Barone at the Cinema

The All-Time 100

2011-01-27T20:18:00.002-05:00

It has been another couple of years since I updated my Top 100 and now feels as good a time as any. I also wanted to put this together because Inception cracked my Top 20; it is now side by side with The Dark Knight. I will have to see which one separates over the next few years and if either of them climb into my Top 10 like the Kill Bill movies did after a few years. I'm pretty close to having all these movies be 10 out of 10 but there are still a few 9s at the end. Some of the 9s are ahead of 10s because the left hand doesn't always know what the right hand is doing.

The Godfather
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Godfather: Part II
Star Wars V - The Empire Strikes Back
Kill Bill : Vol. 2
Se7en
Jaws
The French Connection
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
Braveheart
Gladiator
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The Shawshank Redemption
Saving Private Ryan
Star Wars IV - A New Hope
Alien
Pulp Fiction
The Dark Knight
Inception (new)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Goodfellas
The Departed
The Hustler
Drunken Master
Battle Royale
American History X
Rocky
Die Hard
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Unforgiven
Jurassic Park
The Maltese Falcon
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
The Usual Suspects
Hero
The Sting
Drunken Master II
The Killer
Chinatown
A Better Tomorrow
The House of Flying Daggers
Schindler's List
Hard Boiled
Rear Window
Bonnie and Clyde
Gangs of New York
Good Will Hunting
Heat
No Country for Old Men
The Social Network (new)
Inglourious Basterds (new)
Spider-Man 2
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Iron Man
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Seven Samurai
The Insider
Tombstone
Children of Men
Michael Clayton
X2
Oldboy
Leon: The Professional
Black Hawk Down
Munich
Glory
The Wild Bunch
Batman Begins
Juno
Lady Vengeance
Back to the Future
Blade Runner
A History of Violence
Into the Wild
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Rounders
The Princess Bride
The Shining
Traffic
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
The Silence of the Lambs
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (new)
Training Day
Midnight Run (9)
Batman (9)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Taxi Driver
Enter the Dragon
Boyz N the Hood
Whale Rider
Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (9)
Layer Cake (9)
Syriana
Letters from Iwo Jima (9)
The Aviator (9)
Lethal Weapon (9)
Vertigo (9)
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Iron Monkey (9)

The Final 2010 List

2011-01-26T23:58:00.002-05:00

Let’s close the book on 2010. Although I had the lowest amount of movies seen since I’ve been doing this ridiculous shit, the quality more than made up for that. I ended up with a very strong top 10 and maybe even stretch that out to 15. You can’t really ask for more than that ... I want a pony ...

Inception
The Social Network
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Winter’s Bone
True Grit
The King’s Speech
127 Hours
The Town
Let Me In
Shutter Island
The Fighter
Kick-Ass
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Iron Man 2
The Losers
Black Swan
Edge of Darkness
The Book of Eli
Green Zone
Alice in Wonderland
The A-Team
Unstoppable
Piranha 3D
The Crazies
Predators
Salt
TRON: Legacy
The Wolfman
Machete
The Expendables
Brooklyn’s Finest
Due Date
Faster
The Karate Kid
Robin Hood
Daybreakers
Repo Men
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Clash of the Titans
MacGruber
Legion
Grown Ups

Let’s finish this up with my choices for the Oscars. I’ll explain my nomination changes then give my winner. Skipping past Best Movie since I just listed those and don’t feel the need to do it again.

Best Actor:

Leonardo DiCpario (Inception)
Colin Firth (The King’s Speech)
James Franco (127 Hours)
Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network)
Jeff Bridges (True Grit)

Swapping in Leo for Javier Bardem. I am personally rectifying the Inception snubs even if only in my head.

My choice is James Franco but would be comfortable with every other choice.

Best Actress:

Natalie Portman (Black Swan)
Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone)
Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)
Chloe Moretz (Let Me In)
Noomi Rapace (The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo)

Only Portman and Lawrence match the Oscar noms. I’m moving Hailee here instead of Supporting because she was the protagonist of the fucking movie. I feel Chloe needs to be recognized so I’ll go with the movie no one saw here. One of the Millennium trilogy had to be released in Sweden this year so I’ll stand by Noomi.

My choice is Natalie Portman but ask me tomorrow and I may switch to Jennifer Lawrence.

Best Supporting Actor:

Christian Bale (The Fighter)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Inception)
John Hawkes (Winter’s Bone)
Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech)
Tom Hardy (Inception)

Adding 2 more from Inception because I can.

In honor of Heath Ledger, Christian Bale has to be the biggest lock since the Joker.

Best Supporting Actress:

Helena Bonham Carter (The King’s Speech)
Mila Kunis (Black Swan)
Amy Adams (The Fighter)
Ellen Page (Inception)
Chloe Moretz (Kick-Ass)

Haha more Chloe Moretz because its fun when children swear. One more for Inception because I’m on a roll and Mila Kunis was legit robbed of a nomination.

Hmm. In lieu of not having a clear winner in my head, I’ll support Bellatrix Lestrange.

Best Director:

Christopher Nolan (Inception)
David Fincher (The Social Network)
Debra Granik (Winter’s Bone)
Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech)
Danny Boyle (127 Hours)

Lots of changes, but it doesn’t matter this should have been Nolan’s award. He keeps getting snubbed.

Since my choice isn’t available, I’ll support Fincher for the statue.

And that’s, pretty much, that.

True Grit

2011-01-25T23:58:00.002-05:00

Finishing the year with a Western is a fine idea. True Grit was most definitely a Western with all the Western-ness that you can handle. That was the only negative that I can think of, instead of being a Coen Brothers movie it is just a Western done to near perfection.

Usually this would be the part of the review where I would detail all the sweet Coen Brothers moments throughout True Grit, but this was the least Coeny movie I’ve seen them make. They definitely wrote the dialogue because you can’t hide that, but the story is pure Western from beginning to end. The story followed an obvious straight line and ended cleanly. It was confusing. Thankfully all the dialogue was hilarious so I didn’t feel I was completely in a foreign country. And if the horse trader scene doesn't qualify as memorable, I don't understand the rules of the game anymore.

So … Jeff Bridges huh? I thought he peaked with Stick It but I now must admit that I was wrong. It feels good to admit that. Forgetting the fact that he was stepping into John Wayne’s shoes, Bridges was incredible. He owns every moment he is on the screen. He is pathetic and a badass at the same time. The accent is ridiculous and perfect. If he wasn’t given the "hey we like you and want you to get one of these before its too late" Oscar last year, I may have backed him as the best performance of the year. But I don’t back losers...

Although Jeff Bridges was the selling point, the actual star of True Grit was Hailee Steinfeld. I know she got nominated for Supporting Actress but the movie was told from her point of view and was her story. She held her own with the stars and also took home the prize for best scene as she negotiated circles around the horse trader. Matt Damon takes on the third wheel role of Laboeuf and delivers as usual. Its always a pleasure when a headliner willingly takes a supporting role because the film is worth it. Josh Brolin attempts to remind everyone why he was storming up the ranks after Jonah Hex destroyed his momentum. But his villainy is completely overshadowed by Barry Pepper, who was shockingly good in his few minutes as Lucky Ned Pepper. That's actually unfair because Pepper was fantastic in a completely crucial role as the man Rooster has been hunting for years. The Coen Brothers always cast with the best of them.

Remaking True Grit was an interesting choice by the Coen Brothers. But I'm always up for a good western and take them wherever I can get them. Thanks Coen Brothers!

9 out of 10

The Social Network

2011-01-25T23:40:00.002-05:00

We have one more 2010 movie that I blew past for ridiculous reasons, The Social Network. Its interesting that the two movies that fell behind were Inception and The Social Network, since they are going to end up in the #1 and #2 slot for the year. David Fincher is an absolute master at work right now and giving him an Aaron Sorkin script was just unfair.

Who knew the creation of Facebook would be such fertile ground for a major motion picture? Everything about Facebook is sensationalized but I didn’t expect it's rise to dominance to be so dramatic and riveting. 100% truthful or not; The Social Network is a mesmerizing film. I don’t know if it can be chalked up to the story, the script, the directing, or the acting, or a little from column a, b, c, and d but the alchemy was just right. The movie version of Mark Zuckerberg is just a fascinating guy who is that Hollywood staple of being an absolute douchebag that you still root for. Maybe I’m projecting, but his performance felt very similar to Chloe O’Brian from 24. Which is just another way for me to say how much I love this type of character. Fincher steers this movie perfectly. He keeps the plot moving so that the boring boardroom manipulations never stall the momentum. There was always a scene-stealing bit of dialogue right around the corner.

There are a handful of writers out there that reveal themselves immediately once the characters start talking and Aaron Sorkin is near the top of that list. If you didn’t know that Sorkin wrote this script during the rapid fire bar conversation that opened The Social Network, then you must not be familiar with the man. It only gets better from there, as Jesse Eisenberg gets to just attack some serious monologues throughout the film. I may miss weekly doses of Sports Night, The West Wing, or Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (yeah that one too) but if the lack of television-Sorkin means some high quality movie-Sorkin every couple of years, I’ll get by.

(Insert weak-ass Michael Cera/Jesse Eisenberg joke here) Eisenberg proves his dramatic ability instantaneously and ends up annihilating Sorkin’s script. He was a perfect fit for Zuckerberg’s hoodie. A flat-out dominant performance; it almost made me forget that he was in The Village. One of Zuckerberg’s wronged parties was played by Spider-Man! Andrew Garfield was impressive as the whiny buddy cutout before Facebook hit it big. See ya in spandex in a couple of summers! But let’s move on to JT. Timberlake proves once again that he has more talent than a boy band member should be allowed to have. I wish there were more coked out and paranoid Sean Parker because those were fun scenes. Fincher deployed subtle special effects to turn Arnie Hammer into the Winklevoss twins. Hammer was very convincing as the duel Ivy league douchebags and Fincher doubled him without the audience even realizing it. Hammer made little choices to distinguish between Tyler and Cameron and unless you read about it before hand you would have assumed that Fincher had found a set of Aryan twins who could act.

In any other year, I would have been happy to toss the number one slot to The Social Network. Sadly, Fincher is gonna have to take a perfect rating but a second place finish. Bring on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

10 out of 10

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2011-01-25T23:20:00.002-05:00

Time to clean up another mistake from 2008. Before I crashed and burned reviewing all of Christopher Nolan’s films, I had gone through all of David Fincher’s films. Well, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button came out in 2008 without a review. The problem is that this is one of those movies that has not gotten any consistent airings on cable so I completely forgot about it until I was writing about all of Nolan's movies. I’m thinking the running time of nine hours and fifty-three minutes may have been the problem. If you can make it all the way to the ending, this was an intriguing story.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was built around one of them high concept ideas. What if a man aged backwards!?!? That’s it. Now comes the tricky part. The plot is … how shall I put this ... similar to Forrest Gump. The strange man is born in the South and goes on all these crazy adventures while being in love with a woman from his childhood the whole time. There was even a Lt. Dan-like sea captain. It’s actually not that crazy an occurrence since it was the same screenwriter, Eric Roth, as Forrest Gump. On the plus side, there was no on-the-nose AIDS ending this time around. Instead it hit some real emotion that I was not expecting but was amazing to witness.

You don’t get more A-List than Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett in the starring roles of any movie. Since The Curious Case of Benjamin Button traces their entire lives, they have to share each of their characters with other actors depending on their age. But most of the heavy emotional lifting is done by Pitt and Blanchett. All sorts of computer tricks were used so Pitt could start off as a tiny elderly man and then die as a child. It was some pretty strong work because it always looked like Pitt even when it was physically impossible for him to play the part. Although Cate didn’t go through the computer generator, she did span decades of Daisy’s life. The hours of sitting still all became worthwhile when you saw Daisy’s heartbreak as she watched the childlike Benjamin slowly lose his memories. The two of them carry this movie from beginning to end.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a sprawling movie spanning decades so there were a tons of supporting characters. The highlights were Taraji P. Henson, Jared Harris, and Tilda Swinton. Maybe I should go back and re-evaluate Baby Boy now that Taraji has crafted such a strong resume over the last decade. Now that I can but the sea captain character to the name Jared Harris, I'm intrigued to see what he does as Moriaty in the Sherlock Holmes sequel. I heart Tilda Swinton in everything I see her in. This goes double for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button since she actually got to be a beautiful woman instead of some sort of androgynous boygirl.

I think The Curious Case of Benjamin Button will end up getting lost in the shuffle of David Fincher's career. It is a completely worthy movie that doesn't deserve to be forgotten but that tends to happen when you hit as many high-notes as Fincher has over the last 15 years.

9 out of 10

Inception

2011-01-23T20:13:00.002-05:00

There is always that moment when the lights dim and the months of anticipation and build-up are over and now you get to find out just what the hell this new movie is all about. Because of the director Christopher Nolan has always been, Inception was clouded in mystery. Once again not only did he deliver, he delivered flawlessly.

Its been over six months since I first saw Inception and I’m still surprised that such a non-conventional idea would be the basis for a summer blockbuster. Dreams within dreams within dreams within dreams lead to some fascinating storytelling. Its all in the details of each dream sequence; the introduction of the world through the Cobol job, Cobb and Ariadne witnessing the world folding in on itself then stepping from one plane to another, Ariadne moving mirrored doors in the middle of the street, the suddenness of the train running through the street, the hallway fight with shifting gravity, the snowy mountaintop fortress location, and just everything about the final level. Nolan is such a gifted filmmaker that he makes such amazing choices seem run of the mill in his hands. Arthur’s fight in the hotel hallway can’t be compared to anything else. It was seamlessly filmed to the point that something so unreal looked completely realistic. I could watch that sequence over and over again. While all of these memorable images are appearing on the screen, maybe the most consistently important part of Inception is the score. Every single moment is punctuated by this reverberation that was incredibly powerful. It was absolutely perfect.

The amusing thing about Inception is that even with all of its crazy-ass ideas this was just a by-the-book heist story. An impossible job is taken on, a team needs to be put together, a rookie needs to be shown the ropes, the leader is tortured but thinks this job will fix his life, you see the job being planned but then it all goes to hell, and then you end the movie with the heist. But who cares? The heist storyline was just the path Nolan was following in order to explore his fascination with the world of dreams.

Its starting to become obvious that Leonardo DiCaprio is incapable of attaching himself to a bad movie. Ten years have past since he relaunched himself with Gangs of New York and every single time he steps in front of the camera it is with some serious material to work with. He completely nailed Cobb’s slipping grip on what is real and what isn’t within the dreamworld. Leo was the anchor for the entire film. This allowed all of the talent around him to just dominate when they had their chance. I’ve been a champion of Joseph Gordon-Levitt since Brick so it was fantastic to see him do his work in such a high profile film. Ditto for Ellen Page. Well, switch Hard Candy for Brick and that sentence makes a bit more sense. The sleeper of the heist gang was Tom Hardy. He's been in a bunch of British gangster movies (and Star Trek: Nemesis ... whoops) but he took advantage of the big stage and just ate up the scenery like no one's business. That still leaves Marion Cotillard, Ken Watanabe, Tom Berenger, Cillian Murphy, and Dileep Rao. Yes that Tom Berenger. And Michael Caine, there will always be a place for Michael Caine.

Inception's open to interpretation ending was the only way to properly end such an examination of reality. Since I have a dark mind, I appreciate not being spoon-fed a happily ever after conclusion. Either way you choose to view it, Inception is the new peak of Nolan's career ... I think. Damn its becoming tough to separate these perfect films.

10 out of 10

The Dark Knight

2011-01-23T19:59:00.002-05:00

I shit the bed halfway through 2008's movie reviews so this whole thing has been an elaborate ploy to get my ass to write a review of The Dark Knight. No matter the build-up nor the high level of expectations, The Dark Knight went well beyond just being a great comic book movie. Obviously it almost goes without saying that it all came down to Heath Ledger and how he dominated every single second he was on the screen. It literally lifted the movie to a higher level.

So the Joker... There are few words left to write about Heath Ledger’s performance. Prior to his death, there was already buzz about the work that he did on The Dark Knight. But even that didn’t prepare you for what he actually did with one of the most famous comic book villains of them all. It was magnetic. Instead of being Jack Nicholson under white face paint, Ledger brought the psychopath from the page to the screen. Every scene was noteworthy, but everyone will always point out the pencil magic trick, the assault on Harvey Dent’s transport, the interrogation, and his conversation with a Harvey Dent in the hospital. His suit was also pitch perfect and just enhanced the look of the Chelsea Smile they used to explain his permanent grin. Thankfully his choice of voice was not as irritating as the growl squared that is used when Batman speaks. And he found all these odd physical tics to highlight just how every single second was a dangerous moment with the Joker.

All of the good guys from Batman Begins return for The Dark Knight. Christian Bale is still solid in and out of the costume. Gary Oldman proves that he was born to play, now Commissioner, Jim Gordon. It is such a great character and he takes full advantage. Michael Caine continues turning Alfred Pennyworth into Michael Caine. And there is never a reason to complain about more Morgan Freeman. Even better than that, Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal then blown up. Good times. On the other side of the law, Heath Ledger is joined by Aaron Eckhart and Eric Roberts. Eckhart is Harvey Dent for most of the movie so calling him a bad guy is probably unfair but he is Two Face by the end so I stand by my placing. That’s not the point though; the make-up/effects used to portray his burnt face were amazing. Its almost disappointing that there wasn't more Two Face in action or that they left him getting burnt as the cliff hanger for the next movie. Haha Eric Roberts...

Nolan’s comfort level with the material allowed him to experiment elsewhere. The visuals were spectacular throughout The Dark Knight. He used IMAX cameras for a handful of the action scenes, including the opening bank robbery, and the results were stunning. He almost single-handedly made I Am Legend a financial success since the bank robbery scene was attached to it as an extended IMAX teaser. Whatever, it was worth the $125 ticket. He put Batman on top of a skyscraper in Hong Kong for a crazy visual. He flipped a tractor trailer end over end just because it was something new to do in a chase scene. This was just a joy to watch from beginning to end.

There really isn't much more to say about The Dark Knight than did you see what Heath Ledger did? Because if you haven't, that's on you and you're wrong. Bring on Catwoman...

10 out of 10

The Prestige

2011-01-23T19:28:00.002-05:00

Now we come to the Christopher Nolan film that I have an immense soft spot for, The Prestige. I know that it is not one of his best movies, but I love it nonetheless. It is such an over-the-top premise that it was perfect. Who knew Nikola Tesla was a wizard?

The lead up to The Prestige was amusing because it was Batman vs. Wolverine. How much more nerdier can you get than that? The answer, if you were wondering, is Batman. Batman always wins. That’s why he is Batman. Although that may have been a weak selling point, the story really did come down to Christian Bale vs. Hugh Jackman. Both of them brought what they do best to the table. Bale gets to disappear into a double role (spoiler) while Jackman gets to be the flamboyant showman. That is playing to their strengths. This may actually be my favorite Jackman performance. Maybe it was the clothes, once again I love canes and will never say no to a sweet top hat, but this character just fit Jackman. On the other hand Bale plays twins who hide that fact so he gets to disappear into duel roles. Well if that isn't the absolute perfect use of Christian Bale’s skill set, I don’t know what is. At least this time around, he uses make-up and clothes to change his look instead of his usual full body makeover.

As per usual, Nolan populates the supporting cast with spectacular choices. In the first of his continual return appearances, Michael Caine plays the Michael Caine role. Obviously, that was the role he was born to play. The women in Bale and Jackman’s lives are played by Piper Perabo, Rebecca Hall, and Scarlett Johannson. Can’t complain there. So this is what Piper was doing between Coyote Ugly and Covert Affairs... And since 50% of Scarlett’s career involves movies set in the past, The Prestige is right up her alley. Finally, we get to the highlights of the supporting class, David Bowie and Andy Serkis. There may have never been a better casting choice than David Bowie as Nikola Tesla. The whole movie was building to the introduction of Tesla and then Bowie walks onscreen and it all makes sense. As for Serkis, I’ll always applaud when he gets to appear as himself instead of a computer generated character.

Nolan tells the story with just the right amount of manipulation. Throughout The Prestige, Jackman and Bale are reading diaries of the other character so the audience is viewing multiple timelines. The man loves yanking you back and forth through time. So each character is looking back at past events at different points in their life. And the double revelations at the end tied everything together perfectly. First you find out the lengths that Bale was going to to keep up his illusions. Then in the only way to top him, the climatic scene reveals the insanity that Bale drove Jackman too. Very dark and very cool.

The Prestige may not crack the list when Christopher Nolan's career comes to end but it is still a great film that was a nice break in between the Batman franchise.

9 out of 10

Batman Begins

2011-01-23T19:09:00.002-05:00

Its been awhile since I sat and watched Batman Begins from beginning to end so it was nice to return to it post-The Dark Knight. At the time, it was a phenomenal re-interpretation of the Batman universe and now it looks even better as the foundation of one the best movies I’ve ever seen. Damn near every single choice was on the money and paid off.

After Adam West, Tim Burton, and Joel Schumacher, I was unsure if the version of Batman I wanted to see would ever appear on the screen. I’ve always leaned to the darker more serious side of cinema and Batman is perfect for that type of storytelling. Yet everything prior to Batman Begins was jokey and cartoony. I’m not saying everything before sucked but it wasn’t what I was looking for when it comes to Batman. Christopher Nolan rolls into town and decides to make the most realistic version of Batman that he could get away with. He made the idea of a tortured orphaned billionaire training himself to fight crime in a bat costume from his hidden cave not seem all that ridiculous. It helps that Robin and the crazier of costumed villains were conveniently ignored to keep things serious. Well … he did choose Scarecrow but he wasn’t actually dressed like a scarecrow so its all good. And they even took a stab at making Ra’s Al Ghul’s resurrections make sense in our world. Throw in explaining all of Batman’s toys and you can almost believe that this could happen. Almost.

So once again, Bruce Wayne needs to be casted for the big screen. After Val Kilmer and George Clooney, it wasn’t surprising that they didn’t go for the A-list this time around. I’d like to think that Christian Bale was choosen because of his work in Shaft and Reign of Fire not because of American Psycho and The Machinist. Bale dove right in and was a solid Bruce Wayne and looked good in the suit … then there is the voice. Yeah, I got nothing. The beauty of Nolan’s Batman universe is the quality he has surrounding Bale. Taking the lead in Batman Begins is Gary Oldman as Jim Gordon. Aww good guy Gary Oldman. The world is upside down. It doesn’t matter because its Gary Oldman. How do you follow up Gary Oldman? You put Morgan Freeman in the role of Lucius Fox and Michael Caine in the role of Alfred. It doesn’t matter that they only get minutes of screentime, they are both perfect in their roles. And that is just the good guy part of the cast. The villains may be even more impressive with Liam Neeson, Tom Wilkinson, Cillian Murphy, and Ken Watanabe. There is even a little bit of Rutger Hauer thrown in. In a slight bit of surprise, Murphy stole the show as Dr. Jonathan Crane. It takes a lot of talent to overcome the ridiculousness of Scarecrow. What’s that? Katie Holmes? I have no idea what you are talking about...

You would think leaving out Joker, Two-Face, Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman, and every other top-line Batman villain would have been a mistake. Instead, Batman Begins was not about the bad guy. This was an origin story through and through. All of the stages of Bruce Wayne’s journey from privileged kid all the way costume vigilante are the guts of the story. Nolan found some crazy-ass locations so that all of Bruce's training by Ducard looked amazing. Then we get a Gotham City that actually looks like a human city instead of the neon-Gothic garbage of the 90s. I also appreciate the time spent and the detail Nolan went to to explain the costume, the gadgets, and the Batmobile. Nothing in Batman Begins felt random or unbelievable, everything served a purpose.

Batman Begins arrived to cap off the run started by X2 and Spider-Man 2 that cemented comic book movies as staples of the summer, for better or for worse. It also cleansed the taste that the Batman franchise left in the 1990s. Thankfully Nolan viewed a franchise of this level as a challenge and not something that was beneath him.

10 out of 10

Insomnia

2011-01-23T19:01:00.002-05:00

Usually the presence of serious Robin Williams is a guarantee of a top quality film. Well nothing is ever guaranteed and Insomnia is easily my least favorite film that Christopher Nolan has directed. Its not a bad movie but it does not measure up to the rest of his resume.

This whole movie ends up feeling like a misstep. Being a remake wasn’t the reason it was forgettable, but it didn’t help knowing that there was a better version of this story out there if you like your films Norwegian style. Insomnia was also Nolan’s follow-up to Memento and outside of taking advantage of the visuals filming in Alaska, this didn’t seem to challenge him in anyway. It was your basic psychological thriller with the twist of never-ending daylight causing hallucinations to the lead detective. That twist is not strong enough to carry the day.

Insomnia was the beginning of the "oh that’s what Al Pacino’s career has become" phase. This was made more obvious when he followed it up with S1m0ne, The Recruit, Two for the Money, etc. etc. etc. Instead of being the draw, seeing Pacino’s name as the star leaves the quality in question. There wasn’t as much of the 100% of Pacino’s dialogue spoken through yelling but its still the usual. Sigh.

It is amusing that I can name a handful of great dramatic performances by Robin Williams but struggle to find the same amount of memorable comedic roles. Sadly, he didn’t grow his serious beard for Insomnia. Maybe that was what was missing to make this a great movie? Robin can get creepy with the best of them and he takes full advantage here. The best scenes are when he is sweet talking Pacino trying to convince him that the murder was a one-time accident and that they should become the best of chums. She may have only had a single Oscar on her shelf at the time, but Hillary Swank shouldn’t be third billed. She does her best with the young whippersnapper figuring out Pacino’s crime arc she had to work with. Woohoo! Maura Tierney! Its always nice to see the Newsradio alum.

Yeah, let's move on past Insomnia. There are bigger and better movies to come for Christopher Nolan.

7 out of 10

Memento

2011-01-23T18:11:00.002-05:00

And then that happened. Memento is one of those films that hit the screen and everyone scrambles to try to figure out where the hell it came from. With the benefit of a talented cast and a more intricate story, Christopher Nolan creates a film that less talented artists would have accepted as the pinnacles of their careers.

It has become quite clear over his career that the mind is what Nolan is obsessed with in his stories. Memento is built on the premise of guilt, innocence, and the drive for closure of a mentally damaged man. I may not be the biggest fan of the ending, but the journey that Guy Pearce goes on is mesmerizing to watch. The lengths to which he goes to lead a somewhat normal life without any short-term memory were amazing. I have no idea where Nolan thought of using your body as a notebook when you need to remember a crucial piece of information but the man has a flair for the original. Then you add in how all the people in Leonard’s world are clearly manipulating him and its amazing that a person in his situation would even be able to get out of bed in the morning. Of course, the best way for this story to be told would be from different points in time. If the main character is constantly trying to piece things together from scratch, the least we can do is try to put the puzzle pieces of the plot together before the different timelines come together in the end.

Guy Pearce clearly does not get enough work equal to his talent. He was phenomenal in L.A. Confidential and then later in The Proposition, but Memento is his defining role. The whole damn thing depended on him portraying this extremely handicapped man. Over and over again he had to become this blank slate attempting to retrace his life from small scraps of information and each time it was believable. On top of that, his voiceover may have been more powerful than his actual visual performance. It was the heart and soul of the movie.

The Matrix provides the two significant supporting characters with Joe Pantoliano and Carrie-Anne Moss. Who doesn’t enjoy Joey Pants? He is definitely having an entire shitload of fun here. He is always grinning and messing with Guy, while constantly seeming shady and untrustworthy. Then Carrie gets introduced as the damsel in distress and she is just as shady and untrustworthy as everyone else. Everyone is manipulating poor Guy.

I wouldn't call the ending a flaw but it did leave me unsatisfied. It tied the story up fine and I usually enjoy a dark twist but this one did not click for me. Ah well, Memento is still a fantastic movie that put Christopher Nolan on the map.

9 out of 10

Following

2011-01-23T17:56:00.002-05:00

So this was an idea that was an enormous mistake. After seeing Inception, I decided to go back and rewatch and review all of Christopher Nolan's films. It seemed like a solid plan at the time, but difficulties with Netflix and my DVR held up the watching part and as usual I let too many movies pile up before getting down to write. Finally, here we go.

I decided to go back as far as I reasonably could without putting in any real effort, so the first full-length Christopher Nolan movie on the docket is Following. This was a movie I didn’t even know existed until the moment I looked on IMDB and saw that there was a movie prior to Memento. Better than that, it was available as a streaming movie from Netflix. Let’s see what the man started with.

Should I really be shocked that Christopher Nolan’s first movie is a black and white modern noir told through multiple points in time? Yeah that sounds just about right. Following may be short and sparse but this is definitely a Nolan story. It’s a male protagonist trying to figure out what is reality and what is a lie. Shit that’s every non-Batman movie that man has made! Following drills this down to the bone, because it is just the guy, the guy manipulating the guy, and the girl manipulating the guy. And since none of he characters are ever named, that’s the best I can do to explain it. Its all basic stuff even the “twist” at the end but it laid the foundation for what Nolan would do throughout his career.

I was hoping to go through the cast and see names that would end up returning in all of Christopher Nolan’s films. Sadly, not only is that not true but Following is pretty much the only thing of note for the three main stars. The two actors, Jeremy Theobald (“good guy”) and Alex Haw (“bad guy”), have no other real credits on IMDB since Following. They weren’t awful in the film, but at the same time I don’t feel cheated that there is no other work to track down for either of them. Lucy Russell is the main actress and she has an actual career even if she is not recognizable from anything else. Good for her.

Well, I guess that qualifies as a start. It is always fun to see where talented people began and Following does feel like a Christopher Nolan film. So the completist in me is happy.

7 out of 10

Black Swan

2011-01-08T20:00:00.002-05:00

Black Swan attempts to test my love for Natalie Portman against my wariness of movies directed by Darren Aronofsky. Funny enough, that is exactly what I’m left with … maybe the best performance of Portman’s career inside a movie that wasn’t equal to her work.

Natalie Portman is literally in every single scene of Black Swan. The entire movie is told through Nina Sayers’ eyes and more importantly her brain. When she starts losing her sanity, we see her delusions and manifestations of paranoia. Nina slowly cracks right in front of our eyes. Portman is believable at every single point of the film. The stunted adolescence she starts with all the way to her darker nature taking over are all delivered to perfection. Although this is Natalie Portman’s movie, there are other actors to be congratulated. Mila Kunis continues her confusing rise as a movie actress. I guess at this point I’m going to have to accept it and move on. She delivers the best performance of her career as the free spirit ballerina that is at the center of Nina’s paranoia. If there is one thing I know about high level professional dancing, the director is always a prick of the highest order. Black Swan got the casting right with Vincent Cassel as he just oozes douchebag without ever becoming a caricature. Nina’s mother is Barbara Hershey and she just may have been the most disturbing character in the whole movie. She is just about the worst possible stage parent. And in a fun bit of casting, Winona Ryder is the prima ballerina that Natalie Portman is replacing. She was crazed in every one of her scenes, so that’s always amusing.

I began this review by saying that I have wishy washy feelings towards Darren Aronofsky’s and Black Swan did not quell these feelings. This is a great movie but in the end I felt manipulated. Since this a story about a character trying to figure out what is real and what is fantasy, I was expecting a few twists along the way. The problem is that the big reveal at the end felt like a cheat. Its not on a level of Fight Club where I refuse to buy the twist, but it did stop me cold as my brain threw up a bunch of red flags. Even with my reservations, Black Swan is a beautifully filmed venture into paranoia. All the usual tricks are on display; stuff happening in the shadows, odd sounds, disturbing reflections, hallucinated lesbian trysts ... wait what?! So I knew Portman and Kunis made out because all the trailers included it as the highlighted selling point but it went so much further than that. I always assumed her stripping scene in Closer would be the dirtiest of her career, but Black Swan put that movie to shame. *Thinks about it* I have no complaints on that topic. Back to Aronofsky, this was all solid psychological thriller tricks and treats but the bait and switch during the actual performance of Swan Lake still pisses me off. Boo!

Black Swan is a worthwhile movie based completely on the work done by Natalie Portman. Without her, I would have a much less high opinion of the film. But there she is and that's all that really matters.

8 out of 10

The King's Speech

2011-01-08T19:43:00.004-05:00

There is nothing more comforting than a British period drama. If all else fails, The King’s Speech will appeal to the historian side of my brain. So it got to start with that solid foundation, then went on to deliver one of the best films I've seen this year.

It would seem that there is some sort of anglophile buried deep inside my cranium. Once I hear those accents and see those clothes and realize that I’m somewhere in British history, I’m already in favor of whatever film I am watching. The King’s Speech is the story of King George VI as he deals with his stuttering problem while also ascending to the throne. Even better … a story about British royalty! There is nothing better than witnessing the peculiar world that British royalty lives in. This film was full of royal intrigue as King George V passes away and is succeeded by King Edward VIII but he abdicates the throne because he wants to marry a divorced woman (well I never!) and this puts his younger brother, George VI, on the throne. Just watching that line of succession would have been enough for me, but while this was happening George VI was attempting to overcome his crippling speech impediment. This lead to fantastic scenes of a member of the royal family being treated by an Australian commoner in order to be able to speak to the British public as a true figurehead needs to. All of this climaxes with a phenomenal scene where King George VI delivers a stirring radio address to the people as the British Empire declare war on Nazi Germany at the beginning of World War II. I love this stuff.

Another joy of British period films is the great actors that always fill the roles. Colin Firth takes on King George VI and delivers a performance that will easily net him multiple nominations. First off is his very realistic and cringe inducing stutters; there are multiple scenes that are painful to watch as Firth cracks under the pressure of being in front of microphone while unable to string together the first sentence of his speech. He also shines as the monarch coming to power at the same time as World War II begins to become inevitable. Firth has a very capable actor to play against during his speech therapy sessions in Geoffrey Rush. Rush is always fun to watch and delivers his usual stellar performance as actor turned therapist. Helena Bonham Carter portrays Firth’s wife, Queen Elizabeth. Its always a trip to see her not be psychotic. The smaller roles are equally as strong, with Michael Gambon as King George V, Guy Pearce as King Edward VIII, Derek Jacobi as the Archbishop, and Timothy Spall as Winston Churchill. This was just a fantastic British cast.

Although this is your standard historical drama, The King's Speech was able to provide a phenomenal climatic scene with King George VI overcoming his handicap to rally the English people. For half a second, I wanted to be a Brit in 1939 then I remembered that the Nazis proceeded to bomb the hell out of that country for years to come and came to my senses.

The King's Speech may not find a spot in my rewatchable movies list, but that doesn't subtract from the quality of the film. Every year needs a couple of movies like this and I'm always happy to support them.

9 out of 10

The Fighter

2011-01-08T13:46:00.005-05:00

I am so sick and fricking tired of Boston movies and Boston accents and Boston anything. Yet … I love great movies and so many of these recent movies have been fantastic. The Fighter is another to add to the list but, at least, this time it isn’t about cops and robbers.

Due to his perceived prickness and the very large shadow of Heath Ledger, Christian Bale is rarely included as one of the best actors in their prime today. That may begin to change after The Fighter. This is another complete transformation that he goes through for a character. I am convinced that if a director even jokes that maybe Christian should try heroin for a role, 2 weeks later Bale will be outside a methadone clinic trying to kick the habit. He is an absolute skeleton with just the right amount of junkie idiosyncrasies. This is the best performance of his career.

And I am very thankful for that, because Mark Wahlberg is the ultimate serviceable actor. All I ever see is Mark Wahlberg, no matter the character he is portraying. This is slightly better than most because he gets to speak in his natural accent in a world he is comfortable in. Still, its nice to have Bale do all the heavy lifting while Mark just continues moving the story along. When its not Christian Bale, its Amy Adams diving into that accent and those clothes with reckless abandon. She is just a phenomenal actress who is willing to do whatever is necessary for a role. Even if that means whoring up the clothes and grating my brain with that accent.

Thankfully I saw The Fighter before all the hype telling me that this is the greatest boxing movie ever made. Because it definitely is not. It is a fantastic movie with no real flaws but the actual boxing scenes are on par with all the other boxing scenes I’ve ever seen. I honestly don’t understand how anyone can think this is so much more realistic than other boxing movies. Who cares! Its a movie! Do you think Mickey’s crazy white trash sisters all spoke in rhythm like that in real life? I hope they did...

Why would you tell the story of Mickey Ward and not include the trilogy of fights with Arturo Gatti? It was fun to see his rise from obscurity and bad family management but it became famous off his wars with Gatti. That would have been the boxing action that would have been amazing to see portrayed on the big screen. Hey, there can always be The Fighter 2: Still Fighting.

The Fighter was a helluvalot better than I expected it to be. That could be completely based on the work of Christian Bale but whatever the reason it was a great movie. I'm not gonna question good stuff when good stuff happens.

9 out of 10

127 Hours

2011-01-08T13:32:00.002-05:00

James Franco has made many interesting choices throughout his career, but with 127 Hours his peculiar form of alchemy created gold. This is easily his best performance in a movie that is nearly entirely him alone on one set. 127 Hours is the definition of a one man show and Franco shined.

The story of Aron Ralston is one of those news items that I completely remember happening but had no idea about any of the details. So I went into the theater knowing that he gets trapped and cuts his own arm off. That in and of itself was enough to get me in the door. 127 Hours took this very sparse incident and crafted an entire movie without resorting to the usual tricks to stretch out the story. There was no long preamble or extensive flashback. The movie begins with him heading out to the desert and within 20 minutes he is pinned against a rock inside a crevice. And those first 20 minutes was enough time to show the type of man Aron was and how he was such a unique person to be put in this situation. He was completely self reliant and fully capable of handling himself in the middle of nowhere, but at the same time he was completely self reliant and never even gave a thought about letting anyone know where he was going. This was the reason why no one was ever going to come and rescue him but he would be able to keep himself alive longer than just about anyone south of Bear Grylls.

127 Hours was a showcase for 2 people, Danny Boyle and James Franco. Danny Boyle never seems to do the same thing twice. He gets famous from Trainspotting, reestablishes his name with 28 Days Later.., won his first Oscar with Slumdog Millionaire, and now follows that up with 127 Hours. He works absolute magic with this single set movie. It may just be a man pinned between a boulder and a wall but there is never a moment of boredom. And he somehow turns the truly gruesome scene of Aron cutting his own arm off (and let me not jump past that because his choice of sound and editing as Aron cuts through skin, veins, cartilage, muscle, and bone was just perfect) into maybe the most uplifting moment I’ve seen all year. That entire climatic sequence was incredibly powerful.

Everything Boyle did worked because James Franco was the man in front of the lens. His natural charisma was put to the test in 127 Hours and he exceeded all expectations. The happy go lucky Aron bouncing around in the beginning of the movie was Franco on cruise control. But once it become him and the rock, he goes to another level. The scene where he interviews himself in front of his handheld camera is amazing. He is hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. Just the look he gives the camera after saying “oops” is the reason why he is being nominated this year. That is not even taking into account the actual scene where he saws through his arm with a dull pocket knife and drags his ass to safety. This was a completely next level performance.

I love when the bell is rung and all these top shelf movies start hitting the theaters. 127 Hours was a nice kick off to the award movie season. Not only that but it further solidifies Danny Boyle and damn near reinvents what James Franco is capable of.

9 out of 10

TRON: Legacy

2011-01-08T13:18:00.003-05:00

I am going to try my best to not turn my review of TRON: Legacy into my desperate pitch for the next movie to be the backstory on Michael Sheen’s character. Because, seriously, there is TRON: Legacy and then there are the couple of minutes when Michael Sheen is onscreen. I was happy with Part A but Part B could have been a movie worth the price of 3D admission.

Yeah about that last thing I typed, no movie is worth the price of 3D admission. Fuck that. But I will say that of all the 3D movies I’ve seen since Avatar, TRON: Legacy was the least offensive. Of all the cheap money grabs, at least TRON is full of bright lights and crazy ass 1980s ideas of what happens inside a computer. And they definitely took full advantage of the 3D technology during the light cycle chases/crashes and those bizarre disc battles. Still, 3D is an unnecessary extra that barely adds anything to a movie.

So, I guess we are now smack dab in the middle of the Jeff Bridges renaissance. Due to the box-office failure of the original TRON, it feels like they waited until the best possible moment to put Jeff Bridges’ name on the poster to sell tickets. Not only that, but it wasn’t the 3D effects that were the big CGI highlight, it was having today’s Bridges acting against a de-aged Bridges who looked like he did in the original movie. Fully CGI people still look a bit shiny but this wasn’t all that bad. And once the younger version was inside the machine, it kind of made sense to look slightly computery. Garrett Hedlund reappears on the scene as Jeff Bridges son. I guess Troy is far enough in the past that he deserves another chance at the blockbuster pie. Because Olivia Wilde is insanely hot, she gets to transition from House to movies before the rest of the cast. That seems ... fair … but damn she is hot. We do get the return of Tron, which meant the return of Bruce Boxleitner. Good for him. And that leaves Michael Sheen. No matter what the movie, he never disappoints. This time around he transforms himself into the computerized version of David Bowie or some equally flamboyant rock star. He definitely plays on my love of canes and random dancing. I thank him for that.

Damn … TRON: Legacy is pretty. That stupid Star Trek holodeck world that looked ridiculous 25 years ago, now is an amazing computer generated reality that belongs on a movie screen. Whether or not that world makes sense … thats not the point. But why would a computer program be a drunk hobo in an alley? And if a male computer program and a female computer program have sex is that how new computer programs are made? There is a wasteland inside a computer where programs can't enter? And what the hell has Kevin Flynn been eating for the last 25 years to stay alive? Were these questions answered in the original movie because I swear I tried to watch it again but couldn’t find it.

The only thing TRON: Legacy needed to accomplish was to entertain me until the credits rolled. It did that and I'm happy.

7 out of 10

Faster

2010-12-05T22:47:00.002-05:00

There is a slight chance that I wanted more than what Faster was ever going to be able to give to me. I wanted The Rock to beat people up and be a badass again so badly that I didn’t really care what movie it was in. Thinking along those lines is how you end up with Faster.

November was just full of movies with the most basic premises possible. Faster is just the story of The Rock getting out of jail and immediately hunting down and killing the people who killed his brother. They at least tried to throw in a hefty twist at the end but it lacked any surprise and couldn’t make up for the rather thin plot.

If the storyline was pointless, Faster was worthwhile just because of the fantastic freaking cast. It was like I was consulted on the choices … which, when I come to think of it, I should be from now on. I started the review by saying that I saw this movie because of The Rock and he did not disappoint. He even hit the gym to remind me just how freaking huge he was during his wrestling days. Maybe giving The Rock a role with 5 lines of dialogue defeats the purpose of casting The Rock but there ya go. We’ll skip past Billy Bob Thornton because I’ve never had anything to say about him outside of Bad Santa. And seeing Carla Gugino is always welcome. But I want to concentrate on the smaller roles given to Xander Berkeley, Jennifer Carpenter, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje. That’s George Mason, Debra Morgan, and Adibisi all in the same movie. Thank you; here's my money.

If you want to see The Rock drive around and shoot people in the face then Faster is the movie to go see. But make sure that is what you want because there is nothing else to the movie but that.

6 out of 10

Due Date

2010-12-05T22:41:00.002-05:00

Todd Phillips had to follow up The Hangover with something and since it took me nearly a month to see Due Date, you can gauge my excitement. Well, like everyone else in the world, I’m a fan of both Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis so if all else failed I would at least have that.

There is not much to say about Due Date. This is one of the go-to comedies plots … road trip. Give the characters a destination and a timetable then have crazy shit happen to them. Shockingly, that is exactly what Due Date puts on screen. And even more amazing than that, Downey and Galifianakis don’t get along in the beginning but become friends by the end. Ah movies.

So if no ground was broke and the plot was obvious, why see Due Date? The answer is the cast. Robert Downey Jr. is at that point of his career where he can do whatever he damn well pleases. His timing is impeccable and I would listen to him deliver dialogue all day long. He can make everything sound amusing. So after a decade of trying, Zach Galifianakis is now a coveted name. Good for him, but I don’t really know how long he can continue to play different versions of the same mentally simple character. Who knows; but it will be funny while it lasts. It was nice to see Jamie Foxx do comedy for the first time in what feels like a decade. Even better is the idea that RZA is becoming one of those revolving group of guys who will appear in all of the comedies nowadays. Would I prefer him to be producing all the beats for the Wu-Tang Clan? Of course, but any RZA makes me smile.

I just don't have much to say about Due Date. It was funny and I barely remember any of it. I'm sure I'll watch it a bunch of times when it shows up on cable but for now all I can say is that it made me laugh.

7 out of 10

Unstoppable

2010-12-05T22:36:00.002-05:00

Once again Denzel Washington and Tony Scott have decided to team up ... I will never know why out of all the directors to choose from Denzel has decided to work with Ridley Scott’s brother for the fifth time. Hopefully Unstoppable will be more Man on Fire and less Déjà Vu.

Hmm … the plot of Unstoppable is so intricate that I’m not sure if I will be able to explain it in the amount of space available. A train is out of control and Denzel and Chris Pine are chasing it down. They catch the train and the credits roll. I guess that was easier than I thought...

This is another in a long line of Denzel Washington roles where he shows up and portrays Denzel Washington. Oh sure, they give him a different name and he works a different job but I know Denzel when I see him. It’s all there; the jokes, the gestures, the emotion, the heroism, check, check, check, and check. This time around he gets to play alongside Captain Kirk. Chris Pine continues to prove that he deserves his spot as one of the go-to younger actors. Nothing spectacular here but he banters well with Denzel. We need to fill out the rest of the obvious characters that show up in these movies, so Rosario Dawson is the company woman helping them while Kevin Dunn is the company man threatening them. The always awesome Kevin Corrigan is the smart guy giving them key advice at key moments. And last but definitely not least, Ethan Suplee is the idiot who screwed up and set the train loose. Gotta give the audience what they expect.

Just like every other Tony Scott movie, Unstoppable shines when the action is taking place. You don’t get any more basic than a runaway train, but the man knows how to build tension and blow shit up. And Unstoppable is just an hour and a half of tension building and shit blowing up, so Mr. Scott played to his strengths.

7 out of 10

Jackass 3D

2010-12-05T22:30:00.002-05:00

What can I say? I’ve always been a Jackass fan, so here I am for the third time. Nothing has changed. A bunch of dudes got hit in the nuts, there were multiple stunts involving shit, and way too much male nudity. That is my review for Jackass 3D.

6 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

2010-12-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

The Part 1 at the end of the title makes this review seem a bit premature. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 is literally the first half of a five-hour film. Instead of an old school intermission, we were sent home for seven months with no real conclusion at all. So, I’m gonna review this under the belief that the second half will be more of the same and not a random u-turn.

Now, of course, what was omitted from the book can randomly show up in Part 2 but since the plot went in somewhat the same order I think I’m safe to nitpick. The movies have blown off the Dursleys many times, so not getting to see Dudley be nice to Harry is no big loss. The movie decides to give Hedwig a more noble death instead of being an innocent bystander but this is put in place of Harry using expelliarmus to reveal himself to Voldemort. There is much less polyjuice potion and no use of the invisibility cloak. This allowed us to see more of the main actors but makes them seem much more reckless than they were in the book. Sadly, we don’t get to hear the annoyed dialogue of Phineas Nigellus Black. This leaves a hole in the Silver Doe plot but that’s for Part 2 to explain or ignore. We do get to see Harry play with the cool mirror shard throughout the film … too bad he was never given the mirror by Sirius in the Order of the Phoenix so he just seems to have a random magical mirror shard. None of this bothers me in the slightest.

One of the many sad consequences of the series ending is I won’t get to see anymore random great British actors popping up with each new film. The opening scene is the dulcet tones of Bill Nighy giving a speech as the new Minister of Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour. He may have only been in a couple of scenes but any Nighy is always appreciated. Luna needed a father so they brought in Rhys Ifans. If he was good enough for Little Nicky and Formula 51, he is good enough for Harry Potter. I also need to point out the smaller parts for Peter Mullan and David O’Hara for their portrayals of the Death Eaters, Yaxley and Runcorn. And even smaller parts were given to Rade Serbedzija and Jamie Campbell Bower but I hope Part 2 may have more of Gregorovitch and Grindelwald. Goddamn seven-month wait…

Finally after ten years of movies and lots of growing up, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint carry this entire movie on their very capable backs. They have reached adulthood as actors and are also working with serious and emotional material throughout the movie. The shocking performance was Rupert Grint bringing a lot more darkness to Ron Weasley than I would ever expect him to deliver. Way to be more than the guy in the background as Harry and Hermione move the plot forward. Along those lines, as usual, Emma Watson gets so much screen time you would think that the stories are Harry Potter and Hermione Granger and the Deathly Hallows. Eh, it’s worth it. The movie is full of these little moments of Hermione dealing with her grief and Emma is just phenomenal in each and every one of them. Daniel Radcliffe has proven to be up to the task of Harry Potter for multiple films now. Skipping past all the emotionally heavy moments, I love his comedic timing. The way he reacted to Hermione figuring out why Dumbledore left him the sword or how he denied having her wand were just perfect choices. I can’t wait to see him get put through the damn ringer in the final movie.

It wasn’t just the abilities of the Potter and friends actors that are the highlight of the Deathly Hallows: Part 1; there were scenes from the book that I was dying to see and the film delivered. Starting from the ending, Dobby’s death is one of the most powerful moments in the book and somehow they were able to reintroduce Dobby after his absence in the last four movies and make his death an absolute kick in the groin. I love Dobby. Then you have the creepy as hell locket attack that turned Harry and Hermione into Lord of the Rings-style elves while they were making out. They were so pretty and shiny. The telling of The Tale of the Three Brothers, now with animation, exceeded my expectations on every level. Then you have the scenes that were not in the book. Hermione wiping her parent’s memories was heartbreaking. Harry and Hermione dancing were hilarious. And all off the locations they camped at were beautifully shot. I just thought Britain meant rainy and London. Who knew?

The seven month wait for the conclusion of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is painful to even write about in this review. I need to see how they conclude this series on film. They've exceeded my expectations over and over again so I just want to sit back and enjoy the ride.

10 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (remix)

2010-11-18T22:30:00.002-05:00

Now this is just completely ridiculous. I reviewed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last year, what could have possibly changed! This seems pointless. Wait a second … reviewing movies is always pointless so why stop now! And more to the point, Half-Blood Prince had the best visuals in the series since Prisoner of Azkaban.

And the book eviscerations continue. To start there is no meeting of the ministers so we are not introduced to Rufus Scrimgeour. But, of course, he is necessary in the finale so will get to see Bill Nighy next time around. They removed the Dursleys again which wouldn’t have been that bad but this means no mention that Harry inherits Grimmauld Place and also Kreacher. Not that those plot points will play any part in the finale. I could have sworn that Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour become engaged in this one but I could have been imagining that. Although Harry has the only perfect invisibility cloak, Luna can see him because of her wacky glasses. And sadly we don’t get Luna on quidditch commentary. That’s a painful loss. There is no Trelawney so Harry never finds out that Snape overheard the prophecy that lead to his parents' death. And we don’t get Harry’s awesome argument with Dumbledore over this revelation. Now for the significant cuts that make me cry a bit just thinking about them. The majority of Tom Riddle’s back-story is cut and fuck you for that. There is no battle with the death eaters after Dumbledore is killed because they didn’t want to diminish the insane battle coming in the finale. Weak. Worse than that, there is no funeral for Dumbledore and no phoenix song from Fawkes. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the movie took a lot of damn liberties with the book.

Must move on to a happier topic. Who did they bring into the family this time around? Jim Broadbent portrays a very not fat and not facial haired Horace Slughorn. But he is Jim Broadbent so none of that matters once he appears on the screen. The remaining member of the Malfoy family is cast with Helen McCrory taking on the role of Narcissa Malfoy. Good haughty choice. And that’s that. Sigh there could have been so many fantastic characters to populate in the memories of Tom Riddle. Hopefully that will be my last whine.

Back to the positive side of life, the acting from the student population took a noticeable step forward in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Daniel Radcliffe has been constantly improving in each movie and really shines as Harry stoned on Felix Felicis and when he’s manipulating Slughorn. Emma Watson finally gets to do some emotional work and takes advantage, while also getting a cute moment as buzzed Hermoine. Out of nowhere, Tom Felton is phenomenal as Draco Malfoy. Its not like he was a bad actor in the first five movies, he was just barely used. This time around he puts Draco through the ringer. The adults do their usual work. I love Michael Gambon as Dumbledore and he easily has the most material to work with in Dumbledore’s swan song. There should have been more Rickman as Snape but every little bit counts. Where was Ralph Fiennes? Oh yeah … they cut the stuff he could have appeared in! Damn, I wasn’t supposed to bring that up again.

I mentioned it earlier, but David Yates is definitely more comfortable this time around. His artistic choices are much more striking in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The scenes at Spinners End, the path to Hogsmeade, the memories, and the Cave are all highlights. I'm very intrigued to see what he does with the last book.

Complaining is fun, but once again the movie version of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is a fine piece of work. I love the story that is told and I love the performers and I love the look, so what more could I want? The damn memories of Tom Riddle ...

9 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (remix)

2010-11-17T22:41:00.002-05:00

Hmm, it’s only been a few years since I rated and reviewed Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. That makes doing this a bit weird but I finish what I start (usually) so here we go. This is the turning point for the movie series since David Yates sits in the director’s chair and will never relinquish it. So I hope you like his style because he is finishing this thing.

Oh shit … this is going to be a massacre. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is an absolute marathon of a book so I didn't envy the screenwriter. Right from the beginning there is no Mundungus Fletcher, which wasn’t a problem until he played a major part in the final book. Whoops. The continual bypassing of house elves continue as Kreacher is only shown in the background and he is never explained in any fashion or play any role in the story. Dobby is given the shaft again. The Room of Requirement gets 3 of the movies favorite alterations; Neville discovers it instead of Dobby, Hermoine narrates what it is even though she had no idea in the book, and Umbridge uses bombarda maxima to blow up a wall to get inside which goes against everything about the room from the book. Good times. We don’t even step foot in St. Mungo’s, so no Lockhart or Neville’s insane parents. Instead of wiping the floor with Fudge, Umbridge, Dawlish, Percy, and Kinglsey, Dumbledore just uses Fawkes to teleport from his office to escape arrest. Boo. Then Kingsley steals Phineaus Nigellus’ line because there is no Phineas Nigellus in the movie. No Quidditch, which meant no “Weasley is our King”. The cuts from the Ministry of Magic sequence are so significant that I can’t even list them all. This is a huge disappointment. And Bellatrix straight up kills Sirius in the movie instead of leaving it ambiguous as he falls through the veil. The Harry/Dumbledore confrontation and conversation is eviscerated to fit into the movie. They barely even explain the prophecy. I’d move on to nitpicks but I don’t have all day. The bottom line is that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was too damn big to fit into one movie and this is the fallout.

Alright that’s enough bitching let’s get on to the good stuff. We have gotten really deep into the franchise, so the amount of new characters to cast has gotten smaller. We only got two worth mentioning this time around. I despise Dolores Umbridge in the book and Imelda Staunton’s performance allowed me to despise her in the movie. I hate that character so very much. On the other hand, Helena Bonham Carter always brings something interesting to her performances. She made Bellatrix Lestrange her own and will always be how I view the character. Although those are the only big name additions, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix provided many of the returning actors chances to shine. Michael Gambon, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, and Ralph Fiennes all dominate every second of screen time that they are given. This is also a heavier emotional movie for Daniel Radcliffe to deal with. He takes advantage in Dumbledore’s office and during his occlumency lessons. Thankfully, the boy actually has some talent. Order of the Phoenix was also the introduction of Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood, probably the best child actor casting choices in the entire series.

So I spent about half a day bitching about what was left out of the movie, does that mean there is anything I like in the movie? That is an easy yes. Like I said a couple lines above, many of the adults are given just phenomenal scenes to ply their trade. Oldman nails every single line of dialogue he delivers. Alan Rickman uses the occlumency lessons as an opportunity to show why he was the only choice for Severus Snape. And Gambon and Fiennes are just incredible during the Dumbledore/Voldemort battle. Not only are their performances amazing, this scene is the highpoint of magical effects to this point in the series. They way they bounced spells off each other was beautiful to see. Although I usually don’t have much to say about the younger actors, I did think that all the Dumbledore’s Army sessions were very well done and another highpoint of the movie.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a weird movie to review because the only real complaints I have are what they didn't put in the movie. But judging the movie as a movie, it kinda rules. And the producers must have agreed, since they trusted Yates to director the rest of the movies.

9 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

2010-11-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

Once again, we turn the page to a new kind of Harry Potter movie. Not only do they switch the director to Mike Newell, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is the first book that is quite literally too big to fit into one movie. So the tightrope walking begins here, in exchange for chopping up the book we finally start seeing some real action and real consequences in this world.

To bring Goblet of Fire in under two and half hours, they broke out the hacksaw so let’s sift through the debris. First of all the Dursleys do not even appear in the movie which was odd. Then the Quiddditch World Cup was skipped, although they took the time to do the team introductions then blew past the actual match. But worse than that … no Winky! Damn you I want more house elfs. On top of that, Hermoine doesn’t even start up SPEW. And where the hell is Dobby? Why do the movies hate house elfs? Going back to the World Cup, Ludo Bagmen is completely removed from the plot. Another character cut from the film is Bellatrix Lestrange which just delays her awesomeness for one more movie. No Bill or Charlie Weasley again and this time no Percy … damn it these brothers exist! For some reason, they brought Gary Oldman in for some voiceover work instead of actually using one of the best actors working today in any actual acting scenes. Finally, the climatic chapters of the book are just completely missing from the movie. I understand that Harry can’t recount the whole story to Dumbledore on film after we just saw it happen, but this was a great chapter of the book. Ah well.

We are four movies in of casting great actors; who is left? Goblet of Fire answers this by bringing in a Dr. Who, David Tennant, as Barty Crouch Jr. A completely unknown Robert Pattison as Cedric Diggory. The new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher is Mad-Eye Moody and Brendan Gleeson puts on the mechanical eye and growls for a couple of hours. Miranda Richardson is brought on as the horrifyingly annoying Rita Skeeter and captures all of that quite well. And in the most important piece of casting for the entire series going forward, Ralph Fiennes gets his nose removed and is the reborn Lord Voldemort. What an inspired choice and a man who is actually able to live up to the buildup.

I may have detailed about a dozen detours from the book but that does not mean that I have a negative opinion of the movie version of Goblet of Fire. There are some phenomenal moments in this movie. The dragon battle is the first legitimate action sequence in the franchise. It is a complete reimagining of the book version of the First Task but who the hell cares!?! That was a fun chase. To bookend that early sequence, they were somehow able to capture the creepiness of Voldemort’s rebirth. Much of this was Fiennes’ performance, but they didn’t shy away from the killing of Cedric or Wormtail cutting his arm off or Harry’s desperate battle for his life. And although it is another add-on that doesn’t exist in the book, but I love the scene where Hermoine hugs Harry before he faces the dragon. Awwwwww.

My main complaint is that the movie grinds to a halt and spends about half hour on the Yule Ball. This is about 2 chapters in the book, but takes up the entire middle portion of the movie. It ruined the flow of the movie just so Hermoine can wear a pretty dress and yell at Ron. Thanks. And someone needed to cut Daniel Radcliffe's hair.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire may be my favorite book in the series so it would be impossible for me not to like the movie version. This is where Lord Voldemort finally appears and that is the only thing they had to get right and they passed with flying colors. I'm pretty much rating the entire movie based on that one scene. I have that right.

9 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

2010-11-16T19:34:00.002-05:00

And now we come to the movie that made me a fan of the world of Harry Potter. Prior to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, I saw the movies, enjoyed them, and then never thought about them again until I stumbled upon them on cable. I was fine with this. Then Alfonso Cuaron replaced Chris Columbus and made my favorite movie in the franchise to date.

One of the consequences of bringing on a new director with a new artistic style was many more alterations of the book. There were a ton of little nitpicks throughout the way and a few big left turns. The stuff that I notice every single time I watch include Harry using magic in the first scene of the movie. I know we need to introduce the world as soon as possible but come on! Respect the restriction on underage magic! Then you got the goofy talking shrunken heads that pop up a couple times for comedic value and nothing else. I’ll allow it. One of the biggest omissions to this point in the movies was never revealing who wrote the Marauder’s Map, which is kind of important. And the less said about bombarda the better … just unlock the window. Why must we blow up things in movies? Remember when I made fun of hugging Hagrid at the end of Chamber of Secrets? Yeah, I wish Prisoner of Azkaban brought that back instead of a broomstick freeze frame of Harry looking stupid.

Prisoner of Azkaban takes the casting to an even higher level or maybe I just love Gary Oldman a bit too much. That may be the reason. Oldman comes aboard as Sirius Black and just tears up every scene he is in. The pinnacle of this is the confrontation in the shrieking shack, which probably still stands as my favorite scene in the series. One of the reasons why is because one of the other actors in the shack is David Thewlis. Thewlis is Remus Lupin and he has always been a fantastic actor. He was able to depict Lupin as the professor that Harry trusted and learned the most from which is the key to Professor Lupin. The third big name introduced in Prisoner of Azkaban is Emma Thompson as Professor Trelawney. She’s Emma Thompson so, of course, she delivered. The last name is kind of sad because Richard Harris died in between Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban. This meant that Dumbledore needed to be recast, which is a goddamned big deal. Thankfully for me, they got another actor that I’m a big fan of, Michael Gambon, to fill his shoes. I prefer his more active take on the Dumbledore to Harris' still and quiet version but I may be in the minority.

I’ve already mentioned that the new cast members were one of the main reasons why I loved Prisoner of Azkaban. But it went farther than that. Cuaron’s visual style is such an improvement from Columbus that it is not even fair. He darkened the tone and had a clear color scheme throughout. It was a fantastic looking film. There were also numerous slick editing moments that just improved the whole deal. Man, I love the work that Alfonso Cuaron does in each and every one of his films. Another improvement was starting to move Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson into more acting heavy scenes. This wasn’t a perfect alchemy, since Harry screaming about Sirius being his parent’s friend was his weakest acting moment in the entire series. Still, they had to start holding their own because from here on in it will just get more and more serious and emotional.

I wouldn't call Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban a perfect film but, then again, I don't have any complaints. Alfonso Cuaron is one of my favorite directors working today and he brought that skill to the Harry Potter franchise. Throw in the addition of Gary Oldman and you have the ingredients to make my favorite Harry Potter movie.

9 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

2010-11-15T23:42:00.002-05:00

Well because of the rules of listing, there needed to be a Harry Potter movie that ends up in last place and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets took the honor. That doesn’t mean that it is a bad movie; it is just the only movie that felt like a sequel in the entire franchise. This might as well have been The Sorcerer’s Stone part 2 and that is a bit disappointing compared to the rest of the films.

Much like the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets does not deviate from the book in any significant way. Unless you really care about Professor Binns … now that I think about it, WHERE THE HELL IS PROFESSOR BINNS!?! Then you get the two nitpicks that I have this time around. First, why the hell do Harry and Ron talk in their own voices after getting polyjuice potioned? That defeats the purpose of having a potion that turns you into some else! If that were the case, Barty Crouch Jr. should have gone to Vegas with his Mad-Eye Moody impression in Goblet of Fire. The other nitpick will continue on for the rest of the series; Hermoine knows everything at all times. This time around she steals Ron’s dialogue from the book and explains what mudblood means. Damnit the point of the scene in the book was that Malfoy insults her and she doesn’t even know what it means! Bah. Oh wait I forgot … let’s hug Hagrid to end the movie because that makes sense. And this won’t even be the worst final scene of the series!

All of the major cast members return for their second go around. It becomes painfully obvious that Richard Harris is not a well man during the filming of the Chamber of Secrets. Sadly this would be one of his last performances. The newbies are once again high-level performers. Jason Isaacs is brought on in the important role of Lucious Malfoy. He clearly is enjoying every second of being the absolute douche bag that is Lucious Malfoy. The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher replacement is Kenneth Branagh and he is just as annoying in the movie as Gilderoy Lockhart is in the book. And in a fun bit of casting, Toby Jones provides the voice of Dobby. What a great actor being brought in for such a ridiculous voice. Still not much to say about the kids, they get the job done without being all that memorable.

The Chamber of Secrets introduced us to the Burrow and once again the movies were able to capture the insanity of that building that the book described. That set was easily one of the best parts of the film. I also thought they did a really good job with Dobby. He may not have been on the level of Gollum but his CGIness wasn’t a distraction. And the climatic scene in the Chamber of Secrets was very well done. The young Tom Riddle who is not the young Tom Riddle in the Half-Blood Prince does provide us with the first glimpse of Voldemort setting the stage for his true introduction down the road.

Honestly, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is the most forgettable movie in the franchise to me. Nothing distinguishes it from Sorcerer's Stone so I was happy to see Chris Columbus replaced as director moving forward. In the end, it is still a great movie but to me it just feels less special than the rest.

8 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

2010-11-15T19:45:00.003-05:00

Since I’ve only watched each movie in the Harry Potter series about 100 times by now (thank you ABC Family), I think its about time for me to write some true reviews. It’s almost been a decade since Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was released and the quality of the franchise has improved so steadily that the first couple of movies are nearly unrecognizable. Still, I love me some nostalgia so here we go.

So, I think I’m gonna skip any sort of plot breakdown for these movies. For the later installments I can start pointing out the more significant departures from the books. That isn’t really necessary for the Sorcerer’s Stone because it sticks to the book rather strictly. Outside of no Charlie Weasley, the only really omission is a couple of trials protecting the stone. So no unconscious troll and no potion bottle logic test. Ah well, major stuff will start going missing down the road so this is quite quaint.

When Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone came out there was just no idea of what we were about to get. At that point in time, it was still viewed as a children’s book series. The more adult books hadn’t been released and the phenomenon was still in its infancy. There was a very good chance that the Sorcerer’s Stone would just be a forgettable childish fluff filmed to just cash in. The first sign that this wouldn’t be the case was the their attempt to cast every single top shelf British actor. All of the major adult roles were given to people like Richard Harris, Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltrane, Fiona Shaw, Richard Griffiths, John Hurt, and Alan Rickman. This might as well have been the cast for one of Shakespeare’s plays. So even if the child actors were terrible, there was too much talent surrounding them to make a bad movie. Luckily Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint weren’t terrible but since this is about the Sorcerer’s Stone, they were still children here and just trying hard not to get in the way of the story.

The other big positive that the first movie made clear was the tone of the film. The Sorcerer’s Stone is the story of an 11-year-old going to his first year of wizard school but thankfully this didn’t mean that we were subject to cheap jokes and bright explosions. These movies have always been told in a serious tone with the magic being used as either a major plot point or just an every day task. The characters always came first and that is why the movie works. Some of the highlights of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone were all the ways that they were able to translate Harry’s wonder at being exposed to world of magic for the first time. From the introduction of Hagrid, to his trip down Diagon Alley, all the way to his arrival at Hogwarts, these were all great moments. The chess set trial was also very well done. And right from the beginning, Alan Rickman owned the role of the Snape and made it impossible to read the book without hearing his voice.

On the negative sign was that this was 10 years ago and the CGI was weak in some scenes. The centaur, troll, and Fluffy could have all looked better. And they only stand out because the rest of the movie looked so damn good. Ah well, you can’t bat a thousand.

Wow, we have go back more than a decade to think about a time where there wasn't a Harry Potter movie to anticipate. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone set the stage by taking this story seriously and making a fantastic film. Later films will have more heavy plots to deal with and better movies will be made but that is not fault of the Sorcerer's Stone.

8 out of 10

Let Me In

2010-11-14T16:44:00.002-05:00

All right, its Hollywood remake time. What a dirty word that gets everyone’s panties in a bunch. Let the Right One In was a fantastic Swedish vampire movie that took advantage of the vampire craze by actually making falling in love with a vampire as creepy and fricked up as it should be. Let Me In was in no way a disappointment and in fact made some improvements to the original.

Let Me In was anchored by 2 child actors who completely delivered and carried the movie. It will never happen, but Chloe Moretz should get some sort of acknowledgement as maybe the best actress of 2010. She follows up Hit-Girl with Abby and just does a grown woman’s work once again. Ah child actors being amazing then making us hold our breath as we wonder what will happen when they get older. Whereas Hit-Girl just chewed scenery, Abby was very still and calm with violent bursts. Now Kodi Smit-McPhee follows up the joyride of The Road with another turn at the disturbing. I’m kind of sad that they took away the albino aspect of the character, but Owen lived just as sad a life as the original version. I do find it amusing the bullies were so damn violent in order to set the stage for their comeuppance. Bloody bloody comeuppance.

Let Me In is just the right amount of twisted. It never went for the cheap scares while at the same time it never pulled back from the horrific scenes that were occurring. All of Abby’s feedings were just crazy violent with quick editing to make her seem supernatural. And those weren’t the only murders, everything Richard Jenkins did was just creepy as all hell. While the climatic scene was just a thing of bloody beauty. This is the type of horror movie that I'm a fan of. Any movie that makes the murder of children such an uplifting moment can take my ten dollars just for being willing to tell that story.

Its sad that Let Me In made about fifty seven dollars at the box office, while another Saw movie came out and cashed in. Damn you American viewing public.

9 out of 10

The Town

2010-11-14T16:37:00.002-05:00

Two great movie genres are brought together in The Town; bank heists and Boston accents. Finally. And it is now quite clear that Ben Affleck needs to dedicate his professional life to directing. He is two for two and if he can make a movie that doesn’t take place in Boston … we just may be on to something here.

This time around Ben puts himself in front of the camera instead of his kid brother and steers hard into the Boston accent. In other words, this was completely inside his wheelhouse and he took advantage by giving one of the best performances of his career. But better than that, he surrounded himself with a strong core of supporting performances. How can you not look good when you are bouncing dialogue off Jeremy Renner, Jon Hamm, Chris Cooper, Rebecca Hall, Pete Postlethwaite, my man Titus Welliver, and an awesomely white trash Blake Lively. Just a phenomenal cast working with some quality material. The movie revolved around Affleck but everyone else got to play some great characters. Renner was a perfect lunatic partner. Hamm was the dick fed making you feel sympathy for the criminals. Cooper and Postlethwaite got to play the hardened crooks in Affleck’s life. And I must reiterate how much fun Lively was as the street trash that Affleck is leaving behind. Good stuff.

Now the plot was fairly obvious, but it’s a heist film and I’m not looking for a twist in every act. Just introduce the thieves, show them in action, show me the big target, watch them prep, have it all go to hell, and hopefully surprise me a bit with the ending. The Town did all of that and did it slickly. Full marks.

I could watch movies like The Town every single week. There is nothing I would change about this film. It may not be best movie released in 2010 but sometimes just being a great movie is enough.

9 out of 10

Resident Evil Afterlife

2010-11-14T16:29:00.002-05:00

The 3 years are up so its time for a brand new Resident Evil movie. I think the breaks they take in between each mediocre entry makes the entire franchise as a whole acceptable. It never wears out its welcome and you kind of forget how forgettable the last movie was. Then again; none of the movies have been great and Resident Evil: Afterlife does nothing to change my opinion.

I wouldn’t call the Resident Evil video game series works of art, but these movies make no goddamned sense. What the hell is Umbrella doing in these movies? So they accidentally release a bioweapon causing a zombie outbreak (1), which then spreads to a city (2), and the world (3). Now in Afterlife the world is gone yet Umbrella is still killing people to create more weapons … to what end? Even if you build the perfect bioweapon, who are you going to kill with it? All they had to say is they are experimenting for a cure, but they wouldn’t even give me that. Why must stupid movies continue to be stupid?

The storylines were never important in Resident Evil. What is important is how much fun it is to watch Milla Jovovich kick ass. She does plenty of that and even gets to fight the large infected guy with the makeshift ax. That wasn’t the only new element from the games brought in for the fourth movie. They also used the weird whole head splitting open look for the infected, which is nice and disgusting. Plus we finally got both Chris Redfield and Albert Wesker. Wentworth Miller was brought in for Chris and he had the look down so points for that. As for Wesker, they took advantage of the sunglasses and glowing eyes, so if you are a details of Resident Evil fan … hooray.

I'll be there in 2013 for whatever Resident Evil subtitled movie hits theaters. There clearly is going to be more and as long as people are alive Umbrella will try to kill them and Milla will stop them and we'll all lose an hour and half of our time.

5 out of 10

The Expendables

2010-11-14T16:19:00.002-05:00

And here is the end of the trilogy of mercenary movies; this time now with Sly Stallone. The Expendables has been coming for a couple of years now and there was no chance that it could live up to the hype. I will applaud it for taking advantage of the R rating and actually being a violent mercenary movie.

The Expendables is all about checking off all the fun names populating the cast. Stallone took his ridiculously juiced body to the next level to prove his manliness because that matters in a movie. He was Stallone … what else do you want me to say? The second name on the poster was Jason Statham and he was very much Jason Statham here. You get all the usual stuff that he is good at so no complaints. Poor Jet Li gets third billing and he barely even gets to do anything. Stay away from America; it’s no good for you. If Jet was a disappointment, Dolph Lundgren needs his own spinoff. He was awesome in every single second he was on the screen. The main villain was Eric Roberts and he has perfected this character over decades of work. Its been a awhile now, but Stone Cold finally got a decent role. Yeah he was just the lead henchman and only spoke a few lines of dialogue but it worked for this movie. I want more Steve Austin in the next decade of action movies. They got the cast right and left room for the missing action names for a sequel.

Was there a plot? I’m sure they gave of us some reason why a handful of guys needed to kill hundreds of guys in a climatic battle. Something involving the CIA, drugs, and a fake island nation … pretty much the usual nonsense. Who cares? Shit is blowing up everywhere.

I've already thought about this movie way too much. The Expendables was exactly what it was supposed to be; an over-the-top violent movie with action stars all over the place. I have no problem with a sequel happening down the road.

6 out of 10

Machete

2010-10-01T22:17:00.002-04:00

So they went and made Machete after everyone cheered during the fake trailers of Grindhouse. I guess there have been worse reasons why a movie was made but not many come to mind. Still, Machete was just a great over-the-top movie that I can’t find too many faults with if we are just looking for a good time at the theater.

The thin premise of the Machete trailer led to an equally thin premise for the Machete movie. People love Danny Trejo so let’s make him look like a badass. There’s your movie. They worked in some sort of Mexican immigrant plot and evil politicians and law enforcement but, in the end, it was all about Danny Trejo killing dudes. So Machete tries to right some wrongs while running into a few regular Robert Rodriguez faces, like Cheech Marin, and some crazy casting choices like Robert De Niro and Steven freaking Seagal. It is exactly what you would expect from a full length Machete movie.

Who doesn’t love Danny Trejo? But be careful what you wish for because the man has gotten a bit old and moves like it. He pulls it off completely because he is Danny Trejo but the fight scenes are some old school shit with everyone moving in slow motion. This became a convergence of hilarity when he has his climatic battle with Seagal. I’m not sure if either man moved during the fight. And, obviously, Seagal dies in a way that only Steven Seagal would allow. De Niro had about the most fun I’ve seen him have in years. Don Johnson follows close behind in the scene-chewing category. I love Lapidus so it will always be a nice reward when Jeff Fahey appears. And throw in both Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba looking all sexy-like and you got yourself a movie.

Machete was good times.

7 out of 10

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

2010-10-01T22:12:00.002-04:00

Yeah, there was a zero percent chance of me not loving Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It’s adapted from a comic book series I’ve read with a plot heavily influenced by old school video games being directed by Edgar Wright. I was there if the rating on Rotten Tomatoes was in the negatives.

Of all the comics that have been brought to the big screen so far, Scott Pilgrim was one where I truly wondered how they were going to translate book to film. I should never have doubted Edgar Wright. This was closer to his television series, Spaced, than Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz but that worked for all the weirdness that takes place in the Scott Pilgrim universe. He somehow made it work when defeated enemies turned to coins or all the scenes that take part in Scott’s head or just the fact that people are breaking into life or death fights and no one bats an eye. Although, my attention span may no longer work at such a quick pace because things moved at breakneck speed.

For reasons I don’t truly understand, some thought Michael Cera would not be able to pull off Scott. I felt he was a solid choice and brought all of his Cera-ness to the table and delivered. They didn’t make Scott as stupid as he is in the books but there were still plenty of scenes where Cera was just dumbfounded by everyday stuff. And he even pulled off all the fight scenes, which is something he has never really done before. The other major casting choice was Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Ramon Flowers and once again it worked. She nailed the distinctive look with all the crazy hair colors and the way that Ramona never really helped Scott understand what the hell was going on.

After those two, there is an avalanche of side characters and nearly everyone deserves a mention. Kieran Culkin stole every single second he was in as Scott’s gay roommate, Wallace Wells. He was easily the funniest character in the movie. Now if it was just facial expressions I would give that award to Alison Pill as Kim Pine. Who knew a person could have so many different dirty looks. Mark Webber was great as the leader of Scott’s band, Stephen Stills. Ellen Wong brought the perfect energy as Knives. It should come as no surprise that Chris Evans was easily the best of the evil ex-boyfriends. He is on an absolute tear recently. Evans was the best but Jason Schwartzman pulled off making Gideon Graves a worthwhile villain for Scott to overcome at the end. This was nearly a perfect cast.

Hooray for another movie in 2010 that I loved and no one saw. I wish a few more people saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World ... and by a few I mean literally 3 people. That might have tripled the box office.

9 out of 10

Piranha 3D

2010-10-01T22:09:00.002-04:00

I have bashed 3D movies all year but that ends now. Piranha 3D was a completely acceptable use of the ridiculous format because the movie knew it was a joke and just went from there. I’m crossing my fingers for a trilogy.

Do I really need to explain the plot of Piranha 3D. Earthquake, prehistoric hidden lake, piranhas, spring breakers, gore, gore, gore, cliffhanger. Good times … good times. The whole thing was an excuse to show hot chicks in bikinis then murder the hell out of those hot chicks in bikinis. That is a solid premise.

I assume there was supposed to be an emotional arc with Elisabeth Shue’s son but all I remember was lots of nudity with Kelly Brook and Riley Steele during those scenes. Then they brutally died. Aw. Going back to Elisabeth Shue, hey look, it’s Elisabeth Shue! And she brought along with her Ving Rhames and later Adam Scott. Ving is always a good time and got to kill a lot of fish before succumbing to his own brutal demise. Adam Scott is hilarious and definitely brought his full bag of comedic tricks to play here. Sadly, the final twist probably removes him from the sequel. Boo.

And that is about enough time spent on Piranha 3D. To paraphrase Dennis Green, "it was what I thought I was."

7 out of 10

Salt

2010-09-27T18:49:00.002-04:00

Maybe if the Bourne movies didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have found Salt so hilarious at times. But that is the only thing I could think of; Salt is a dumber cousin of the Bourne franchise. Then again Angelina Jolie action star will always work in a pinch.

I love me a plot where shady Russians attack the United States. Does Salt’s story make sense, eh, not so much but it was fun for a couple hours. If I’m remembering correctly, there are dozens of Russian sleeper agents throughout the American government some going so far as to be in the highest places of power. Now wait a second … if you are able to reach the highest levels of the CIA and or Army through legit means of career advancement, why is there a need for some sort of doomsday plan? Just use your power to influence American policy and actions to reach the ends you are looking for. And I’ve now thought about this plot way too much.

Now that I’ve hurt myself thinking about Salt’s plot, let’s move on to Angelina Jolie doing what she does best. Looking good while running around and beating the shit out of people. And that is what she did for 2 hours here. There was the ridiculous, to the crazy ridiculous, to the are you freaking kidding me ridiculous. By this point, it is impossible for me to complain that a single person can outsmart, outfight, and just generally embarrass every American agency. Fine. Then when Jolie dresses up and puts make-up on and becomes a passable effeminate man that was at least something new. But the middle action sequence where she is literally hopping from roof to roof of speeding trucks at a superhighway interchange was a just a few steps too far, I just don’t buy it and it made me laugh. One of the reasons why Jolie the superheroine didn’t kill the movie for me was because the other two main actors were Liev Schreiber and Chiwetel Ejiofor. That is the type of casting that will always get me on your side. Both of them deliver their usual top-notch performance, although Liev acting shady is becoming a bit too obvious.

Still, I’d see a Salt 2 or Salt and Pepper or Salt-Free or whatever. I like action movies and this was your basic summer action movie.

7 out of 10

Predators

2010-09-27T18:42:00.002-04:00

After Alien vs. Predator and Alien vs. Predator – Requiem, who wasn’t waiting for another sequel that takes us farther away from the awesomeness of Predator? Predators survives on pure ridiculousness of storyline and some odd but memorable casting choices. Should there be more? Why not? It’s Predator!

Before getting into all the twists towards the end of the story, Predators starts with the idea that Earth’s best, I don’t know, “warriors” are kidnapped and dropped onto a planet and hunted. All right fine, but a death row inmate armed with just his shank? A Mexican gang executioner? A Yakuza armed with just his handgun? I’m surprised there wasn’t a MMA fighter armed with just his fists. The Predators couldn’t have even left them a supply of weapons to give them some sort of chance? And, of course, the shank was eventually used on a Predator. Yeah it was. There were a series of left turns throughout the movie. First we get the introduction of the Super-Predators who fight with the regular Predators along with hunting humans. Ooooookay. Then there was the little more than a cameo by Laurence Fishburne. I only mention this because he was all over the trailers but was only in the movie for a psychotic 10 minutes. The final twist was the most obvious but it was still fun to see Topher give it his all.

And now that I mentioned Topher, I can get down to the cast. Topher was phenomenal throughout as the neurotic doctor until the end when he just started chewing scenery. If I added redneck in front of death row inmate armed with a shank, who is the fist actor that would come to mind? For me, Shane Vendrell/Boyd Crowder and lo and behold Predators did cast Walton Goggins for the role. And as usual he was the highlight of the entire movie. He is always entertaining. Just like Goggins, the casting of Mexican gang executioner just so happens to be Danny Trejo. Duh. I’ve put it off long enough. The star of Predators making him the lead badass was Adrien Brody. Wow, I did not see that one coming. And I definitely didn’t see me buying it once he was on screen with his big gun growling orders. I guess that means he is talented ... who would have thunk it?

Predators happened it almost makes up for the last 2 movies. Almost. They got back to the basics of humans getting hunted by Predators. Good times.

7 out of 10

Winter's Bone

2010-09-27T18:35:00.002-04:00

Even when I’m not getting to the theater as much as I’d like, I still seem to find movies like Winter’s Bone. And movies like Winter’s Bone are the reason why I see movies like Winter’s Bone ... sure that makes sense. This will easily be one of the best films I see in 2010.

This was just about a flawless film. Winter’s Bone is a very simple story about a daughter searching for her deadbeat father. But that sentence does not do justice to the world that Ree Dolly lives in and navigates. It's always fun to experience a place that just never shows up in major motion pictures. The world of Winter’s Bone is a small town in the Ozark mountains and that does not seem to be a wholesome place to grow up in. Not only is it really cold but also there is some sort of redneck mafia that makes life really difficult. Ree needs to find her meth-cooking father so the courts don’t take the house the family lives in. And the people she deals with are just a murderer’s row of memorable faces and I mean that literally their faces were memorable. Of course it doesn’t get better than her uncle with the name Teardrop. Beautiful. In the end she runs afoul of the meth-cooking mafia gets her ass kicked, stands tall, and keeps her family together by any means necessary.

Jennifer Lawrence portrays Ree Dolly and she better get a nomination for her work. She carries this entire movie on her back. Jennifer goes toe-to-toe with every other actor in the film and never fails to deliver. She morphs from caregiver with her mother, brother, and sister to hardass with her uncle and lower level thugs and finishes off with scared but determined in the climatic scenes. Look I’ve held back as much as possible, but Garret fucking Dillahunt! The man plays the yellow-bellied sheriff and he is fantastic as usual. His final scene with Ree is just perfectly played. And if Garret isn’t enough, John Hawkes is the second lead as her uncle, Teardrop. Perfect. He is just on the edge in every one of his scenes. Hawkes is both terrifying and heartbreaking as he tries to deal with the realization why his brother was killed.

Winter's Bone was a phenomenal independent movie. That is all I really need to say on the matter.

9 out of 10

The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo

2010-09-26T21:18:00.002-04:00

My decade long obsession with the Swedish entertainment industry has finally paid off. So the entire world read The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo and it is going to be David Fincher’s next movie, but the Swedish version came first. And although I trust Fincher, the remake has a tough road ahead of it.

The book was a solid mystery and the movie doesn’t stray too far from the written version. Thankfully they didn’t shy away from the harsh plot points that are easier to write but harder to film. Wow … I’m not comfortable with the fact that I just wrote that sentence. Let’s try to dig myself out of this hole; there are some absolutely brutal scenes in this movie that are important to the character of Lisbeth. But good goddamn; I’m sure the American remake will have the rape and the rape revenge but there is no way it will be filmed as horrifically as the Swedish version. And the plot is tight and detailed in the book and even in the shortened movie timeframe the mystery can still be followed if you pay attention. Also it would help if you have 3 hours to sit still because this is a long-ass film.

It's always amusing when a foreign movie like this hits big and the names start popping up for future Hollywood movies. There are 2 main performances in The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth Salander and Michael Nyqvist as Mikael Blomkvist. Lisbeth is THE role in this trilogy and Noomi steps up to the plate. It is hard to explain her character in a sentence but she is both the most powerful and the most vulnerable person in this movie. She gets brutally raped and gets an even brutaller revenge. She has a photographic memory and uses her skills to hack into everyone's business. And because of her performance, Noomi got herself cast in the Sherlock Holmes sequel. The actual main character in The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo is Mikael Blomkvist. He is the reporter investigating the 50 year-old disappearance of a teenage girl. His part is the standard mystery performance while Lisbeth delivers all the memorable moments. Still Nygvist got himself a spot in Mission: Impossible IV so he must have done something right.

I probably didn't do justice to The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo because this was a phenomenal movie. The mystery holds up on film and Noomi Rapace was able to bring such a memorable character to life. I have high hopes for David Fincher's version.

9 out of 10

The Karate Kid

2010-09-26T20:32:00.002-04:00

Would it have been that hard to get a hip-hop remix of “You’re the Best” during the climatic montage scenes? If you are going to remake an 80s movie, the least you could do is bring back the most memorable musical moment. Without that … I’m left quite disappointed but not angry with The Karate Kid.

Hey look it’s Jackie Chan! In some sort of weird coincidence, this may end up being Jackie Chan’s best performance in a Hollywood movie. He has been funnier and he has had better fight scenes, but Jackie actually had a well-rounded character that went through an actual emotional arc. I don’t think he has done that before with English as the spoken language. With all that, he even gave us a fun fight scene where he takes apart all of the bullies. That is a polite way of saying he beat up some kids. It’s Jackie Chan so he actually seems to be a worthy teacher as opposed to Mr. Miyagi moving in slow motion. So I’m thinking about if Jaden Smith is a step up or a step down from Ralph Macchio. There is no easy answer to the question. What is clear though is that Jaden is Will Smith’s son and he has picked up many of his father’s acting tics especially when it comes to reacting to someone like Mr. Han. At least he is an actual teenager who is very athletic so the fighting looked halfway decent.

I say halfway decent because the kids ages were a bit too young. There was no real danger with boys who were damn near pre-teens fighting each other. The cast looked good when they squared off but it felt like an exhibition when you were supposed to fear for Dre's life or at least health. The age problem also made the love story kind of hilarious. I assume they were shooting for cute but it definitely fell short of that mark every time they went back to it. Still these things did not ruin the movie but were more like nitpicks.

The Karate Kid was a solid remake when no one really asked for one. It had nothing to do with karate and was some sort of Chinese tourism advertisement but was also fun and uplifting like it was supposed to be.

7 out of 10

The A-Team

2010-09-26T20:24:00.002-04:00

Now its time for the second attempt at the amusing band of mercenaries summer flick. The A-Team was the most known property of the three, which made it the easiest failure. Thankfully it didn’t fail but when you are shooting for fun summer movie it’s not like the target is that small.

It would be completely impossible to hate this movie simply because of Sharlto Copley. All four of the original A-Team members were memorable, but come on, Murdock! Somehow Sharlto was able to make you forget what was there 25 years ago and steal every single second of screen time. He was great to the point where I would prefer they just spin-off the sequel to just be about him. There are too many scenes to highlight but I will have them all memorized when it shows up on cable. Bradley Cooper just turned up his normal charm and called himself Face, but who doesn’t get a kick out of Cooper acting like a borderline douche. His scenes in the prison were fantastic. I don’t think I would have ever thrown out the name Liam Neeson for Hannibal. He tried but his performance was fun because it was Liam not because he was recognizable as the original Hannibal. He chewed on the cigar and said the lines and that was enough to get the point across. That leaves Rampage to take on the Mr. T role and there ya go. He was fine but Mr. T is Mr. T so you can’t really duplicate the man. In the end, I have no issues with their casting choices or the performances they delivered. They were also kind enough to throw in Jessica Biel, Patrick Wilson, and Major Dad into the mix. Good stuff.

The action was very similar to Joe Carnahan’s last movie, Smokin’ Aces. Everything is completely over-the-top from handcuffing 2 dogs to each other to the final scene where containers were being tossed around on a tanker like legos. But this is The A-Team so it worked. And he was kind enough to throw in the classic explain the mission then show the mission working sequence. I love that stuff.

There seems to be a formula brewing with Carnahan's movies and it leads to nothing more than fun. The A-Team is not deep in any sort of way. It was just a good time for a couple of hours. Who doesn't want that every once and awhile?

8 out of 10

Grown Ups

2010-09-26T20:17:00.003-04:00

Unlike 2 years ago, I've fallen behind but I am about to catch up real quick. I will do this by cutting some of these short. First up may be the shortest:

Grown Ups is one of the lazier movies I’ve seen in a long time. At first I was going to say look at all the talented people cashing a check but … really? Everyone is cashing a check but there isn’t an award winner as far as the eye can see. Grown Ups is a bunch of friends getting together and making a movie. A very forgettable movie that I doubt I’d watch again on cable.

Sometimes it is hard to remember that I loved Adam Sandler’s movies 15 years ago. Its not like Billy Madison changed the course of cinema history but it felt like Sandler was trying. Grown Ups is just another Sandler movie that is funny while I watched it but now that I think back I don’t remember anything about it. And adding a handful of guys that I don’t have any interest in seeing in movies, Kevin James, David Spade, and Rob Schneider doesn’t help matters. I don’t even want to think about Chris Rock. One day he will top Pookie, but this wasn’t it.

There are better comedies than Grown Ups and would recommend seeking them out. I wish it would have had the common decency to at least suck instead of being boring.

5 out of 10

24 Lists

2010-09-14T23:03:00.003-04:00

1. Perfect CTU

Division/District: Bill Buchanan
Director: George Mason
First Officer: Tony Almeida
Head Tech: Chloe O’Brian
Other Tech: Edgar Stiles
Head of Field Ops: Jack Bauer
Other Field Agent: Chase Edmunds
Random CTU Agent: Baker

2. Awful CTU

Division/District: Brad Hammond
Director: Erin Driscoll
First Officer: Dana Walsh
Head Tech: Jamey Farrell
Other Tech: Kim Bauer
Head of Field Ops: Renee Walker
Other Field Agent: Mike Doyle

3. Alt CTU

Division/District: Ryan Chappelle
Director: Brian Hastings
First Officer: Michelle Dessler
Head Tech: Adam Kaufman
Other Tech: Morris O’Brian
Head of Field Ops: Curtis Manning
Other Field Agent: Cole Ortiz

4. Presidents

David Palmer
Charles Logan
Alison Taylor
Wayne Palmer
Noah Daniels
John Keeler
Hal Gardner

5. Chiefs of Staff

Mike Novick (twice)
Tom Lennox
Ethan Kanin
Wayne Palmer
Walt Cummings
Rob Weiss

6. Best Villains

Charles Logan
Habib Marwan
Christopher Henderson
The Drazens
Nina Myers

7. Final Order for the Seasons

Day 4
Day 2
Day 3
Day 5
Day 1
Day 8
Day 7
Day 6

8. 24 Evil Pecking Order

Americans (mostly white) 2 (main), 5 (main), 6 (main), 7 (main), 8 (main)
Russians/Eastern Europeans 1 (main), 5, 6. 8
Muslims 2, 4, (main) 6, 8
Chinese 4, 5, 6
Everyone else 3 (main), 7

9. My Most Hated (significant characters)

Kim Bauer
Martha Logan
Renee Walker
Dana Walsh
Olivia Taylor
Teri Bauer
Erin Driscoll
Richard Heller
Allen Miliken
Alberta Green

10. Dumbest Storylines

Amnesia
Walid
Paul dies
Allen Miliken
Dana Walsh
Cougar
Chloe and the baby
Maya Driscoll
Kim Bauer and her psychiatrist
Sexual harassment Shari

11. Jack’s Best Interrogations

Syed Ali
Ted Coffell
Pavel Tokarev
Nina Myers
Tony Almeida

12. Jack's Best One Man Army Assaults

Freeing the Hellers (12 dead)
LA Coliseum (6 dead)
Fayed’s final hiding place (7 dead)
Oil platform (12 dead)
All the Russians at the end of season 8 (7 dead)

13. Bloodiest Days

Day 6 (49)
Day 4 (43)
Day 5 (38)
Day 8 (35)
Day 2 (28.5)
Day 7 (24)
Day 3 (15)
Redemption (15)
Day 1 (14.5)

14. Torturiest Days

Day 3 (10)
Day 4 (9)
Day 6 (9)
Day 2 (7)
Day 5 (7)
Day 8 (6)
Day 7 (3)
Redemption (2)
Day 1 (1)

15. Which Main Characters Were Put to Sleep by Jack

George Mason
Chase Edmunds
Curtis Manning
Mike Doyle
Renee Walker
Bill Buchanan
Tony Almeida
Charles Logan
Chloe O’Brian

16. Jack Cries on Camera

15 times!

17. Jack says “Damnti!”

15 times!

What the hell?

18. Nuclear Bombs on American Soil

Season 2
Season 4 (nuclear power plant meltdown)
Season 6
Season 8

19. Biological Attacks on American Soil

Season 3
Season 5
Season 7

Sense a pattern?

20. Assassination Attempts on the President

Season 1 (the next President of the United States David Palmer)
Season 2 (David Palmer)
Season 4 (John Keeler)
Season 5 (Charles Logan not really but it was hinted that Jack would)
Season 6 (Wayne Palmer)
Season 7 (Alison Taylor)

21. Most Appearances (IMDB stats)

Kiefer Sutherland / Jack Bauer (195)
Mary Lynn Rajskub / Chloe O'Brian (126)
Carlos Bernard / Tony Almeida (115)
Dennis Haysbert / David Palmer (79)
Elisha Cuthbert / Kim Bauer (79)
James Morrison / Bill Buchanan (64)
Reiko Aylesworth / Michelle Dessler (62)
Jude Ciccolella / Mike Novick (58)
Kim Raver / Audrey Raines (53)
Glenn Morshower / Aaron Pierce (50)

22. Best Acting Performances

Kiefer Sutherland / Jack Bauer
Gregory Itzin / Charles Logan
Dennis Haysbert / David Palmer
Sarah Clarke / Nina Myers
Jude Ciccolella / Mike Novick
Xander Berkeley / George Mason
William Devane / James Heller
Peter Weller / Christopher Henderson
James Cromwell / Phillip Bauer
Mia Kirshner / Mandy

23. Who is Still Alive for a 24 Movie

Jack Bauer
Chloe O’Brian
Tony Almeida
Morris O’Brian
Chase Edmunds
Jim Ricker
Mike Novick
Aaron Pierce
James Heller
Mandy
Wayne Palmer(?)
Audrey Raines (?)

24. Who Should be Brought Back from the Dead

David Palmer
George Mason
Ryan Chappelle
Christopher Henderson
Curtis Manning
Bill Buchanan

The Best and Worst of the Eighth Season of 24

2010-09-13T22:31:00.002-04:00

Best Moments:

5. Chloe O'Brian CTU Director

Well that had to happen.

4. Omar Hassan's Execution

Is it weird that I'm listing this as "Best Moment"? I've read that Fox was never comfortable with having the President on 24 killed but, shit, do whatever you want to the Muslim President of a fake country. In a show that has done it all, the camera panning to Hassan's violently slit throat actually shocked me.

3. Charles Logan in a devil costume sitting on Alison Taylor's shoulder

What better use of Charles Logan's speechifying skills than to wind him up and let him go off and explain why President Taylor must make another awful choice. It was just more phenomenal work done by Gregory Itzin.

2. Jack Bauer uses his final free moment to thank Chloe O'Brian

*cries for 5 minutes*

1. Jack Bauer's path of destruction

I didn't think it would be fair to separate Jack's actions in the final third of the season. After the President tried to detain him, each hour contained another fantastic Jack Bauer moment until the bitter end. You had torture, execution, ambushes, massacres, etc. Jack Bauer is a bad man.

Worst Moments

5. New York cop beats on Jack Bauer

What a truly awful waste of time. If it made any sort of sense, maybe I could have accepted it. Instead, this was clearly there as a way to delay Jack from calling in the assassination attempt Hassan.

4. Dark Renee Walker

I'm sorry ... I can't stand Renee Walker.

3. Ethan Kanin's heart attack

We did this in season 3 and it was awful then! Why repeat it?

2. President Taylor listens to Charles Logan

This was completely unbelievable. Each option that Logan offered Taylor was worse than the next but she kept agreeing with him because we needed to keep Jack Bauer in the wrong. This was a complete 180 from the President Taylor we had been seeing since Redemption.

1. Dana Walsh

I'm done complaining. Just an awful character and a waste of Katee Sackhoff.

The Eighth Season of 24

2010-09-13T22:15:00.002-04:00

It had to end at some point, but for all the ratings 24 drew in its early seasons those happy memories did not prevent it from being cancelled halfway through the season. Although they took Jack Bauer to a darker place than usual, Day 8 never felt like the concluding season of a long running series. And the darker journey for Jack was definitely the selling point for the year since everything else was business as usual.

So Jack Bauer was on death’s door at the end of Day 7. Kim’s magical bone marrow or whatever was used to treat her father worked and he randomly chose to recuperate in New York City. That means for the second season in a row 24 took place in a brand new city. Although Jack being out of the game at the beginning and then on the outs from the government at the end was nothing new, they took their most significant attempt to give Jack a darker edge. The majority of the highlights for Jack took place in the last third of the day. It was the normal running and gunning for Jack until he had sex within a season. There was no way that was gonna go unpunished. And once Renee was killed, we got to see Jack go on a very calculated and protective of the innocent rampage. From that point on we got Jack’s ambush of Cole’s CTU team, Jack killing the mustachioed DB Sweeney, the execution of Dana Walsh, the annihilation of Tokarev’s team in the department store, Jack’s torture and disemboweling of Tokarev, the One Man Army attack on Logan’s limo, the unseen slaughter of Novakovich’s entire security detail, and the moments where Jack had Logan in his sniper rifle where all some of the most memorable Jack in action scenes the show has done. And even after all that crazy violence, the day ends with Jack emotionally thanking Chloe for everything she has done for him over the years. Although it didn’t really feel like the last time we will ever get to see Jack Bauer, season 8 gave Jack a strong story to end on.

The B story for the season was the journey of Omar Hassan and Alison Taylor’s peace treaty. Anil Kapoor was brought in as the leader of a fake Muslim nation that for some reason will bring world peace if they sign a treaty led by the United States. Okay sure. There were many fun scenes between those 2 throughout the first half of the season. And after all the political nonsense it was Hassan’s fate that turned the entire season around. First off he was given one of the more brutal deaths shown on 24, then the Russian involvement in his execution led to all the nonsense that drove the season to its conclusion. I do have to say that President Taylor’s decision making after Hassan’s death was awful just so Jack is forced to act the way that he does. It was a bit of a copout.

The other major returning characters for season 8 were, obviously, Chloe O’Brian, then Ethan Kanin, Renee Walker, and Charles Logan. After a couple of seasons where Chloe was sidelined for most of the days, she was given much more to work with throughout Day 8. Of course it started off with the hilariously weak idea that Chloe has fallen behind technically, but once they got past that she was slowly pushed to the front of CTU. This lead to a conclusion that had been coming for years … Chloe O’Brian Director of CTU. I really enjoyed the character of Ethan Kanin last season and was happy to see his return. Sadly he disappeared during the first half of the season, but was given a strong stretch of episodes culminating with his resignation out of protest. Renee Walker still sucks and was killed off. Hooray. After Day 7’s annoyingly bitchy Renee, Day 8 brought us dark brooding Renee. So not only was Renee brought in as the female Jack Bauer, she now became the love of Jack Bauer’s life. If she had survived the day, I wouldn’t have been shocked if she became the first President Jack respects on the level of David Palmer. Good riddance. The big mid-season return for Day 8 was Charles Logan. It was never really explained how religious redemptive Logan returned to soulless power-hungry Logan but, once again, it worked as a way to motivate the Jack Bauer storyline. Gregory Itzin definitely tore back into some fantastic Logan scenes. He may have been the closest 24 came to a cartoon character but it was still fun to watch.

Just like Day 7, the final season introduced a truckload of new characters because the day’s events took place in a new city and a new CTU. The new CTU crew consisted of Brian Hastings, Cole Ortiz, Dana Walsh, and Arlo Glass. They all fit into the normal molds established over the years. Hastings was the director who wasn’t as helpful as Bill but not as big of a dick as Driscoll. Bringing in Freddie Prinze Jr. to be the new field agent was another amusing test of can Jack Bauer make anyone standing next to him a badass. And Jack is still undefeated in that game. Arlo was the new CTU tech that was just another CTU tech, not much more to say than that. That leaves Dana Walsh. What more do I need to say about this godawful character? It’s rare that a character is around long enough on 24 to have 2 different horrendous plotlines in one season. This was Kim Bauer territory. First we got Dana’s felonious past that went on and on for hours and hours. Then it finally ended in the scene that revealed that Dana was the new CTU mole. Of all the shitty-ass conclusions to Dana’s storyline that could have been written, mole revelation would have been one of the worst. And then it happened. It was all downhill from there and even being executed by Jack Bauer doesn’t redeem her. The Hassan family were the most significant characters introduced on the political side in season 8. I already talked about Anil Kapoor’s good work but Necar Zadegan was also strong as his wife Dalia. She ended up more as a chess piece in the final hours being moved around to influence Taylor but when she was given the chance she delivered in her scenes with the President. There were other characters but Rob Weiss, Meredith Reed, Agent Owen, etc didn’t really give me much to write about it. Hey was that Michael Madsen? Sweet.

There were way too many bad guys to list in the 8^th season. You had multiple fake nation Muslims, a variety of Russians, and even an American or two. The main Muslim terrorist was Samir who just came off as another version of Marwan and Fayed. I think if Hassan’s made-up country were explained a bit more maybe Samir’s intentions would have come across better. He played the menace as well as he could. There were way too many Russians so I’ll just highlight Vladimir and Tokarev Maybe strange choices but Vladimir was the best part of Renee’s storyline and I just like how Joel Bissonnette played Tokarev. And I'm happy because villainous Russians just take me back to my childhood of 80s movies. The American that I mentioned would be Jason Pillar. Calling him a bad guy may be a bit strong, but when you get in bed with Charles Logan you know what type of work you are going to be putting in. Just like every other villain this season, he came to a very bad end.

Although I don’t really have any major issues, besides Dana Walsh, the eighth season was a mediocre end to the series. The Jack Bauer is unstable and needs to be stopped plot never worked in the way that they intended. It was still fun to watch him in action but he never even approached being the bad guy. Still like I've already written, the final scene of the day cleaned up a lot of sins. Because what all these days come down to is Jack Bauer saving the day with the help of Chloe O'Brian. I'll miss that.

Day 8: 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

2010-09-12T12:01:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

None II

Key Moments:

Suvarov finishes his speech and talks to Taylor afterwards. When he asks why Dalia won’t look at him, Taylor tells him that she knows everything but is continuing with the peace treaty. Logan calls Suvarov and lies until he agrees to meet him.
Jack tells Logan to sit down and wait. Chloe tells Jack that she can get the evidence out to the world. When Cole calls her, she tells Jack that if she doesn’t answer the agents are going to come looking.
Cole calls Burke and tells him to search the building for Jack and confirms the lethal force order on Jack Bauer.
Suvarov is on his way, while Chloe is pleading with Jack to stop. She uses all the correct arguments about innocents and collateral damage. She finishes it off with Renee wanting him to pursue justice not vengeance. Logan is stalling Suvarov but instead Jack puts the gun down. He turns to Chloe and makes her promise to see this through because he is probably going to die. Logan realizes that Jack isn’t going through with it and lies some more to get Suvarov to leave. Jack gives Chloe the memory card. He then tells Chloe that she has to shoot him and gives her a gun. Jack screams at Chloe to shoot him but she won’t do it. He screams and screams but she can’t shoot her friend … but when he points a gun at his head she immediately shoots him in the chest. Burke arrives seconds later.
Chloe calls Cole and tell him that Arlo needs to be ready to upload the file. She doesn’t know if Jack is going to make it. She leaves the scene but Burke stops her before she can leave the building. He tells her that Pillar has ordered her to stay at the scene. She can’t talk her way out of it and heads back to the utility room.
Logan tells Pillar that Jack has a recording. When he reaches the room, Burke tells him that they haven’t found anything. Pillar walks over to Chloe and asks her about the recording. She balks but he tells her to empty her pockets and then proceeds to pat her down. He doesn’t find anything and she walks out. She hid the data card in her cell phone battery slot. Pillar turns to Jack and the medic says the shot was a through and through. Pillar immediately wants Chloe arrested but Jack starts mumbling before he can get the word out. Pillar leans in to hear what Jack is saying and Jack bites off half his ear. Chloe is back with Cole and she begins uploading the file. Burke arrives and Cole stalls but the agents rush them and Burke pulls the card from the computer. Chloe screams at him but there is always a 24 douche. Burke calls Pillar and he tells him to lock Cole and Chloe down.
Logan hands the recording to Taylor. He then becomes the devil one last time and pitches her to have Jack Bauer killed to end this once and for all. She agrees ... what the hell is wrong with you? After Logan leaves, Taylor listens to Jack’s recording. It is not insane ramblings but instead it is Jack’s plea for justice. A plea he made directly to Taylor knowing she would get the recording if he were caught.
Pillar tells Logan that Jack is being handled. They feel victorious. At the same time Taylor is heading down to the press conference. Logan and Pillar share a drink.
The treaty signing begins and Suvarov and Dalia sign the document. When it’s Taylor’s turn, she uses Omar Hassan’s pen that Dalia had given her. She stalls and looks around. After a long stretch she announces that she is not signing and the peace process is at an end. She tells Woods to protect Jack Bauer’s medical transport. Woods begs her for information and she breaks down and tells him she has made a terrible mistake.
Jack is crawling out of crashed ambulance. 3 masked men grab him.
Woods tells Taylor that they didn’t make it in time. They got Jack Bauer.
The UN Secretary General tells the public that President Taylor has not signed the peace treaty and has made startling allegations. Logan and Pillar are watching this on television. Logan’s phone starts ringing. He tells Pillar that it is Taylor asking about Bauer. Logan tells Pillar not to pick it up. Pillar argues that they shouldn’t add murder to the charges against them. Logan pauses and tells him that he is right and to pick up the phone. When Pillar picks it up, Logan cracks him upside the head with a liquor bottle. He grabs Pillar’s gun and shoots him in the head through a pillow. He blames Jack Bauer one last time then puts the gun to his chin and pulls the trigger. Taylor is pulled away from the door by Secret Service as she tells Woods that she needs Logan alive.
But don’t worry, Logan has Fight Clubbed himself and is still alive but Woods says he is probably brain damaged. She tells Woods to free Chloe and do whatever needs to be done to find Jack Bauer. Woods says he has already done that.
Eden is being lead out of CTU in handcuffs. Chloe tells Cole what is going on and it just the 2 of them and Arlo on the CTU floor. They watch Jack being grabbed from the ambulance and track their movements with the drone. They find where they pulled off to do the execution. Cole says NYPD will never arrive in time. Chloe walks away.
Jack is put on his knees. His executioner says he know who Jack is and will make it quick and clean. Jack scoffs and makes a move but is easily stopped. Jack tells him to pull the trigger but before the shot is fired one of the other guys tells him to stop. Taylor is on the phone through some sort of magic with the drone. She orders him to stand down and wait for the FBI to arrive. She then tells him to put Jack on the phone. Jack is uncuffed and given the phone. Taylor tells him that she withdrew from the peace treaty and will tell the world within the hour what happened and face the consequences, but she says he will have to face them too. She apologizes for failing him and then tells Jack to leave the country because Russia and the United States will be coming after him. She ends it on that because there is nothing else to say. Jack never even responds. Afterwards, he calls Chloe and I’m gonna have to type this through tears. Jack begs her to protect his family. I sob uncontrollably as Jack thanks Chloe for everything she has done for him over the years. Chloe is streaked with tears as she tells them to shutdown the surveillance as Jack starts running.

Ridiculousness:

Once again Itzin played his scene to the hilt, but this may have been one step too many. I have no idea why Logan had to murder Pillar. It was a pure cartoon villain moment.

Running Totals:

Sadly, no cliches in the final hour

Day 8: 2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

2010-09-12T11:52:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Agent Burke (Jamie Martz): One last CTU agent introduced just to have someone at the UN that is not helping Chloe and Cole.
UN Secretary General (Eriq La Salle): This casting feels more random than usual because it was the final 2 hours of the show and he gets about 3 minutes of screen time.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Arlo calls Chloe with the good news that Jack has slaughtered a room full of Russians. Cole is approaching Ricker’s address and Ricker gets a security alert. He starts erasing his systems while Cole starts looking through walls with future gadgets. Cole knocks then shoots the hinges off the door. They have a standoff. Cole tells Ricker that in 15 minutes all agencies will be notified of his existence. He then tells him that he is trying to save Jack. He puts his gun down and starts to walk out. Ricker calls out to stop him.
Chloe arrives at the UN to the news that Meredith Reed has been arrested. Burke greets her with whines about Cole being reinstated. Cole calls Chloe to tell her that Jack is targeting Suvarov. She tells him that Meredith has been arrested and the evidence is gone. They talk about what Jack is planning to do and how they can stop him.
Logan tells Pillar that it is time for Taylor to know everything. Taylor excuses herself from Woods to take Logan’s call. Logan tells her that President Suvarov ordered the murder of Presient Hassan. Jack is listening to this conversation too! Taylor is pissed, but not enough to stop her awful decision-making.
Logan hops in a new limo heading to the UN. Pillar gets an update from Eden on Jack. They talk about how soon they will find Jack at the same time Jack appears in Pillar’s backseat. Jack gets his weapon and tells him to drive. He also tells him that he knows about Suvarov.
After meeting with Taylor, Dalia meets with Kayla who tells her that Meredith Reed called her with allegations about the Russians.
Cole arrives at the UN. Chloe tells him that once they get evidence they will send it out to every news outlet in the word through the internet. This should prevent any cover-up. Chloe tells Burke that Cole is in charge.
Pillar is passing all the checkpoints with Jack hiding in the backseat. He tells him to pull into a specific building and they park in an underground garage. When Jack gets him out of the car, Pillar thinks Jack is about to kill him but Jack tells him to stitch his wound! Fantastic. Pillar questions Jack’s actions and Jack tells him that Taylor gave up her right to judge when she covered it up. That makes Jack judge, jury, and executioner. He puts Pillar on his knees and the begging and pleading starts. Jack demurs and just knocks him out. Jack just screams in pain afterwards.
Jack tapes up and locks Pillar in the trunk of his car.
Dalia can’t get in touch with Meredith and Jamot says her editor can’t find her either.
Taylor is sitting alone with her horrible decision-making when Dalia arrives. After a bit of speechifying by both sides, Dalia finds out that Taylor knew about the Russian involvement with Omar’s murder. She is royally pissed off but Taylor threatens to blow the shit out of her fake country. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you Taylor?
Jack moves through the empty building avoiding security patrols. He places some spy cams in a hallway and breaks into a utility room. The room has a sweet view for assassinating. Jack sets up his security and sniper perch.
Dalia takes her righteous anger to Jamot but he tells her that is it worth calling Taylor’s bluff?
Jack is scoping out his sniper angles.
Chloe tells Cole that Arlo found an image of Jack in one of the buildings. She is heading there to talk Jack down but if he doesn’t hear from her in 20 minutes to secure Suvarov.
Jack is in the middle of recording his final thoughts and it is hinted that they are to Kim.
Dalia arrives at the last second to greet Suvarov with Taylor.
The UN Secrety General introduces the peace treaty with Taylor, Suvarov, and Dalia standing behind him.
Chloe finds the utility room that Jack is hiding in and opens the door. Jack yanks her against the wall and tells her that she shouldn’t have come after him. Chloe says that he is her friend and she had no choice. Jack says, “neither do I” and chokes Chloe out. He quietly tells her “don’t fight it.”
Logan is watching Suvarov’s speech when Jack calls and says he has a rifle scoped on him. Jack plays the recording to prove that Logan lied to him. He tells him to call Suvarov and get him up to Logan’s room.

Ridiculousness:

It’s hard to describe what happened early in this episode. Cole finished his conversation with Chloe and then a car commercial happened with no relation to the story. Usually these things happen during chase scenes, but this was a way to highlight the video screen that makes backing out of tight spaces easier. And we got to watch Cole back out of a parking spot. Hooray?

Running Totals:

Jack’s Million-Dollar Dream: 1 (13)

In the end, Jack had to put Chloe to sleep before the show ended.

Day 8: 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM

2010-09-11T13:14:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

Yuri Suvarov (5am – 6am episode of season 6)

Key Moments:

Pillar calls Logan with the news of Tokarev’s death. He reiterates that Logan needs to back out but Logan tells him the press has already been notified of his help today. Pillar then tells him what Jack did to Tokarev.
Ricker tells Jack he has to go back to his place to track the cell number Jack gave him. After he leaves, Meredith continues to bitch to Jack about what just went down. Jack tells her that she has to break the story in case he fails. He tosses her cell phone and tells her to contact someone she trusts.
Logan morphs into the devil on Taylor’s shoulder one more time to convince her to squash Meredith Reed’s story. He leaves her to go meet the incoming President Suvarov.
Arlo shows Chloe what Jack did in the abandoned building. She still thinks she can talk Jack down. Chloe also found Jim Ricker who died 7 years ago.
Ricker calls Jack and yells at him for hiding the fact that the number he is tracking is for Charles Logan. Jack lets him yell and then asks him for a location and Ricker gives it up. When Ricker continues to warn, Jack tells him he never planned on coming back from this path. He tells Ricker to erase everything and disappear. Jack steals another car … he is a goddamned menace.
Taylor meets with Woods and tells him to stop Meredith Reed. He balks since she doesn’t give him a good reason but eventually agrees.
Jack parks his stolen car, grabs his big bag of toys, and casually walks into some building.
Meredith calls Gary and tells him about the evidence she has and they agree to meet in 15 minutes.
Jack is gearing up by pulling out some body armor and an armored mask …freaking sweet!
While on the road, Logan is on the phone with Novakovich who is flipping out. Logan tells him that he has nothing to worry about since Jack will never learn his name.
Logan’s limo enters a 1-lane tunnel and Jack pops out and shoots outs the tires of all the cars in front of the limo. He starts walking towards the limo and Logan literally shits a brick. “THAT’S JACK BAUER!” Jack disables and knocks out 2 of Logan’s security. He then gets on the hood and shotguns a hole into the windshield. He drops a gas grenade inside to smoke Logan out. When Logan exits, Jack grabs him and leads him underground. Words cannot do justice to how phenomenal Army of One Jack was in this scene. It was perfectly over-the-top.
Arlo locates Ricker, while Chloe finds out that Jack kidnapped Charles Logan.
Eden is updating Pillar as he arrives at the kidnapping site. All 3 Secret Service have no idea where Jack went but Pillar finds the door Jack dragged Logan through. He leads a team in and tells them to kill Jack Bauer on sight.
Jack is politely questioning Logan. Logan pees his pants and talks a mile a minute. He admits to most but not everything that has happened today. In the end he pisses Jack off and Jack puts a gun to his neck and gives him to the count of 5. Logan says Novakovich on 4. He tells Jack to confirm it on Tokarev’s phone. When Jack hears Pillar coming he drags Logan to another area and puts him on his knees. Logan thinks he is going to be killed, but Jack says he would already be dead and chokes him out. Jack escapes and Pillar finds Logan.
Chloe ignores Eden’s complaints as she has Cole released to help her with the security at the UN.
Meredith is waiting for Gary at a dinner but he calls and tells he the government is at the office shutting them down. He tells her to hide and protect the evidence.
Cole is pacing in his cell when Chloe releases him. She tells him that he will join her at the UN after he takes a side trip to Jim Ricker.
Novakovich takes a call telling him that Suvarov has landed in NYC. His driver is notified but Jack jumps him and gets Novakovich’s location and security detail breakdown. Jack knocks him out and moves on to the elevators. He shoots the 2 guards and gets himself a keycard. One of them survived and sneaks up behind Jack and stabs him in the side. Jack reacts and takes control of the knife and guts him. Jack is bleeding badly as the elevator starts going up.
Cole gears up and warns Chloe that Jack is gonna have to be taken down.
Meredith calls Kayla and tells her about the Russian involvement with her father’s death. After the call, Meredith is arrests and the evidence is confiscated. Taylor tells Woods that no one looks at the evidence.
Logan is revived and he tells Pillar that Jack knows about Novakovich. Pillar calls but we pan across a horror scene of dead Russians with a dying guard crawling to the ringing phone. A fireplace poker impaled Novakovich. The guard tells Pillar that Novakovich didn’t even have a chance to talk. Logan calls Suvarov and tells him about Novakovich. He tells Suvarov that he was protecting him when he gave Jack Novakovich’s name. It was President Suvarov who gave the order to kill Renee Walker. Cut to Jack listening in on the conversation since he bugged Logan during their encounter. He is bleeding profusely as the hour ends.

Ridiculousness:

This doesn’t really matter but it is hinted that Jack helped Ricker disappear and that is the favor he is calling in. But if Ricker disappeared 7 years ago, that would put it somewhere during the Logan administration. My math being, Taylor has been in office at most 2 years, the Wayne Palmer/Noah Daniels administration was 4 years, and then the remaining time to reach 7 years will be under Logan or Gardner’s watch. The problem with that is that while Logan was in office, Jack faked his death and was off the grid and when Gardner was in office Jack was on his Chinese vacation. Jack would not have been able to help Ricker during any of these times. It’s like they make this shit up as they go along.
The Novakovich aftermath is such a copout. I know the show was cancelled after these episodes where filmed but to cheat us on seeing Jack annihilate an entire floor of Russians sucks. We’ve seen him shoot small armies but this would have been Jack using all of his Special Forces skills to murder a floor of dirty damn Russians. What a loss.

Running Totals:

Jack loves America not Americans: 3 (45)

If you are the Secret Service detail for Charles Logan you deserve it.

Jack’s Million-Dollar Dream: 1 (12)

Logan finally gets put to sleep.

Jack’s body count: 7 (262)

Russians have no chance against Jack Bauer.

Day 8: 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM

2010-09-11T13:05:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Gary Klausner (Thomas Ryan): Meredith Reed’s editor who looks like a classic television version of the newspaper editor.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Cole is led in handcuffs to Dana’s body. The cops toss around the word “execution”. Afterwards, Cole is sent back to CTU.
Jack is watching Dana’s evidence. It is a conversation Dana had with Tokarev where they discuss the events that happened today before they ever happened. Jack calls Ricker looking for an id on Tokarev. He also tells him to be prepared because the world is looking for Jack right now.
Pillar addresses the CTU troops but blows off Chloe’s questions about what happened at the bank.
Jack arrives at Ricker’s place but Ricker won’t give him Tokarev until Jack explains what is going on. Jack sums it up by saying the Russians took Renee away from him so he is going to make them pay. That satisfies Ricker and he gives him Tokarev. He doesn’t have a location but Jack has an idea.
Do you remember Meredith Reed? Me neither. She is talking to her editor, Gary, when Jack’s call comes in. Jack tells her that the Russians were involved in Hassan’s murder. He then tells her to meet him at a department store and he will give her the evidence. She agrees.
Cole is delivered to the white room and a waiting Pillar. This was a fun scene with Pillar pushing Cole for Jack’s location but Cole pushing back that Pillar is a part of the cover-up. Eden calls Pillar to tell him that Arlo intercepted Jack’s call to Meredith. Pillar walks up to Arlo and tells him to stop what he is doing and give the file to Eden. Chloe and Arlo exchange the CTU stare.
Logan and Novakovich are listening to Jack’s call to Meredith. Logan and Pillar talk next steps. Pillar is keeping NYPD away from the meeting point so Tokarev can do what needs to be done. Logan asks Novakovich for Tokarev’s number so he can get updates on the ambush.
Chloe asks Arlo about what just happened. After Arlo explains what happened, Chloe tells him that it confirms that there is a conspiracy going on. She wants to find Jack and asks Arlo for help. He agrees but whines about new security restrictions. Chloe grabs something out of a drawer and they create a shadow network inside CTU … what the fucking fuck? It can’t be that easy. Chloe leaves the room to go talk to Cole. Arlo masks the feed and Chloe enters Cole’s cell. Cole is pissed at Jack. Chloe has enough of his shit and just turns around to leave so Cole relents and tells her that someone is supplying Jack. She calls Arlo and tells him to look for Jack’s contacts in NYC.
Logan calls Tokarev for an update. He even gives him the go ahead to kill Meredith. Logan is in full super villain mode by now.
Logan interrupts Taylor and Dalia’s treaty talks to give her the update on the Jack Bauer ambush. He then pushes for her to announce his presence and help to the public.
The Russians spot Meredith when she enters the department store. Pillar and Eden are watching the security feeds. Jack approaches Meredith but stays hidden from view. Eden spots Jack for a second but then he disappears again. When Tokarev finally spots Jack and readies his shot, Ricker appears and puts his gun to Tokarev’s head. He gives Jack the okay. Jack grabs Meredith and starts to move her as the Russians converge. Jack annihilates all 4 of the Russians hitters with ease. He takes Merdith into the back and meets up with Ricker and Tokarev.
Logan is excited when his phone rings but Pillar tell shim that Jack took out the Russians and has Tokarev. Pillar recommends distancing himself from Taylor and let her take the hit. Logan is too close to being back in the game and wants Pillar to handle Bauer. After the calls, Pillar tells Eden that he is heading to the scene to clean up the Russian involvement.
Arlo shows Chloes the security footage from Jack’s department store shootout. They get to work on indentifying Ricker.
Jack and friends move into another abandoned building. Jack opens up Tokarev’s bag to see the sniper rifle that killed Renee. Ricker is having Tokarev empty his pockets, while Meredith berates Jack for using her. Jack hands her the evidence and Ricker takes her out of the room. She begs Jack not to do what he has planned for Tokarev. Yeah that’s not going to stop him. Jack explains to Tokarev that a rifle just like this killed his friend and Tokarev tells him to go to hell. Jack says, “you first.”
Meredith watches Dana’s evidence.
Jack tells Tokarev that he could have killed Renee instantly but he made her suffer and die slowly. Jack stabs him with pliers! This makes Tokarev admit to being the shooter and Jack just beats him for a full minute. Ricker holds Meredith back from stopping Jack.
Pillar arrives at the department store and gives the cops Jack’s picture and tells them to shoot on sight.
Jack uses smelling salts on Tokarev. Jack has moved on to who ordered the hit on Renee. He is just carving into Tokarev’s stomach with a knife. When Tokarev spits at him, Jack sprays lighter fluid into the open cuts. Still not getting what he wants, Jack grabs a blowtorch. He asks why Tokarev couldn’t have just left them alone then begins cooking him a Russian. When this doesn’t work, Jack even says to himself that this isn’t working. At that moment, he spots Tokarev’ cell phone. The SIM card is missing and Jack goes exploring. He realizes that Tokarev swallowed it and Jack’s response is, “you dumb bastard you swallowed it.” Jack whips out his knife and says that this is for his friend and begins gutting Tokarev. He finds the hidden treasure among Tokarev’s innards. Jack puts the SIM card in the phone and call the first number and hears a message saying that it is the number for Charles Logan. Jack is nonplussed.

Ridiculousness:

How does Meredith have any idea about what Jack is going to do to Tokarev? I’m not saying she shouldn’t be angry with Jack, but there is no reason for her to suspect just how sadistic Jack is going to be to Tokarev.
If a SIM card is swallowed and digested, is it really still gonna be usable?

Running Totals:

Jack’s body count: 5 (255)

Jack absolutely tears through the entire Russian black ops team.
Tokarev went out in a bad way.

Torture doesn’t mean you can’t be creative: 1 (54)

After all these seasons, Jack Bauer finally got down to some torture porn.

Day 8: 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM

2010-09-10T18:37:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Eden Linley (Julia Claire): Pillar's assistant that he brings along to CTU … um … she’s hot. That’s all I got from her character.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Dalia finishes off her speech taking the reigns from her dead husband.
Bledsoe calls Pillar with an update on his difficulty in breaking Dana. Logan says it wasn’t going to be easy. When Bledsoe asks for confirmation on execution, Logan and Pillar talk around actually approving while clearly approving.
Dana is being waterboarded. She claims that she made everything up and gets more water poured on her face for her troubles.
Jack and Cole are outside the location where Dana is being tortured. Cole asks what they are going to do with her and Jack tells him that they will cut her deal. Chloe calls again and Cole continues to lie. Before they head out, Jack hands Cole the bullets to the gun. Cole just says “you sonuvabitch” and Jack just mutters “yeah”.
Jack and Cole have made it up to the roof. Jack spots the man on the roof, so Cole makes a noise and Jack knocks him out. They head into the building and down the stairs. When they spot a group of guys, Jack calls in a fake report with the radio they stole from the guy on the roof. All of the guys race to the roof and Jack and Cole sneak up on the communications guy. Jack gets Dana’s location and then knocks him out. He kicks in a door and Bledsoe puts his gun on Dana. Bledsoe is in the middle of saying, “you won’t take the shot it’s too risky” when Jack shoots him in the head. HAHA! Cole is dumbstruck. Cole frees Dana while Jack kills 3 more guys to clear their exit.
Arlo tells Chloe that Cole’s team is calling in saying Jack ambushed them.
Jack and friends are driving along when Jack explains his plan to Dana. She doesn’t believe he will let her go so Jack peels out and finds an abandoned area to park. He yanks her out of the SUV and throws her against a pillar and puts his gun to her chest. He says he will count back from 3. Dana looks to Cole but when Jack gets to 1, she tells him the evidence is in a safety deposit box at a bank. Cole drags her back to the SUV while she screams about Jack’s plans for her. Cole then shoves Jack but still gets into the SUV.
Taylor is given the news that Jack has acquired Dana. She calls Logan and his plan now is to put a man inside CTU to manage things. He offers Pillar. She agrees then hangs up on him. Logan tells Pillar to head over to CTU.
Logan meets with Novakovich who brings along Tokarev. He explains what is going on with Jack Bauer. Logan explains that Taylor doesn’t have the stomach to get rid of Jack so he tells Novakovich to handle it. Pillar will provide Jack’s location. Logan offers a secure phone that Tokarev picks up.
When they reach the bank, Jack tells Cole that he will have to take Dana in because Jack is too hot right now. Dana continues to work on Cole as they head into the bank.
Pillar arrives at CTU and heads straight up to Chloe’s office. Eden is tagging along. Pillar boots Chloe from running the search for Jack and immediately switches the rules of engagement to shoot on sight.
Dana and Cole are let into a private room to wait for their safety deposit box. She starts telling him the story of her life but he doesn’t buy her sincerity. The box is delivered and when Cole opens it some sort of flash bang goes off knocking Cole out. Dana picks up the gun from the box and shoots the bank officer. She pockets the recording and cash. Dana stops and looks over Cole before picking up the phone to call in an alert on Jack Bauer.
Pillar is annoyed that they haven’t confirmed that Jack Bauer is at the bank yet. After ordering people around, he gets his confirmation. Pillar walks off the floor and calls Tokarev with the location.
While waiting outside the bank, 2 cops try to arrest Jack. He starts talking his way out of it but switches gears when he sees Dana run by. Jack disarms the first cop and holds him hostage and talks the other cop into dropping his gun. He shoots the cop in the foot and knocks the hostage out. He tells the crowd to call an ambulance and heads out after Dana. She spots him and the chase is on.
Dana shoots a pedestrian but Jack doesn’t even break his stride. She runs into a building and takes her shoes off to silence her steps. They shoot at each other for a bit before Dana heads upstairs. She tries to set-up a trap for Jack but this isn’t Jack’s first rodeo. He takes off his jacket and tosses it at the staircase causing Dana to fire her remaining bullets. Jack walks upstairs and puts his gun on Dana. He asks about Cole and she says she could never kill him. He then asks about the evidence and she takes it out of her pocket and places it on the ground. Jack walks right up to her and she asks him what she can do … and he says nothing. He then shoots her in the chest to knock her to the ground then a second shot to the chest when she was on the ground. He picks up the evidence and walks away.

Ridiculousness:

The way Jack’s execution of Dana was shot was really weird. It came off very ambiguous. I know he couldn’t shoot her point blank in the head on camera but shooting her in the chest made it seem like he was shooting to wound. Very odd.

Running Totals:

Torture doesn’t mean you can’t be creative: 1 (53)

It’s about time that 24 got down to some waterboarding.

Jack’s body count: 5 (250)

The way Jack killed Bledsoe was phenomenal and he followed it up with a few faceless goons.
Jack executes Dana Walsh to everyone’s relief.

Jack loves America not Americans: 2 (42)

I’m sure shooting that cop in the foot really bothered Jack.

Day 8: 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM

2010-09-10T18:30:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Jim Ricker (Michael Madsen): Now that is a casting choice. I’d like to think he was introduced here so he can be brought back for the movie. He is an old Jack contact who probably owes his life and facial scar to Jack Bauer.
Mark Bledsoe (D.B. Sweeney): Yes! Cutting Edge comes to 24 now with mustache! Pillar’s hardass security merc brought in to handle Dana.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Chloe is trying to talk Jack but he is not responding. The CGI helicopter chase ends when Jack lands on a building … it is that easy? The chasing helicopter watches as Jack climbs down the building. Jack reaches the ground and disappears by walking under trees … what the hell? This is the weakest escape ever. Jack gets into a crowd of people before any cops can reach him.
Cole asks Chloe what Jack is doing and she tells him that Jack is going to follow Dana’s lead or die trying. She sends Cole out into the field to bring Jack in.
Ethan gives Taylor the bad news about Jack. He tells her that covering up the Russian involvement is grounds for impeachment. She still thinks Jack will be caught but Ethan says the evidence is out there whether or not Jack finds it. He gets through to her and she asks him to prepare a statement about America’s removal from the peace treaty.
Logan is waiting when Taylor exits the elevator. She tells him about backing out of the treaty. Instead of attacking her, Logan offers another option. They can declare Dana to be an enemy combatant so she can be interrogated without the evidence getting out. He doesn’t even deny that she will be tortured for the information. Logan hops on his soapbox again about the power of the Presidency.
Taylor calls Chloe and tells her she wants Dana transferred to a safehouse. Chloe argues but Taylor says she is sending a private security firm to handle the transfer. Chloe balks again but Taylor says Jack has too many contacts in the government. Logan was literally standing over Taylor’s shoulder the whole time.
Jack buys a whole bunch of disposable cell phones and calls Chloe with one. I love that Jack asks for her help like everything is normal. Chloe stands up to him and when Jack gets stern she even asks if he is threatening her. Eventually she tells him that Dana is being moved off site. Jack ends the call, tosses the phone, pick ups another, and calls Jim Ricker. Jack is calling in a favor and wants Ricker to gear him up.
Mark Bledsoe arrives at CTU and calls Pillar before heading in. He wants to kill Dana when they are done instead of handing her back to CTU. Pillar says he will get back to him. Chloe greets Bledsoe and walks him through CTU. She hassles him to see the Presidential order as an excuse to download his cell data. Yeah Chloe does. Bledsoe tells Dana what is happening and drags her out of the white room. Dana freaks out and tells Chloe that they are going to kill her. Chloe goes through the cell data and finds the location Dana is being taken to. She calls Cole and tells him that she can’t help Jack. She walks onto the CTU floor and tells everyone that they are organizing a sting operation to capture Jack Bauer.
Ricker gets a security alert when Jack approaches his door. He lets him in and shows him the gear Jack asked for. Ricker wants to know what Jack did but Jack says it is about what Jack might do. Jack calls Chloe for the location and she gives him one. Jack tells Ricker to stay behind in case he needs him later on.
Cole is prepping the ambush site. Chloe tells Cole she wants non-lethal force but Cole can’t promise that.
Ethan delivers Taylor the statement and she tells him that she is following Logan’s plan. She explains what is going on and Ethan resigns in protest. Basically this is a polite fuck you for listening to Charles Logan.
Jack is scouting the location Chloe sent him. She sends him the schematics for the building and Jack tells her he is going in. Cole spots Jack crossing the street and tells the men to get ready. Jack gets the weapons he needs and stashing his gigantic gun bag under a truck. He knocks out the outside man and then sends Chloe false information. He picks up the unconscious guy and walks into the building. Jack puts the guy on a laundry bag and sends him through the warehouse to confuse everyone. He disarms another agent and holds him hostage. He tells Cole and the other 2 agents to drop their weapons. He puts everyone but Cole on the ground. He tells Cole that he knows Chloe and has him call her and say that Jack has been caught. Afterwards, Jack has Cole ties up the other agents.
Cole has finished up tying his agents when Jack tells him to come into the other room and sit down. Jack wants Cole’s help in finding Dana. He makes his pitch, which is solid, and ends it by tossing Cole a gun. Cole agrees and Jack takes him out of the building like a hostage for the rest of the agents to see.
Ethan takes the time to talk to Logan. This is 2 great actors going at it. Ethan threatens and Logan gloats.
Bledsoe and his men bring Dana to their torture lab. He politely asks for the evidence but Dana denies. He starts prepping because it’s go time.
Taylor delivers a public address on the treaty but when she says “peace must be obtained at any cost” Ethan walks out of the room.

Ridiculousness:

Taylor’s horrific decision making continues this hour. Logan should be wearing a spandex outfit and carrying a cane by now.

Running Totals:

Jack loves America not Americans: 2 (40)

Those CTU agents had no chance.

Day 8: 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM

2010-09-09T23:35:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

None II

Key Moments:

Jack is in a state of shock standing sentinel over Renee’s body. One nurse moves him out of the room, while another hands him some clothes to change into since his are drenched in Renee’s blood. When Renee’s body is wheeled off, a few more tears are shed. Chloe interrupts his grieving to check up on him. He wants to know where Sergei is but she stalls and tells Jack that she is in charge of CTU now. He gives Chloe his word that he will not interfere with their investigation. She gives him Sergei’s location.
Taylor talks with Ethan after her meeting with Logan. Ethan is uncomfortable with Taylor agreeing to Logan’s help without knowing what he is going to do.
Logan sits down at Novakovich’s breakfast table. After some small talk, Logan flat-out tells Novakovich that he was involved in today’s events. He moves on to the threat of bringing Taylor proof of this if Russia backs out of the peace treaty.
Sergei is being denied bail when Jack walks into the courtroom. Sergei spots him and his lawyer asks for a 5-minute break. Jack doesn’t even hide the threats against Sergei’s family. He explains what happened to Renee and what she meant to him. Sergei tells him that the Russian government orchestrated the day’s events. He doesn’t have names but does tell him Dana was involved.
Logan is on the road when Taylor calls to say that Novakovich is back in. Ethan pushes to know how he did it but Logan evades.
Jack updates Chloe and tells her to prep Dana for interrogation. After the call, Chloe asks Cole to watch Jack during his questioning.
Logan and Pillar are discussing his return to the political game. Pillar gets a call and mentions the name Jack Bauer. Logan has an awesome reaction to hearing that name. Pillar tells him that Jack meet with Sergei and is about to interrogate Dana. Pillar recommends getting Taylor to stop Jack and Logan says he will not allow Jack to ruin his plans again.
Jack and Chloe walk through CTU. She says Dana has no idea Jack is coming but she needs to keep the cameras on. Jack tells Chloe that if he wanted Dana dead, she would be dead. Jack walks into the white room and asks Dana who killed Renee Walker. He follows this up with a light beating, while Cole holds Chloe back. Dana tells Jack that she can give him everybody involved because she has evidence. Jack whispers that if she is lying he will find her no matter where she hides.
Ethan pulls Taylor away from Dalia because Logan wants to speak to her. Ethan joins her when Logan tells Taylor that Jack Bauer is out of control. Taylor is shocked to hear that Renee is dead. When Taylor doesn’t agree to stop Jack, Logan tells her Russia was involved with today’s events. Ethan and Taylor rip him apart for having knowledge of this. Logan becomes the devil on Taylor’s shoulder and says that peace is worth covering up Russia’s involvement. Ethan argues against it. Logan even tells her to hide this from Dalia. Ethan is horrified but Taylor has been moved by Logan’s ridiculously over-the-top speech. As if on cue, a call from Jack Bauer comes in asking for immunity for Dana Walsh. Taylor tells Ethan that she is going to CTU to speak with Jack in person.
Chloe tries to tell Jack to go home and let them handle the investigation but Jack is on a mission. Taylor calls Chloe and tells her she is coming to CTU and doesn’t want Jack leaving the building. Jack heads up to Chloe’s office while she heads to the batcave entrance to greet Taylor. She walks her through CTU and the President stops to thank the CTU personnel before heading up to the office. Taylor tells Chloe she will meet with Jack alone. First, she tells Jack she is sorry about Renee. Then Taylor sidelines Jack without giving him a solid reason why. Jack sees right through her and knows she doesn’t want the Russians exposed. Taylor planned for this and is having Jack detained. I’m sure this will work. When Jack leaves the office, Chloe gives him his stuff but Jack doesn’t tell her what is going on.
Taylor tells Chloe that Dana is not to be spoken to and Jack is being detained. Chloe questions both actions but Taylor has a wild-eyed obsession with the peace treaty. Taylor compliments Chloe before leaving. Chloe updates Cole on the weird happenings.
The helicopter arrives to pick up Jack. Jack has changed into his go gear. Chloe watches from the CTU floor, as Jack is lead to the helicopter. She recognizes when Jack is about to pull a gun before anyone else and starts running to the helipad. Jack steals the chopper and lifts off. Chloe tells the agents to lower their weapons and pleads with Jack to land the helicopter. Jack flies off.

Ridiculousness:

This whole final turn for the series is ridiculous. Logan had always walked the line but now they just threw him deep into the comic book villain zone. Itzin just starts chewing scenery from here on in and its awesome … but so ridiculous. Then you get Taylor buying into it and making a completely stupid decision about Jack. It was such a blatant story point to just get Jack to go rogue but once again the show does not have the ability to make Jack look wrong. It’s not even 50/50. Jack is clearly being hosed and has to make things right. Yes he is going to go darker than usual … but only to bad people!

Running Totals:

The healing power of Jack tears: 1 (15)

It may have been the same tears from the end of last hour but there was definitely a pause in between the visible tears. I’m counting it.

Human beings still eat?: 1 (9)

Novakovich is eating when Logan comes to play.

Torture doesn’t mean you can’t be creative: 1 (52)

I barely want to call what Jack did to Dana torture. It was such a half-hearted beating because of the male/female dynamic.

Day 8: 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM

2010-09-09T23:29:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Pavel Tokarev (Joel Bissonnette): Russian black ops man who is going to come to a horrible end at the hands of Jack Bauer.
Jason Pillar (Reed Diamond): Logan’s right hand man who tries to do his dirty work but that is always difficult because Logan’s dirty work is always coming up against Jack Bauer. Reed was a great actor for this role.

Returning Characters:

Charles Logan (6pm – 7pm episode of season 6)

Key Moments:

Jack calls Taylor to apologize but she won’t accept it because he didn’t do anything wrong. Jack pushes her to maintain the peace agreement but she sees no hope.
Cole is told that Samir should survive his gunshot wound. He walks away and one of the medics injects Samir with something. He walks away and passes Renee on the stairwell. She talks with Jack about next steps but he says the job is done. He tells Cole that he is giving his authority over to him and going home.
While Taylor is on her way to address the delegates, Jamot stops her and asks to speak with her beforehand.
The medic is revealed as Tokarev when he calls Novakovich and tells him Samir was taken care of. He is worried that Renee may have recognized her. Novakovich doesn’t want him to move on Renee but Tokarev keeps pushing. He is told to follow Renee and Jack but do not move on them until he calls back.
Taylor brings Jamot to the Hassans to reveal his plan for Dalia to take over for Omar. She doesn’t react well to the idea but Taylor pushes that without her all of their work would have been for nothing. Dalia concedes. Taylor walks and tells Woods that she has agreed, while Woods mentions that he has plans for CTU.
Cole tells Hastings that Jack and Renee are not coming back to CTU. Woods calls Chloe directly. First he gives her the update on Dalia then he gets down to his real reason for calling, he has named Chloe the acting director of CTU. After the colossal failures throughout the day, Hastings is being removed. Chloe awesomely tries to get out of it but Woods has no time for that so she takes the job. She walks up to Hastings’ office to talk with him. He is very magnanimous over the situation.
Jack takes Renee back to his sweet NYC apartment. He starts making her coffee. She gets uncomfortable when she picks up a picture of his granddaughter and Teri’s name is brought. Jack fixes this by making out with her. Is this still 24?
Tokarev kills some nice old man to gain access to a window across from Jack’s apartment. He spies Jack and Renee doing something something in a mirror.
Taylor meets with Novakovich and tells him that Dalia will be taking over for her dead husband. When Taylor pushes him on his wavering, Novakovich formally tells her that Russia will not be signing the agreement. She says she will take this up with President Suvarev.
Ethan is getting an update from his doctor when Taylor walks in. She tells him about her meeting with Novakovich. He says there may be someone who can help but she may not like it. The name is Charles Logan. Logan has been calling Ethan for the last hour and he recommends she at least meet with him.
Hastings informs CTU that he is leaving and tells everyone that Chloe is in charge. Chloe walks him out and they shake hands. Cole calls to say that Samir has gone into cardiac arrest. Cole watches as Samir dies. Chloe arrives to tell him that she is in charge now. She asks Cole if Samir was ever out of his sight and he says at the building. She wants an immediate toxicology report.
Dalia and Jamot are talking tactics when Kayla walks back into the room. Dalia tells her daughter what she is doing and she just whines that her mother is going to die. Dalia has no time for this and tells her she needs her support.
Logan and Pillar are waiting in a conference room when Taylor walks through the door. She immediately tells Logan to get rid of Pillar so they can talk in private. Logan is up to date on what Russia is doing. He says he has leverage but doesn’t explain what it is to Taylor. Taylor brings up all the old dirt and Charles eventually stops denying it. He gives a solid Logan speech asking Taylor to allow him to help her. Taylor begins her slide down to the dark side.
Jack gets out of bed and tells Renee he needs to get a drink. Thankfully he puts some pants on. His phone starts ringing but he tells her to let it go. Renee picks it up and answers it when she sees Chloe’s name. Chloe tells her about Samir’s death. Renee says she may have recognized one of the EMTs as a Russian from her past. She goes to tell Jack when Tokarev starts shooting. Renee is hit but Jack braves the bullets to get to her. Chloe is still on the line so Jack tells her what is happening. Jack carries her past the sniper fire and runs through the building. Jack walks her into a cab before Tokarev can get him in his sight. The cab is speeding to the hospital. Jack tells Renee to say with him.
Chloe tells Arlo to get images of the sniper.
Jack delivers Renee to the hospital and she is wheeled into surgery.
Chloe calls Jack and tells him that they didn’t get any images of the shooter. She tells him about Samir’s death and what Renee may have seen. The doctor walks up and Jack hangs up. Jack is told that Renee is dead and the doctor turns and walks away. Wait … what? No comforting? No talking about what happened? Just “she’s dead see ya!” Jack cries over Renee’s dead body and she gets her second silent clock in 2 years and the last silent clock ever.

Ridiculousness:

Hey Jack can you wait until Hassan’s body is cold before sneaking off to get laid?
That whole final segment had a bunch of annoying details. The first is Jack got her to the hospital in about 3 minutes. They might as well have had Jack living next door to hospital and walking her in himself. The other was the way the doctor treated her death. That was hilariously cold.

Running Totals:

The healing power of Jack tears: 1 (14)

Jack cries over the woman I never liked.

Day 8: 7:00 AM - 8:00 AM

2010-09-08T17:51:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Mikhail Novakovich (Graham McTavish): Another solid actor brought in to the 24 universe. We needed more Russian villains this season and why not turn to the Russian delegate at the UN.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Dana is trying to escape the building when security stops her because of new restrictions Hastings has put in place.
CTU is scrambling when Chloe finds the car that got out of the garage. Hastings updates Taylor who in turn updates the Hassans. She leaves them to meet with the Russian delegate, Novakovich. He tells her that if Omar Hassan dies Russia will not be signing the treaty. This leads to more political games.
Renee arrives back at CTU and pulls Chloe aside. She tells him about Jack’s theory then she calls Jack. Jack sends Chloe Tarin’s cell data.
Dana lies her way into Hastings’ system and starts fabricating the access she needs to leave CTU. Chloe calls Hastings with what she is doing for Jack. Tarin’s cell called a CTU number and Chloe traces it to Dana.
The alert goes out when Dana is clearing security. She shoots about 4 agents and runs into the garage. Cole gets updated by Hastings and makes a break for the garage. Dana is running and gunning through the garage. She gets into her car and starts driving but Cole appears and shoots out her tires. He drags her out of the car but Hastings pulls him off before he can do too much damage. When Hastings asks about Hassan, she says she wants to talk to Jack Bauer.
Cole is explaining what he knows and what he found out about Dana today to Hastings. He pleads to stay on but Hastings sends him off to be debriefed on everything he knows. Jack has arrived back at CTU.
Renee updates Jack and Jack, Renee, and Hastings have a fun scene where they talk about Dana. Jack heads into the futuristic white room. She wants immunity and money … money? Jack is confused like the rest of us. Dana acts a bit too smug so Jack yokes her against the wall. But she won’t give up anything. Jack tells Hastings that they need to call the President whether or not she can be trusted.
Hassan has been delivered to Samir. Ahman recommends killing him now but Samir wants him to admit to his crimes first. A drugged Hassan is placed in the murder chair. Samir met and believed in Hassan years ago and asks what happened to him. Hassan will not back down from his belief that peace is the correct path. He makes one last plea to trust him and Samir does not react well. He smacks him and tells him he will beg forgiveness for his betrayal. The injections begin.
Taylor and Woods talk about the immunity agreement for Dana before Taylor signs it. She then heads into a hospital room to speak with Ethan. They talk about the bleak future of the peace treaty if Hassan dies.
Hastings tells Cole that Dana is getting immunity. Cole is pissed but Hastings tells him to get over it. Jack wants him on the mission and Hastings passes him his gun.
Dana is briefing Jack on Samir and the remains of his team. She provides the building but doesn’t know the apartment number. Jack tells Cole to get his men ready.
A beaten Hassan is stunned back to consciousness. Hassan tells Samir he is wasting his time so Samir stuns him again. Samir tells Ahman to give him another injection but stops him and says he will read Omar’s crimes on the internet then kill him. Hassan smiles at his pyrrhic victory.
When Taylor is updating the Hassans, Woods calls her over to tell her about the internet feed of Hassan’s trial.
Chloe uses the internet feed to identify the side and floor of the building. Jack briefs the CTU agents on their mission before sending them out to their positions. He tells Renee he wants her with him even though it goes against his wishes for her.
Cole and another sniper take out the 2 men on the roof. Jack and his team move into the building. Jack takes out a man at the top of a staircase. The trial is still going on as Jack and crew move through the building. An agent is going door to door with a listening device. The find the room and Jack picks the lock. There is a little girl on a couch and when her mother walks into the room, Jack tosses her on the couch as Renee takes the kid out of the apartment. Jack finds a hidden room behind a closet. Renee spots a wig on the floor and shoots the woman before she can grab her hidden gun. Jack finds the trial room and kills the 2 men in it and shoots Samir in the shoulder when he runs in from another area. They are too late though because Jack finds a recording playing the trial to the internet. He turns around and finds Hassan has already been executed. His neck was violently cut. Jack says he is sorry and closes Hassan’s eyes. The execution is played online and Taylor reacts poorly. Jack tells Hastings that it was prerecorded. Taylor is saddened and pissed and walks out to apologize to the Hassans. Omar Hassan gets a silent clock.

Ridiculousness:

Hey Jack … how about you destroy the recording equipment before it replays Hassan’s execution to the world!

Running Totals:

Torture doesn't mean you can't be creative: 1 (51)

Has gets your basic needle with pain liquid treatment.

Jack’s body count: 3 (245)

Jack takes out a few of Samir’s men on his destined to fail mission.

Day 8: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM

2010-09-08T17:42:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

None

Returning Characters:

None II

Key Moments:

Rob locks Ethan in his office and tells Brucker they need to get him medical help. Brucker tells him they will after their plan succeeds.
Jack is leading the Hassans back to the UN while dragging Bishop along. Omar is not okay with his life being preserved over tens of thousands. Jack locks Bishop in a closet and turns to talk to Renee; Omar grabs a crowbar and knocks out Jack and pulls a gun on Renee. He frees Bishop and puts Jack and Renee in the closet. Dalia starts yelling Omar so he puts his wife and daughter in the closet. Jack wakes up and when he realizes Omar is giving himself up starts screaming that you can’t trust them. Bishop brings Hassan up to the street and opens up the waiting SUV. Hassan looks around at all the innocent people on the streets and gets in the SUV. Bishop calls Brucker and tells him that Hassan has given himself up freely. Brucker tells Rob to make the call to Samir. Hassan gets on the phone to prove it to Samir. When Hassan pushes for assurance, Samir hangs up on him. Tarin is waiting with less than a minute to go till the bomb goes off. Samir calls and Tarin stops the bomb with 7 seconds to go.
Jack breaks the window of the closet and gets free.
While Hastings tries to figure out why the bomb hasn’t gone off, Jack calls Chloe and asks her to connect him to the President privately. Dana sees Chloe take a call and is suspicious.
Jack takes everyone up to the streets and sends the Hassans off to the air force base with Renee. Chloe calls and Jack has her search the security camera footage.
While in a meeting with her roundtable, Taylor gets the call from Jack. He tells her to keep this private and updates her on everything that just happened. He ends it by saying Brucker is betraying her. He needs to know where Hassan is being exchanged. Jack gets a direction from Chloe and goes carjacking. Chloe watches this on the security camera and smirks. I love Chloe.
Tarin sees Bishop and Hassan pull up and makes the call to Hassan. Tarin doesn’t respond when Hassan recognizes him. Bishop starts taking directions that ends with Tarin driving off with Hassan and Bishop holding a set of keys.
Taylor has a full military guard and is told that Rob is in on it with Brucker.
Bishop finds the van that the keys open.
The soldiers burst into Ethan’s office and arrest Brucker and Rob. Taylor questions Rob on Hassan’s whereabouts but Rob won’t talk. His phone rings with Bishop’s update. Rob does not back down from his decision.
Hastings updates CTU on what just took place. The techs start backtracking the Hassan exchange. Dana tries to leave the floor but Chloe calls her back.
Jack is onsite with the bomb techs and has Bishop arrested. He also tells him that he has betrayed his President and his country. Hastings calls Jack with Hassan’s location and Jack is on the move. Cole has arrived back at CTU and interrupts Dana’s attempt to call Tarin.
Hassan tries to talk to Tarin but they have completely different viewpoints on everything. Tarin coldly ends the conversation by saying think whatever you like but you won’t be alive to find out. Hassan just stares into the distance as a tear falls down his cheek. Aw.
Taylor talks kindly to Ethan as he is wheeled out to his transport to the hospital. She then meets with Dalia and Kayla and offers them the ability to monitor Omar’s situation with her. Taylor thanks Renee but allows her to head back to CTU.
Cole updates Jack on the planned takedown location. They seem to have everything covered. Dana finally tells a blatant lie so she can escape the floor. She heads to the server room to start moling. Arlo followed her because he is suspicious so Dana lies her ass off to get rid of him. She finally calls Tarin to warn him and tells him to pull into a nearby parking garage.
24 turns into a car commercial as Jack drives really fast and we get some weird angles showcasing the car.
Hassan recognizes that Tarin is nervous a second before Tarin pulls a 180 in front of Jack and flies into a parking garage. Jack tells CTU that they have been made. The CTU agents move to cover the garage as Jack heads in after Tarin. Tarin drives to the roof of the garage closely followed by Jack. Tarin’s plan is to speed off the roof of the garage so he can crash and die. Good plan. Jack checks the wreckage and doesn’t find Hassan. Hassan is being drugged and dumped into the trunk of another car in the garage. A woman gets behind the wheel and drives off. Jack finds Tarin’s phone and calls Renee. He tells her there is a mole in CTU and wants her to work with Chloe when she gets back to CTU.
Hassan is driven out of the garage with no problems.

Ridiculousness:

Nothing to truly insult

Running Totals:

No cliches

Day 8: 5:00 AM - 6:00 AM

2010-09-07T18:19:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

General Brucker (Michael Gaston): Another in a long line of military men who seem to be very very violent and not trusting of the President.
Adrion Bishop (Michael Irby): The man leading the team Brucker sends to grab Hassan away from Jack. That’s 3 members of The Unit popping up on 24.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Jack ignores the medic’s warnings about his ribs. Jack has no ribs left after all these seasons. Renee tells him that the rods are back in Manhattan but they are close behind them.
Cole is at the point where the rods were offloaded from the boat. Chloe tracks through the satellite footage and finds Samir entering a taxicab. Cole heads out. Dana calls Samir from the middle of the CTU floor … really? She starts directing him away from CTU’s pursuit. She shuts down the satellites for 30 seconds and tells Samir to blend into cab traffic. When the satellites come back online, Samir is gone and Hastings is pissed.
Hastings calls Taylor, Rob, and Ethan with the update and says he can’t guarantee the safety of Manhattan.
Jack and Cole discuss the shadiness of losing the satellites at that point in time but Jack has to end the call to speak with the President. She wants Jack to secure Hassan for evacuation from the UN. He agrees because the order comes from the President. Renee tags along over Jack’s objections.
Samir and Tarin arrive at Ahman’s place. He gets to work on the rods and Samir says Tarin will be the driver of the bomb.
Jack and Renee arrive at the UN and speak with Secret Service. Hassan and Jack chat and Jack says they will be ready in 10 minutes.
Taylor is speaking with the roundtable of blowing shit up. Woods tells her Samir is calling so she puts it on speaker for the entire room … really? He says he doesn’t want to kill Americans; he wants Omar Hassan. He gives Taylor 1 hour to exchange Hassan for the bomb. He hangs up and Taylor starts to get everyone into motion. Rob pushes to give up Hassan while Ethan strenuously objects. General Brucker makes a speech about how giving up Hassan is the right play. Taylor reads everyone the riot act for suggesting that as an option.
Brucker speaks with Rob after the meeting and suggests covertly giving Hassan to the terrorists to protect Taylor. He pushes Rob to do this without Taylor’s knowledge.
While Hastings updates CTU on Samir’s demands, Dana sends the roadblock positions so Tarin can drive the van where it needs to go.
Of course Rob and Brucker need Hassan’s route from Ethan’s computer. Rob at least has the sense to say that Jack Bauer is involved and very capable of ruining everything. Brucker thinks his wetworks team will handle anything. Ethan walks in and sees through their lies. He tries to call Jack but … he has a heart attack.
The Hassans are being moved underground.
Brucker calls Bishop with the details so they can snatch Hassan.
Jack tells Renee that Ethan tried to call but now he can’t get in touch with him.
Ethan is nearly unconscious on the couch so Rob is lying to keep people out of his office. Jack calls looking for Ethan but Rob picks up. Jack yells at him so Rob hangs up. Jack stops the evac and starts bringing the Hassans back to the UN. Bishop tells his men to attack. Jack sends Renee with the Hassans down a different tunnel. The lead Secret Service agent tells Jack to go to while they hold their position. Jack catches up with the Hassans while the Secret Service are wiped out.
The soldiers are gaining on them so Jack tells Renee and the Hassans to take cover. He throws a smoke grenade while Renee draws fire. Jack kills 2 soldiers who walk into the smoke then another who turns to shoot at Renee. Jack throws another smoke grenade, Jack kills 1 with Hassan shooting the last. Jack finishes off his ambush by shooting Bishop in the leg. Jack questions him and Bishop tells him about the ransom demand. Bishop gives Jack shit but Jack awesomely says, “I only take orders from the President of the United States.” Well only for the next few hours.
Samir calls Tarin and tells him to starts the countdown. The bomb is set to go boom in 15 minutes.

Ridiculousness:

It had been 5 seasons since Sherry withheld someone’s heart medication. That was such a great storyline that they needed to bring that back a second time.

Running Totals:

Jack’s body count: 4 (242)

Jack annihilates an American wetworks team. Since they were rogue, I’m not counting this as attacking Americans.

Day 8: 4:00 AM - 5:00 AM

2010-09-07T18:12:00.002-04:00

Characters Introduced:

Frank Haynam (Chris McGarry): 24 loves their douchebag government man coming into town to push around CTU. At least he doesn’t last long.

Returning Characters:

None

Key Moments:

Hastings is being told just how fucked CTU is right now.
Jack calls a contact at the NSA and tells them about the SUV they are tracking and tells them to shutdown bridge and tunnel traffic into NYC. Jack heads to the river because that is where he thinks they will move the rods.
Samir arrives at the river and tells Ali that CTU is down. They start moving the rods onto a boat.
Kayla demands to know what is going on so Hasting tells her Tarin lied to her. He sends her back to the UN to identify the terrorists.
Samir is told that a vehicle is entering the area, so he tells them to take it out.
Jack is driving onto the docks when Cole realizes that communications have been jammed. Jack starts backing up and Samir’s men open fire. Jack, Cole, Owen, and an unnamed man head out to take on Samir’s men. Jack and crew are pinned down so Samir and Tarin head out to cross the river. Ali and the rest of the men are left behind to take out the CTU agents. Cole spots the boat crossing the river. Jack tells Owen and the other guy to dismantle the SUV to use as mobile armor.
The NSA arrives at CTU because Jack notified them. Haynam introduces himself as a NSA engineer and tells Hastings to stay out of his way so he can fix their systems.
Hastings tells CTU of the NSA’s arrival then tells Chloe to head to the server room to help Haynam. She watches Haynam start working then offers him a quicker solution. He blows her off and is quite the dick about it. I’m sure that will stop her. Chloe is desperate and no one at CTU will help her so she calls Renee because she wants to send Jack help. Renee gears up and tells Chloe to do what she has to do to get CTU back up and running.
Chloe sneaks back into the server room and makes her pitch to Haynam again. He gets annoyed with her so Chloe pulls a gun. She kicks him and all his men out of the room and locks the door behind them.
Cole tells Jack that they are being flanked but Jack says the mobile armor is ready. He tells them that they have to be slow and steady and trust the armor. That is not foreshadowing how this will end at all. The slowly walk towards an emergency callbox while getting peppered with bullets. The unnamed agent gets nervous and breaks formation. He gets shots the hell up while Jack, Cole, and Owen make it to cover. Jack tells them they have to make it to the callbox but Owen refuses to leave the man behind. He breaks out and drags the man back to them. This accomplished killing Owen and the other guy.
Kayla reunites with her parents then goes off to identify terrorists. Omar is told that he will be taken underground in case of a radiological attack.
Hastings and Haynam are outside while an engineer gets to work opening the door. Dana arrives when the door is opened. Chloe explains her plan to Hastings. Dana does not back up Chloe’s play. Chloe puts her career on the line for 10 more minutes to finish her plan. Hastings agrees and kicks everyone out. Dana hears another agent tell Hastings that Prady wants to speak with him.
Chloe calls Hastings and tells him the systems will begin rebooting or she will have electrocuted herself. She powers on the system and Arlo confirms that they can get back to work. Chloe asks Hastings to call Renee with an update. Hastings tells Haynam to help Chloe and be civil about it.
Jack’s last-ditch plan is to run in the opposite direction to draw fire so Cole can make the call. He asks Cole to protect Renee then starts running. The shooting starts. Jack kills one but gets shot repeatedly in the vest. But before he gets shot in the head, Renee arrives and takes out Ali and the remaining shooter. Cole reaches the phone and Renee checks on Jack.
Hastings is told that the rods were taken across the river.
Cole hops in a chopper while Renee stays behind with Jack.
Sigh. Dana kills Prady and hides him in the walls of CTU. She then calls Samir with an update and he tells her he needs a way out.

Ridiculousness:

How long before that body starts stinking up CTU?

Running Totals:

Jack’s body count: 2 (237)

It was a poor showing for Jack on the docks.

Chloe drives a sane man crazy: 1 (22)

Hastings tries to pat Chloe on the back but she cuts him off and tells him that she isn’t good with praise.

Mole: 1 (16)

And the last mole storyline is one of the worst. Nice.