the story and it refocuses on Bale and Zahn. The last section of the movie is more great work by Bale with his growing sense of desperation as he runs out of ways to leave the jungle alive. These scenes look great because it is obvious that they filmed in a real dense jungle and you get a feel of just how difficult survival must have been. Once the rescue happens the story is wrapped up with a few light moments involving Bale’s friends slipping him away from the CIA and the heartwarming reception on his aircraft carrier.
Rescue Dawn may not be a movie that will stay with more for the rest of the my life, but it was a really good POW story. Plus I am now firmly a member of the Christian Bale fan club so I definitely enjoyed his work. Finally in a summer that has just churned out Hollywood blockbusters it is nice, and by nice I mean random and weird, to see such a tight little independent flick thrown out in July.
8 out of 10
Christian Bale has become one of those actors that I seek out whenever his name is listed at the top of the bill. This may not have been a one-man show, but Mr. Bale did the majority of the heavy lifting in Rescue Dawn. He is more than up to the task; on top of having a commanding presence, the man is always willing to drop weight for a role. This time around, since his character is as a normal American pilot, he starts the movie at a normal soldier weight. But by the end of the film he has been in a prisoner camp for many months so enter the walking skeleton. The first third of the movie is all Bale. He starts as the happy soldier who just wants to fly, then after being shot down he becomes the bewildered man trying to survive in the jungles of Laos. His naivety over the whole situation is what differentiates Rescue Dawn from other POW movies that I have seen. From the moment he is captured, Bale looks like he is bemused over what is happening to him. This continues once he is imprisoned in an actual camp with other men in varies stages of desperation. Everyone else has given up any realistic hope of escape while Bale walks in certain of the fact that he won’t be staying long. The friendship he develops with Steve Zahn and the hostility with Jeremy Davies drives the middle of the film. These were your basic prisoner camp scenes but Bale’s interaction with everyone else makes scenes of hunger and desperate escape planning work here. A lot of it is Bale’s leadership but Zahn’s childlike behavior and Davies’ paranoia while looking like Charles Manson really bring these scenes to another level. One of the problems of this film was that it was based on the true story of Bale’s character. This meant that I knew he was going to eventually get out of the camp and find his way home. I may not have known what would happen to everyone else, and I DEFINITELY wasn’t expecting decapitation, but I was never really on the edge of my seat. Once the breakout happens all of the supporting characters leave the story and it refocuses on Bale and Zahn. The last section of the movie is more great work by Bale with his growing sense of desperation as he runs out of ways to leave the jungle alive. These scenes look great because it is obvious that they filmed in a real dense jungle and you get a feel of just how difficult survival must have been. Once the rescue happens the story is wrapped up with a few light moments involving Bale’s friends slipping him away from the CIA and the heartwarming reception on his aircraft carrier.
Rescue Dawn may not be a movie that will stay with more for the rest of the my life, but it was a really good POW story. Plus I am now firmly a member of the Christian Bale fan club so I definitely enjoyed his work. Finally in a summer that has just churned out Hollywood blockbusters it is nice, and by nice I mean random and weird, to see such a tight little independent flick thrown out in July.
8 out of 10
Saturday, August 18, 2007
The Simpsons Movie
There really is not much to say about The Simpsons Movie. I have already watched 400+ episodes of the show over the last 2 decades. Although it was nice to not only get a Simpsons movie but to get a Simpsons movie that was actually funny. 15 years ago the quality of a big-screen version would never have been questioned, but as the years have gone by the batting average for the show has dropped to where this movie was not a sure thing. This may not have been the Stonecutters but it was well worth the price of admission.
As is the case with the vast majority of The Simpsons episodes, the starting point is Homer is retarded. For the movie you get Homer falling in love with a pig, hanging naked Bart out to dry, ignoring Lisa’s pleas to keep the lake clean, and all that before the movie kicks into gear. The Homer and Bart dare contest that lead to Bart skating naked through Springfield was hilarious. I have no idea why they thought the movie needed full frontal Bart nudity, but there you go. Homer’s mistreatment of Bart led to the even better scenes between Bart and Flanders. These were some of the best jokes of the movie; Ned preparing the greatest hot chocolate ever, Bart going into the being throttled pose after losing Ned’s fishing pole, and all of Bart’s taunting of Homer with the picture of Homer drawn to look like Flanders. That doesn’t even include my favorite Bart scene in the whole movie where he is cocked out of his mind off of an airplane liquor bottle. Drunk children are always comedy gold. Back to Homer, of course he gets the vast majority of the jokes. There were definitely more hits than misses. All the pig jokes were funny, Homer versus the lynching mob, his escape plan out of America to Alaska, his hallucinations leading to his epiphany, and his opposite of ingenious plan to get back into the dome. Lisa and Marge get their own little subplots, which play out like all of their stories over the years. Lisa’s is superfluous and not that funny and Marge’s storyline is heartfelt and also not that funny. One of the bad things about the movie is that the creators wanted to include every single secondary character that has ever been in the show, so none of them get really more than the occasional one liner. Obviously the one liners are great, especially Ralph saying he likes men now after seeing Bart skate by naked, but come on Burns’ best line doesn’t happen until the credits. So much wasted talent. Still it was nice that they didn’t take up any space with celebrity guest stars. Albert Brooks doesn’t count because he is awesome and should always be a part of the show whenever possible. And the Tom Hanks scene was splendid. I loved that when he brushed the kid’s hair little stars popped up. All in all a really good extended episode.
Hey, I’m not complaining here. I will always love The Simpsons. It just may be my favorite television show of all time. But that is working against it here. I have hundreds of nearly perfect half-hour shows to remind me of its greatness. So the movie shows up and it is good but it had no chance of being more than a worthwhile hour and a half version of the show. There is always a chance that this could lead to a resurgence in show’s quality but I won’t hold my breath.
7 out of 10
As is the case with the vast majority of The Simpsons episodes, the starting point is Homer is retarded. For the movie you get Homer falling in love with a pig, hanging naked Bart out to dry, ignoring Lisa’s pleas to keep the lake clean, and all that before the movie kicks into gear. The Homer and Bart dare contest that lead to Bart skating naked through Springfield was hilarious. I have no idea why they thought the movie needed full frontal Bart nudity, but there you go. Homer’s mistreatment of Bart led to the even better scenes between Bart and Flanders. These were some of the best jokes of the movie; Ned preparing the greatest hot chocolate ever, Bart going into the being throttled pose after losing Ned’s fishing pole, and all of Bart’s taunting of Homer with the picture of Homer drawn to look like Flanders. That doesn’t even include my favorite Bart scene in the whole movie where he is cocked out of his mind off of an airplane liquor bottle. Drunk children are always comedy gold. Back to Homer, of course he gets the vast majority of the jokes. There were definitely more hits than misses. All the pig jokes were funny, Homer versus the lynching mob, his escape plan out of America to Alaska, his hallucinations leading to his epiphany, and his opposite of ingenious plan to get back into the dome. Lisa and Marge get their own little subplots, which play out like all of their stories over the years. Lisa’s is superfluous and not that funny and Marge’s storyline is heartfelt and also not that funny. One of the bad things about the movie is that the creators wanted to include every single secondary character that has ever been in the show, so none of them get really more than the occasional one liner. Obviously the one liners are great, especially Ralph saying he likes men now after seeing Bart skate by naked, but come on Burns’ best line doesn’t happen until the credits. So much wasted talent. Still it was nice that they didn’t take up any space with celebrity guest stars. Albert Brooks doesn’t count because he is awesome and should always be a part of the show whenever possible. And the Tom Hanks scene was splendid. I loved that when he brushed the kid’s hair little stars popped up. All in all a really good extended episode.
Hey, I’m not complaining here. I will always love The Simpsons. It just may be my favorite television show of all time. But that is working against it here. I have hundreds of nearly perfect half-hour shows to remind me of its greatness. So the movie shows up and it is good but it had no chance of being more than a worthwhile hour and a half version of the show. There is always a chance that this could lead to a resurgence in show’s quality but I won’t hold my breath.
7 out of 10
Hairspray
Alright so once again I am faced with a dilemma. On one hand I totally hate musicals but then on the other hand I loved Hairspray. So I think that means I hate myself. Hmm … probably true. This was just a fun movie from the moment it began. It was lighthearted and goofy while have a real message at the heart of things. Until I saw Hairspray I never knew that racism was bad.
I am just not prepared to write a glowing review of Hairspray. This is a struggle. Yes there was singing. And yes there was dancing. In fact they were done in some form of combination throughout the film. Nikki Blonsky is the unknown cast in the lead role and she just dives in headfirst. She is singing, dancing, and acting like an escaped mental patient from the first scene. No sane human being smiles as much as that girl. Then again without her acting this way I would never have heard my favorite line of the summer, “I wish every day were Negro Day!” The other great part about the main character was that her best friend was in the majority of scenes and Amanda Bynes was that best friend. I am now a lifelong fan. Where in the blue hell did this come from? I know she has been on television for the last 10 years but I never watched any of her shows. Or I make it a point not to admit to following the career paths of barely teenage girls. Could be A or it could be B. This time around it was all about the vacant stare and pigtails. Then every thing turned deliciously weird when her crazy mother tied her to bed, splashed holy water on her, and called her devil child. Fan-freaking-tastic. Since John Travolta got most of the press I guess I should at least mention him. He put on a fat suit and a wig and was still John Travolta even if he was supposed to be a fat woman. But then he danced with Christopher Walken and it was appropriately uncomfortable. I would have been offended if this movie took place and Walken was not brought on board. Michelle Pfeiffer and Queen Latifah fill the last 2 significant parent roles. Hairspray is the first of Pfeiffer’s back-to-back evil bitch roles this summer; later on she becomes an actual witch in Stardust. Not a bad deal for someone who has been away for nearly 5 years. I do take that back if she is actually this racist in real life because that’s not cool. As for the Queen, there definitely could have been more Queen but I won’t hold that against the film. Everyone who takes the lead in song or dance deserves a mention so good job Cyclops, dude from High School Musical, a girl who was not Ashanti in John Tucker Must Die, and a black dude named Seaweed. Not only is Seaweed one of the better names I have ever heard but also the man has most of the best dance scenes. Final praise goes to John Waters cameo as the flasher since it was nice to see the man who directed the original movie take part in the musical remake.
Hairspray was a great movie. Unexpected surprise does not even cut it. I legitimately enjoyed it. Still it is a musical so it gets the same treatment as animated movies and the like; I grade on a sliding scale. Hairspray tops the scale but the top only reaches 8 not 10. This would have to be some life changing singing and dancing for me to bring a musical up to 10.
8 out of 10
I am just not prepared to write a glowing review of Hairspray. This is a struggle. Yes there was singing. And yes there was dancing. In fact they were done in some form of combination throughout the film. Nikki Blonsky is the unknown cast in the lead role and she just dives in headfirst. She is singing, dancing, and acting like an escaped mental patient from the first scene. No sane human being smiles as much as that girl. Then again without her acting this way I would never have heard my favorite line of the summer, “I wish every day were Negro Day!” The other great part about the main character was that her best friend was in the majority of scenes and Amanda Bynes was that best friend. I am now a lifelong fan. Where in the blue hell did this come from? I know she has been on television for the last 10 years but I never watched any of her shows. Or I make it a point not to admit to following the career paths of barely teenage girls. Could be A or it could be B. This time around it was all about the vacant stare and pigtails. Then every thing turned deliciously weird when her crazy mother tied her to bed, splashed holy water on her, and called her devil child. Fan-freaking-tastic. Since John Travolta got most of the press I guess I should at least mention him. He put on a fat suit and a wig and was still John Travolta even if he was supposed to be a fat woman. But then he danced with Christopher Walken and it was appropriately uncomfortable. I would have been offended if this movie took place and Walken was not brought on board. Michelle Pfeiffer and Queen Latifah fill the last 2 significant parent roles. Hairspray is the first of Pfeiffer’s back-to-back evil bitch roles this summer; later on she becomes an actual witch in Stardust. Not a bad deal for someone who has been away for nearly 5 years. I do take that back if she is actually this racist in real life because that’s not cool. As for the Queen, there definitely could have been more Queen but I won’t hold that against the film. Everyone who takes the lead in song or dance deserves a mention so good job Cyclops, dude from High School Musical, a girl who was not Ashanti in John Tucker Must Die, and a black dude named Seaweed. Not only is Seaweed one of the better names I have ever heard but also the man has most of the best dance scenes. Final praise goes to John Waters cameo as the flasher since it was nice to see the man who directed the original movie take part in the musical remake.
Hairspray was a great movie. Unexpected surprise does not even cut it. I legitimately enjoyed it. Still it is a musical so it gets the same treatment as animated movies and the like; I grade on a sliding scale. Hairspray tops the scale but the top only reaches 8 not 10. This would have to be some life changing singing and dancing for me to bring a musical up to 10.
8 out of 10
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Now we are hitting the home stretch. The characters are in place and manned by either top notch actors or young’uns that are actually improving as the franchise moves along. While there is still plenty of talking to get across the plot, we are well into the zone of major action set pieces for each movie. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix suffers from being an obvious middle chapter so there was not much of a conclusion. Still that does not deter it from rising nearly to the top of the franchise (although I still have The Prisoner of Azkaban in the first slot).
The Harry Potter directing merry-go-round stops in front of David Yates (who? yeah I don't know either) this time. So it is up to him to pull off the full transition from kids games to life and death political struggle. Whereas The Goblet of Fire ends with copious amounts of shit hitting various fans, but it is The Order of the Phoenix that is 95% political intrigue and 5% Harry likes girls. That is one of the better parts of the movie distillation process, while much of the book is spent with Harry and Cho, the screenwriter took a chainsaw to it and mashed it into 10 minutes of screen-time. That left Yates with the meatier topics of Harry’s growing insanity, Umbridge’s takeover of Hogwarts, and the whup-ass Ministry of Magic battle. As luck would have it, he is able to nail all three. In fact, I was shocked with how well the connection between Voldermort and Harry’s mind was portrayed. Maybe it was the increasing skill of Daniel Radcliffe but the scene where he is finally face-to-face with Dumbledore after Nagini’s attack on Arthur Weasley is probably Radcliffe’s best acting in the series so far. This segue ways into the always great, but always minimal, Alan Rickman scenes. I would have been in favor of more Snape breaking into Harry’s mind but we only get a couple of practices then to make things worse they botched Snape’s worst memory by cutting out Harry’s mom. Ah well that’s why the book is better. Moving along to Dolores Umbridge, Imelda Staunton is just another insanely talented Brit who has been brought into the fold. And she must have done a hell of a job because I hated her on film nearly as much as I hated her in the book. Once again Yates did right by doing justice to the detention torture scene of Harry carving "I will not tell lies" into the back of his hand. God what a piece of shit, Grawp should have eaten her. Now the Ministry of Magic showdown was another part of the movie that completely exceeded my expectations. Well to be specific, Dumbledore versus Voldermort was finally a fully realized wizard duel and it looked damn sweet. Ralph Fiennes is turning Lord Voldermort into one of the best villains in cinematic history. He is having way too much fun being a human/snake hybrid. He is going to dominate The Half-Blood Prince (this does depend on child casting though) and The Deathly Hallows. As for my man, Michael Gambon, he continues to piss off Harry Potter fans while simultaneously making me more and more a fan of his version of Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s an asshole and I am glad that Gambon anticipated the book seven revelations or fell assbackwards into them … whatever.
All that is left is to praise the rest of the cast. Although I preferred crazy dirty and emaciated Gary Oldman in The Prisoner of Azkaban, it is still Gary Oldman and he gets almost 20 minutes worth of acting time before biting it. Sadly, Sirius’s death scene was another misstep. It happened too fast and there wasn’t the emotion that there should have been. Still it ain't Oldman's fault. The always fantastic Emma Thompson gets a nice Trelawney getting sacked scene. I hope they bring back drunk Trelawney hiding her booze in The Half-Blood Prince. I am going to continue listing more names. Helena Bonham Carter may have been the only actress who could do Bellatrix Lestrange justice. I loved her running away sing-songing “I killed Sirius Black!” That still leaves Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltrane, Brendan Gleeson, David Thewlis, George Harris, Julie Walters, and Jason Isaacs fill out the ridiculous cast and make me love England which in turn makes me feel bad about the Revolutionary War. As for the teens running around in the major roles, Dan Radcliffe is starting to show signs of being a damn decent actor. Everyone else is fine, maybe nothing to write home about but they don’t cause scenes to grind to a halt. Overall this was a fine entry to the franchise.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was exactly what I hoped it would be. It was right in line with the rest of the franchise while still being able to shift focus to more serious political topics and Harry’s increasing isolation. Plus I was very pleased that the Ministry of Magic battle was done like a badass action scene, which it was. Now I am even more excited for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Voldermort is my hero.
9 out of 10
The Harry Potter directing merry-go-round stops in front of David Yates (who? yeah I don't know either) this time. So it is up to him to pull off the full transition from kids games to life and death political struggle. Whereas The Goblet of Fire ends with copious amounts of shit hitting various fans, but it is The Order of the Phoenix that is 95% political intrigue and 5% Harry likes girls. That is one of the better parts of the movie distillation process, while much of the book is spent with Harry and Cho, the screenwriter took a chainsaw to it and mashed it into 10 minutes of screen-time. That left Yates with the meatier topics of Harry’s growing insanity, Umbridge’s takeover of Hogwarts, and the whup-ass Ministry of Magic battle. As luck would have it, he is able to nail all three. In fact, I was shocked with how well the connection between Voldermort and Harry’s mind was portrayed. Maybe it was the increasing skill of Daniel Radcliffe but the scene where he is finally face-to-face with Dumbledore after Nagini’s attack on Arthur Weasley is probably Radcliffe’s best acting in the series so far. This segue ways into the always great, but always minimal, Alan Rickman scenes. I would have been in favor of more Snape breaking into Harry’s mind but we only get a couple of practices then to make things worse they botched Snape’s worst memory by cutting out Harry’s mom. Ah well that’s why the book is better. Moving along to Dolores Umbridge, Imelda Staunton is just another insanely talented Brit who has been brought into the fold. And she must have done a hell of a job because I hated her on film nearly as much as I hated her in the book. Once again Yates did right by doing justice to the detention torture scene of Harry carving "I will not tell lies" into the back of his hand. God what a piece of shit, Grawp should have eaten her. Now the Ministry of Magic showdown was another part of the movie that completely exceeded my expectations. Well to be specific, Dumbledore versus Voldermort was finally a fully realized wizard duel and it looked damn sweet. Ralph Fiennes is turning Lord Voldermort into one of the best villains in cinematic history. He is having way too much fun being a human/snake hybrid. He is going to dominate The Half-Blood Prince (this does depend on child casting though) and The Deathly Hallows. As for my man, Michael Gambon, he continues to piss off Harry Potter fans while simultaneously making me more and more a fan of his version of Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s an asshole and I am glad that Gambon anticipated the book seven revelations or fell assbackwards into them … whatever.
All that is left is to praise the rest of the cast. Although I preferred crazy dirty and emaciated Gary Oldman in The Prisoner of Azkaban, it is still Gary Oldman and he gets almost 20 minutes worth of acting time before biting it. Sadly, Sirius’s death scene was another misstep. It happened too fast and there wasn’t the emotion that there should have been. Still it ain't Oldman's fault. The always fantastic Emma Thompson gets a nice Trelawney getting sacked scene. I hope they bring back drunk Trelawney hiding her booze in The Half-Blood Prince. I am going to continue listing more names. Helena Bonham Carter may have been the only actress who could do Bellatrix Lestrange justice. I loved her running away sing-songing “I killed Sirius Black!” That still leaves Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltrane, Brendan Gleeson, David Thewlis, George Harris, Julie Walters, and Jason Isaacs fill out the ridiculous cast and make me love England which in turn makes me feel bad about the Revolutionary War. As for the teens running around in the major roles, Dan Radcliffe is starting to show signs of being a damn decent actor. Everyone else is fine, maybe nothing to write home about but they don’t cause scenes to grind to a halt. Overall this was a fine entry to the franchise.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was exactly what I hoped it would be. It was right in line with the rest of the franchise while still being able to shift focus to more serious political topics and Harry’s increasing isolation. Plus I was very pleased that the Ministry of Magic battle was done like a badass action scene, which it was. Now I am even more excited for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Voldermort is my hero.
9 out of 10
Screw You Barone
I suck at this. Instead of banging my head against the wall trying to finish the half-written Die Hard, Harry Potter, and Bourne reviews, I am just going to go straight to the current stuff. Hopefully by this time next week I'll have my shit together.
No promises.
No promises.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Transformers
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I remember next to nothing about the Transformers cartoon. Obviously they are both more than meets the eye and robots in disguise but everyone knows that. Let’s see; after Autobots and Decepticons plus Optimus Prime and Megatron I have no idea what the cartoon was about. So for me Transformers was just the latest Michael Bay movie and there is only so many pixie stix I can eat in one sitting.
Sometimes I wonder if Michael Bay is just screwing with me. All of his movies look, feel, taste, and any other sense you want to include exactly the same. Look, I am not saying that the man is anywhere near the bottom of the directing barrel. Mr. Bay can shoot the hell out of stuff blowing up and vehicles of any sort going really fast. What does that mean for Transformers? Well, it is very purdy. Everything is bright and shiny with the majority of it shot in broad daylight so there was no hiding the robots in the shadows. But that is the best part Transformers … it was pretty on the outside and completely empty on the inside. Don’t get me wrong the cast tries real hard but in the absence of a decent story there are bad jokes and the actors and actresses working really hard to keep this thing above water. The first name to bring up is Shia LaBeouf and all this instantaneous hype over him is almost deserved, which is amazing. I’ve been a fan since Even Stevens but I was also a fan of a young Mario Lopez and Keshia Knight Pulliam so what the hell do I know. Bringing it back to Shia, he is working his ass off trying to make this sub par material work. You have embarrassing eBay names, masturbation jokes, and 20-foot tall robots hiding in his back yard, just real childish shit. That’s not even bringing up John Tuturro’s unexplainable performance, an Autobot “peeing” on Tuturro, and that stupid mini-Decepticon being both cute and evil. There is just way too much bottom feeding humor. Now before there is any confusion, Anthony Anderson should not be tainted by the rest of the humor in this movie. He delivers as usual with his spiel about why he is eating the donuts in the interrogation room. Also applause for the casting of 2 hot females, one who is way way way too old looking to be in high school and another who is takes her place in a long line of way too sexy computer hackers … casting is the best job ever. It is amusing that I have gone this far without even writing about the Transformers themselves. Although I will admit that they were pretty to look at, there were things that just made the robots feel a bit off. Even with all the advances in technology, the Transformers still stick out as obviously computer generated. Maybe I just wanted them to build real robots. My other annoyance with the movie Transformers was that each of them had too much going on visually and once again maybe I just prefer the blocky cartoon versions. Still the voices were fun, well at least when they weren’t saying stupid shit like “my bad”. So overall the whole damn thing was a good looking mixed bag.
Since Transformers was a big deal and made big money, my only hope is that this leads to more live action movies based on the cartoons I grew up with. And now I will list my top five most wanted; M.A.S.K., Voltron, non-Dolph Lundgren He-Man, Smurfs, Thundercats, and an honorable mention to the entire Disney Afternoon. As for Transformers, it was exactly what you would expect from a Michael Bay movie. If you were hoping for something else take a look in the mirror and figure out where you went wrong in life.
6 out of 10
Sometimes I wonder if Michael Bay is just screwing with me. All of his movies look, feel, taste, and any other sense you want to include exactly the same. Look, I am not saying that the man is anywhere near the bottom of the directing barrel. Mr. Bay can shoot the hell out of stuff blowing up and vehicles of any sort going really fast. What does that mean for Transformers? Well, it is very purdy. Everything is bright and shiny with the majority of it shot in broad daylight so there was no hiding the robots in the shadows. But that is the best part Transformers … it was pretty on the outside and completely empty on the inside. Don’t get me wrong the cast tries real hard but in the absence of a decent story there are bad jokes and the actors and actresses working really hard to keep this thing above water. The first name to bring up is Shia LaBeouf and all this instantaneous hype over him is almost deserved, which is amazing. I’ve been a fan since Even Stevens but I was also a fan of a young Mario Lopez and Keshia Knight Pulliam so what the hell do I know. Bringing it back to Shia, he is working his ass off trying to make this sub par material work. You have embarrassing eBay names, masturbation jokes, and 20-foot tall robots hiding in his back yard, just real childish shit. That’s not even bringing up John Tuturro’s unexplainable performance, an Autobot “peeing” on Tuturro, and that stupid mini-Decepticon being both cute and evil. There is just way too much bottom feeding humor. Now before there is any confusion, Anthony Anderson should not be tainted by the rest of the humor in this movie. He delivers as usual with his spiel about why he is eating the donuts in the interrogation room. Also applause for the casting of 2 hot females, one who is way way way too old looking to be in high school and another who is takes her place in a long line of way too sexy computer hackers … casting is the best job ever. It is amusing that I have gone this far without even writing about the Transformers themselves. Although I will admit that they were pretty to look at, there were things that just made the robots feel a bit off. Even with all the advances in technology, the Transformers still stick out as obviously computer generated. Maybe I just wanted them to build real robots. My other annoyance with the movie Transformers was that each of them had too much going on visually and once again maybe I just prefer the blocky cartoon versions. Still the voices were fun, well at least when they weren’t saying stupid shit like “my bad”. So overall the whole damn thing was a good looking mixed bag.
Since Transformers was a big deal and made big money, my only hope is that this leads to more live action movies based on the cartoons I grew up with. And now I will list my top five most wanted; M.A.S.K., Voltron, non-Dolph Lundgren He-Man, Smurfs, Thundercats, and an honorable mention to the entire Disney Afternoon. As for Transformers, it was exactly what you would expect from a Michael Bay movie. If you were hoping for something else take a look in the mirror and figure out where you went wrong in life.
6 out of 10
Monday, July 16, 2007
The 2007 List (8)
- Zodiac
- The Lookout
- Grindhouse
- Breach
- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
- Hot Fuzz
- Reign Over Me
- 300
- Black Snake Moan
- Ocean's Thirteen
- Live Free or Die Hard
- Spider-Man 3
- Mr. Brooks
- Smokin' Aces
- DOA
- Shooter
- Blades of Glory
- Reno 911!: Miami
- 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
- The Condemned
- Ghost Rider
- Pathfinder
Live Free or Die Hard
Unfortunately there were many reasons why Live Free or Die Hard was the 4th Die Hard film in name only. The most glaring (double meaning baby) may have been Bruce Willis’s shiny baldhead. That’s not John McClane; that’s just Bruce Willis in an action movie. Still, it was a good summer action movie. Nothing will ever be Die Hard, but I can’t damn this for not being one of the best films ever. Actually I totally can but I choose not to.
It is still John McClane. Well an alternate reality John McClane where he shaved his head and has stopped using R-rated language. That reality must suck. Even with the profanity restrictions, Bruce still got off enough one-liners to put a checkmark in that column. You also got all the requisite McClane getting the hell beat out of him action scenes. There was the shootout at Justin Long’s apartment, the helicopter chase through D.C., the accident in the tunnel, Maggie Q and the elevator shaft (someone was drunk when they wrote this), 18-wheeler vs. fighter plane (that same writer then I got high for this), and finally shooting himself to kill Gabriel. I am not sure if any of these will hold up like the famous sequences previous films but they weren’t awful the first time around. Since I just mentioned him, Justin Long may have not been Sam Jack but he was a really good McClane sidekick. He got nearly as many one-liners as Bruce and got to be the audience member inside the movie who is constantly amazed at what McClane is doing. Plus they casted Kevin Smith as his hacker buddy, that was a lot funnier than expected. Although I am a big fan of Timothy Olyphant, he is freaking Seth Bullock from Deadwood; Thomas Gabriel was not in the same league as Hans and Simon Gruber. He doesn’t do anything wrong but at the same time he is not a memorable villain. It also doesn’t help that the villains are computer hackers and that just doesn’t instill that much fear. It was funny that when the climatic scene began Gabriel’s main scrawny hacker kid was holding a gun and menacing the hostages. Thankfully McClane shot him first before the kid ruined what little credibility the movie had left. This was nearly equaled by the big burly Easter European henchman whipping out his computer to hack into the secret financial information. You gotta be able to multi-task to be a modern day goon. Still, I'm not really complaining since I got a halfway decent action blockbuster.
I’ve touched on a couple of the negatives already but they need to be reiterated. The PG-13 rating is a joke. Now that enough weeks have passed it is clear that lowering the rating was not going to jump this franchise into the $200 million range. I would wager that a hard R might have even helped distinguish it from all the other watered down violence and edited profanity that most action movies contain nowadays. There were also multiple scenes that were filmed with an R rating but were clearly and obviously reedited. So that is why some scenes would have been at home in a 70s kung fu flick. The other annoyance previously mentioned was the lack of any sort of realism in many of the action scenes. The fighter plane sequence from beginning to end wouldn’t have been acceptable in a video game. A fighter plane swooping in between superhighways, an 18-wheeler driving around on a collapsing highway, and the whole surfing the crashing plane were all unbelievably ridiculous. There was also the use of a fire hydrant as a weapon against a helicopter, attacking said helicopter with a car, the whole damn elevator shaft sequence, etc. My final gripe is another worthless movie version of the FBI. It is like a standby plot that can be dropped into any movie. It wasn’t even helpful here because at no point did McClane or his hack buddy not fix things themselves. So why even bother introducing the FBI at all?
Live Fee or Die Hard benefited from my complete lack of faith in them making anything that would approach the first movie. I was willing to be satisfied by just another summer blockbuster and that is exactly what I received. Bruce Willis still has the ability to make these types of movies work and who doesn’t want to see John McClane (or something that at least resembles John McClane) in an action movie one more time?
7 out of 10
It is still John McClane. Well an alternate reality John McClane where he shaved his head and has stopped using R-rated language. That reality must suck. Even with the profanity restrictions, Bruce still got off enough one-liners to put a checkmark in that column. You also got all the requisite McClane getting the hell beat out of him action scenes. There was the shootout at Justin Long’s apartment, the helicopter chase through D.C., the accident in the tunnel, Maggie Q and the elevator shaft (someone was drunk when they wrote this), 18-wheeler vs. fighter plane (that same writer then I got high for this), and finally shooting himself to kill Gabriel. I am not sure if any of these will hold up like the famous sequences previous films but they weren’t awful the first time around. Since I just mentioned him, Justin Long may have not been Sam Jack but he was a really good McClane sidekick. He got nearly as many one-liners as Bruce and got to be the audience member inside the movie who is constantly amazed at what McClane is doing. Plus they casted Kevin Smith as his hacker buddy, that was a lot funnier than expected. Although I am a big fan of Timothy Olyphant, he is freaking Seth Bullock from Deadwood; Thomas Gabriel was not in the same league as Hans and Simon Gruber. He doesn’t do anything wrong but at the same time he is not a memorable villain. It also doesn’t help that the villains are computer hackers and that just doesn’t instill that much fear. It was funny that when the climatic scene began Gabriel’s main scrawny hacker kid was holding a gun and menacing the hostages. Thankfully McClane shot him first before the kid ruined what little credibility the movie had left. This was nearly equaled by the big burly Easter European henchman whipping out his computer to hack into the secret financial information. You gotta be able to multi-task to be a modern day goon. Still, I'm not really complaining since I got a halfway decent action blockbuster.
I’ve touched on a couple of the negatives already but they need to be reiterated. The PG-13 rating is a joke. Now that enough weeks have passed it is clear that lowering the rating was not going to jump this franchise into the $200 million range. I would wager that a hard R might have even helped distinguish it from all the other watered down violence and edited profanity that most action movies contain nowadays. There were also multiple scenes that were filmed with an R rating but were clearly and obviously reedited. So that is why some scenes would have been at home in a 70s kung fu flick. The other annoyance previously mentioned was the lack of any sort of realism in many of the action scenes. The fighter plane sequence from beginning to end wouldn’t have been acceptable in a video game. A fighter plane swooping in between superhighways, an 18-wheeler driving around on a collapsing highway, and the whole surfing the crashing plane were all unbelievably ridiculous. There was also the use of a fire hydrant as a weapon against a helicopter, attacking said helicopter with a car, the whole damn elevator shaft sequence, etc. My final gripe is another worthless movie version of the FBI. It is like a standby plot that can be dropped into any movie. It wasn’t even helpful here because at no point did McClane or his hack buddy not fix things themselves. So why even bother introducing the FBI at all?
Live Fee or Die Hard benefited from my complete lack of faith in them making anything that would approach the first movie. I was willing to be satisfied by just another summer blockbuster and that is exactly what I received. Bruce Willis still has the ability to make these types of movies work and who doesn’t want to see John McClane (or something that at least resembles John McClane) in an action movie one more time?
7 out of 10
Saturday, July 14, 2007
4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
So how excited were you when you found out that there was going to be a sequel to Fantastic Four? Yeah, me too. I understand why it was made on an economic level, but no changes were made to the cast or director’s chair? So are we striving for mediocrity now? Shockingly, 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (what a godawful name) was actually an improvement. Although it may be a better installment, it does not move the franchise to a higher step on the comic book movie ladder.
Seeing as the cast was exactly the same, only with an addition of a CGI Silver Surfer, there is not much more to be said this time around. Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans continue to outshine everyone else. Their chemistry even improves this time around. Although the emotional journey of Johnny Storm concluding with him becoming the Super Skrull was not as powerful as intended. The comedic sidekick should stick to the jokey jokes. But just as the good ones improved, the bad may have rotted even more. Jessica Alba is not nor ever will be Susan Storm. And losing 50 more pounds changes nothing … well it may allow her to become invisible without the use of CGI. As for Julian McMahon, why the hell is Dr. Doom spending the majority of the second movie unscarred and out of the mask? That is not the point of the fricking character. Is this so damn difficult to figure out? At least the use of Morpheus as the voice of the Silver Surfer was a decent idea, even if I was waiting for him to talk about the Oracle instead of weak-ass movie Galactus. Plus maybe they boosted the effects budget because the Surfer looked a-ok. Of course the effects will never be confused with Pirates of the Caribbean but they did lower the amount of moments that were Sci-Fi channel worthy. The tone and story felt exactly like the first movie. Once again, that is not what I am looking for but I can appreciate a comic book franchise that does not feel that it is necessary for everything to take place at night or for everyone to be brooding.
Wait a second that was Galactus? Where’s my giant purple space robot being?
Of all the comic book movies that have become franchises, Fantastic Four means the least to me. I have been underwhelmed both times, but at the same time there are so many worse films in theaters that I can’t even build up any real hate for the movies. I assume that there will be more films and until there is a drastic overhaul, like what is going on for the next Hulk movie, I doubt any Fantastic Four movie will ever move past the middling level. Still cross your fingers for the Mole Man next time around.
5 out of 10
Seeing as the cast was exactly the same, only with an addition of a CGI Silver Surfer, there is not much more to be said this time around. Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans continue to outshine everyone else. Their chemistry even improves this time around. Although the emotional journey of Johnny Storm concluding with him becoming the Super Skrull was not as powerful as intended. The comedic sidekick should stick to the jokey jokes. But just as the good ones improved, the bad may have rotted even more. Jessica Alba is not nor ever will be Susan Storm. And losing 50 more pounds changes nothing … well it may allow her to become invisible without the use of CGI. As for Julian McMahon, why the hell is Dr. Doom spending the majority of the second movie unscarred and out of the mask? That is not the point of the fricking character. Is this so damn difficult to figure out? At least the use of Morpheus as the voice of the Silver Surfer was a decent idea, even if I was waiting for him to talk about the Oracle instead of weak-ass movie Galactus. Plus maybe they boosted the effects budget because the Surfer looked a-ok. Of course the effects will never be confused with Pirates of the Caribbean but they did lower the amount of moments that were Sci-Fi channel worthy. The tone and story felt exactly like the first movie. Once again, that is not what I am looking for but I can appreciate a comic book franchise that does not feel that it is necessary for everything to take place at night or for everyone to be brooding.
Wait a second that was Galactus? Where’s my giant purple space robot being?
Of all the comic book movies that have become franchises, Fantastic Four means the least to me. I have been underwhelmed both times, but at the same time there are so many worse films in theaters that I can’t even build up any real hate for the movies. I assume that there will be more films and until there is a drastic overhaul, like what is going on for the next Hulk movie, I doubt any Fantastic Four movie will ever move past the middling level. Still cross your fingers for the Mole Man next time around.
5 out of 10
Fantastic Four
Due to Hollywood’s desire to turn every single comic book character into a movie franchise, I am going to constantly run into comic book movies that I just don’t care about. Fantastic Four is one of those times. Since I was never a fan of the characters (strike 1), I was dependent on either great casting or a top director … that would be the second and third strike. Sadly Fantastic Four never overcame these obstacles and lived down to all my expectations.
Although I may find many negatives about Fantastic Four, this was nowhere near the basement level of Catwoman, Elecktra, or Batman and Robin. There were actual positives to highlight. Vic Mackey was a damn good choice for Ben Grimm. Maybe I am just that big a fan of Michael Chiklis, but he was able to craft a real performance underneath The Thing suit. That in and of itself was a pleasant surprise since it is nice to have a movie not instantly go for the CGI version of a character like The Thing. The other great casting choice was Chris Evans as Johnny Storm. I wouldn’t go so far as to say something as clichéd as “breakout performance”, but he seems to easily slip into the role of The Human Torch. There will be no more kind words towards the cast of Fantastic Four. The only other praise that I have for the movie was that they got the tone right. This is not a dark and serious comic book. It is bright, shiny, family oriented, and occasionally goofy. This is a change of pace for the usual summer comic book franchises. This allowed Fantastic Four to look and feel different for better or worse. That is to say I much prefer darker films.
Remember all those nice things I said about Chiklis and Evans, well having Julian McMahon behind the mask and making Jessica Alba invisible swung the pendulum well into the negative range. I am not sure which is worse; McMahon’s awful attempt at Victor Von Doom or how once he put the mask on his performance may have gotten worse. There was no intelligence, menace, or even the overbearing personality that make him such a strong character in comics. How the hell do you screw up Dr. Doom? Obviously the answer is giving the role to the dude from Nip/Tuck. Was that the low point? Maybe, but the idea of Jessica Alba as Susan Storm is downright goofy. Let’s see; she doesn’t have the age, complexion, hair color, or presence to inhabit the Invisible Woman but damn she’s hot! Now if you have been keeping track of all the cast members then you realize that Reed Richards is all that’s left. And that is just about all that Ioan Gruffudd brought to the part. So if the 3 main characters are disappointing, I wonder how good the movie will be? Hey it wasn’t all that good! It didn’t even have the decency to be awful. Fantastic Four was just forgettable and that is one of the cardinal sins.
So a Fantastic Four movie was made, I am not denying that. What I am saying is that all it provided was something to look at for 106 minutes then allow it to just drift completely from your memory. And, well, who the hell cares about the Fantastic Four movie? It feels exactly like what it is, something to place hold in between the more important comic franchises.
5 out of 10
Although I may find many negatives about Fantastic Four, this was nowhere near the basement level of Catwoman, Elecktra, or Batman and Robin. There were actual positives to highlight. Vic Mackey was a damn good choice for Ben Grimm. Maybe I am just that big a fan of Michael Chiklis, but he was able to craft a real performance underneath The Thing suit. That in and of itself was a pleasant surprise since it is nice to have a movie not instantly go for the CGI version of a character like The Thing. The other great casting choice was Chris Evans as Johnny Storm. I wouldn’t go so far as to say something as clichéd as “breakout performance”, but he seems to easily slip into the role of The Human Torch. There will be no more kind words towards the cast of Fantastic Four. The only other praise that I have for the movie was that they got the tone right. This is not a dark and serious comic book. It is bright, shiny, family oriented, and occasionally goofy. This is a change of pace for the usual summer comic book franchises. This allowed Fantastic Four to look and feel different for better or worse. That is to say I much prefer darker films.
Remember all those nice things I said about Chiklis and Evans, well having Julian McMahon behind the mask and making Jessica Alba invisible swung the pendulum well into the negative range. I am not sure which is worse; McMahon’s awful attempt at Victor Von Doom or how once he put the mask on his performance may have gotten worse. There was no intelligence, menace, or even the overbearing personality that make him such a strong character in comics. How the hell do you screw up Dr. Doom? Obviously the answer is giving the role to the dude from Nip/Tuck. Was that the low point? Maybe, but the idea of Jessica Alba as Susan Storm is downright goofy. Let’s see; she doesn’t have the age, complexion, hair color, or presence to inhabit the Invisible Woman but damn she’s hot! Now if you have been keeping track of all the cast members then you realize that Reed Richards is all that’s left. And that is just about all that Ioan Gruffudd brought to the part. So if the 3 main characters are disappointing, I wonder how good the movie will be? Hey it wasn’t all that good! It didn’t even have the decency to be awful. Fantastic Four was just forgettable and that is one of the cardinal sins.
So a Fantastic Four movie was made, I am not denying that. What I am saying is that all it provided was something to look at for 106 minutes then allow it to just drift completely from your memory. And, well, who the hell cares about the Fantastic Four movie? It feels exactly like what it is, something to place hold in between the more important comic franchises.
5 out of 10
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
DOA: Dead or Alive
Some clarifications are necessary before this review gets to the heart of the matter. There are no good movies to be made based on fighting games. Although there may be a handful of half-assedly interesting characters, there is no real story once you get past the words "kung-fu tournament". DOA: Dead or Alive contains both of these qualities. So I cannot even give you a reason why this movie was made. That’s a lie. It was made because it was awesome. There is no better reason. Another title to add to the awful but fun genre and I thank whichever studio decision maker that fell asleep at the switch allowing this movie its one weekend in theaters.
If I were forced to highlight the defining moment of DOA, it was that when I attempted to see it again a week later it had already been yanked from the cinema. Do you know how poorly a movie has to perform for it to get the axe within a single week? Yeah, that is the quality of DOA. Another highlight is that even with the PG-13 holding them back there was a real attempt to include just as much t & a as the video game. You damn right that means hot chicks in skimpy outfits rolling around with each other … I mean fighting each other. They definitely embraced the video game’s use of scantily clad females even throwing in some beach volleyball. Seeing as I have owned all four DOA games, I am honestly trying to remember if there was ever a point where I imagined a live action movie. The games were always so ridiculous. Yet here it was on the big screen; Kasumi, Tina, Ayane, Helena, Zack, Bass, and just about every other fighter in the history of the series. They even managed a decent batting average with casting and costumes. Kasumi, Tina, Bass, and Hayate were all spot on. While the only real strike out was Hayabusa because really how do you screw up ninja. A couple of others were worth mentioning because Ayane was costumed correctly just the wrong nationality and Helena was casted correctly but not dressed in an evening gown. I did feel that there should have been more or better yet any Lei Fang and the absence of Jann Lee meant no dragon on the interior of his suit jacket. If you added everything up, the DOA equation was hot females and Eric Roberts with an occasional Kevin Nash sighting. That is a dangerous equation but it works when it is Jamie Pressley, Devon Aoki, and all the other no named but nice to watch actresses. And the biggest shock to me was that there were actually some decent fight scenes strewn about the wreckage of the film. And that means whoever did the fight choreography deserves a medal because of the main characters only the actors playing Ryu and Hayate had significant experience in kung-fu films. After anticipated something on the level of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, I am flabbergasted that I have any praise whatsoever for DOA.
Where there negatives? Are you kidding me? But why ruin a good thing with all the negative details. This was a horrendously stupid movie. The plot was laughable, it lasted all of 38 seconds, it was completely exploitative, and it sat on the studio shelves for over half a year for good reasons. But who the hell are you for wanting a classic movie based on the DOA video games?
I want to own this movie right now. I should have bootlegged it when I had the chance. If I have to wait as long for the DVD as I did for the chance to see it in the theater, I may cry. DOA: Dead or Alive is the reason I see so many films during the year. I don’t want to miss the chance to see these debacles in theaters.
6 out of 10
If I were forced to highlight the defining moment of DOA, it was that when I attempted to see it again a week later it had already been yanked from the cinema. Do you know how poorly a movie has to perform for it to get the axe within a single week? Yeah, that is the quality of DOA. Another highlight is that even with the PG-13 holding them back there was a real attempt to include just as much t & a as the video game. You damn right that means hot chicks in skimpy outfits rolling around with each other … I mean fighting each other. They definitely embraced the video game’s use of scantily clad females even throwing in some beach volleyball. Seeing as I have owned all four DOA games, I am honestly trying to remember if there was ever a point where I imagined a live action movie. The games were always so ridiculous. Yet here it was on the big screen; Kasumi, Tina, Ayane, Helena, Zack, Bass, and just about every other fighter in the history of the series. They even managed a decent batting average with casting and costumes. Kasumi, Tina, Bass, and Hayate were all spot on. While the only real strike out was Hayabusa because really how do you screw up ninja. A couple of others were worth mentioning because Ayane was costumed correctly just the wrong nationality and Helena was casted correctly but not dressed in an evening gown. I did feel that there should have been more or better yet any Lei Fang and the absence of Jann Lee meant no dragon on the interior of his suit jacket. If you added everything up, the DOA equation was hot females and Eric Roberts with an occasional Kevin Nash sighting. That is a dangerous equation but it works when it is Jamie Pressley, Devon Aoki, and all the other no named but nice to watch actresses. And the biggest shock to me was that there were actually some decent fight scenes strewn about the wreckage of the film. And that means whoever did the fight choreography deserves a medal because of the main characters only the actors playing Ryu and Hayate had significant experience in kung-fu films. After anticipated something on the level of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, I am flabbergasted that I have any praise whatsoever for DOA.
Where there negatives? Are you kidding me? But why ruin a good thing with all the negative details. This was a horrendously stupid movie. The plot was laughable, it lasted all of 38 seconds, it was completely exploitative, and it sat on the studio shelves for over half a year for good reasons. But who the hell are you for wanting a classic movie based on the DOA video games?
I want to own this movie right now. I should have bootlegged it when I had the chance. If I have to wait as long for the DVD as I did for the chance to see it in the theater, I may cry. DOA: Dead or Alive is the reason I see so many films during the year. I don’t want to miss the chance to see these debacles in theaters.
6 out of 10
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Mr. Brooks
Mr. Brooks falls into that vast abyss of movies that were decent enough and worth the price of admission but after 24 hours it disappears from memory. You can see the problem I am facing since I saw this movie nearly a month ago and this is probably the first time that I have thought about it since then. If my memory is to be trusted (I do have a good track record), this was a pleasant surprise with the majority of the credit going to William Hurt and Kevin Costner.
The biggest highlights of Mr. Brooks occurred during the moments when William Hurt was onscreen. Seeing as he gets to play the manifestation of Costner’s murderous tendencies, Hurt gets to act completely over-the-top, laugh maniacally, and just have an all around good time bouncing dialogue off Costner. Ever since A History of Violence (I would go back to The Village but then I may have to cause myself and anyone who reads this irreparable harm) William Hurt has been performing at an all-star level. Mr. Brooks is just like the icing on the cake. I definitely cannot say the same thing about Kevin Costner. Mr. Brooks is either the first movie I have seen of his since Open Range or the first one that I have praised. And if you attempt to go past Open Range get ready for a long journey until maybe Tin Cup, man I am just not a big Costner fan. But that is the past and he was damn good here. Maybe it was the bowtie, maybe it was the aforementioned chemistry with William Hurt, or maybe it was killing Dane Cook in cold blood, but this was a great performance. The rest of the cast never really hurt the film although no one really does anything noteworthy, outside of Dane Cook not embarrassing himself. Demi Moore was there but the best that I can say about her plot was that it brought Michelle Dessler to the big screen. I missed you Reiko Aylesworth; you absence is noticeable on 24. Outside of the actors and actresses there is not much else worth mentioning. The brutality of the violence was a nice change of pace from the PG-13 movie world that is so prevalent nowadays. This was topped off with the completely ridiculous, yet still awesome, final dream sequence with scissors in neck and blood spurting everywhere. Good times.
I have danced around this so far, but the storyline in Mr. Brooks was bordering on absurd throughout. It walked that fine line with enough skill to not ruin the film but there were parts that really tried my patience. You had two different serial killers, an apprentice serial killer, a novice serial killer, and the alter ego of a serial killer. Really now? Damn near the entire cast were touched with the thrill kill bug. Another annoyance was the Demi Moore supercop plotline. It didn’t add anything to the main story, in fact in felt like someone decided that there needed to be more action by any means necessary. So all of a sudden Demi is being thrown from moving cars and having apartment hallway shootouts like a John Woo knockoff. And the worst thing about Mr. Brooks was that they teased Michelle Dessler nudity but didn’t deliver. That was just messed up and evil.
Although there may have been some glaring faults to the film, Mr. Brooks was a worthwhile trip to the theater. I will see at least 20 to 30 movies better than it this year but at the same time I will probably see about 20 to 30 movies worse than it. It is a middle of the pact movie but sometimes that is good enough.
6 out of 10
The biggest highlights of Mr. Brooks occurred during the moments when William Hurt was onscreen. Seeing as he gets to play the manifestation of Costner’s murderous tendencies, Hurt gets to act completely over-the-top, laugh maniacally, and just have an all around good time bouncing dialogue off Costner. Ever since A History of Violence (I would go back to The Village but then I may have to cause myself and anyone who reads this irreparable harm) William Hurt has been performing at an all-star level. Mr. Brooks is just like the icing on the cake. I definitely cannot say the same thing about Kevin Costner. Mr. Brooks is either the first movie I have seen of his since Open Range or the first one that I have praised. And if you attempt to go past Open Range get ready for a long journey until maybe Tin Cup, man I am just not a big Costner fan. But that is the past and he was damn good here. Maybe it was the bowtie, maybe it was the aforementioned chemistry with William Hurt, or maybe it was killing Dane Cook in cold blood, but this was a great performance. The rest of the cast never really hurt the film although no one really does anything noteworthy, outside of Dane Cook not embarrassing himself. Demi Moore was there but the best that I can say about her plot was that it brought Michelle Dessler to the big screen. I missed you Reiko Aylesworth; you absence is noticeable on 24. Outside of the actors and actresses there is not much else worth mentioning. The brutality of the violence was a nice change of pace from the PG-13 movie world that is so prevalent nowadays. This was topped off with the completely ridiculous, yet still awesome, final dream sequence with scissors in neck and blood spurting everywhere. Good times.
I have danced around this so far, but the storyline in Mr. Brooks was bordering on absurd throughout. It walked that fine line with enough skill to not ruin the film but there were parts that really tried my patience. You had two different serial killers, an apprentice serial killer, a novice serial killer, and the alter ego of a serial killer. Really now? Damn near the entire cast were touched with the thrill kill bug. Another annoyance was the Demi Moore supercop plotline. It didn’t add anything to the main story, in fact in felt like someone decided that there needed to be more action by any means necessary. So all of a sudden Demi is being thrown from moving cars and having apartment hallway shootouts like a John Woo knockoff. And the worst thing about Mr. Brooks was that they teased Michelle Dessler nudity but didn’t deliver. That was just messed up and evil.
Although there may have been some glaring faults to the film, Mr. Brooks was a worthwhile trip to the theater. I will see at least 20 to 30 movies better than it this year but at the same time I will probably see about 20 to 30 movies worse than it. It is a middle of the pact movie but sometimes that is good enough.
6 out of 10
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Final 2006-2007 Television Standings
- The Wire
- Deadwood
- The Shield
- House
- The Sopranos
- Lost
- 24
- Heroes
- Veronica Mars
- Bones
- Weeds
- Scrubs
- Boston Legal
- Prison Break
- Smallville
And that is that. 1-6 are all easy recommendations for this year. 7-11 had significant faults but were still worth the time spent. 12-13 I am neutral on. 14-15 can piss off.
Overall this was an outstanding year of television. I haven't been doing this long enough to compare it to past seasons but it feels like it could go toe-to-toe with most recent years.
Sadly 3 programs from the top 10, Deadwood, The Sopranos, and Veronica Mars, are already gone from next years list. Those will be big shoes to fill. Hopefully 24 can reestablish itself as a mainstay in the top 3, but outside of that I have to hope that something like John From Cincinnati or whatever else shows up in the Fall can be an instant classic. It gets even worse a couple years from now when I assume both The Wire and The Shield will also be gone. So this may just be the end of an era. Still I am not that pessimistic, there will be others to pick up the slack.
The Wire
1. The Wire
The Wire is the best show on television today. In fact it is the best television program I have ever seen. I would love to be able to say that it is the best thing in television history but I can’t compare it to all the older stuff that I have never seen. I still want to say it. There is a very real chance that the 4th season was was their best yet. All of the previous seasons were approaching perfection but this one may have been the most powerful.
I am actually gonna make this shorter than some of the other detailed reviews. There is a strong possibility that I am going to review every episode down the line because The Wire deserves as much attention as I can give. That means there is no reason to get into detail here. The 4th season used the Baltimore school system as their tool to weave another intricate story highlighting even more faults in our world. Pretty fricking depressing if you ask me, especially since showing the holes in the education system is painful enough when someone is doing it half-assed. The Wire doesn’t do anything half-assed, they use their whole ass and our public school system can suck something fierce. Watching the struggles of Michael, Namond, Randy, and Dukie redefines the term heartbreaking. Each took a different path and only one even approached a happy ending. After everything Michael is a soldier, Randy is a snitch with no home, Dukie only has the corner to survive, and Namond got out but for how long. Even though the spotlight was broadened to include education, politics, the streets, and the police force were still as heavily involved as ever. The way that Carcetti’s mayoral run was woven together with Marlo’s consolidation of power, Lester and Daniels efforts, Bodie’s disillusionment, Omar screwing with everyone, Bunny working with troubled students, each of the 4 highlighted kids, dumbass Herc being a dumbass, and more problems for Bubbles is a chemistry equation that only a fool would think to duplicate. Inside each of these stories are characters that can only be seen on a show like this. Where else will you get Chris and Snoop? Seriously now, Snoop is one of my favorite female or is it male characters in television. And their work in the vacants was a brilliant idea. You know what the craziest part of this whole season was? The Wire got even better without Stringer Bell or Avon Barksdale and merely a cameo from Jimmy McNulty. That is just the ridiculous strength of this cast. There is no lead on The Wire; the story is the star. This season Daniels, Freaman, Marlo, Bunny, and the kids were in the driver seat. But have no fear; McNulty looks to be back with a vengeance next year.
I wish The Wire were on right now. This show is an education. It should be shown to anyone with television aspirations. Then again my head could not handle if all the programs I watched were the equivalent of The Wire. When it returns, the sun will shine brighter and my depression over the world we live in will deepen. The Wire giveth and it taketh away.
The Wire is the best show on television today. In fact it is the best television program I have ever seen. I would love to be able to say that it is the best thing in television history but I can’t compare it to all the older stuff that I have never seen. I still want to say it. There is a very real chance that the 4th season was was their best yet. All of the previous seasons were approaching perfection but this one may have been the most powerful.
I am actually gonna make this shorter than some of the other detailed reviews. There is a strong possibility that I am going to review every episode down the line because The Wire deserves as much attention as I can give. That means there is no reason to get into detail here. The 4th season used the Baltimore school system as their tool to weave another intricate story highlighting even more faults in our world. Pretty fricking depressing if you ask me, especially since showing the holes in the education system is painful enough when someone is doing it half-assed. The Wire doesn’t do anything half-assed, they use their whole ass and our public school system can suck something fierce. Watching the struggles of Michael, Namond, Randy, and Dukie redefines the term heartbreaking. Each took a different path and only one even approached a happy ending. After everything Michael is a soldier, Randy is a snitch with no home, Dukie only has the corner to survive, and Namond got out but for how long. Even though the spotlight was broadened to include education, politics, the streets, and the police force were still as heavily involved as ever. The way that Carcetti’s mayoral run was woven together with Marlo’s consolidation of power, Lester and Daniels efforts, Bodie’s disillusionment, Omar screwing with everyone, Bunny working with troubled students, each of the 4 highlighted kids, dumbass Herc being a dumbass, and more problems for Bubbles is a chemistry equation that only a fool would think to duplicate. Inside each of these stories are characters that can only be seen on a show like this. Where else will you get Chris and Snoop? Seriously now, Snoop is one of my favorite female or is it male characters in television. And their work in the vacants was a brilliant idea. You know what the craziest part of this whole season was? The Wire got even better without Stringer Bell or Avon Barksdale and merely a cameo from Jimmy McNulty. That is just the ridiculous strength of this cast. There is no lead on The Wire; the story is the star. This season Daniels, Freaman, Marlo, Bunny, and the kids were in the driver seat. But have no fear; McNulty looks to be back with a vengeance next year.
I wish The Wire were on right now. This show is an education. It should be shown to anyone with television aspirations. Then again my head could not handle if all the programs I watched were the equivalent of The Wire. When it returns, the sun will shine brighter and my depression over the world we live in will deepen. The Wire giveth and it taketh away.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Deadwood
2. Deadwood
Deadwood should still be on television. Those hoopleheaded cocksuckers at HBO killed a piece of my soul by getting rid of it. And now all I have are the words of Calamity Jane to hold on to, “every day takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin’ live.” You know what that statement is not strong enough. Calamity take 2, “Custer (HBO) was a cunt. The end.”
In honor of Deadwood this review will be include massive amounts of profanity.
I cannot tell you how wrong it is for me to sit here and write about Deadwood while watching an episode of John From Cincinnati. It is nice for David Milch to still have an outlet for his art but damnit Deadwood was bliss. This was a show with no faults and constant improvement. The characters were still fresh, the storylines were still strong, and and and those cocksuckers killed it. I feel like Dan ripped my eye out in the middle of the thoroughfare.
There has been no other show like Deadwood. I loved it unconditionally. Al Swearengen, Seth Bullock, Dan, Doc, Sol, Trixie, Cy Tolliver, Charlie Utter, Joanie Stubbs, Ellsworth, Calamity motherfucking Jane, Wu, Hearst, Mose, the Nigger General, Hostetler, and every other motherfucker in that piece of shit town. I still hold a grudge that I am not watching the 4th season right now. This is when it would be airing but it isn’t airing and I don’t understand why. I feel like a 5 year old; I keep asking why and nobody will give me a satisfying answer. I will never see drunk Calamity Jane stumbling around and slurring her words, I will never hear Al use the word cocksucker with such panache, I will never be able to witness Bullock snap and beat the shit out of someone at the drop of a hat, I will never get the chance to hear Wu use the words Swearengen and cocksucker to construct a whole conversation, all of this just depresses the hell out of me.
Every season of Deadwood was legendary. In fact I don’t believe that there ever was a single sub-par episode. The 3rd season was no exception. After teasing George Hearst as the goddamned boogiest of men, in walks in fucking Major Dad as the ultimate badass. Beat that casting. The bad back, the discriminate killing, the ability to nearly turn Al face, Hearst had it all. One of the best parts of the George Hearst character was that it forced the ultimate tag-team of Swearengen and Bullock. Those 2 working together was pure magic. The majority of Al’s screen-time was spent in these awesome soliloquies where he would attempt to figure out how to out maneuver Hearst. On the other hand, Bullock would just pick a name out of a hat and beat the shit out of that person. Both of those plans are worthwhile choices when it comes to solving your problems. This doesn’t even touch on the Widow Garret and her bank, Trixie flashing Hearst as a distraction before shooting him, Mose and Jane watching over the children, Hostetler, the Nigger General, Steve, and the livery, scenery chewing Bryan Cox, and whatever else I have forgotten in the last year. It is too painful to go back and read about the specifics.
I cannot tell you how wrong it is for me to sit here and write about Deadwood while watching an episode of John From Cincinnati. It is nice for David Milch to still have an outlet for his art but damnit Deadwood was bliss. This was a show with no faults and constant improvement. The characters were still fresh, the storylines were still strong, and and and those cocksuckers killed it. I feel like Dan ripped my eye out in the middle of the thoroughfare.
There has been no other show like Deadwood. I loved it unconditionally. Al Swearengen, Seth Bullock, Dan, Doc, Sol, Trixie, Cy Tolliver, Charlie Utter, Joanie Stubbs, Ellsworth, Calamity motherfucking Jane, Wu, Hearst, Mose, the Nigger General, Hostetler, and every other motherfucker in that piece of shit town. I still hold a grudge that I am not watching the 4th season right now. This is when it would be airing but it isn’t airing and I don’t understand why. I feel like a 5 year old; I keep asking why and nobody will give me a satisfying answer. I will never see drunk Calamity Jane stumbling around and slurring her words, I will never hear Al use the word cocksucker with such panache, I will never be able to witness Bullock snap and beat the shit out of someone at the drop of a hat, I will never get the chance to hear Wu use the words Swearengen and cocksucker to construct a whole conversation, all of this just depresses the hell out of me.
Every season of Deadwood was legendary. In fact I don’t believe that there ever was a single sub-par episode. The 3rd season was no exception. After teasing George Hearst as the goddamned boogiest of men, in walks in fucking Major Dad as the ultimate badass. Beat that casting. The bad back, the discriminate killing, the ability to nearly turn Al face, Hearst had it all. One of the best parts of the George Hearst character was that it forced the ultimate tag-team of Swearengen and Bullock. Those 2 working together was pure magic. The majority of Al’s screen-time was spent in these awesome soliloquies where he would attempt to figure out how to out maneuver Hearst. On the other hand, Bullock would just pick a name out of a hat and beat the shit out of that person. Both of those plans are worthwhile choices when it comes to solving your problems. This doesn’t even touch on the Widow Garret and her bank, Trixie flashing Hearst as a distraction before shooting him, Mose and Jane watching over the children, Hostetler, the Nigger General, Steve, and the livery, scenery chewing Bryan Cox, and whatever else I have forgotten in the last year. It is too painful to go back and read about the specifics.
Deadwood should still be on television. Those hoopleheaded cocksuckers at HBO killed a piece of my soul by getting rid of it. And now all I have are the words of Calamity Jane to hold on to, “every day takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin’ live.” You know what that statement is not strong enough. Calamity take 2, “Custer (HBO) was a cunt. The end.”
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